I think the biggest chain killer is getting them covered in filthy gunk which grinds away at the whole transmission. That's especially true in the winter months when roads have been gritted, doubly so if you haven't got decent mudguards on because your front wheel sprays crap back onto the chain. Even if you have got mudguards, you need a decent mudflap on the front one to keep the worst of the spray off the chain (and your feet).
Gunk sticks to oil so I've recently switched to dry lube to try and keep the chain cleaner. It's early days yet so I can't tell you how effective it is, but so far, so good. (I bought a big spray container of Wurth dry lube from a company on
eBay.)
If you prefer to use oil on your chain, let it soak in for a while and then back-pedal the chain through a rag to wipe off any excess. You only need lube inside the chain really, not on the outside.
The chain on my best bike has lasted thousands of miles because I don't tend to ride it in bad weather and I make an effort to keep that bike cleaner. I got through a chain in less than 2,000 miles on my other bike because I didn't keep it clean enough.