women worker ants

[Abitrary]

I was having my tea at a large wetherspoons tonight, and watching a group of 20 or so women on a birthday do. It struck me the way they socialise as opposed to men i.e. it's more organic. Men will move tables together and then that is set in stone, and will only change positions if someone is sitting in their place on return from the bar.

Women however, will turn their seats to form little groups and move the tables around accordingly, often leaving them at strange angles which look illogical but obviously facilitate conversation.

However, after a while I noticed that the party was moving towards me, and was almost starting to envelop me. It was like they were little worker ants using the tables like tetris blocks in order to corner me.

I had a bit of a hangover and I guess my pheromones would have been off, so I guess it was just out of pure interest. I dress like well and look quite intelligent. I was reading the AA Gill bits in the Sunday Times at the time. Maybe they were curious about that.

Has anyone else noticed large groups of women behaving like primeval sex obsessed insects?

 

[Chuffy]

Has anyone else noticed large groups of women behaving like primeval sex obsessed insects?

Hmmmm. You may have a point here. Pop gender studies usually focus on the different planets that they come from, eg Mars and Venus. If you can find convincing evidence of wildebeest-like herding behaviour in males then you may have the basis for an entirely new strand of almost convincing, easily digested but ultimately facile popular books that can be quoted from during dinner parties or drunken arguments. Perhaps Mr Gill could unleash his literary magnificence to knock one out while he's waiting for an authentically Tuscan bowl of ribollita to be served in a London restaurant?*














* - this is, of course, an oxymoron. AA Gill has never eaten in a restaurant outside of London. See also Matthew Norman, Giles Coren, Jonathan Meades et al.

 

[Dave5N]

Thought you'd f*cked off.

 

[Chuffy]

Thought you'd f*cked off.

Your love has kept him with us. Thank you Dave5N, thank you.

 

[Crackle]

Thought you'd f*cked off.

I don't remember Chuffy saying that.

 

[snorri]

Now carry out a similar observation in a restaurant in which the tables are fixed to the floor and report back.

 

[Dave5N]

No. Abitwat.

Do try to keep up at the back.

 

[Chuffy]

I don't remember Chuffy saying that.

He's confused, bless him. I think he was intending to reply to Abbers, but it took him so long to hack out a clumsily crafted reply that I'd managed to slip in between Dave5N and the object of his affection.

 

[Abitrary]

this is, of course, an oxymoron. AA Gill has never eaten in a restaurant outside of London. See also Matthew Norman, Giles Coren, Jonathan Meades et al.

Meades was the master until he got drunk and slagged off bernard manning at marco pierre white's birtday do. AA gill had it in the bag then.

I found coren a bit too twee at first until the incident where he ended up in a tug of war with a waiter over a bottle of wine found on a vacated neighbouring table. Maximum respect.

The name 'matthew norman' makes me feel sleepy and I fear that reading one of his articles would be enough to lose me my interest in gastronomy.

 

[Dave5N]

Winker

 

[Abitrary]

Now carry out a similar observation in a restaurant in which the tables are fixed to the floor and report back.

ha! I was actually imaging what this would look like in stop motion photography taken from a ceiling cam and this is what it would:

An organically fluid mosaic of empirical evidence moving towards me. Me.

 

[Crackle]

I thought abitrary was changing his name. Aren't you changing your name Abitrary? Then he anounced he wasn't coming back, as per Dave's more succinct message. Why are you back Abbers?

 

[Chuffy]

Meades was the master until he got drunk and slagged off bernard manning at marco pierre white's birtday do. AA gill had it in the bag then.

I found coren a bit too twee at first until the incident where he ended up in a tug of war with a waiter over a bottle of wine found on a vacated neighbouring table. Maximum respect.

The name 'matthew norman' makes me feel sleepy and I fear that reading one of his articles would be enough to lose me my interest in gastronomy.

Mr Norman always makes the classic beginners mistake of only writing a cursory paragraph of waffle before launching into the food. True masters like Meades will use the piece to launch a scathing attack on middle class manners, the decor of the toilets, the citizens of the surrounding neighbourhood, the historical wrongness of the chair that he is gracing with his buttocks and then, only then, mentioning the food in the final sentence. Usually by saying that it's a pallid imitation of the version that he had in France at a truly authentic restaurant that you are far too stupid to know about.

 

[Chuffy]

I thought abitrary was changing his name. Aren't you changing your name Abitrary? Then he anounced he wasn't coming back, as per Dave's more succinct message. Why are you back Abbers?

It makes Dave5N happy. What more reason does he need?

 

[Abitrary]

I thought abitrary was changing his name. Aren't you changing your name Abitrary? Then he anounced he wasn't coming back, as per Dave's more succinct message. Why are you back Abbers?

I was down... really down. I lost everthing in the fire. I threw my badge on the captains desk and told him where to stick it.

Living in a hotel, drinking too much and playing pool with midgets.

I was sitting there passed out with a copy of razzle and lieutenant chuffy kicked the door down, chucked a jug of water over me and bundled me in the shower and gave me a cup of black starbucks.

He then tried to get in the shower with me so I punched him out and decided to report it on here.