# daftest thing you have done regarding cycling



## Broughtonblue (5 Sep 2011)

about four years ago when i cycled to work on a regular basis (12 miles each way), a mate asked me to lend him a golf club. after weighing up the options i decided the best way to transport it would be to cable tie it to the crossbar, so i set off from my house on the usual journey, but after about 7 miles i was really really struggling and felt like collapsing even though i did this journey 3 times a week with no problems, i really couldn't understand what was happening. when at work i was asked numerous times if i was alright as i looked like i was at deaths door! it was only when i lifted my bike over a kerb and knocked the rear wheel and it didn't turn that i realised what had made me feel like this, instead of passing the cable ties under the rear brake cable i had wrapped it around it, consequently the first time i used my back brake, about 20 yards from my front door, the cable tie gripped the brake cable in it's new position (on!!!) so i rode the remaining 12 miles with my brake fully on, up some long hills as well  at least i wont make the same mistake again!

lets hear your funny tales


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## middleagecyclist (5 Sep 2011)

Broughtonblue said:


> ...i rode the remaining 12 miles with my brake fully on, up some long hills as well  at least i wont make the same mistake again!
> 
> lets hear your funny tales



That's really not funny. Sounds horrible. No. Not funny at all!


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## rusky (5 Sep 2011)

To be fair, it doesn't say much for your rear brake adjustment!


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## stevetailor125 (5 Sep 2011)

I did a really daft thing last week, rushing to put the new cycle computer on I ran the cable down to the cadence sensor, rode off and wondered why I couldn't gear change. I'd not checked where I put the cable ties and managed to tie down both gear cables


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## rusky (5 Sep 2011)

I changed the brakes from cable disc to hydraulic disc but the bolts went through the rotors & stopped the wheels from turning!


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## rusky (5 Sep 2011)

Cycled to work in the snow, neoprene overshoes so warm & dry feet.

Changed into my work gear but couldn't work out why my shoes were cold & wet when I came to go home until I realised the snow that had accumulated on the bike had melted during the day & dripped into my shoes where I had left them under the bike!


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## Bigsharn (5 Sep 2011)

I used to ride a 14" mountain bike because it was incredibly cheap and the brakes were Awesome... I should ride a 21-23"


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## TheDoctor (5 Sep 2011)

I once fitted new blocks, then went for a ride.
I realised the blocks were loose while halfway down a big hill, with a T junction at the bottom.
I've never liked that hill since.


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## middleagecyclist (6 Sep 2011)

I s'pose the daftest thing I did was to stop cycling in my late 20's. Took me 13 years to start again but so glad I did!


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## Oldbloke (6 Sep 2011)

After a heavy evening's drinking after work in London, I arrived at my local station in the early hours. Decided to "borrow" an old bike which was in the bike shed there (1960s) to get home.

At the first junction I tried to slow & was launched over the handlebars...my first and last ever ride on a fixie


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## NormanD (6 Sep 2011)

Many many moons ago as a child I got a neightbour to cut and add welded bars extensions to my front forks, to extend them, so I had a LWB style chopper bike. All was fine on the test ride until I turned the corner at the bottom of a steep hill (90% turn you could only turn left) only to find the handlebars turned but the front wheel stayed straight and true (the extensions twisted on themselves) .. took them half an hour to remove me from deep inside that thorn bush


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## Panter (6 Sep 2011)

During a real eco-warrior phase a couple of Year ago I decided to do the monthly supermaket shop by bike.
Shouldn't be a problem, I have a carp fishing rucksack that you could stuff a small car in so no worries there.
Anyway, long story short, by the time I'd stuffed this thing to the brim with shopping, including 9 litres of drinks, it was obviously pretty weighty to the point where I really struggled to load it onto my back.
I realised just how weighty it was when up the first tiny incline, the front wheel lifted straight from the floor and I tottered along for a precarious few feet like evil kenivel waiting to be dumped on my arse (it never occured to me to hit the back brake




)
That wasn't the worst of it though, having such a massive load overhanging the rear wheel made the whole affair completely unstable even on the flat and I had a very hairy ride home.

Funnily enough, I've used the car for the shopping ever since...

That was probably the stupidest thing I've done, except maybe setting off on my 150mm travel all mountain Enduro bike down the rocky slopes of Penmachno, not realising that I hadn't unlocked the front fork.
No, I didn't stay on for long, yes, it did hurt...


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## cyco2 (6 Sep 2011)

I went to the local shop on my bike and because I had forgotten my lock I disengaged both brake cables. Just in case somebody wanted to ride off on it. Got back on the bike and drifted off home again. Straight in to my garage door!!


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## coffeejo (6 Sep 2011)

Panter said:


> During a real eco-warrior phase a couple of Year ago I decided to do the monthly supermaket shop by bike.
> Shouldn't be a problem, I have a carp fishing rucksack that you could stuff a small car in so no worries there.
> Anyway, long story short, by the time I'd stuffed this thing to the brim with shopping, including 9 litres of drinks, it was obviously pretty weighty to the point where I really struggled to load it onto my back.
> I realised just how weighty it was when up the first tiny incline, the front wheel lifted straight from the floor and I tottered along for a precarious few feet like evil kenivel waiting to be dumped on my arse (it never occured to me to hit the back brake
> ...



I've found that there's a direct link between the weight of the contents of the shopping basket and what I can cycle home with. If it's too heavy in the shop, I won't make it up the hills


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## Beaker39 (6 Sep 2011)

When I was about 12 in the early 80's I went to the local shop on my bike for various nits and pieces. There was far too much to carry really but I manged to scoop most of it up into my left hand/arm and set off home. Luckily this was pretty much OK as all the turns home were right turns and as such I had my right hand free to turn the handle bars without too much difficulty. That was until I came to my house which was on the left!! Ingeniously I decided to grap the left handle bar with my right hand and immediately collapsed into a heap into the garden wall breaking my arm  

It was a Sunday afternoon so my dad wasn't too chuffed having to wait in casualty until 4am as I had to have an op to have it reset. On the plus side I remember having a good few weeks of school


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## deckertim (6 Sep 2011)

When I was about 13 years old, I rode down Martin's Hill in Bromley for a dare and invented downhill mountain biking. 

For those that don't know it this is a very hilly park. Earlier in the day we had been riding on an easier part of the park where there is a valley. Down one side then up the other and it wasn't too bad, but of course teenage enthusiasm meant we started looking for a more difficult challenge. It ended up with me accepting the dare to cycle down the steepest part of the hill.

You can see it here on this view, and there now appears to be a track going downhill from the war memorial. Who knows, but maybe I started this!!

http://tinyurl.com/martins-hill

Anyway I set off on my Raleigh clunker and in microseconds realised that 1970 braking technology wasn't up to much (leather brake blocks and chrome wheels). I gave up trying and just held on for dear life. When I reached the path that crosses the hill from left to right I took off. BIG AIR..... Of course on a modern full suss mountain bike when the bike landed I wouln't have felt a thing, but this was a bike made from industrial gas pipes with nothing yielding on it whatsover. my crotch region therefore took the full force of my heavy landing and I cannot tell you how much this hurt. The most amazing thing at all, was the fact that I managed to hold on and didn't fall off or crash. I like to think, I was the hero of the hour, but I suspect my friends just thought I was mad, particularly as nobody else did this descent.

Next time I am out for a ride in that neck of the woods, I must go and see if the hill is really as steep and scary as it seemed that day. Or maybe I should keep this as a memory of my youth.

To this day, I am still a bit of a wimp when it comes to going down hills on a bike


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## Globalti (6 Sep 2011)

Back in the seventies I actually INVENTED the mountain bike so you have me to thank for that. I hacksawed the tiny chainring off my brother's Triang trike, drilled holes in it and bolted it to the inside of the chainring on my Raleigh 10 speed. There was no changer so I had to stop and move it over by hand. I took the modified bike down to Jesmond Dene and set off up a steep path, cranks spinning away as I marvelled at the hill-climbing ability. Quite soon I was gasping and amazed that I could be so out of breath for so little leg effort. Next thing the mild steel chainring collapsed catastrophically and my experiment ended. It was good while it lasted though.

On a motorbike; I once rode my Honda CD175 all the way from John O'Groats to Newcastle on Tyne in one long day, having given up my solitary motorcycle tour of Scotland in disgust and depression at the weather. Got home absolutely exhausted to my parents' brand new house in Jesmond, the garden was still a builder's quagmire of wet mud. Parked the bike on the path and went in for food and a hot bath. Later on, bathed and dry and warm in clean clothes I went out to shift the bike into the garage. My younger sister was watching as I straddled the bike, my foot missed the edge of the path and I toppled gracefully into the deep mud where I lay trapped under the bike yelling at her to help me lift if off as liquid mud filled my clothes. Oh how the family laughed at me.


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## tyred (6 Sep 2011)

Towards the end of the refurbishment of my 1939 Elswick, I wired up the early 1950s dynamo and lamps and went down the (unlit) road in the dark to see how useful they were. The tail light is mounted on the chainstay and because I had been to the shop early in the day on the bike and had a large Carradice bag on the saddle, I couldn't see a direct line to the tail light so freewheeling down a hill, standing up and peering back over the top of the saddlebag looking at the red reflection on the road, i promptly veered straight into a hawthorn hedge.


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## ColinJ (6 Sep 2011)

None of your tales will top that of the Norwegian lad I spoke to at university who had cycled down a ski jump for a dare when he was a kid. He spent a year having his broken body bolted back together ... (The bike was a write-off!)


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## superbadger (6 Sep 2011)

Well be careful what you say....... a few years back i had a bike stolen and didn't have much cash to get a new replacement, so i got a 2nd hand mountain bike for £20 (yes it was a pig.... Only 4 gears worked out of 18!!!) It was beyond help to be honest but it do me for 2 month while i save for a new bike!!!! I got the new bike but still used the 'pig' in awful weather for a run to the shops etc.... (never locking it up! secretly hoping it would be stolen! but alas even thieves have standards!!!) My GF commented to me 'when the hell are you gonna get rid of that piece of crap?'... My reply- 'I gonna ride it till the wheels fall off hun!' THE VERY NEXT DAY!!!!! Yep..... doing about 20mph and the back wheel bolts just ripped off!!!! The GF still laughs bout it... Gave the bike to some scrap-man.


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## Angelfishsolo (6 Sep 2011)

Almost embarrassed to admit this but I rode 50 miles with the rear tyre not properly fitted to the rim! I thought the bumping was the higher tyre presure and crap road surface


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## apollo179 (6 Sep 2011)

cyco2 said:


> I went to the local shop on my bike and because I had forgotten my lock I disengaged both brake cables. Just in case somebody wanted to ride off on it. Got back on the bike and drifted off home again. Straight in to my garage door!!



That isnt the best anti theft measure ive ever heard of.
When i forget my lock i hide bike in some bushes.


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## Angelfishsolo (6 Sep 2011)

apollo179 said:


> That isnt the best anti theft measure ive ever heard of.
> When i forget my lock i hide bike in some bushes.



Of course most LBS's have a plethora of bushes near by don't they! Have you seen the thread title BTW?


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## Gixxerman (6 Sep 2011)

Nothing of note in my second coming to bikes that started 3 years ago, apart from clipless moments X2.

However from my youth in the 80's.

1) Riding through town without lights one night (yes I know, but we all did it back then). Heard a loud voice behind me shout "Where's your lights?". Without checking who it was, I shouted my then favourite response of "Up my arse, can't you see the wick hanging out!" and carried on my way. Sometime later PC Bob Cherry arrived at my house. Yep you guessed it; It was he who had shouted, and I had been recognised. After many appologies etc. I was let off with a ticking off by the copper and my dad. But my dad did see the funny side of it when the copper had left though.
2) Standing on the peddles riding up Walesby hill and the chain broke, resulting in my meat and two veg smashing into the crossbar. I coasted to a stop and just fell off the bike, and lay rolling around on the road in agony. Then an old lady in a Morris Minor stopped and asked me if I was alright and could she help. I politely declined her assistance.
3) Made the classic mistake with the old style brake blocks. They have an open end and closed end. You are supposed to fit them the correct way round (closed end facing forwards), else as soon as you apply the brakes, the brake block rubbers shoot out. I discovered this and also at the same time that nettles / bramble briers sting a bit when going head first into them.
4) Going to school one morning, late as normal, I was taking my usual short cut through the common. I was fairly flying down the path and was approaching the gate back onto the road. It was then that I noticed some workmen waving at me and shouting at me to stop. I thought "bog off old farts, watch this, I'm coming through!". So without lessening my pace, I went for the gate with workmen jumping out the way in all directions, promptly followed by me flying backwards off the bike as if hitting some invisable rubber wall and the bike carrying on for some distance before crashing into a wall. I landed and my back with a hell of a thump, not knowing what the hell had occurred. The workmen ran over to me and once they see that I was stunned, but otherwise OK start falling about laughing. What had happened was that they were putting some new fence posts in and had some nylon string streched across the gate that there were using as a toe-line, and I had failed to see it.
5) My mum was throwing out and old ironing board. I saw it and immediately got the idea that my mates and me could use it as a ramp to jump push bikes over. So with the aid of some bricks, we made a nice ramp and had us some great fun. However, the more we used it over the next few weeks, the braver we got and the more the speed and jump angle increased. Well my mate always had to be the bestest, and he had a bit of a screw lose to boot. So he set the angle to then unprecedented levels, and took a mighty run-up at it. The assembled masses of kids stood in awe and wonder, expecting something monumental was going to happen. It did. Well he hit the ramp at suicidal speed, and took off like a jetplane reaching 25 feet high or so, but alas, the board toppled slightly, and he left it at a bit of an angle, heading straight for a large tree. Both him and the bike landed it the top of the tree and became lodged, much the the amusment and appreciation of the assembled audience, who cheered and aplauded loudly. The bike, along with my mates arm, and some teeth all broken. The ramp jumping ceased after that.


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## CopperCyclist (7 Sep 2011)

About three weeks after I started cycling, I saw an old man ahead of me on my commute, pedalling dead slowly - a cadence of 30 perhaps. I was barely catching him, so I sped up. He looked about 60-70 wearing a big tweed coat, cap - the stereo typical old man.

I barely gained on him for ages, and kept having to go faster and faster to catch him, not understanding why I wasn't overtaking him easily. I knew I has only just started cycling (my average speed over the commute was 13-14mph back then), but my ego said I really should be able to catch an OAP pedalling tha slowly.

When I eventually caught up and overtook him, I saw he was on an electric bike, and quite happily pottling away with virtually zero effort at aout 20mph. Worst part was, now I'd flown past him, I had to maintain that speed as we were on a towpath, with nowhere for me to go. By the time I got home I was more tired than I had ever been.


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## Rhythm Thief (7 Sep 2011)

coffeejo said:


> I've found that there's a direct link between the weight of the contents of the shopping basket and what I can cycle home with. If it's too heavy in the shop, I won't make it up the hills



Panniers are what you need. I once cycled a couple of miles home with 48 cans of Stella distributed around 4 panniers. This was at around 10pm when I already had a fair bit of booze sloshing around my system ...


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## SavageHoutkop (7 Sep 2011)

Rhythm Thief said:


> Panniers are what you need. I once cycled a couple of miles home with 48 cans of Stella distributed around 4 panniers. This was at around 10pm when I already had a fair bit of booze sloshing around my system ...



Panniers seconded. The amount of stuff you can load on a Brompton between the front folding basket and rear rack bag is astounding. If you had front and rear panniers on a normal bike it'd be even more!


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## XmisterIS (7 Sep 2011)

Two spring to mind:

Firstly, when I was about 13, I set up a jump opposite a huge patch of stinging nettles which I was hoping to jump over. You can fill in the rest of the story for yourselves ...






Secondly, when I was a student, I rode home from a friend's digs along a dual carriageway when I was too pissed and stoned to actually stand up. I was ok once the bike was moving though, just stopping was the problem. My mate (who was also pissed and stoned) had to hold the bike while I got onto it. We were both laughing so much that it took what seemed like an hour. My mate had to stop to pee because he was laughing so much.


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## Black Sheep (7 Sep 2011)

My exploits mainly took place on old coal pits, growing up in Barnsley, having been born the year of the miners strike most of them had been closed by the time I was old enough to roam on my own on a bike (normally with my older brother) and we used to go mountain biking on the old spoil (slag) heap which had big mounds of slag heaped up to stop people driving cars onto them.

some people could ride over bits of the slag piles, i never had, until one day I had ventured a little too close to some british coal workmen who were on the main pit (still dismantling / surveying) who chased me off the spoil heap in their landrover.

managed to get over the slag mound and off the pit into the woods that day!


the only other exploit is that of my dad, the previous owner of my road bike. 

he was riding down the side of sandal castle, wakefield. By side, i mean down into the moat and fell off into a tree growing up from the bottom of the moat

the bike caught in the tree, leaving my dad hanging upside down by his toe clips


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## dan_bo (7 Sep 2011)

As a 17 year old I purchased for the princely sum of fifteen quid an old butchers' bike complete with a dirty great big basket cage, full mudguards and, of course, rod brakes. For it's maiden voyage I decided to take it to my mates who lived a couple of miles away at the bottom of a good sized hill. In the pissing down rain. 


Got to the brow of said hill- traffic fairly heavy- and thought to myself "i'll start with the brakes now as they're poor at the best of times". 

Pulled the brakes. nothing. 

Pulled the brakes harder. nowt. by this time I was in the traffic gaining speed as the hill got steeper.

hmm.

I know! I'll press against the tyre with the sole of my shoe! 


No. Full, heavy guage mudguards put paid to that. Lights at the bottom 300 yards away are on red. loads of cars. I'm going faster.

Thank whoever that I was wearing my cherry red Doc's. If I'd have kicked the front wheel in with my trainies on I would have lost toes.


Thankfully the woman in the big peugeot behind me had the prescence of mind to hang back a bit so she didn't run me over as I lay broken on the floor, on top of the bike. She did look mighty shaken though. 

I then had to carry the 40lb of broken, twisted bike home in the rain with a smashed elbow and a buggered knee. 

I think that bike's still in the cellar where I left it.


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## Bicycle (7 Sep 2011)

When a student, I had a 'timed run' home from Bloomsbury to Holland Park. Always flat out, always maximum attack and never any quarter offered to other traffic. Shoulders over the bars and jaw clenched. Really silly stuff...

It included riding under the barrier of the Senate House car park by swinging my leg over the cross bar and crouching next to the frame as I passed while resting on one pedal... The bike just fitted, but not with me on top.

It was often a very scary ride and involved all sorts of heavy-traffic silliness that I wouldn't do now that I'm middle-aged.

Lots of hoiking the bike around and jumping it over things and locking the rear to turn the bike more quickly. Occasionally using my sole to bounce myself off street furniture.

When I got home after one 'full on' ride, I lifted the bike by the crossbar to carry it into our basement and the front wheel stayed in the gutter, just sort of wobbling. I nearly had a heart attack. 

These days I ride less aggressively and always check QRs and other gubbins before setting off.

No comments please on my admission of dreadful riding; I no longer do that.


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## Cyclopathic (7 Sep 2011)

Possibly the daftest thing I did was one new years eve a long time ago when I used my hefty raleigh mustang to get to various parties with my girlfriend at the time riding side saddle on the crossbar, sorry top tube. I was definitely over the drink drive limit and didn't have any lights so I only rode on the pavements. Despite a couple of spills (mostly when I stopped and just sort of toppled over) I managed not to kill or seriously injure anyone.
I hasten to add that it was a long time ago and that I do not condone drinking and riding and that I think my actions were quite stupid. Feel free to berate me as you wish but please know that I know it was stupid. My only mittigation being that I made sure I kept off the roads.
I would also add a cautionary note and tell anybody who cares to know that drinking affects your cycling balance a few drinks before it affects your walking.


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## guitarpete247 (7 Sep 2011)

Many years ago (mid 70's [not my age the decade] ), a mate and I went to Bridlington for the night. I had the tent, cooker, sleeping bag and my gear on my bike as I had the rack. He had not much more than a carrier bags worth of clean clothes and toothbrush and sleeping bag (he'd tried to give me that too). Coming back we were coming down Market Weighton Hill (here). I got a fair lick on with the extra weight when I got a fly in my eye. It hurt so much and what with trying to concentrate on keeping the bike straight I couldn't work out which eye it was in so I closed both eyes, squeezed the brakes and hoped. I don't know how but I stayed in a straight line and stopped safely.

Eventually we got home and after dropping our stuff off at home we met up at the pub. My mate came in walking like John Wayne and announced to pub "I've just been camping with Pete and my arse is sore". He did explain what he meant after much spraying of beer etc.


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## coffeejo (7 Sep 2011)

Following the conversation I just had with the bike shop, I'm gonna confess to not looking after the chain properly. Ok, it's done just under 2,500 miles but that doesn't excuse the need to replace the cassette as well.  Expensive mistake and since being a novice isn't a good enough excuse, I'll be blushing about it for a while to come. And tending to the new one with much more care.


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## CopperCyclist (7 Sep 2011)

coffeejo said:


> Following the conversation I just had with the bike shop, I'm gonna confess to not looking after the chain properly. Ok, it's done just under 2,500 miles but that doesn't excuse the need to replace the cassette as well. Expensive mistake and since being a novice isn't a good enough excuse, I'll be blushing about it for a while to come. And tending to the new one with much more care.



Tell me more - what should you have done that you didn't, so I can try not to repeat your mistake!


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## mr messy (7 Sep 2011)

Only really took up cycling this year so last winter was eventfull. 

Front light died on commute home in the freezing conditions. Decided to take to the footpath and almost knocked down 2 invisible pedestrians as road was unlit. Whilst thinking that was a lucky near miss rode straight into a road sign!

On commute to work approached traffic lights which had green man showing. Confidently coasted to the front for a quick RLJ gettaway and promptly hit black ice. Bike folded under me with about 20 cars looking on!

The temp had dropped to -15 so had fleece, hat, the full works on and hadn't shaved in weeks. Again front wheel folded and hit the deck. Luckily there was plenty of powdery snow to cushion the fall. Lay looking at the stars for a minute before getting up at which point noticed wifey staring at me. With all the snow clinging to my fleece and hat i looked like an alky tramp snowman!!!

Played "chicken" with a guy in a range rover because i had right of way

Cut up (inc copious usage of flowery language) a guy in a volvo estate at a mini roundabout again because had right of way. 

Riding a downhill footpath shortcut (for a month) with wornout brakes in the knowledge there's a road at the bottom and having to grab the lamppost to stop if there was traffic. Couldn't be arsed to get new blocks, was cold out. lol

With the benefit of hindsight all situations were easily avoidable with use of a little common sense.

Unfortunately common sense!?! Where's the sense of adventure in that!?


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## earth (7 Sep 2011)

I've got two daftest things:

1. As a kid, kicking my front wheel while riding along and getting my foot stuck in the spokes. Wheel rotated and jammed my foot against the fork. Over the handle bars, clonked on the back of the head head by the bike then on the forehead by the road.







2. Almost chopping the end of my finger off in my fixie chain at the beginning of this year.


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## zacklaws (7 Sep 2011)

I kept trying to adjust my sunglasses on one ride as they seemed to keep slipping down my nose, eventually I was going fast downhill and got sick off my eyes watering, so once again tried to adjust my glasses, hit a small bump and poked myself in the eye, at that point I realised I had forgot to put them on to start with.


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## coffeejo (7 Sep 2011)

CopperCyclist said:


> Tell me more - what should you have done that you didn't, so I can try not to repeat your mistake!



Ahem. Clean and lube regularly. As in, clean properly not "that'll do"...


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## Lee (7 Sep 2011)

Went and locked my bike up nice and secure via the frame and came out to one wheel



well angry as i'd just bought a new Mavic rim as well the same week.

This was back in the day when i was wet behind the ears!


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## Dave the Smeghead (20 Oct 2013)

When I was a paperboy of about 13 I had the largest round from the shop which happened to include 2 of the biggest hills in the town. One wet morning with a full paperbag I came down one of the hills at a good speed. That was when I realised I couldn't stop (wet brakes and not in the best condition any way). Fortunately there was a rubbish truck (dust cart as we called them then) at the bottom of the hill. I hit it and flipped into the back of the dust cart, along with the bike, which then pulled away and drove to the next part of their route, about half a mile away from the hill. The dustmen were more than a little surprised to find me and my bike with a buckled front wheel in the back of the truck when they came round the back.


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## Bay Runner (20 Oct 2013)

Back in the seventies a Royal Navy tradition was to get called round your oppo’s (friend’s) ship for a DTS (Dinner Time Session). This involved drinking many tins of his ale, eventually burbling like a Senior Gibraltarian Rock Ape.

The problem was, I cycled home through Devonport Dockyard afterwards, which is riddled with railway tracks criss crossing the roads and *caissons, *which had wet wooden surfaces with a 40 – 50 drop into a dry dock on one side and manky cold water on the other side.

I must have made it home ok, as woke up later on the sofa with a head like Birkenhead. The front door still open, my bike lying in the front garden, needless to say my wife was not impressed when she arrived home from work.


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## jhawk (20 Oct 2013)

Packing too much into crappy panniers on the rear of my bike... Everything went wrong. I packed up from the shops, FULL of shopping - heavy tins, bottles of fizzy drinks, etc... I also carried another plastic shopping bag on my handlebars...

Getting out of the car park was the first chore. The bike was WAY too heavy, I swung my leg over the saddle... RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIP... That was my summer shorts ripping. So, I began to cycle home... Arse flapping in the wind... 

Five minutes from home, the zips connecting my two panniers to a central carrying handle gave way under the weight... One fell off, I got off the bike, heaving a heavy backpack (which was also full)... Picked up the pannier, set it down, at that point, the bag that I was carrying on the handlebars bottomed out. Three bottles of Coke and tins of stuff and other groceries tumbled to the ground... I collected everything from the road, sat down the grass - again, underwear in full view, and began to think.

"How the hell am I going to get all this home?" People in the cars passing must have been pissing themselves.

Thankfully, two minutes of anguish later, a friend of mine showed up in his car.

"What the feck happened to you?"

"Long story mate. Give us a lift?" He swung round and picked me up, taking my panniers in the backseat of his car. I was free to cycle home, sans dignity... That was a terrible afternoon. I've since invested in a new bike, and better panniers.


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## SHornswaggle (20 Oct 2013)

jhawk said:


> Packing too much into crappy panniers on the rear of my bike... Everything went wrong. I packed up from the shops, FULL of shopping - heavy tins, bottles of fizzy drinks, etc... I also carried another plastic shopping bag on my handlebars...
> 
> Getting out of the car park was the first chore. The bike was WAY too heavy, I swung my leg over the saddle... RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIP... That was my summer shorts ripping. So, I began to cycle home... Arse flapping in the wind...
> 
> ...





That has made me properly laugh - I have tears in my eyes!!! Brilliant!!!


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## TheDoctor (20 Oct 2013)

Not me, but a friend...
We exited the Dun Cow in a state of extreme refreshment, and he carefully stood his bike up and jumped towards the saddle. Missed by a mile, and landed in a heap on the other side of the bike, which then fell on him. And I nearly dislocated my lungs laughing.
I have tried carrying 144 bottles of beer on a bike, together with 6 bottles of wine. The handling was...interesting. I discovered some hills in Calais that day that I hadn't noticed before.
Oh, and another time I came out of the pub (it's funny how these are all beer-related) and swung my leg through the frame to set off. It was then I discovered that I wasn't on the bike with a step-through frame. And that falling on gravel hurts even if you're not moving


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## Gravity Aided (20 Oct 2013)

I should like to state , from my university days as evidence,
that just because you can do a Prussian Dismount on a bicycle
doesn't mean you can after the ingestion of an unfortunate amount of liquor.
GF was not amused .


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## Shut Up Legs (20 Oct 2013)

The dumbest thing I ever did regarding cycling was to stop cycling for several years, while living in Sydney. I moved to Melbourne in late 2008 and started cycling again, but really regret not doing more cycling in Sydney, and seeing more of those lovely hills by bicycle.


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## BigonaBianchi (20 Oct 2013)

Locked mine and kevs bikes up outside a shop on le jog and the bloody lock seized and the alarm went off for about 40 minutes while i found a pair of wire cutters then kev drowned it in a puddle while i stamped on it.


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## steve52 (20 Oct 2013)

when i was 11 years old i cut up some old forks and hammed them over mine,oh so cool, i was easy rider all over again, then i went over a jump,


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## RussellZero (20 Oct 2013)

Embarrassing since everyone else's seem to be in days gone by, mine was about 2 months ago, maybe less. About 15 miles into a weekend blat, got to a nice downhill straight across the forest (under the a35) where you can pick up a descent speed. Anyway, relaxing and down on the drops, I noticed the left bar end was a bit loose. You might be ahead of me now... Adjusted it, then brought back my left palm to give it a good whack. As I contacted and the handlebars jolted around like a tank slapper, all I could do was think how much of an idiot I was. Managed not to fall off though somehow. Most stupid thing? I did the same thing about 2 weeks earlier!


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## Mr Haematocrit (20 Oct 2013)

I preached to various London members of this forum continuously about the virtues of Di2 only to go on a ride with them after the previous day was spent fettling Di2. Unfortunately I had not plugged the battery back in correctly and it stopped working on the way to Ally Pally and stuck me in the biggest gear I had just before we got to the hills
I had a walk, the others had a giggle.. Never live it down


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## the_mikey (20 Oct 2013)

When I was 9, built a ramp out of a piece of wood and bricks, but instead of settling for one or two bricks high I went for 3.... Pedaled at it as hard as I could, launched into the air on my Raleigh strika, the bike was unstable and landed hard front wheel first, my weight tipped the balance and resulted in me landing face first on the asphalt. I still have a chipped tooth from that incident (and I wasn't wearing a helmet).


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## Gravity Aided (20 Oct 2013)

When I invented Mountain Biking in the early-70's, using our neighborhood alley, we would ride down the hill at full pelt, dutifully stop for the street crossing, then try to get up to speed again before going off the ramp into our neighbors pool before they drained it for the season. My parents and the neighbors would all gather on the patio and watch the organized stupidity. Afterwords, we would take the bikes apart to drain the water out. Then the dogs were allowed to go swimming. I believe there is Super 8 film of this somewhere.


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## Julia9054 (20 Oct 2013)

Not me, this one, but my sister.
Stopped by a police officer one Friday night wobbling back from the pub on her bike when she was a student. Given a ticking off about riding under the influence.
Caught by the same copper, in the same place the following Friday night in the same state. Decided to give him some friendly career advice about catching real criminals
She now has an official police caution on her record for being drunk in charge of a bicycle.
Which despite it being 20 years ago, due to her being a teacher, is never spent and she has to declare it at job interviews!


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## jhawk (20 Oct 2013)

Julia9054 said:


> Not me, this one, but my sister.
> Stopped by a police officer one Friday night wobbling back from the pub on her bike when she was a student. Given a ticking off about riding under the influence.
> Caught by the same copper, in the same place the following Friday night in the same state. Decided to give him some friendly career advice about catching real criminals
> She now has an official police caution on her record for being drunk in charge of a bicycle.
> Which despite it being 20 years ago, due to her being a teacher, is never spent and she has to declare it at job interviews!



Been there, done that, not been caught!


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## Ollie W (21 Oct 2013)

Bought my bike and picked it up from the LBS en route to work. Got to work, ready to lock it up... Realised that the keys to the lock were cable tied to the rest of the lock. Attempted to cut the tie with my house key and after about twenty minutes was getting nowhere... Only then did I realise there was a market stall with scissors literally two metres from me!

The only other incident I've had was cycling with my wife. She was on her Pendleton bike, going along at a relaxed pace. I decided to ride behind to get her slipstream. I, however, was dressed in my wind proof jacket, helmet and gloves. And to think I wondered why people on the pavement were laughing at me riding behind my wife...


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## HLaB (21 Oct 2013)

Broughtonblue said:


> i rode the remaining 12 miles with my brake fully on, up some long hills as well  at least i wont make the same mistake again!


I've done that and Ive done it again  Fixed a p'ture on a club run and not put the wheel in 100% true or had a sticky brake


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## ColinJ (21 Oct 2013)

Broughtonblue said:


> i rode the remaining 12 miles with my brake fully on, up some long hills as well  at least i wont make the same mistake again!
> 
> lets hear your funny tales


I did the Red Rose Ride audax in 2009 with occasional CycleChatter 'goodspeed'. It was 202 km or 126 miles in length, with some testing hills. We eventually got back to the car park in Halifax where he'd left his vehicle, and I dismounted a few yards away and went to walk the bike round to the tailgate. It was immediately obvious that the back brake was rubbing. I must have knocked it that morning when putting the bike into the car or taking it out. It explained why I felt so shattered!


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## Octet (21 Oct 2013)

First time on a road bike, not thinking through the differences between mountain bike tyres and road tyres I went straight for the curb to go into a shop car park expecting to bounce over it....

The wheel whipped back so it was once again parallel, I went sideways and the bike kept going..... wouldn't of been so bad if the shop hadn't been packed full of people.


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## PaulSecteur (22 Oct 2013)

Daftest thing so far was thinking... "yeah, cycling... that'll be a nice cheap hobby..."


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## Nigel-YZ1 (22 Oct 2013)

Daftest thing I ever did was follow an 'easy' route in MBR magazine round Rushop Edge and Edale.
Apart from the rocks requiring 6 foot travel suspension, trail bikes had left the whole route riddled with foot deep trenches.
Swerved to avoid a trench on steep downhill, went over bars, and ran pedal spikes the length of my left shin.
Eventually got back to Castleton and my car, leg covered in blood, where I'd left the first aid kit 
Mentioned the route in one of the shops. Owner said only a real maniac would take a mountain bike round there!


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## Gravity Aided (23 Oct 2013)

PaulSecteur said:


> Daftest thing so far was thinking... "yeah, cycling... that'll be a nice cheap hobby..."


I was advised by my doctor to take up exercise or face serious consequences to my health. So I figured cycling would be easiest. And cheapest...


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## Mad Doug Biker (23 Oct 2013)

Panter said:


> During a real eco-warrior phase a couple of Year ago I decided to do the monthly supermaket shop by bike.
> Shouldn't be a problem, I have a carp fishing rucksack that you could stuff a small car in so no worries there.
> Anyway, long story short, by the time I'd stuffed this thing to the brim with shopping, including 9 litres of drinks, it was obviously pretty weighty to the point where I really struggled to load it onto my back.
> I realised just how weighty it was when up the first tiny incline, the front wheel lifted straight from the floor and I tottered along for a precarious few feet like evil kenivel waiting to be dumped on my arse (it never occured to me to hit the back brake )
> ...



You WUSS!!

....... The key is to buy smaller amounts more regularly, therefore saving your back from an early grave! Panniers might have helped too! 

Annyway, what is the daftest thing..... hmmm, how long do you have?? 

Could it be buying the £30 BSO that is now rapidly rusting to nothing in the shed? Could it be the time I tried to cycle down several flights of rather steep concrete steps at Dumbarton East Railway Station as a kid and instinctively touched the front brake lever to slow down, sending me arse over tip, almost killing myself and the bike? Could it be when I crashed into a gate and forced my teeth through my top lip, also when I was a kid? Could it be any other of the numerous accidents (and minor head injuries) I had as a kid? Could it be me not cycling for several years? Could it be all the Clipless Moments I've had since? Could it be... Could it be....... Yep, got it!

..... JOINING THIS FORUM!!


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## Shut Up Legs (23 Oct 2013)

Gravity Aided said:


> I was advised by my doctor to take up exercise or face serious consequences to my health. So I figured cycling would be easiest. And cheapest...


Well, 1 out of 2 ain't bad...


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## cosmicbike (23 Oct 2013)

the_mikey said:


> When I was 9, built a ramp out of a piece of wood and bricks, but instead of settling for one or two bricks high I went for 3.... Pedaled at it as hard as I could, launched into the air on my Raleigh strika, the bike was unstable and landed hard front wheel first, my weight tipped the balance and resulted in me landing face first on the asphalt. I still have a chipped tooth from that incident (and I wasn't wearing a helmet).


 
Bizarre, same thing for me, same bike, same age, though I have a nice scar on the chin for my efforts.


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## PocketFrog (23 Oct 2013)

Took my bike for a service at Halfords once...


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## rusky (23 Oct 2013)

PocketFrog said:


> Took my bike for a service at Halfords once...



We have a winner!


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