How can I persuade people?

[Speicher]

How can I persuade people (mainly relatives) that I am old enough, intelligent enough, and sensible enough to make my own decisions? it is strange that acquaintances and friends have no difficulty with this concept.

Yes, I have tried being patient, while explaining my opinions that they refuse to accept. Now it seems they are not receiving the message, and I need to try much harder.

They try to guess my reasons for doing/or not doing something, or worse they tell half truths in the hope that I will be the compliant person they wish people to be. I hesitated to ask this so close to Christmas, but there must be others in a similar situation who can offer advice.

 

[fossyant]

I get in trouble if I don't tell my mother about stuff - I left home 14 years ago.... I was in the doo doo for not telling her I'd been knocked off the bike....

Just ignore them, I do !

 

[Speicher]

I was beginning to think that because people were not answering this question, then other people did not have the same problem.

I think you might be right. Ignore them. Once I have politely advised them of my opinion, and I have readily accepted that they have a different opinion, perhaps that should be the end of it. Is there a danger that I have been too polite in the past.

It struck me as odd that friends and acquaintances do not tend to argue with me about the opinions I hold, nor do I argue with them.

 

[Willow]

Tell me about it.

My words of wisdom are'

receive advice graciously but choose to ignore it if you wish

express your opinion voiciferously, acknowlege to others that you will respect their view if they respect yours

go of in a huff because they're too bldy awkward

remember everyone wants to be right and we can't all be but as long as I am I don't mind!


i

 

[Mr Pig]

Just ignore them, I do !

Yip. And if they stick their oar in where it's not wanted just tell them where to go. Pandering to relatives is a waste of time, they're never happy anyway. They'll just move on to the next thing to gripe about. Sod them!

Years ago my mother went in the huff with me about, some idiotic thing or other, and decided she wasn't going to talk to me. She assumed I'd go crawling and cave in. Six months later she know I wouldn't. She don't even try it now.

Just do what you want to do, be yourself, and if anyone gives you crap about it, tell them to get stuffed. Most of us get it. Parents, outlaws, siblings who think they know how to run your life. It's your life, you're perfectly capable of screwing it up on your own! ;0)

 

[Speicher]

Mr Pig, I am beginning to see the problem here I have been too nice!

Must practice a "don't mess with me" expression.

 

[gavintc]

It took me many years to become comfortable with my parents. I left home at 18 and whenever I came home, there was a significant degree of attempted influence. I was not strong enough to handle them, so just cut them out of the important things going on. It was my way with coping.

 

[DJ]

yep agree with the above threads, just let it all go over my head and then once it all gets too much, just scream at them like a twelve year old....

 

[Speicher]

The screaming like a twelve year old, is what I was trying to avoid. Tried something similar in front of the mirror earlier this evening, which is what prompted this post, and it was not a good look at all.

 

[DJ]

I know speich screaming like a twelve year old is not going to impress any one!
I just regress, once pushed too far by my mother who treats me like a twelve year old any way!
I'm not saying you should do that, just telling you what happens to me.
During more assertive moments a long debate ensues during which all my energy and mental dexterity is stretched to the max. My Mother is a very intelligent and very strong woman, and quite often she drives me absolutey barmy!

 

[Mr Pig]

Must practice a "don't mess with me" expression.

What age are are you incidentally? I assume you are a grown up?

I don't see it as being nice or not nice. If people try to bully you around then 'they' are not being nice and don't deserve kindness in return. Sure, you start off being polite, but if they don't take the hint just be blunt. They will fall out with you though! ;0)

A few months ago my mother-outlaw decided to pull me up about the way I disciplined my daughter. Fair enough, she's entitled to her opinion, but she did it in my house in front of my teenage son.

I sent my son out of the room and told her in no uncertain terms not to ever do it again! She wasn't very happy about it and left but she knows the score now. It's my house, they're my kids and I'll decide how I bring them up. I'll get some things right, I'll get some things wrong, but it's my job to bring them up. Life is much clearer when you understand these things. I'm not having a committee of busy-bodies running my family.

 

[Sittingduck]

This is what Mothers do

I left home at 19 and rarely spend more than about 3 days back there at a time... about to do a 5 or 6 night stretch there as of Tomorrow Sure will look forward to coming back down to the Smoke and being able to come and go as I please without being questioned...

Still, I'm looking forward to going up and seeing them. Families are great, as long as in reasonable doses! I have mellowed over the past couple of years as I have come to realise they are getting a bit long in the tooth now and both have health problems. Guess as you grow older yourself you learn a bit more tolerence

Anyway, back On Topic (sorry Spiechhhh), I think you and only you know how far to push and how far to be pushed. SOmetimes it's good to have a bit of a row and clear the air... you'll be fine I'm sure!

 

[colly]

Mr Pig, I am beginning to see the problem here I have been too nice!

Must practice a "don't mess with me" expression.

Yes being too nice has it's drawbacks. It's one thing to be friendly and accommodating, even being prepared to concede a point just for the sake of peace and harmony but sometimes it really is necessary to be stubborn and even downright rude.
We have all seen how those who have a blunt attitude and a scant regard for others feelings do seem to either get their way or can hold sway over those who perhaps aren't so strident in their opinions or their views.

It isn't that they are 'right' or even that they hold the consensus it's just they are used to bullying their way through situations. And of course the more they do it the more it works because others are unwilling to speak up.

So develop that expression and, when it suits you, tell it like it is.

If people don't like it..............well they can just lump it.

 

[Abitrary]

They try to guess my reasons for doing/or not doing something, or worse they tell half truths in the hope that I will be the compliant person they wish people to be. I hesitated to ask this so close to Christmas, but there must be others in a similar situation who can offer advice.

I feel the same about going back to my parents and seeing my brothers.

Advice? It just gets worse every year. But often the trepidation makes it all the more fun

 

[Speicher]

Yes being too nice has it's drawbacks. It's one thing to be friendly and accommodating, even being prepared to concede a point just for the sake of peace and harmony but sometimes it really is necessary to be stubborn and even downright rude.
We have all seen how those who have a blunt attitude and a scant regard for others feelings do seem to either get their way or can hold sway over those who perhaps aren't so strident in their opinions or their views.

It isn't that they are 'right' or even that they hold the consensus it's just they are used to bullying their way through situations. And of course the more they do it the more it works because others are unwilling to speak up.

So develop that expression and, when it suits you, tell it like it is.

If people don't like it..............well they can just lump it.

Thank you Colly, I think you have explained that very well. Perhaps with friends and acquaintances, they are more ready to accept my opinions, and I accept theirs. But family and relations seem to want to, as you say, bully me into submission.

I always thought that getting older would mean not having to defend one's actions and opinions. But it seems that is not the case.

Does "don't mess with me" have a tone of voice as well as a facial expression?