Funniest newspaper headlines

[PaulB]

Some of them are like utter spoofs but all exist (I'm assured)

http://soccernet.espn.go.com/news/story?id=337901&cc=5739 Now THAT'S funny!

There was a Brazilian called Argel farks who was transferred to Benfica and the headline ran 'Argel farks off to Benfica'.

'Poles go to the Polls'

A Brazilian racing driver called Pedro Diniz was killed in a fireball after a crash during a race. the headlines in a certain American newspaper was, apparently, 'Diniz in the oven'.

There's also another American newspaper that ran the headline, 'Headless body found in topless bar'.

Anyone got any good uns?

 

[swee'pea99]

That Diniz one's terrible! 




A story about the possible axing of a town council's annual summer ball due to budget cuts ran under the headline: Mayor's balls hang in the balance.

 

[BrumJim]

Old rugby headline about the six nations: "Condom Back in French Pack"

Going back even further "Troops Sent to Polish Village".

 

[PaulB]

Here's some more.

Stoke Sentinel 1912 headline about the Titanic:

'Local man in boating accident'




"Book lack in Ongar' used when a local mobile library in Essex was looking for stock donations.

 

[betty swollocks]

Years back in I think it was the Grauniad, there was an article on the prospering capital of Albania.
'Tirana boom today'

 

[Hover Fly]

NW Evening Mail once had the Headline "Woman attacked by Lake"

It was about a woman who had her purse stolen as she stood by Windermere.

 

[Hover Fly]

The BBC missed a chance here, when you see the species involved.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-latin-america-10692772

 

[montage]

brilliant

 

[Brains]

"Fog in Channel, Europe Cut Off"

(Evening Standard early 90's, now framed on the wall of the EuroStar offices)

 

[Flying_Monkey]

"Fog in Channel, Europe Cut Off"

(Evening Standard early 90's, now framed on the wall of the EuroStar offices)

Err, that one is so old, it's more likely to be the 1890s, one would imagine... in fact, having done a bit of digging, the original alleged headline "Fog in Channel. Continent isolated" is supposed to be from The Times in the 1940s or even earlier, but in any case, is apparently a myth. Shame.

 

[benb]

I just wish a former leader of the Labour party would have become in charge of a weapons monitoring organisation.

Foot Heads Arms Body

 

[Baggy]

One of my favourites is "Loyalist Parades Mushroom".

I had visions of someone marching down the street with a giant portobello.

 

[User169]

 

[Ste T.]

A few years ago a guy walked into Texas DIY where his ex worked and shot her dead at the check out. I was amazed that the red tops didnt go with " Texas chainstore massacre" They must have thought of it . Its good to see that they must have limits.

 

[Ste T.]

In the 1980s The LIverpool Echo ran the front page headline " Man finds dead body walking to work"