dear oh dear

[Greedo]

Girl in the office has just came out with another cracker

I've spoken about her before on here. Bright, funny good at her job etc..... but sometimes she's not real. I used to put it down to her getting married and her head being a bit full of wedding stuff, but she's been back from her honeymoon for a fortnight now!

Her - (to me) You do a lot of cooking, don't you?

Me - Yip, why?

Her - because I was just wondering what the difference between pork chops and lamb chops is?

Me- you winding me up

her - no why?

 

[theclaud]

. Bright, funny good at her job

Are you sure about this bit?

 

[Headgardener]

It might just be that she genuinely doesn't know what the two meats are. If she buys her meat in a supermarket it doesn't usualy say that Pork is pig and that Lamb is sheep.

 

[sheddy]

No, one is German (porsche) and the other Italian (lamborghini)
Ooops - wrong forum

 

[Mr Pig]

One of the guys at work was just talking today about a guy called Eddy who used to work with us. Eddy was thick.

He once pointed to a printing machine and asked if it was diesel powered.

One of the other guys was trying to fix a fault on Eddy's machine one day. He crawled out from under it where he was fixing it, stretched his arms back and said "Right, try that" Eddy stretched his arms back!

Another day Eddy was telling me about a terrible rattle from his car and how he had it booked into the garage after work to see if they could find it. I offered to take a look at it for him and he took me out for a run at lunch time. We turned the first corner, sure enough I heard the terrible rattle, reached under the passenger seat and removed the empty Irn Bru bottle!

I could go on, he was a walking accident. Eddy moved on to bigger and better things, and is a police officer as we speak! Unbelievable....no, actually it isn't ;0)

 

[wafflycat]

Reminds me of when WMnr was wee and he'd come shopping with me. In the supermarket, at the chillers, looking at the meat, he'd be doing the inquisitive toddler thing of "What's that?", whilst pointing at all sorts of stuff. I'd tell him what it was, be it dead pig, dead sheep, dead cow... and tell him which bit of said dead animal it was. Cue many a.n.other shopper turning green at the gills. In general we've become too far removed from understanding where our food comes from and what it was/is..

 

[Mr Pig]

Talking of Irn Bru:

 

[ianrauk]

reminds me of 2 women at my previous place of employ.
Lady No.1:
"My Car Won't Start"...
Pehaps the battery is flat I said
"No... the car runs on petrol"

Lady No 2.
"I have to leave early today to pick the car up from the garage"
"What is wrong with it?" I asked.
"The Clutch is not working properly"
Next day......
"What was wrong with the clutch" I asked.
"Nothing" she replied "One of my shoes was stuck behind the pedal, I wondered what I had done with it"

And also 1 from 'er indoors ( a highly educated lady with 13 letters after her name).
Whilst on holiday and seeing a bat fly past.. "What are bat wings made of dear?"....."Elastic?" she replied with not so much of the slightest bit of irony

 

[Mr Pig]

Oh, another Eddy.

He had a flat tyre (His Ford Escort was a heap) and we were standing at the back door looking at it. I said "You might be all right, it's only flat at the bottom". Someone else then chipped in "Roll it forward a bit to see if the rest is ok"...and Eddy starts walking towards the car to roll it forward!

 

[Apeman]

My then young son aged 10 was watching some old farmers eating lunch at a local bar. They were having soup with two scoops of mashed potato in the soup(local habit) He pipes up for all to hear "Dad why are those men having ice cream in their soup" Laughs all round!!!

 

[Night Train]

A female manager related this one to me. She was in a laundrette on a camp site and a older man came up to her to ask her how to use the machines. She read the instructions, put her wash on and then told the man what to do.
He thanked her and said: 'Being a man I can't do these things, its why I have to ask a woman.'
She replied: 'It's not because you're a man, it's because you are stupid!'

 

[sjb]

Looking round a house we were thinking of buying, the owner produced a draft estate agent brochure they had sent her to prrof read (it'd only just gone on the market) and she said: "they're hopeless, they've said it's got a pitched roof, but I haven't had any of that tarmac stuff put on it........"

 

[Mr Pig]

'It's not because you're a man, it's because you are stupid!'

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