# What does your bike tell us about you?



## anothersam (26 Jun 2015)

This sounds like something that's been done, but has it? (It has.) Nevertheless I'm giving the question a fresh airing.

As such an exercise may prove uncomfortable to volunteers, this thread is naturally a less Safe Place than Shameful admissions. However, a combination of The Queensbury & Rocky Rules, The Golden Rule, the code of conduct governing group psychotherapy sessions, and Shaun's Maxims should, out of a sense of decency, still apply: No low blows or sucker punches. You aren't entitled to comment on someone & theirs unless you've put you & yours out there first. Freudians should refrain from telling Jungians with whom they heatedly disagree to go frak themselves (and vice versa, though this is less likely to happen).






_click to approach, like you want to take it for a spin_

Much as I wish this was a beautiful, artfully lit and bokehlicious portrait of my beloved (I don't actually call it that, though it is), it's a lowly snapshot with a bucolic yet far too busy background. Sticklers for convention will want to see the chainring side, so this is for them:






Your choice of saddlebag and contents may help others to draw conclusions, if the bike in question proves too much of a blank canvas.


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## summerdays (26 Jun 2015)

That I'm a lazy so and so that ought to give it some TLC! And that I don't want to leave it as it left the shop.... It has to be mine! So it has different pedals, headset and an odd collection of stickers.


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## anothersam (26 Jun 2015)

Ah, right. I had meant this more in the vein of @jonny jeez's What does your desk tell us about you, but of course, that's also a way to go with it, as per the original. Pot luck.


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## summerdays (26 Jun 2015)

anothersam said:


> Ah, right. I had meant this more in the vein of @jonny jeez's What does your desk tell us about you, but of course, that's also a way to go with it, as per the original. Pot luck.


Surely my reply told you.... It will be messy, not pristine and as I'm just about to get up there won't be a photo! (Yet)


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## anothersam (26 Jun 2015)

Look forward to the photo! Not sure if I'll be attempting any analysis myself, just wanted to get the ball rolling.


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## Hill Wimp (26 Jun 2015)

Depends on which bike.

If you saw my everyday bike ( Spech Expedition ) after some of you fanatical fettlers had recovered from your seizures would probably think "lacks attention to detail "

If you saw my road bike( Spech Dolce ) you would probably think " seriously giving this road lark a go , not bad for a beginner and keeps her chain clean"

If you saw my tourer ( Ridgeback Voyage ) you would probably think " likes shiny thingsbut should have got the Panorama " because it's still virginal and new.


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## anothersam (26 Jun 2015)

Good point. If you show them all of the above, there will be much more material to work with. You get to choose how much; it depends how comprehensive a reading you want.


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## coffeejo (26 Jun 2015)

All three of mine instantly say the same thing: scruffy, lacks attention to detail, could do so much better if only x,y and z. Oh, and carrying too much weight.


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## mickle (26 Jun 2015)




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## Hill Wimp (26 Jun 2015)

Thinking about it mine reflect most of my school reports

" if only she would concentrate she could go far "


Except Mrs Barton 1976 who said " she will come to nothing if she can't learn to knit "

That womans comments have scarred me for life.


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## deptfordmarmoset (26 Jun 2015)

Hill Wimp said:


> Thinking about it mine reflect most of my school reports
> 
> " if only she would concentrate she could go far "
> 
> ...


''Marmoset has spent a sixth form career fraught with idleness and insouciance'' - That was the opening sentence and it didn't get any better...

Anyhow, back to bikes: they tend to look like they were cleaned and washed about 2 weeks ago. So sort of lived in, with scuffed and frayed bits but serviceable. Or is that just how I feel?

I have perhaps the untidiest bar tape in SE London and a couple of bikes have rather idiosyncratic cable routing. This is my general ''can't be fussed'' influence.


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## Dogtrousers (26 Jun 2015)

Would my bike agree with my school report which said "shows active disinterest". I really hope not as I upped my cleaning regime substantially after recent filth related failure of components.


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## shouldbeinbed (26 Jun 2015)

All of my bike tell you that I ride bikes


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## Smokin Joe (26 Jun 2015)

anothersam said:


> This sounds like something that's been done, but has it? (It has.) Nevertheless I'm giving the question a fresh airing.
> 
> As such an exercise may prove uncomfortable to volunteers, this thread is naturally a less Safe Place than Shameful admissions. However, a combination of The Queensbury & Rocky Rules, The Golden Rule, the code of conduct governing group psychotherapy sessions, and Shaun's Maxims should, out of a sense of decency, still apply: No low blows or sucker punches. You aren't entitled to comment on someone & theirs unless you've put you & yours out there first. Freudians should refrain from telling Jungians with whom they heatedly disagree to go frak themselves (and vice versa, though this is less likely to happen).
> 
> ...


Your bike tells me you're a wimp for having a back brake with a fixed wheel. Shame on you, sir.

And if it isn't a fixed wheel it should be. Single freewheels have no place on a road bike.


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## anothersam (26 Jun 2015)

Have been eyeing @mickle's cruiser. Initial thoughts: _Fat tyred bikes you make the roadie smile upside-down._


deptfordmarmoset said:


> ''Marmoset has spent a sixth form career fraught with idleness and insouciance'' - That was the opening sentence and it didn't get any better....



As someone with a lisp, "insouciance" has caused difficulty all my life.



> they tend to look like they were cleaned and washed about 2 weeks ago. So sort of lived in, with scuffed and frayed bits but serviceable. Or is that just how I feel?


If you're not of the middle ages, you've been partying too hard.


Dogtrousers said:


> I upped my cleaning regime substantially after recent filth related failure of components.


Too much time in the dogging lane?



Spoiler: This road sign has not been approved by the Department for Transport













Smokin Joe said:


> Your bike tells me you're a wimp for having a back brake with a fixed wheel. Shame on you, sir. And if it isn't a fixed wheel it should be. Single freewheels have no place on a road bike.


It's freewheel. That's the way I roll.

You' haven't posted a pic of yours first as per the guidelines above, so I'll just have to make a guess, a generic quote lifted from a standard reference work:


> *Fixed-gear*. _Control freaks_
> Anybody who feels the need to pedal every single inch should not be trusted with a bike. It is a sign of fanaticism. They consider themselves to be an elite force, and will often parachute into freewheeling conversations on missions to propagate their notions of purity…


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## Shut Up Legs (26 Jun 2015)

I have two bikes, which couldn't be more different from each other, so my bikes are telling you that I appear to have some kind of multiple personality disorder. Please excuse me while I discuss the ramifications of this with myself...


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## derrick (26 Jun 2015)

It's not what the bike says it's what my ticker say's
The bike say's i am a flash git.


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## classic33 (26 Jun 2015)

I'll see what others think.​


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## martint235 (26 Jun 2015)

I'm fairly sure mine says I'm tall.


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## Smokin Joe (26 Jun 2015)

martint235 said:


> I'm fairly sure mine says I'm tall.
> 
> View attachment 93512


Or deformed.


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## anothersam (26 Jun 2015)

I don't have time to make a detailed analysis, there are a couple of Humanists who are many sessions away from being self-actualized coming to blows in the waiting room. Stray observations:

@derrick
The fact that you have an actual bike stand for photo ops tells me that you are the self-reliant type. The bike itself is a mystery – doesn't fit into any of the standard categories, so it's difficult to even guess what sort of riding you prefer. Pootling in the lanes? Gentle mountainbiking?





_Quick nip to the shops?_

Rims look vaguely aero so I'll hazard you indulge in the occasional commuter challenge.

@classic33
Twice the usual number of wheels and chains suggests you're overcompensating. (It may also suggest you have needs not met by a two-wheeler, but your medical records haven't come through yet.) That the chain(s) aren't as slack as one would normally see in an HPV is an indication that you're not, either.

@martint235
Clearly says you've got class, though the understated logo means you don't require the personal validation that comes from brand identification. The unenlightened would take this is a sign of passive aggression.

@Smokin Joe continues to ignore the code of conduct. There's not much I can do about this except recommend a good behavioural therapist.


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## jowwy (26 Jun 2015)

Wonder what mine reveals


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## bpsmith (26 Jun 2015)

jowwy said:


> Wonder what mine reveals
> 
> View attachment 93557


You like a combination of quality modern and old skool. Don't mind spending, but expect it to last.

How is that?


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## Smokin Joe (26 Jun 2015)

anothersam said:


> I don't have time to make a detailed analysis, there are a couple of Humanists who are many sessions away from being self-actualized coming to blows in the waiting room. Stray observations:
> 
> @derrick
> The fact that you have an actual bike stand for photo ops tells me that you are the self-reliant type. The bike itself is a mystery – doesn't fit into any of the standard categories, so it's difficult to even guess what sort of riding you prefer. Pootling in the lanes? Gentle mountainbiking?
> ...


Smokin Joe laughs at Codes of Conduct, Pah!


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## jowwy (26 Jun 2015)

bpsmith said:


> You like a combination of quality modern and old skool. Don't mind spending, but expect it to last.
> 
> How is that?


Seems a good shout

Not sure were the old skool part comes from though


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## steveindenmark (26 Jun 2015)

Mine says I may be 57 but I can still hack it for an old guy :0)


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## jayonabike (26 Jun 2015)

jowwy said:


> Wonder what mine reveals


You've weeded the slabs since your last photo!


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## pauldavid (26 Jun 2015)

mickle said:


> View attachment 93473



Has amazingly long arms and suffers with piles!


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## pauldavid (26 Jun 2015)

classic33 said:


> View attachment 93511
> 
> I'll see what others think.​




Probably once appeared on scrapheap challenge


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## anothersam (26 Jun 2015)

@jowwy your photo appears in somewhat soft focus, which is an effect usually reserved for a beauty with flaws. I can't see any obvious flaws other than the ginormous head tube, which is having a deleterious effect on your front wheel.






@steveindenmark, do you also have one of these in your stable?








Smokin Joe said:


> Smokin Joe laughs at Codes of Conduct, Pah!


This much is evident. Self-evident, in fact, which is the first step in any reputable 12 step program. What program? The one for the 3rd person in the room. 











In any case, it's clear the Code has gone the way of the wild west


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## Pat "5mph" (26 Jun 2015)

My bikes tell you, as a cyclist in the know, that I am a small woman, that I ride mainly paths, an utilitarian rider that nows enough to keep her drivetrain clean but does not spend on upgrading.
Others, non cyclists, normally just say "nice bike"


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## Spinney (26 Jun 2015)

Pat "5mph" said:


> My bikes tell you, as a cyclist in the know, that I am a small woman, that I ride mainly paths, an utilitarian rider that nows enough to keep her drivetrain clean but does not spend on upgrading.
> Others, non cyclists, normally *just say "nice bike"*


Not like this, I hope!


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## classic33 (26 Jun 2015)

pauldavid said:


> Probably once appeared on scrapheap challenge


Check for a Brox.
http://bike4.co.uk/


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## Pat "5mph" (26 Jun 2015)

Creepy @Spinney!
No, not like that


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## Pat "5mph" (26 Jun 2015)

classic33 said:


> Check for a a Brox.


Your bike is probably worth more than my flat


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## classic33 (26 Jun 2015)

Pat "5mph" said:


> Your bike is probably worth more than my flat


£3,900 plus VAT, to replace.


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## bpsmith (26 Jun 2015)

jowwy said:


> Seems a good shout
> 
> Not sure were the old skool part comes from though


Well the frame and gold chain look old skool at face value to me. Not meaning any harm by that mind you.


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## russ.will (27 Jun 2015)

It's less than a week old, but I'm looking forward to the personality deconstruction:






And no, I did not want the black one. I'm just not that 'individual'.

Russell


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## anothersam (27 Jun 2015)

russ.will said:


> I'm just not _that_ 'individual'.



Oh but you are. The devil is in the details. Red inner tube valve caps. First, there's the fact that you have left them on, even on a bike "less than a week old" – a seeming throwaway line meant to throw us off the scent. This means you are a very cautious individual. But red? That's like wearing red suspenders.



Spoiler: Don't click – think of the children!











No, the other kind





That's what saucy Americans and Canadians call braces

Combined with the red accent mark on the tip of the saddle, and the bag of tomato (the forbidden fruit) planter in the background, a trend is emerging that a streak of flamboyance runs through your life, though you may try to hide it with the respectable paint job of your Planet X. This is at odds with your cautious nature. Odds are you're a {secret?} Gemini, among other things.


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## russ.will (27 Jun 2015)

Technically I am a Gemini, although that is only pertinent to people also likely to believe an omnipotent imaginary friend, or other such fairy tales. I was previously unaware of the conventions of which you talk, surrounding valve prohylactics and will immediately undertake a course of corrective study on the subject.

Russell

PS. The tomatoes are the wife's and nothing to do with me.


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## cyberknight (27 Jun 2015)

go on then , i can a good ribbing.


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## Smokin Joe (27 Jun 2015)

cyberknight said:


> go on then , i can a good ribbing.


Chain on the small ring, valves not at six o'clock.

Tells us you're a slut.


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## russ.will (27 Jun 2015)

Earlier on today, as I was adding some bits here and there - saddle aero-bag, mini-pump, bottle cage, etc - I took the red valve covers off. Then I thought, no; I'll leave them on

In order to feel happy doing this, I wore my wife's underwear, for comfort reasons.

Russell


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## russ.will (28 Jun 2015)

Parking the gears with the derailleur springs at their least tensioned?

To be fair, this was the recommendation 'back in the day' so again, I stand to be corrected. 

Russell


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## anothersam (28 Jun 2015)

@cyberknight
Your bike had me scratching my head. Then I examined it under infrared. Whoa!






A wicker basket! With an adorable puppy poking his head out. This tells me you're not attempting any Boardmanesque feats, but prefer social riding at a conversational pace with others out "walking" their dogs. However, another detail would seem to present a darker picture. See it on the seat tube? Here's an enlargement:






You don't specify if this was off-the-rack, custom built for you by Boardman himself, or bought used. If new and this is the standard spec, it calls into question the ethics and dark machinations of the cycling industry. If used I would seriously question its provenance. If Chris Himself is implicated, God help us all & get that puppy out of there. Not a reflection on you btw: _caveat emptor._


russ.will said:


> I took the red valve covers off. Then I thought, no; I'll leave them on. In order to feel happy doing this, I wore my wife's underwear, for comfort reasons.


Is your wife's underwear comfortable? No, not unless you're wearing it on your head. (You didn't specify. I know some things by book learning, others through experience.) We all have our little rituals and quirks, some more deserving of Facebook status updates than others. Textbook case of the id overruling the ego. Also for comfort reasons.


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## dave r (28 Jun 2015)

My recently acquired Flier Fixed Commuter and me on my Sunday best Verenti.


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## Rickshaw Phil (28 Jun 2015)

What an interesting thread. See what you make of these two:













mickle said:


> View attachment 93473


Is this you? :


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## RedRider (28 Jun 2015)




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## totallyfixed (28 Jun 2015)

Unfortunately my favourite bike say absolutely nothing about me, it's pure class.


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## anothersam (28 Jun 2015)

@dave r – Given your fondness for fixed, I'll devote most of my attention to your recent acquisition.

First, I note that it is unable to trackstand on its own. We can blame the disbalancing effect of luggage on the rear rack for that and move on to the *toeclips*. There is no shame implied in my typograhical treatment; as you can see in the OP I use them myself. Still: *TOECLIPS*.








Spoiler: This may be too technical for the layman



It's a well known tactic amongst those in the brain bothering biz to try to provoke a reaction by challenging core {{*TOECLIPS}}* beliefs, to see where you land on the continuum from "Essentially normal" to "Cancel all my afternoon appointments, this one is going to take a while." Or at least it was in the classes I audited.



If you have maintained your equilibrium, I adjudge you to be fundamentally sound. This is further evidenced by your unflappable good cheer even whilst being attacked by a badger.


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## dave r (28 Jun 2015)

anothersam said:


> @dave r – Given your fondness for fixed, I'll devote most of my attention to your recent acquisition.
> 
> First, I note that it is unable to trackstand on its own. We can blame the disbalancing effect of luggage on the rear rack for that and move on to the *toeclips*. There is no shame implied in my typograhical treatment; as you can see in the OP I use them myself. Still: *TOECLIPS*.
> 
> ...



The many years I have been cycling means that I was weaned on clips and straps, because of this I'm no lover of this new fangled clipless nonsense, having said that my long standing commuting habit of riding in work clothes and steel toe capped shoes means that I use clips and straps or have no foot retention, if I start using the new clipless I'm wasting time changing footwear when I could be enjoying my morning coffee. As for that Badger, where the @@@ did he come from? I don't remember him, he must have missed.


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## mustang1 (28 Jun 2015)

If you saw my cx commuter, you'd see me as a practical guy who doesn't have time for silly things like cleaning and I don't care what anyone thinks. 

The MTB will tell you I just want to have some simple fun in the woods with a low end but good quality bike. Not an expert mtber and neither does he prentend to be.

Road bike: he's a bit fat to ride that isn't he?


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## anothersam (29 Jun 2015)

@Rickshaw Phil – Your no nonsense bell





and resolute Brooks saddle tell me you don't mess about, as do the formidable environments you routinely conquer. Scary hills and the bleak chilled surface of what appears to the untravelled eye to be Clacton in springtime hold no terrors. Plus you use a kickstand. There's nothing like a kickstand to announce to the world here is where I make my stand. However, I suspect your panniers are not stuffed with ample provisions; you are capable of foraging and surviving on whatever the landscape provides, from acorn scratchings to hill monkeys to snow-worms. Those bags are filled with rocks, for stone soup with the natives or dead weight for building character.


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## anothersam (29 Jun 2015)

@RedRider, you maintain your rear mudguard stays of a length sufficient to discourage squirrels from sleeping on them. Your Carradice, like most Carradie, has lasted forever and will continue to last forever, or at least until you replace it with that pre-stressed Carradice you've had your eye on. It holds a few tools and mementos, but mostly twine and acorns [yes acorns again – it's a recurring theme in psychological investigations]. There is also an overdue library book in the side pocket, _Zen & The Art of Motorcycle Maintenance_. Most people ignore the subtitle: _An Inquiry into Values_, because they're looking for a basic repair manual. Even bookstore clerks often get it wrong. You, however, know that Pirsig sought to explore the metaphysics of quality. You were trying to impress a girl when you checked it out.

That chain is so tight it's about to snap – everything OK at work?

I hate to have to ask if that's fixed or free, it can be a fraught question, so I won't, we're all entitled to follow our muse even if it puts us with the wrong crowd. That does however look like it could be a White Industries freewheel. Those are loud, almost loud as a motorcycle. Sometimes you grip and twist the bars, which is satisfying as your fingers wallow in the plush psychological boost of new bar tape.








Spoiler: OT



Even a simple image search for twine offers food for thought.


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## anothersam (1 Jul 2015)

Anyone want to do the honours for the OP?


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## classic33 (1 Jul 2015)

anothersam said:


> Anyone want to do the honours for the OP?


Oh aye!


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## Milkfloat (1 Jul 2015)

anothersam said:


> Anyone want to do the honours for the OP?



An internet frame purchase, that turned out to be a little bit too big. Breaking convention with the singlespeed and toe clips - I hope you have the track standing ability to back those clips up. I cannot tell if you deliberately photographed the bike from the 'incorrect' side because you are unconventional, or was it just because you wanted a neutral background and could not prop the bike up using its front wheel. What confuses me most is the too short rear brake cable causing frame rub, which you don't seem to care about.


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## anothersam (2 Jul 2015)

I'm intrigued by @classic33's as yet unspent enthusiasm. Meanwhile @Milkfloat, in the order in which you opined:
• Custom build; fits like a glove.
• Am only interested in trackstanding if I can do it no-handed.
• Could not prop bike or take picture another way in the time I had alloted to the task.
• The cable can rub till eternity without bothering the frame or me.


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## classic33 (2 Jul 2015)

anothersam said:


> *I'm intrigued by @classic33's as yet unspent enthusiasm. *Meanwhile @Milkfloat, in the order in which you opined:
> • Custom build; fits like a glove.
> • Am only interested in trackstanding if I can do it no-handed.
> • Could not prop bike or take picture another way in the time I had alloted to the task.
> • The cable can rub till eternity without bothering the frame or me.


How do you know its unspent?


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## anothersam (8 Jul 2015)

It looks as if I'm going to have to do the honours myself.






We begin with the lack of decals. Who has a bike without decals? The pretentious, that's who. People who think they're too good to be labelled by the labels they keep. I'm surprised the OP didn't try to tape over the provenance of the tyres – Conti GP4000s, the choice of sheep easily influenced by Wiggle reviews.

The fact that it's singlespeed freewheel would suggest a slavish devotion to fashion if that had ever been in fashion in the first place. Titanium? As it's already an admitted custom build, this means the OP is serious about his fetishes. Well, we already knew that, given the toeclips.

The admission of not caring about the rear brake cable rubbing on the head tube was slightly too offhand, suggesting a lack of awareness of the situation. What else is he unaware of? Turning on the infrared again didn't yield answers, but a photographic negative did:






This is either hard evidence of an innocently active imagination, or classic symptoms of a Harvey Complex with overcompensation (the clue is what isn't there – a rabbit). Watch those snakebite punctures.


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## Dave7 (8 Jul 2015)

Mine is white with black doggy paws all over.
It has big eye-lashes stuck on the front.
It has a fish sign glued on the back.
I have 2 big fluffy dice hanging off the handle bars and a nodding dog attached to the saddle.
For some reason I do get some funny looks when out on it.
Oh.......and I clean it on the drive every Sunday


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## anothersam (9 Jul 2015)

Dave7 said:


> Mine is white with black doggy paws all over.
> It has big eye-lashes stuck on the front.
> It has a fish sign glued on the back.
> I have 2 big fluffy dice hanging off the handle bars and a nodding dog attached to the saddle.


It seems a crime not to post a picture of that! From your sig it looks as if you have a camera...


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## nickyboy (9 Jul 2015)

Go on, I'll chuck mine in the ring. Big supermarket-type retailer but very understated branding. Stealth bomber styling but, if you look closely, it has a bell on the handlebars.

Make of that what you will


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## Dogtrousers (9 Jul 2015)

You drink a lot. That's a big pair of bidons water bottles.


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## ianrauk (9 Jul 2015)

Really enjoying this thread @anothersam

OK, Here's my pride and joy.... No badges, no declas, no logos. Lot's of silver & Ti bling. I like flash, I like understated. This bike does both.






Edit: Dustcaps are now Blue.... of course..


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## threebikesmcginty (9 Jul 2015)

ianrauk said:


> Really enjoying this thread @anothersam
> 
> OK, Here's my pride and joy.... No badges, no declas, no logos. Lot's of silver & Ti bling. I like flash, I like understated. This bike does both.



I can see a speck of dust on it.


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## ianrauk (9 Jul 2015)

User13710 said:


> Sorry Ian, I had to remove my 'like' because of the dust caps being blue.




Hummmpphhh....


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## ianrauk (9 Jul 2015)

User13710 said:


> Apologies, I didn't mean the blueness itself as a choice. I had failed to notice that the ones in the photo are yellow - I'm really sorry but that bike should have black ones.




To be honest... it's shouldn't have any..
It's all Sandra's fault.. she gave me the Blue ones....


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## nickyboy (9 Jul 2015)

Dogtrousers said:


> You drink a lot. That's a big pair of bidons water bottles.



Local microclimate innit? I've been out picking my bananas this morning


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## ColinJ (9 Jul 2015)

User13710 said:


> Apologies, I didn't mean the blueness itself as a choice. I had failed to notice that the ones in the photo are yellow - I'm really sorry but that bike should have black ones.


I DID notice the yellow dustcaps, but only because I was looking for something on the bike that was NOT understated.

My 4 bikes all have things wrong with them, are a bit scratched/dented, and are not immaculately clean. I suppose that could tell you that I am a bit lazy, have been too poor to buy new parts for them, do actually ride them, and am not over-fussy about cleaning ...


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## ianrauk (9 Jul 2015)

ColinJ said:


> I DID notice the yellow dustcaps, but only because I was looking for something on the bike that was NOT understated.
> 
> My 4 bikes all have things wrong with them, are a bit scratched/dented, and are not immaculately clean. I suppose that could tell you that I am a bit lazy, have been too poor to buy new parts for them, do actually ride them, and am not over-fussy about cleaning ...




1: I do actually ride it and probably more miles then most
2: I'm not over fussy about cleaning either


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## ColinJ (9 Jul 2015)

ianrauk said:


> 1: I do actually ride it and probably more miles then most
> 2: I'm not over fussy about cleaning either


Hmm, my post might have come across the wrong way ... 

I know _some people_ with clean, immaculate bikes who only keep them like that by hardly riding them!


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## slowmotion (9 Jul 2015)

ianrauk said:


> Really enjoying this thread @anothersam
> 
> OK, Here's my pride and joy.... No badges, no declas, no logos. Lot's of silver & Ti bling. I like flash, I like understated. This bike does both.
> 
> ...


Lovely bar tape.


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## ianrauk (9 Jul 2015)

slowmotion said:


> Lovely bar tape.




Now gone..changed to plain black


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## Yazzoo (9 Jul 2015)

Ok i'm game for this, but how do I add a pic!?


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## Yazzoo (9 Jul 2015)

Cancel that, I *think* I've figured it out! I don't have a pic of my other bike, i'm sure I'd get a completely different answer for that one, it weighs a ton, has no brand, battered basket and panniers, looks like it was found in a hedge, probably where I should park it next.

P.S. Yes I know this one is in the house, but it's not like I have a child in the shed to make room for it, child has it's own bike free bedroom so all is ok in my world


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## theclaud (9 Jul 2015)

Now sporting summer tyres...


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## Ian H (9 Jul 2015)

My two distance machines. One's about 13 years old, the other nearly new.


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## anothersam (10 Jul 2015)

Looks like I have some catching up to do. I feel like one of those frame builders who has to start giving his customers longer and longer lead times.

@nickyboy, your bike was actually made using alien technology from Area 51. The good news is it will still pass a UCI inspection thanks to certain hidden technologies. The bad news is the aliens aren't happy about patent infringement and want it back.

btw this is how it looks to them. It is beautiful to their eyes.
_How their right eye sees it:_




_how their left eye sees it:_




_how the eye in what we think of as a belly button sees it:_




_(very strange one, that belly button eye)_

It may come as news to you that when you go a certain speed it starts to oscillate at a frequency undetectable to Strava (note that it has to be this exact speed, for an exact length of time, right down to the cesium standard.) At this point it is no longer necessary to pedal. That's right: you own a perpetual motion machine. Of course your tyres have to be pumped up to 500,000psi, which will be a challenge even for the highest thread count tubs.

The bell, which is clearly a stealth bell, is actually a homing device. If you want to keep your bike, either throw that bell away or attach it to something you never want to see again, such as the newest bling of a 'mate' who's been gabbing his way out of your good books.

None of which tells anything about yourself, other than that you're a very lucky nickyboy. Anyone in possession of a ride like this is both well connected and modest; such machines don't come innocently from "supermarket-type retailers", or if they do, the take-a-number machine was fixed. Your work (I mean your _real_ work) is classified, and at least half your life, maybe more, is a complete fabrication to make your loved ones comfortable. You can't blame them if they can't handle the truth – you have their safety to think of.






Anything more I tell you about yourself will only either blow your cover or get me into hot water with the aliens, and I'd rather not go through that hell again.


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## anothersam (11 Jul 2015)

@ianrauk, there is little I can say about your bike the poets haven't already said. Shakespeare:_ "So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see, So long lives this, and this gives life to thee."_ That other Shakespeare, Bacon: _"What then remains, that we still should cry ti!, For being born, or being born, to sigh."_ Keats: _"A thing of beauty is a joy for ever: Its loveliness increases; it will never Pass into nothingness..."_ Browning: _"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height / Far beyond the span of those seat stays."_ Even Plath got in on the act, alluding to the lack of decals, no poetic license necessary: _"But I grow old and I forget your name. (I think I made you up inside my head.)"_

That being said, you ride in prose, as must we all on these roads. A liberal helping of titanium to smooth out the bumps marks you out as practical. Your choice of an Ultegra crankset (I think) rather than Dura Ace shows you are also sensible, though it would have been more sensible yet to follow the lead of your Eddington Number.

The colour of one's dust caps doesn't say much (the science of cycleology has moved on since the red caps post). However, that you use them at all speaks volumes, as the common practice amongst veteran cyclists is to throw them away. First, you're no weight weenie. Although you know they serve no vital purpose on a road bike, you enjoy the sense of completeness that comes from screwing them on tight after you've topped up your tyres. While some would opine the use of caps also indicates a buttoned down man, ie a conformist, the fact that you changed from pinstripes to solid black on your bar tape belies this, as secretly you know this was the wrong thing to do even if it looks better.

As part of the service I'm sharing this x-ray to show your frame has no stress fractures.*










* Picture Magnus Magnusson asking this: In the movie _Heat_, what book was Neil reading?


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## sevenfourate (11 Jul 2015)

Think i can take it.........


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## anothersam (12 Jul 2015)

@Yazzoo – Whoa, almost had a flashback to cyberkight's Boardman Comp with that 888, which apocryphal scrolls list as The Beast's Big Brother. Fortunately Road.cc didn't detect anything more untoward than a very slightly relaxed geometry, and they're pretty thorough.

As you have this hanging like a work of art from a stylish bike holder, you clearly work in a creative field. Accounting can be creative, too.

It's extremely clean, having been run through the decontamination airlock (wish I had a decontamination airlock) before being carefully mounted. Just make sure to tighten that holder.






This must be your spare 888; the one you keep for emergencies that never quite happen even when they're legitimate, eg, your 'user' bike gets accidentally trash compacted ("Mustn't use the spare, there always has to be a spare"). You also have a spare set of tools to work on it in a clean room you never use (wish I had a clean room).





_you could hear a spare pin drop_

What I'm getting at is, there is a very very unclean room with a filthy bike that doesn't even have dust caps. You call that your Mr Hyde room. Your Dr Jekyll room is where measurements are taken and slight adjustments are made in readiness...


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## Yazzoo (12 Jul 2015)

Lol it is pretty sparkling, but then it's only a couple of weeks old. There is an older, much more unloved/more used bike in the shed - the agreement for this being in the house is that it must be clean!


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## User482 (20 Jul 2015)

That maintaining patios is not a priority of mine.


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## srw (20 Jul 2015)




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## ianrauk (20 Jul 2015)

User482 said:


> That maintaining patios is not a priority of mine.




YeGods man that is a nice bike. Sorry to say I didn't notice it on Saturday. I wish I had...


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## Tim Hall (20 Jul 2015)

ianrauk said:


> 1: I do actually ride it and probably more miles then most
> 2: I'm not over fussy about cleaning either


But sometimes you combine riding with cleaning:


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