Should we have a 'Personal Matters' forum?

[Crackle]

It's been mentioned before but a few recent threads have seemed out of place in both P&L and Cafe.

Personal matters to do with bereavement, illness, serious personal questions, those kind of things.

 

[Noodley]

I feel the forum supports those who want to discuss 'personal matters' well enough in a sensitive manner. Usually, but not always. And any insensitively is mostly alerted to Mods and sensible decisions taken.

I think there is the possibility of a 'private' area only for forum members, not for guests. I remember when 'soapbox' was 'private' for a while and I felt I could post 'private thoughts and opinions' not seen by guests. It then went 'public' and I was pissed off as the stuff I posted was related to my job which, although I know quite a few people know what I do, could leave me open to guests knowing 'private' information about me. I have since stopped posting in P&L too much other than my usual mindless rants - the forum is a poorer place for this!

I suppose it depends what kind of 'private' we are speaking about - I don't want to be bogged down by 'needy' people who cannae decide whether to have brown or white bread toast 'soldiers' with their boiled eggs

Mind you, just post anything 'personal' in Cafe, seems to be the 'in' thing

 

[bonj2]

No, we shouldn't even *have* threads about bereavement, personal illness, etc.

 

[Noodley]

No, we shouldn't even *have* threads about bereavement, personal illness, etc.

Not sure I agree, but I get where you are coming from bonj. It probably should take some time to get to a level of 'familiarity' on a forum before people feel they can raise 'private' issues. Maybe some see this as being a 'clique' but for me it is all part of the group process. I do not want to discourage those who feel in need of support or to just post something to get it off their chest, but I do think it could become a focus for 'the needy' if there was a 'personal' area.

We'd be overcome by people claiming to be serious cyclists and stuff like that...

 

[bonj2]

Not sure I agree, but I get where you are coming from bonj. It probably should take some time to get to a level of 'familiarity' on a forum before people feel they can raise 'private' issues. Maybe some see this as being a 'clique' but for me it is all part of the group process. I do not want to discourage those who feel in need of support or to just post something to get it off their chest, but I do think it could become a focus for 'the needy' if there was a 'personal' area.

We'd be overcome by people claiming to be serious cyclists and stuff like that...

People shouldn't be treating other users on a cycling forum as close confidantes - the response is to either care more than you feel you should, or don't care as much as you feel you should.
Where is the interest in a thread 4 pages long full of one line posts all saying "ooh, my thoughts are with you" or some such?
Bereavement or a personal set back is a sad time in someone's life and they should be turning to those close to them, not the internet. It suggest an unhealthy addiction to the internet, or specifically this forum. (Whether that problem may exist anyway regardless of whether it is highlighted by a personal issues thread is another matter entirely.)

 

[Noodley]

People shouldn't be treating other users on a cycling forum as close confidantes

aye fair enough, but I am sure some times people who do have someone 'close' do need to 'let off steam' to people they do not know but who they have a 'bond' of sorts. It does not have to be an 'unhealthy' relationship with the internet or the forum but merely an 'escape' and a means of communication with others with no emotional connection...but who may empathise due to similar experience, or who wish them well. I do not post anything 'personal' through choice but can understand why some people do.

But I still feel a 'personal' section will just attract the needy.

 

[akaAndrew]

In an ideal world bonj. But what "should" happen is neither here nor there.

CycleChat isn't just a cycling forum. In fact, there are much much better cycling forums out there (sorry, imho of course!) CC's strength is the 'chat' bit and as much as it sort of pains me to say it, the community aspect. Yes, geeky, not real world, but a thriving internet forum community. Further, I feel the degree of anonimity offered by a forum does actually enable people to speak a little more freely than they might to friends and/or family.

In short, I like Crackle's idea. I'm mulling over whether I think it ought be members only or not (I favouring yes at the moment) but I think the idea's a good one.

 

[akaAndrew]

Oh, and just because the forum is there it neither means you have to post on it or even read it. You own experience and use of CycleChat needn't be impacted at all.

 

[bonj2]

aye fair enough, but I am sure some times people who do have someone 'close' do need to 'let off steam' to people they do not know but who they have a 'bond' of sorts.

then PM them. Or better still, if you know them that well you should have their phone number so ring them up or text them.

 

[bonj2]

In an ideal world bonj. But what "should" happen is neither here nor there.

CycleChat isn't just a cycling forum. In fact, there are much much better cycling forums out there (sorry, imho of course!) CC's strength is the 'chat' bit

yes, correct. that is a euphemism for it's strength *ISN'T* the cycle aspect, but it's quite true.

 

[bonj2]

Although to be fair, if people do insist on posting "my guinea pig just died" type threads at all, then better for them to be boxed off in their own separate section.

 

[akaAndrew]

I have seen, on some threads, quite insensitive replies to what could well be an issue of genuine concern to someone. I'm sure most of such replies aren't intending to be insensitive, it's more just a misplaced flippancy. I think a specific forum might help to avoid such replies.

I know there are trolls (or whatever one calls them) that delight in posting purely to incite response, and a 'personal matters' forum would well be a made-in-heaven opportunity to them, but I think that could be a small price to pay.

Caveat: I am gullible. I don't have a memory for who posts what so I haven't built up a picture of CC posters (bar one or two). I tend to take posts at face value, factor in misunderstanding inherent in the medium and then maybe make a 'benefit of the doubt' allowance. I prefer to be this way rather than aggressively assume someones taking the piss. But, yes, it can make me seem a patsy

 

[Crackle]

Bonj, do me a favour. You've expressed your opinion, we know it, now go and pick another thread to troll please.

 

[cisamcgu]

Bonj, do me a favour. You've expressed your opinion, we know it, now go and pick another thread to troll please.

Why the vitriol ? Bonj is replying to the original posting asking for opinions about a separate "personal" forum.

 

[Crackle]

?

Vitriol = language expressing bitterness and hatred.

I'm merely expressing weariness at Bonj's trolling or do you think he isn't?