Help me with my body image!

[Bluebell72]

Since Easter, I have been cycling properly, instead of fannying around. I'm doing over 200 miles a week, and really enjoying myself.

I was cycling to feel fitter, better about myself, and hey, spend lots of money on bike bits (maybe not the last part, but that has just happened!) and just get out more from a mostly desk bound job.

I've probably lost about 3 stone and my body shape has changed a great deal - I don't know exactly, as I don't possess weighing scales and the weight was never a big issue, but my wardrobe is now full of things that hang and flap from me, it is bizarre, but not unwelcome.

But, and this is going to sound a bit weird, I have become another person.
I have been overweight all my life, and seriously so from mid-20's, so I have no idea how the non-fat person thinks.

Men notice me in a way I have never been noticed (no, my skirt is not tucked into my pants) I am used to people looking me up and down in a different way. I feel very awkward about it, as I've never had this and don't know how to be.

I have started looking at clothes in shops that I couldn't have worn ten years ago, as I was just too fat. I can try on things that might look attractive to me, rather than cmaouflaging me.
I walk faster, feel I want to eat different foods and check labels for protein content. I walk past shop windows and don't cringe at my reflection - mostly I am shocked that it's me.

I love running up stairs at one of the offices I work at, and never feeling out of breath, I'm excited to get up in the morning, because it means putting my lycra and helmet on, and getting out into the fresh air, I even grin when it's raining. I'm so proud of how physically strong I have become - amazed at my body after all the junk food abuse it's had.

People I haven't seen for months do a double take.

The funniest thing is walking through a part open door, expecting to brush against the door or frame, and easily getting past! Thin people who have always been thin won't know what I'm talking about.

So, to those who have lost a considerable amount of weight - did you ever feel strange in your new body? How long till you felt some acceptance?

 

[Nebulous]

Congratulations on the weight loss and new lifestyle.

I'm quite envious of the mileage- I'm doing about half of that, and think I'm doing well.

My situation is a bit different from yours. I was fat as a child / teenager, reasonably fit and slim in my late teens early twenties, then gradually from the age of 30 or so put on weight. I never really admitted to myself that I was fat though. Then last year I decided to do something about it, and lost about 5 stone over 14 months.

Now despite being fat for much more of my life than I have been thin- I sort of feel that I have just returned to my default position! This feels to be me - rather than who I was 18 months ago.

It is great - I feel really fit, can charge up stairs and I'm really getting fast(er) on the bike.

You need to work out a way and a point to move to maintenance rather than continuing to lose weight though. I stopped trying to lose weight in May, put on about 3 pounds over the summer, which I've since taken off again.

My weight gain was very slow and insidious - if you put on 1 pound every 4 months that is 3 pounds a year and over 2 stone in 10 years. I don't think I would be able to do the level of adjustment necessary to prevent it going on again without scales.

 

[ColinJ]

Congratulations on all your hard work - you look lovely! (Did that help?)

Your question about feeling strange in your own body is interesting - it matches my experience. I lost 3 stone quite quickly about 10 years ago and I felt very odd about my body.

I started feeling the cold again, I felt lean and powerful, and the oddest thing of all - my testosterone levels went through the ceiling. I started feeling extremely amorous which was actually a huge negative because I didn't have a partner and I didn't enjoy prowling about the town in my mid-40s feeling like a teenager on heat again. (Of course, I might have felt very differently about that if I did have a partner ... ).

People have asked me how I got fat again, and I think it was due to the fact that I lost the weight too quickly and it unnerved me. I started making excuses to eat and drink more. I saw that I was gaining weight again but it didn't start to bother me until it was getting out of control. I've been struggling with it ever since.

 

[Bluebell72]

Aw, thankyou both -

Yes, now you mention feeling the cold Colin, I notice that too.

Congratulations on all your hard work - you look lovely! (Did that help?)

That's exactly what is strange, I'm not used to it and don't know what to say. The land of compliments and appreciative looks is an alien one to me. On that, I feel about 14, and make a goofy grin and mumble a thankyou - not a good look for someone otherwise confident and approaching 40!

Nebulous, reading your post, I felt a 'yes' moment - I have no firm goal, other than to 'feel fitter' - I have achieved that, and now I guess I've been a bit swept away by the weight loss thing - I sort of wish I'd taken regular photos, as reading Gaz's account and seeing his photos is extraordinary.

Maybe I need to think about a goal - but that is difficult, as I'm not really a goal orientated person - I'm just determined not to slip back to how I was - and it would be so easy, as I eat a lot to keep all this going - no biking for a couple of days, and I feel anxious and quite irritable.

 

[Crankarm]

Great thread and post, but it is useless without pics.

Grab yourself a man ........... or woman! Another cyclist perhaps?

 

[MattHB]

Congrats Bluebell I think the important thing is to forget what people think, be it positive or negative and concentrate on feeling great in your own skin. If you can build confidence in that the world will fall at your feet, the funny thing is, you won't care

 

[Red Light]

Have you ever thought they might be looking at you because you look a wee bit like the Pink Panther?

I think most of us are embarrassed by compliments and we tend to brush them away with "It was nothing" or making some negative joke about ourselves. Its maybe that you are coming into a space that the most of us inhabit all the time and we find it just as uncomfortable as you are finding it. I had to teach myself to respond to compliments with a Thank You rather than trying to brush them off. So try to relax and enjoy the compliments but what really matters is you feeling good about your new self which you self evidently do.

 

[Nebulous]

I agree with a lot of that red light.

Changing the subject a bit from looks - how do you respond on getting a present?

I've always felt much more comfortable giving things than receiving them. I once read a prayer that really made me think about this though.

It said something like: 'Teach me to receive as graciously as I give.' Now regardless of whether you are religious or not I think that applies - and I tried hard to work on it. Receiving a gift and saying 'Oh you shouldn't have' or 'I'm really embarrassed about getting this' is not a decent way to treat the giver. Much better is to say 'Thanks very much, it's very kind of you' or 'thank you, it's much appreciated .'

Now I wouldn't say it has come easily, but I have been working on it, and it has made a difference being a little more gracious.

I've never really thought about it until now - but the same would apply to compliments.

 

[ufkacbln]

Please do NOT take this the wrong way as you have done well and the downside is that you are facing new challenges and experiences.

There is also the issue that many people will also be threatened and unsettled by the changes. They may appear reluctant or distance themselves because they are unsure how to approach your new self

There is a link between tackling these issues and reverting back to the image that the individual felt comfortable with.

Enjoy the new you, the freedoms and challenges and I hope you become confident with your new image and lifestyle

 

[DCLane]

I've been in the same situation this year; I think it's down to your 'residual mental self-image' or something.

Until very recently I still saw myself as a 'fat bloke in his early 40's'. Only I'm not fat any more. I'm slowly adjusting to the thinner, younger-looking version that's in my pic.

And yes, the clothes did hang. My trousers fell down at work once as well . I've had some VERY odd looks from people this year. And yes, I think a few have been challenged and/or unnerved by me making such a significant change.

It's likely that people have pigeon-holed you as "dowdy fat woman". And now you're not - so congratulations there . When you make a major change they feel challenged; they start to ask "what else has changed in you?" Men are unnerved because you are probably both looking and acting very differently and it's likely they're more attracted to you than they were . Women are probably looking at you, having previously not thought you a rival, and are concerned that they're now they dowdy ones .

What's helped me in terms of a mental self-image was having a new staff photo taken and being able to compare it to the old one . I needed to do that to almost confirm the change to myself. Also, I've gone through the wardrobe and ended up giving away/eBay-ing 90% of what was in there, thereby raising cash to replace the larger clothes and ensuring that if I do get fatter I'm going to have to go naked (which I'm going to try to prevent - the getting fatter, not the nudity) . Whilst I'm left with very little to wear for once I don't mind. Both of these have really helped re-affirm two things; 1. I've changed shape, with my own personal behavioural changes as a result. And 2. I'm not going back to being a 'fat bloke in his early 40's'.

 

[Kirstie]

Maybe it's to do with confidence - but confidence isn't something which can come overnight if you've spent years (as I have) cringing as you look at yourself in the mirror. ie On the outside there has been a massive change but on the inside there are still the old issues, which is why you feel uncomfortable? I have considered seeing a counsellor about self-confidence (connected with my appearnance) as it's something I really struggle with. I know the causes but I don't know the solutions. Is it something that you would consider?

 

[stephec]

Here's a thought for you Bluebell, if you were given the chance to change back to the old you would you rather look like you do now, or how you used to be?

I hope you're eventually able to enjoy the new you as much as other people obviously do.

 

[Bluebell72]

Here's a thought for you Bluebell, if you were given the chance to change back to the old you would you rather look like you do now, or how you used to be?

Oh hell, as I am now, without the shadow of a doubt. It's been hard work, but enjoyably so.

I'm not the counselling-type of person, but I will give it a bit longer and see how this confidence and feeling better in my skin goes.

DCLane, I think I'll have a wardrobe trawl, as so much doesn't fit, or is just shameful to look at, eBaying some of it may help.

In a few weeks we're away on holiday, and I am looking forward to being in a hot country without sweating and being red-faced all day.

 

[tyred]

I think I have the same problem to a certain extent. I tend to wear horrible baggy clothes like I did when I was really fat to try and cover myself up. I know I don't really need to do this anymore but I can't seem to be confident in the new thinner me.

 

[Kirstie]

Maybe it's about giving yourself permission to feel confident about the way that you look...it really is OK to feel that way. Also perhaps it's not the body size that was making you feel miserable after all, maybe it was something else that needs further thought?