Andy in Sig
Vice President in Exile
- Location
- Sigmaringen, Germany
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
German-English text book - After a certain time cheques are stale and cannot be cashed. (Business English from A-Z Page 53)
Sign in a travel agents in Barcelona "GO AWAY!"
Sign in a Paris restaurant "WE SERVE FIVE O'CLOCK TEA AT ALL HOURS."
Sign in a French swimming pool "SWIMMING FORBIDDEN IN THE ABSENCE OF A SAVIOUR."
In a Paris hotel lift: Please leave your values at the front desk.
From a restaurant in France: A sports jacket may be worn to dinner, but no trousers.
On the menu of a French restaurant - egg - "an extract of fowl, peached or sunside up."
Sign in a hotel in Ankara "PLEASE HANG YOUR ORDER BEFORE RETIRING ON YOUR DOORKNOB."
Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
- English well talking.
- Here speeching American.
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your bags and send them in all directions.
Sign in a British school "IF YOU THINK YOU'VE GOT A PROBLEM, YOU SHOULD SEE THE HEAD."
Sign in a British hospital "DANGEROUS DRUGS MUST BE LOCKED UP WITH THE MATRON."
Sign outside a British night club "CLOSED TONIGHT FOR SPECIAL OPENING."
In a British community centre "VISITORS WITH READING DIFFICULTIES SHOULD PROCEED TO FRONT DESK FOR INFORMATION."
Advert in a British shop window "HOME WANTED FOR FRIENDLY LABRADOR. WILL EAT ANYTHING - LOVES CHILDREN."
On the door of a Moscow hotel room: If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
Sign in a hotel in Madrid "IF YOU WISH DISINFECTION ENACTED IN YOUR PRESENCE, CRY OUT FOR THE CHAMBERMAID"
In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
In a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
From Budapest: All rooms not denounced by twelve o'clock will be paid for twicely.
In the office of a Roman doctor: Specialist in women and other diseases.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today -- no ice cream.
In a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
Sign on lion cage at a Czech zoo "NO SMOOTHEN THE LION."
On the menu of a Polish hotel: Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.
In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
In a Leipzig lift: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
In a Belgrade hotel lift: To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.
In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.
In a Balkan hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
In a Vienna hotel: In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.
From a restaurant in Vienna: Fried milk, children sandwiches, roast cattle and boiled sheep.
From the Soviet Weekly: There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 150,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.
Sign in an Istanbul hotel "TO CALL ROOM SERVICE, PLEASE OPEN THE DOOR AND CALL ROOM SERVICE."
From a Yugoslavian lift: Let us know about an unficiency as well as leaking on the service. Our utmost will improve it.
Outside a Paris dress shop: Dresses for street walking.
In a Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
A sign posted in Germany's Black forest: It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other or that purpose.
In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
Portuguese patent agent: 'It will not be necessary to state the name and address of the inventor if the applicant is not himself.'
On the tap in a Finnish toilet: To stop the drip, turn cock to right.
In the window of a Swedish furrier: Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.
On a Soviet ship in the Black Sea: Helpsavering apparata in emergings behold many whistles! Associate the stringing apparata about the bosoms and meet behind. Flee then to the indifferent lifesavering shippen obediencing the instructs of the vessel chef."
German-English text book - After a certain time cheques are stale and cannot be cashed. (Business English from A-Z Page 53)
Sign in a travel agents in Barcelona "GO AWAY!"
Sign in a Paris restaurant "WE SERVE FIVE O'CLOCK TEA AT ALL HOURS."
Sign in a French swimming pool "SWIMMING FORBIDDEN IN THE ABSENCE OF A SAVIOUR."
In a Paris hotel lift: Please leave your values at the front desk.
From a restaurant in France: A sports jacket may be worn to dinner, but no trousers.
On the menu of a French restaurant - egg - "an extract of fowl, peached or sunside up."
Sign in a hotel in Ankara "PLEASE HANG YOUR ORDER BEFORE RETIRING ON YOUR DOORKNOB."
Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
- English well talking.
- Here speeching American.
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your bags and send them in all directions.
Sign in a British school "IF YOU THINK YOU'VE GOT A PROBLEM, YOU SHOULD SEE THE HEAD."
Sign in a British hospital "DANGEROUS DRUGS MUST BE LOCKED UP WITH THE MATRON."
Sign outside a British night club "CLOSED TONIGHT FOR SPECIAL OPENING."
In a British community centre "VISITORS WITH READING DIFFICULTIES SHOULD PROCEED TO FRONT DESK FOR INFORMATION."
Advert in a British shop window "HOME WANTED FOR FRIENDLY LABRADOR. WILL EAT ANYTHING - LOVES CHILDREN."
On the door of a Moscow hotel room: If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
Sign in a hotel in Madrid "IF YOU WISH DISINFECTION ENACTED IN YOUR PRESENCE, CRY OUT FOR THE CHAMBERMAID"
In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
In a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
From Budapest: All rooms not denounced by twelve o'clock will be paid for twicely.
In the office of a Roman doctor: Specialist in women and other diseases.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today -- no ice cream.
In a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
Sign on lion cage at a Czech zoo "NO SMOOTHEN THE LION."
On the menu of a Polish hotel: Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.
In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
In a Leipzig lift: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
In a Belgrade hotel lift: To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.
In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.
In a Balkan hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
In a Vienna hotel: In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.
From a restaurant in Vienna: Fried milk, children sandwiches, roast cattle and boiled sheep.
From the Soviet Weekly: There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 150,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.
Sign in an Istanbul hotel "TO CALL ROOM SERVICE, PLEASE OPEN THE DOOR AND CALL ROOM SERVICE."
From a Yugoslavian lift: Let us know about an unficiency as well as leaking on the service. Our utmost will improve it.
Outside a Paris dress shop: Dresses for street walking.
In a Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
A sign posted in Germany's Black forest: It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other or that purpose.
In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
Portuguese patent agent: 'It will not be necessary to state the name and address of the inventor if the applicant is not himself.'
On the tap in a Finnish toilet: To stop the drip, turn cock to right.
In the window of a Swedish furrier: Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.
On a Soviet ship in the Black Sea: Helpsavering apparata in emergings behold many whistles! Associate the stringing apparata about the bosoms and meet behind. Flee then to the indifferent lifesavering shippen obediencing the instructs of the vessel chef."
