- Location
- Next door to Mr Benn at No 54
You might have noticed that I am looking for a job, and in the process I have found many Job Descriptions to be innaccurate. They are also far too verbose and take too long to read, and have too many words in them.
I have therefore condensed the content of some these Job Descriptions, just in case you are interested in a new Job. Please note that the Job Titles are genuine.
Forensic Investigation Officer with Special Responsibility for Footwear Recognition.
You must be able to tread carefully to as not to destroy evidence. It is desirable that you can identify when the boot is on the other foot. You will need spatial awareness regarding tread depth, and the ability to avoid putting your foot in it.
Assistant to Youth Offending Team
You must have the ability to make derogatory remarks to youths, without resorting to using expletives. Note that "Twerp, Nincompoop, and Noodle" are not currently understood by today's young people.
Toy Lending Library Worker
We have a Vacancy for a Sports Ranger. We are looking for those people with at least two years' experience as Power Rangers. You will be permitted to play with the Toys, but you may not take them home with you, ( Naughty Boy, mummy will smack you.)
It is essential that you can share these toys with others. It is essential that you have the ability to build complex modern constructions without supervision. It is particularly important that your constructions do not obey the rules that would apply to life-size replicas. You will also need to be able to encourage the Teddy Bears to help clear up, and not disappear into the woods for picnics.
Dictionary Editor
You must have the ability to work quickly and under P for Pressure. You will have the skills to remain calm if you find yourself between headache and heartache. You will have an appreciation of the difference between find and founded.
Successful applicants will bee able to avoid typological errers, and you are not permitted to use spellcheque. You will undertake to not make up words in order to increase the volume of words.
I have therefore condensed the content of some these Job Descriptions, just in case you are interested in a new Job. Please note that the Job Titles are genuine.
Forensic Investigation Officer with Special Responsibility for Footwear Recognition.
You must be able to tread carefully to as not to destroy evidence. It is desirable that you can identify when the boot is on the other foot. You will need spatial awareness regarding tread depth, and the ability to avoid putting your foot in it.
Assistant to Youth Offending Team
You must have the ability to make derogatory remarks to youths, without resorting to using expletives. Note that "Twerp, Nincompoop, and Noodle" are not currently understood by today's young people.
Toy Lending Library Worker
We have a Vacancy for a Sports Ranger. We are looking for those people with at least two years' experience as Power Rangers. You will be permitted to play with the Toys, but you may not take them home with you, ( Naughty Boy, mummy will smack you.)
It is essential that you can share these toys with others. It is essential that you have the ability to build complex modern constructions without supervision. It is particularly important that your constructions do not obey the rules that would apply to life-size replicas. You will also need to be able to encourage the Teddy Bears to help clear up, and not disappear into the woods for picnics.
Dictionary Editor
You must have the ability to work quickly and under P for Pressure. You will have the skills to remain calm if you find yourself between headache and heartache. You will have an appreciation of the difference between find and founded.
Successful applicants will bee able to avoid typological errers, and you are not permitted to use spellcheque. You will undertake to not make up words in order to increase the volume of words.
