# Oft-heard cycling phrases that get on your nerves



## Hip Priest (22 Jan 2015)

This thread is petty, nit-picking and not entirely to be taken seriously, but feel free to join in.

1. "*Gents* bike" - Only ever used to describe BSOs, and makes you think of toilets
2. "I'm going for a cycle" - No, you're going for a ride.
3. "I've ordered my new n+1" - No, you haven't. n+1 is a term used to describe the correct number of bikes to own. It isn't a single bicycle.


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## Venod (22 Jan 2015)

Car Up
Car Down


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## youngoldbloke (22 Jan 2015)

'racer' when referring to a bike with drop handlebars


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## youngoldbloke (22 Jan 2015)

'race-face' when (over)used by a certain well known commentator.


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## ColinJ (22 Jan 2015)

Being on the rivet and chewing the handlebar tape off while putting the hammer down in the red zone ... while tootling down to the corner shop to buy a loaf of bread!


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## Globalti (22 Jan 2015)

My bike is "running" such-and-such a part or tyre. More employed by mountain bikers. How can a bicyle run a part?


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## Hip Priest (22 Jan 2015)

4) "I was out on my roadie" - A roadie is a person in a Hawkwind t-shirt with six inches of bum crack on display.


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## snorri (22 Jan 2015)

Hip Priest said:


> - No, you're going for a ride.



No I'm not, it takes two to go for a ride, I'm going for a run on my bike.

Perhaps it's a regional thing


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## Scotchlovingcylist (22 Jan 2015)

"Oooh you really should wear a helmet"


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## User6179 (22 Jan 2015)

Black Top .
I found some nice black top while out on the bike today , meaning the road was smooth .


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## Hip Priest (22 Jan 2015)

5) "Rule 5!" - Stop talking like some sort of American extreme sports enthusiast and show some decorum.


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## User6179 (22 Jan 2015)

Dig in
but I don't have a shovel .


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## Venod (22 Jan 2015)

The Dark Side


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## Fab Foodie (22 Jan 2015)

Afnug said:


> Car Up
> Car Down


 ..... We now seem to get 'car passing' as well ....


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## Fab Foodie (22 Jan 2015)

youngoldbloke said:


> 'racer' when referring to a bike with drop handlebars


Aw c'mon! That's a bit harsh for those of us of a certain age ....


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## Fab Foodie (22 Jan 2015)

Hip Priest said:


> This thread is petty, nit-picking and not entirely to be taken seriously, but feel free to join in.
> 
> 1. "*Gents* bike" - Only ever used to describe BSOs, and makes you think of toilets
> 2. "I'm going for a cycle" - No, you're going for a ride.
> 3. "I've ordered my new n+1" - No, you haven't. n+1 is a term used to describe the correct number of bikes to own. It isn't a single bicycle.


I've got a Gents bike ... I only use it if I'm going for a poo-tle ....


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## Profpointy (22 Jan 2015)

Hip Priest said:


> 5) "Rule 5!" - Stop talking like some sort of American extreme sports enthusiast and show some fu*&in' decorum.



FTFY


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## mrbikerboy73 (22 Jan 2015)

My bike needs a new wheel, meaning it has a puncture. 
Oh and brifter!


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## MisterStan (22 Jan 2015)

mrbikerboy73 said:


> My bike needs a new wheel, meaning it has a puncture.
> Oh and brifter!


People confusing tyres & tubes in the same manner


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## TissoT (22 Jan 2015)

Breathing out of your Ar#se .. 
Not my favourite phrase


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## Oldbloke (22 Jan 2015)

Cockpit layout. Arghhhhhhhhhh


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## Slioch (22 Jan 2015)

*"Oi mate, your back wheels going round"* - shouted by small boys 20+ years ago to try to get you to look down.

The modern equivalent invariably contains additional words either starting with "W", "F", or "C". Such is progress.


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## shouldbeinbed (22 Jan 2015)

Hip Priest said:


> 4) "I was out on my roadie" - A roadie is a person in a Hawkwind t-shirt with six inches of bum crack on display.


Well you never know, what people get up to in the privacy of their own home with hairy, equipment humpers..... 

Taking your good point a step further, Any reference to the velominati (sp?) rules is sad and tedious.


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## PaulSecteur (22 Jan 2015)

"That thing hasn't got enough crossbars"

Usually said by my Dad, who worked at comrade cycles that made "things" like this...

https://www.flickr.com/photos/8728562@N06/5378317308/

You lot might not have heard it often, but I have. Dear Lord nearly every time he see my bike...


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## ColinJ (22 Jan 2015)

I'm surprised that nobody has mentioned the most obvious one ...

*SMIDSY! 

 

*
(For those of you new to all of this - *S*orry *M*ate *I* *D*idn't *S*ee *Y*ou!)


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## ianrauk (22 Jan 2015)

The cyclist didn't wave or say hello


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## Rooster1 (22 Jan 2015)

ianrauk said:


> The cyclist didn't wave or say hello



I am guilty as charged https://www.cyclechat.net/threads/dont-wave-at-me-then-twice.173004/


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## ianrauk (22 Jan 2015)

Rooster1 said:


> I am guilty as charged https://www.cyclechat.net/threads/dont-wave-at-me-then-twice.173004/




I know... your post reminded me.


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## Rooster1 (22 Jan 2015)

I don't really give a ***t! but it just makes me larf


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## Rooster1 (22 Jan 2015)

"Strava"
"Are you on Strava"


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## T.M.H.N.E.T (22 Jan 2015)

Any reference to the velominati.

Fvck off


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## roadrash (22 Jan 2015)

Have you ever seen alberto contador doing a tango or a waltz with a pair of shimano R540s strapped to his feet.....go on have a think..................No you havent have you , so why does phil ligget like to shout alberto contador dancing on the pedals again , ..........nob


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## ColinJ (22 Jan 2015)

Lance/Lance Armstrong/Armstrong!


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## Paul139 (22 Jan 2015)

Rooster1 said:


> "Strava"
> "Are you on Strava"


 I am,but are you? Follow me, I'll follow you!


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## Profpointy (22 Jan 2015)

Slioch said:


> *"Oi mate, your back wheels going round"* - shouted by small boys 20+ years ago to try to get you to look down.
> 
> The modern equivalent invariably contains additional words either starting with "W", "F", or "C". Such is progress.



.... to which the approved reply is "so's your girlfriend / Mrs / mum *" 

(choose best option according to age of victim)


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## youngoldbloke (22 Jan 2015)

'hoops', and much too often _seen_: 'peddles' and 'breaks'.


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## Oldbloke (22 Jan 2015)

You paid what!!!!!!? They sell them in Tesco/Argos/etc for £80....


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## shadow master (22 Jan 2015)

"£800 for a bike?where's the engine?you can buy a good car for that!"
Clearly depends on your definition of a Good car!


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## Hip Priest (22 Jan 2015)

People who don't race and are English and fat and describe themselves as 'a bit of a rouleur'.


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## shadow master (22 Jan 2015)

"You've just got a really good light that gets you seen and you can now see......you know that's illegal because it doesnt have a British standard" lol


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## Venod (22 Jan 2015)

29er wheels are so much better than 26

I have the seat & bars dialed in.


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## Slioch (22 Jan 2015)

Something along the lines of "I nearly killed you because you shouldn't be allowed on the road because you don't pay Road Tax........."


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## nickyboy (22 Jan 2015)

steed

your bike is not a farking horse


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## IncoherentJeff (22 Jan 2015)

"Good condition for age" in 2nd hand bicycle ads. It's either well maintained & in good condition or not, age doesn't come into it.

"Ride it like you stole it" we all hate bike theives, why use their activity in a simile for riding fast.


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## Mireystock (22 Jan 2015)

Oldbloke said:


> Cockpit layout. Arghhhhhhhhhh



Lmco ! Cringeworthy !


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## Mugshot (22 Jan 2015)

Chapeau!

Well I'm sorry, but it gets on my tits!


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## outlash (22 Jan 2015)

'I'm in training' or 'I'm off on a training ride'. 
Unless you're competing, what are you training for? Can't you just go on a ride or does it have to 'mean' something?

'Winter miles'
Much the same as above really, what's the difference to summer miles? Do seasons even make a difference?


Tony.


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## ianrauk (22 Jan 2015)

'My winter Bike...'


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## Venod (22 Jan 2015)

Recovery Ride
Pootle
Bimble


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## ianrauk (22 Jan 2015)

Afnug said:


> Recovery Ride
> Pootle
> Bimble




I use Pootle...


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## raleighnut (22 Jan 2015)

KOM on a piddling little hump in the road.


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## Venod (22 Jan 2015)

ianrauk said:


> I use Pootle...


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## jonny jeez (22 Jan 2015)

How much does this weigh?
Does it come in carbon?
Did you get wet?
Do you wear a helmet?
Do you wear lycra?
Why do all cyclists jump red lights?
Some of these aren't really cycling phrases...but still annoying

Oh...scalping... Cagers....


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## snorri (22 Jan 2015)

On asking a local peasant the directions to the next village and getting the response "it's along that way for about 10 miles, too far to cycle"


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## T.M.H.N.E.T (22 Jan 2015)

jonny jeez said:


> How much does this weigh?
> Does it come in carbon?
> Did you get wet?
> Do you wear a helmet?
> ...


You forgot.

Do you shave your legs?

And directions from locals when you have no Garmin


View: http://youtu.be/yoNNi6NuKbU


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## youngoldbloke (22 Jan 2015)

and 'it's illegal to ride two abreast'


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## Hyslop (22 Jan 2015)

"you wear lycra then....at your age? Yeah and you wear a football shirt....at your age(and probably tuck your shirt into your underpants).


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## Alan Frame (22 Jan 2015)

Any reference to one bike being faster than another.

It's the rider that matters.

ALL bikes are slow with me on board.


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## 400bhp (22 Jan 2015)

Push bike

sportive

sportive bike

marginal gains

jens feckin voight


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## Turbo Rider (22 Jan 2015)

People's completely irrational fear of the use of the word....puncture!!
































Touch wood















On behalf of my previous words, I would just like to take this opportunity to beg forgiveness to the p*ncture fairy and plead with him / her / it not to strike me down with a vengeance.


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## Hitchington (22 Jan 2015)




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## Fab Foodie (22 Jan 2015)

Mugshot said:


> Chapeau!
> 
> Well I'm sorry, but it gets on my tits!


Well this one is certainly getting on my tits this summer ...
http://www.chapeau.cc/etape-jersey-tour-edition.html


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## Fab Foodie (22 Jan 2015)

ianrauk said:


> I use Pootle...


Good man.


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## Fab Foodie (22 Jan 2015)

outlash said:


> 'I'm in training' or 'I'm off on a training ride'.
> Unless you're competing, what are you training for? Can't you just go on a ride or does it have to 'mean' something?
> 
> 'Winter miles'
> Much the same as above really, what's the difference to summer miles? Do seasons even make a difference?



.... you might be training for a *cough* Sportive or L2B or LEJOG or summat or practicing hills ... or going extra super-duper fast to get fitter, that might be different than just going for a ride for the hell of it to see the sights and catch the breeze ....

Some of these things have a history though. 'Winter miles' meant long steady miles that club riders did during the winter/non-race season when clothing and tyres etc weren't as good as they are now. Taking it easier meant less chance of damaging cold muscles or getting sweaty and then catching a chill or coming-off on ice/slippy roads etc. Again, maybe one for us oldies ...


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## outlash (22 Jan 2015)

Back when I was a member of the local CC, I was chatting to some of the guys before that year's hill climb comp, and one of them was banging on about his 'training' for the upcoming winter. I asked him what he was training for next season (knowing full well he didn't compete) and he looked at me blankly. 
I get the impression that an awful local lot of people get sucked in by magazines and their articles on training when all they want to do is ride at a decent pace or not get dropped on the club run. You don't necessarily need to train for that do you...

I'll take your word on the winter miles definition. What it seems to say these days is 'look at me! I'm out and it's a bit chilly! I'm hard, none of this turbo milarky!' Again, just ride your bike.


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## T.M.H.N.E.T (22 Jan 2015)

Training said:


> the action of undertaking a course of exercise and diet in preparation for a sporting event.


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## Mugshot (22 Jan 2015)

Fab Foodie said:


> Well this one is certainly getting on my tits this summer ...
> http://www.chapeau.cc/etape-jersey-tour-edition.html


Actually, I really like that.
Be a lot better without you know what on it, but it is rather lovely.


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## Fab Foodie (22 Jan 2015)

Mugshot said:


> Actually, I really like that.
> Be a lot better without you know what on it, but it is rather lovely.


Thanks, just got it. Really impressed with Ch*****, had a long chat with them and they were very helpful. Looking forward to the new range of Friday Jerseys ... they had run-out of the one I wanted in my size, but the end result was fabber!


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## youngoldbloke (22 Jan 2015)

.....anyway, winter miles count double - just saying


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## Glow worm (22 Jan 2015)

As above - 'push bike' , also 'bicyclist'. Awful.


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## Fab Foodie (22 Jan 2015)

outlash said:


> Back when I was a member of the local CC, I was chatting to some of the guys before that year's hill climb comp, and one of them was banging on about his 'training' for the upcoming winter. I asked him what he was training for next season (knowing full well he didn't compete) and he looked at me blankly.
> I get the impression that an awful local lot of people get sucked in by magazines and their articles on training when all they want to do is ride at a decent pace or not get dropped on the club run. You don't necessarily need to train for that do you...
> 
> I'll take your word on the winter miles definition. What it seems to say these days is 'look at me! I'm out and it's a bit chilly! I'm hard, none of this turbo milarky!' Again, just ride your bike.


I agree completely with your first point ... and your second!
I think definitions/meanings change to fit the era. Cycling wankazines and Sportive/MAMIL culture have a lot to answer for in that respect.


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## Mugshot (22 Jan 2015)

Fab Foodie said:


> Thanks, just got it. Really impressed with Ch*****, had a long chat with them and they were very helpful. Looking forward to the new range of Friday Jerseys ... they had run-out of the one I wanted in my size, but the end result was fabber!


It looks good on you in the picture, so I think it worked out very well for you.


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## deptfordmarmoset (22 Jan 2015)

ianrauk said:


> I use Pootle...


I say ''pootle'' but I think I bimble more.


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## Dogtrousers (22 Jan 2015)

I don't mind any of these. 

So chapeau to me bimbling about putting the power down on my gents racer.


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## timscarrera (22 Jan 2015)

SMIDSY.


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## mjr (22 Jan 2015)

Afnug said:


> Car Up your bum
> Car Down your throat


FTFY


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## ColinJ (22 Jan 2015)

timscarrera said:


> SMIDSY.


*Cough* - TMN to me!


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## Brandane (23 Jan 2015)

"MTFU".

No, away and GTF.. If, after 52 years I have managed to work out that the misery of getting wet on a bike outweighs any pleasure riding it might bring, then I am not going to change my mind now .


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## S.Giles (23 Jan 2015)

It irritates me immensly when people use the expression 'undertaking' to mean 'overtaking on the inside'. It demonstrates a misunderstanding of the word's etymology.

Steve


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## Flick of the Elbow (23 Jan 2015)

Drafting instad of slipstreaming/sitting in
Cycler instead of cyclist
Fixie instead of fixed
Use of the term 'race' to describe a sportive


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## format (23 Jan 2015)

outlash said:


> 'I'm in training' or 'I'm off on a training ride'.
> Unless you're competing, what are you training for? Can't you just go on a ride or does it have to 'mean' something?



A sportive?



> 'Winter miles'
> Much the same as above really, what's the difference to summer miles? Do seasons even make a difference?
> 
> 
> Tony.



For me, I do 'winter miles' which are shorter rides and not particularly at pace. The idea being that the weather is so foul that doing huge 160km rides isn't particularly appealing, and that the lesser frequency of these rides means that my fitness isn't quite what it might be at a time in the year when I'm out regularly (like summer)

For example, average winter ride is 50-60km, usually at a pace of 23-25km/h. A normal summer ride is 80-140km at closer to 30km/h+

Does that make sense?


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## Flick of the Elbow (23 Jan 2015)

Use of km and kph instead of miles and mph when talking about rides in the UK


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## nickyboy (23 Jan 2015)

S.Giles said:


> It irritates me immensly when people use the expression 'undertaking' to mean 'overtaking on the inside'. It demonstrates a misunderstanding of the word's etymology.
> 
> Steve



Despite etymological niceties, I say "undertake"

"Overtaking on the inside" sounds like I'm from Belgium trying to explain it in English, that or I've had about eight pints of strong beer


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## The Jogger (23 Jan 2015)

Hip Priest said:


> 4) "I was out on my roadie" - A roadie is a person in a Hawkwind t-shirt with six inches of bum crack on display.



But maybe that is exactly what they mean.


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## the_mikey (23 Jan 2015)

Flick of the Elbow said:


> Use of km and kph instead of miles and mph when talking about rides in the UK



I HATE miles, they don't fit in with the modern metric way, scientists and engineers work with metric units, mathematical formulae used in schools and computers all normalise on metric, why would anyone want to arbitrarily use units that have no relationship with any other unit?


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## youngoldbloke (23 Jan 2015)

Afnug said:


> Car Up
> Car Down


- but what do _you_ call to inform the group?


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## swansonj (23 Jan 2015)

Granny gear

Simultaneously perpetuates at least two different undesirable attitudes.


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## Alan Frame (23 Jan 2015)

Strava


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## Fab Foodie (23 Jan 2015)

deptfordmarmoset said:


> I say ''pootle'' but I think I bimble more.


I confess to being a fan of a good bimble.


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## Fab Foodie (23 Jan 2015)

swansonj said:


> Granny gear
> 
> Simultaneously perpetuates at least two different undesirable attitudes.


I use a great-granny gear ...


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## Dave 123 (23 Jan 2015)

swansonj said:


> Granny gear
> 
> Simultaneously perpetuates at least two different undesirable attitudes.




I look great in my house coat and curlers. Don't knock it.


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## outlash (23 Jan 2015)

format said:


> A sportive?



Last time I looked, a sportive isn't a race. If you want to compete, go for it but if you're a regular, non-competitive cyclist surely there's no need to train for anything is there? 



format said:


> For me, I do 'winter miles' which are shorter rides and not particularly at pace. The idea being that the weather is so foul that doing huge 160km rides isn't particularly appealing, and that the lesser frequency of these rides means that my fitness isn't quite what it might be at a time in the year when I'm out regularly (like summer)
> 
> For example, average winter ride is 50-60km, usually at a pace of 23-25km/h. A normal summer ride is 80-140km at closer to 30km/h+
> 
> Does that make sense?



If you want to constrain yourself to that, by all means but I think it's bizarre that you're dictated what you ride depending on what time of year it is. Unless there's adverse conditions, I'll ride the ride I want at any time of year.

Tony.


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## EltonFrog (23 Jan 2015)

If spectator on a charity ride say's to me "dig deep" one more time I'm gonna shove a seatpost up his/her jacksy.


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## PK99 (23 Jan 2015)

Hip Priest said:


> This thread is petty, nit-picking and not entirely to be taken seriously, but feel free to join in.
> 
> 1. "*Gents* bike" - Only ever used to describe BSOs, and makes you think of toilets
> 2. "I'm going for a cycle" - No, you're going for a ride.
> 3. "I've ordered my new* n+1"* - No, you haven't. n+1 is a term used to describe the correct number of bikes to own. It isn't a single bicycle.



n+1 gets on my nerves!

n it the unknown.
h is the number of bikes owned

How many bikes should be owned?

need = have plus 1

n = h + 1

Oh, and clipping in to clipless pedals


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## youngoldbloke (23 Jan 2015)

the_mikey said:


> I HATE miles, they don't fit in with the modern metric way, scientists and engineers work with metric units, mathematical formulae used in schools and computers all normalise on metric, why would anyone want to arbitrarily use units that have no relationship with any other unit?


Maybe its easier when all the speed limits (!) and signposts are still imperial, though I'm bilingual anyway. 'Winter _kilometres_, summer smiles' doesn't work either


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## Piemaster (23 Jan 2015)

youngoldbloke said:


> Maybe its easier when all the speed limits (!) and signposts are still imperial, though I'm bilingual anyway. 'Winter _kilometres_, summer smiles' doesn't work either


Speed limits rarely have any concern for me on the bike, the electronic ones that display speed is more of a challenge. Only exception is perhaps the arbitrary ones on non-public roads (say hospital grounds, parks) and anyone doing more than a pootle in those areas is a cock anyway.


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## hopless500 (23 Jan 2015)

outlash said:


> Last time I looked, a sportive isn't a race. If you want to compete, go for* it but if you're a regular, non-competitive cyclist surely there's no need to train for anything is there? *
> 
> 
> Tony.


Er, yes, there is something to train for. I did a 100 mile sportive the year before last, having done about 10 miles max up to the point of signing up for it. So yes. I had to train for it to be able to do that distance.


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## w00hoo_kent (23 Jan 2015)

"That hills nothing, you'll breeze up that."
Yeah, thanks. What you mean is you'll breeze up that, all you know about me is I own a bike and I'm sat on it at the moment. Now when I fail to make the hill in one I'll have that playing on my mind too. Nice one.


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## glasgowcyclist (23 Jan 2015)

the_mikey said:


> I HATE miles, they don't fit in with the modern metric way, scientists and engineers work with metric units, mathematical formulae used in schools and computers all normalise on metric, why would anyone want to arbitrarily use units that have no relationship with any other unit?



Miles are something else you can add to answer the question: "What have the Romans ever done for us?" The mile is in fact metric in origin as it was the measure of 1000 (in Latin - _mille_) double paces. A modern statute mile is about 400 feet longer.

GC


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## youngoldbloke (23 Jan 2015)

Piemaster said:


> *Speed limits rarely have any concern for me on the bike*, the electronic ones that display speed is more of a challenge. Only exception is perhaps the arbitrary ones on non-public roads (say hospital grounds, parks) and anyone doing more than a pootle in those areas is a cock anyway.


Hence the '(!)' in my post - maybe too subtle?


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## Venod (23 Jan 2015)

youngoldbloke said:


> - but what do _you_ call to inform the group?



Car up
Car down

Still gets on my nerves.


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## Piemaster (23 Jan 2015)

youngoldbloke said:


> Hence the '(!)' in my post - maybe too subtle?


Was for me anyway


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## Scoosh (23 Jan 2015)

CarlP said:


> If spectator on a charity ride say's to me "dig deep" one more time I'm gonna shove a seatpost up his/her jacksy.


This post is just bragging useless without pics ...


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## youngoldbloke (23 Jan 2015)

Afnug said:


> Car up
> Car down
> 
> Still gets on my nerves.


Yes - seems someone gets it wrong sometime on every ride, (even me  occasionally) often think 'car *back*' would be better?


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## deptfordmarmoset (23 Jan 2015)

youngoldbloke said:


> Yes - seems someone gets it wrong sometime on every ride, (even me  occasionally) often think 'car *back*' would be better?


I've got it wrong too and I was just thinking the same. Not sure about the other direction, though.


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## mjr (23 Jan 2015)

youngoldbloke said:


> Yes - seems someone gets it wrong sometime on every ride, (even me  occasionally) often think 'car *back*' would be better?


Some groups do use that call. In theory, there's a subtle difference, with "car back" meaning they're waiting patiently and "car up" meaning they're moving up the line of riders (overtaking, maybe riskily).

I think you can get a better resonance and carry on "car up" (well, "car ooooop") than the hard-ended "car back". That and I can throw in the odd shout of "carrot" and see if anyone notices (usually not, with my accent and a revving engine nearby).


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## rvw (23 Jan 2015)

(For tandemists) "(S)he's not pedalling on the back!"... Mind you we very nearly shouted that ourselves once. However, in our defence, that was a dad out with his daughter on a bike seat and she was asleep.


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## mjr (23 Jan 2015)

rvw said:


> (For tandemists) "(S)he's not pedalling on the back!"... Mind you we very nearly shouted that ourselves once. However, in our defence, that was a dad out with his daughter on a bike seat and she was asleep.


I actually quite like "You're being very quiet back there!" when someone is riding with an unoccupied seat behind them (child seat, trailer bike or whatever).


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## w00hoo_kent (23 Jan 2015)

deptfordmarmoset said:


> I've got it wrong too and I was just thinking the same. Not sure about the other direction, though.


I've had it explained to me a number of times, but it's one of those facts that never sticks with me and by the time I need it I've probably forgotten which means which. I've been heard to shout 'Car Somewhere' before now as I was pretty certain whatever I said would be wrong. I think the problem is that Car Up is too ambiguous. OK, it's explained as 'car coming up through the ranks' but it could just as easily mean 'car up ahead' and more importantly Car Down doesn't seem to be the opposite of Car Up (Car coming down through the ranks?) while 'car down the road behind us' seems to make some sort of sense.


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## youngoldbloke (23 Jan 2015)

Explained to me as 'down your front, up your bum' (or should that be 'behind'?)


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## Andrew_P (23 Jan 2015)

Toasty, was going to add steed as well but beaten to it.


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## Piemaster (23 Jan 2015)

'Rider down'
Not a good phrase to hear. Ever.


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## Rooster1 (23 Jan 2015)




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## Phaeton (23 Jan 2015)

Primary
Secondary

What's wrong with 'near the kerb' 'in middle of the road'


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## User16625 (23 Jan 2015)

I dont understand the N+1 stuff. Im assuming it has something to do with Nitrogen or farting while cycling etc.


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## Fab Foodie (23 Jan 2015)

youngoldbloke said:


> Yes - seems someone gets it wrong sometime on every ride, (even me  occasionally) often think 'car *back*' would be better?


I'd prefer-it if they stopped all the bloody shouting unless it was an emergency ....


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## Fab Foodie (23 Jan 2015)

w00hoo_kent said:


> I've had it explained to me a number of times, but it's one of those facts that never sticks with me and by the time I need it I've probably forgotten which means which. I've been heard to shout 'Car Somewhere' before now as I was pretty certain whatever I said would be wrong. I think the problem is that Car Up is too ambiguous. OK, it's explained as 'car coming up through the ranks' but it could just as easily mean 'car up ahead' and more importantly Car Down doesn't seem to be the opposite of Car Up (Car coming down through the ranks?) while 'car down the road behind us' seems to make some sort of sense.


Agreed. But most of the time, silence would be preferable.


----------



## jonny jeez (23 Jan 2015)

Hyslop said:


> "you wear lycra then....at your age? Yeah and you wear a football shirt....at your age(and probably tuck your shirt into your underpants).


I detest that one...sorry footballists but guys wearing football shirts and calling themselves "sporty" because they can recite the winning goal in the 1964 world cup (ducks) ...whilst never playing a game.

I may not know football but at least I participate in the sport that I support.

Apologies for the massive generalisation...but you get my point....gggrrrrr


----------



## jonny jeez (23 Jan 2015)

rvw said:


> (For tandemists) "(S)he's not pedalling on the back!"....


Was she though?


----------



## PK99 (23 Jan 2015)

Rooster1 said:


> View attachment 77734




Nay!


----------



## John the Monkey (23 Jan 2015)

jonny jeez said:


> I detest that one...sorry footballists but guys wearing football shirts and calling themselves "sporty" because they can recite the winning goal in the 1964 world cup (ducks) ...whilst never playing a game.


One of my favourite heckles was from a youngster mocking me for "being done up like the Tour de France" (I was wearing baggy shorts and a t-shirt, but admittedly did have SPD shoes on) who was wearing enormous faux running shoe trainers, and a tracksuit.

The inherent irony had escaped him.

Also, people stuck in traffic jams who shout "Why don't you get the bus?" as you're whizzing past them on the bikepath.


----------



## youngoldbloke (23 Jan 2015)

'shod' as in 'trusty steed shod with Marathon +'


----------



## Fab Foodie (23 Jan 2015)

Flick of the Elbow said:


> Use of km and kph instead of miles and mph when talking about rides in the UK


Audax uses KM's which is part of the reason .... Otherwise I don't see the point.


----------



## PK99 (23 Jan 2015)

Flick of the Elbow said:


> Use of km and kph instead of miles and mph when talking about rides in the UK



Flick of the elbow


----------



## Fab Foodie (23 Jan 2015)

youngoldbloke said:


> - but what do _you_ call to inform the group?


My Butler tends to use something along the lines of:
'Excuse me my good cycling fellows, and I'm sorry to shout of course, but I should just mention at this precise moment that there is some form of motorised conveyance abaft the group' ...

Much better.


----------



## hopless500 (23 Jan 2015)

Fab Foodie said:


> My Butler tends to use something along the lines of:
> 'Excuse me my good cycling fellows, and I'm sorry to shout of course, but I should just mention at this precise moment that there is some form of motorised conveyance abaft the group' ...
> 
> Much better.


Very civilised


----------



## Piemaster (23 Jan 2015)

Hyslop said:


> "you wear lycra then....at your age? Yeah and you wear a football shirt....at your age(and probably tuck your shirt into your underpants).


I hate that too. I wear all sorts of stuff 'at your age' that people probably think wrong. I've never dressed like I'm going to church everytime I go out the door and I'm not planning on changing that.


----------



## bpsmith (23 Jan 2015)

Rooster1 said:


> View attachment 77734


----------



## Sittingduck (23 Jan 2015)

Flick of the Elbow said:


> Fixie instead of fixed



This!!


----------



## format (23 Jan 2015)

outlash said:


> Last time I looked, a sportive isn't a race. If you want to compete, go for it but if you're a regular, non-competitive cyclist surely there's no need to train for anything is there?



Hah, alright. Tell you what. Stop cycling from now until the end of May. Come and do the 3 pistes sportive with me and we'll see what happens when somebody thinks it's okay to do any old sportive with no training. Maybe you're naturally athletic but I was in decent shape for it last year and it still nearly ended me.

Would you attempt to run a marathon tomorrow, with no training? I mean, it's not a race, so you should just be to do with no training, right?


> If you want to constrain yourself to that, by all means but I think it's bizarre that you're dictated what you ride depending on what time of year it is. Unless there's adverse conditions, I'll ride the ride I want at any time of year.
> 
> Tony.


Well, I work 9-5 plus occasionally at the weekends. My workplace is sadly too far for me to commute (100 mile round trip), I don't like riding on country lanes in the dark, and riding on busy roads isn't my idea of fun, which means that weekdays are a no-go until it gets lighter in the evenings.

Furthermore, I don't like riding in ice, snow or wind over 20mph, and there's plenty of that from November through to February here, which means my already shortened riding time is restricted even further.

Sorry I'm not as hard as you! I just don't particularly like going out and being blown into traffic, or crashing my bike on ice etc.


----------



## format (23 Jan 2015)

Phaeton said:


> Primary
> Secondary
> 
> What's wrong with 'near the kerb' 'in middle of the road'



Middle of the road could mean in the middle of the dividing line. That's not the same as primary at all.


----------



## w00hoo_kent (23 Jan 2015)

format said:


> Hah, alright. Tell you what. Stop cycling from now until the end of May. Come and do the 3 pistes sportive with me and we'll see what happens when somebody thinks it's okay to do any old sportive with no training. Maybe you're naturally athletic but I was in decent shape for it last year and it still nearly ended me.
> Would you attempt to run a marathon tomorrow, with no training? I mean, it's not a race, so you should just be to do with no training, right?


Just being Devils Advocate really, but is it possible that some sportives are really just races that nobody records the time for nowadays? Should they be more like charity rides, is the London to Brighton a sportive?

As for marathons, I think a lot of them are races and do note who the winner was. You may be thinking of fun runs :-)


----------



## Markymark (23 Jan 2015)

Phaeton said:


> Primary
> Secondary
> 
> What's wrong with 'near the kerb' 'in middle of the road'


Because it also states the order of preference for riding position. Primary first, secondary, well, second.


----------



## format (23 Jan 2015)

w00hoo_kent said:


> Just being Devils Advocate really, but is it possible that some sportives are really just races that nobody records the time for nowadays? Should they be more like charity rides, is the London to Brighton a sportive?
> 
> As for marathons, I think a lot of them are races and do note who the winner was. You may be thinking of fun runs :-)




When I ride sportives, I don't do it under any illusion that I'm competing against anyone except myself. I think it's the same for most people tbh, although I've only ever done a few sportives in the past.


----------



## Rooster1 (23 Jan 2015)

format said:


> Hah, alright. Tell you what. Stop cycling from now until the end of May. Come and do the 3 pistes sportive with me and we'll see what happens when somebody thinks it's okay to do any old sportive with no training. Maybe you're naturally athletic but I was in decent shape for it last year and it still nearly ended me.
> 
> Would you attempt to run a marathon tomorrow, with no training? I mean, it's not a race, so you should just be to do with no training, right?
> 
> ...




Do you get lunch breaks ?
Anywhere you can go for a ride during the day ?

I'm lucky to be able to do this. Beats sitting at my desk eating a sandwich.


----------



## format (23 Jan 2015)

Rooster1 said:


> Do you get lunch breaks ?
> Anywhere you can go for a ride during the day ?
> 
> I'm lucky to be able to do this. Beats sitting at my desk eating a sandwich.



I commute by train from Glasgow to Edinburgh and the train is pretty jam packed every day. I'd say 1 or 2 days a week there are plenty of folk who don't even get a seat, so taking a bike on teh train isn't really appealing, especially as there are proper cycle-commuters who get on the train halfway - wouldn't really want to deprive them of the space which is already very limited. I thought maybe if I took an earlier train it might be quieter but it appears I'm not the only one who thought that!

5 minutes getting changes at either end, 10 minutes taking a shower afterwards leaves 40 minutes to ride. My work is smack bang in the middle of the city too so not really ideal for riding. It's not particularly ideal.

I've started working longer days though, cause I'm on flexi-time, my plan is to basically work up enough spare hours to take a wednesday (or whichever day has the best weather!) off every 2nd week to go out and ride. Better than nothing at all!


----------



## outlash (23 Jan 2015)

format said:


> Hah, alright. Tell you what. Stop cycling from now until the end of May. Come and do the 3 pistes sportive with me and we'll see what happens when somebody thinks it's okay to do any old sportive with no training. Maybe you're naturally athletic but I was in decent shape for it last year and it still nearly ended me.
> 
> Would you attempt to run a marathon tomorrow, with no training? I mean, it's not a race, so you should just be to do with no training, right?



That's just noise. Stop cycling for 5 months, WTF?



format said:


> Well, I work 9-5 plus occasionally at the weekends. My workplace is sadly too far for me to commute (100 mile round trip), I don't like riding on country lanes in the dark, and riding on busy roads isn't my idea of fun, which means that weekdays are a no-go until it gets lighter in the evenings.
> 
> Furthermore, I don't like riding in ice, snow or wind over 20mph, and there's plenty of that from November through to February here, which means my already shortened riding time is restricted even further.
> 
> Sorry I'm not as hard as you! I just don't particularly like going out and being blown into traffic, or crashing my bike on ice etc.



I can assure you that my life is pretty busy too but I'm not going to use that as an excuse. I ride the ride I want in the time I have available. I don't compete, others do and if that's their thing, great. But when the cycling media prattles on about 'training' & 'winter miles' while implying sportives are pseudo-races, I find it irritating. Ride you bike, enjoy it. Keep your dick in your shorts. It'll get cold in this weather.


Tony.


----------



## totallyfixed (23 Jan 2015)

I got another KOM [on a section that rises a few feet]. It's not a mountain, it's not even a hill, in fact it wouldn't even qualify as an incline. Just stop it.


----------



## the_mikey (23 Jan 2015)

Sittingduck said:


> This!!





Flick of the Elbow said:


> Drafting instad of slipstreaming/sitting in
> Cycler instead of cyclist
> Fixie instead of fixed
> Use of the term 'race' to describe a sportive


----------



## bpsmith (23 Jan 2015)

totallyfixed said:


> I got another KOM [on a section that rises a few feet]. It's not a mountain, it's not even a hill, in fact it wouldn't even qualify as an incline. Just stop it.


Do you want it termed as King of the Sprints instead? Or King of the Descents? Etc?

It's just simplified. Get over it?


----------



## the_mikey (23 Jan 2015)

outlash said:


> That's just noise. Stop cycling for 5 months, WTF?
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Calm down, it's only a bike ride...


----------



## Venod (23 Jan 2015)

bpsmith said:


> Do you want it termed as King of the Sprints instead? Or King of the Descents? Etc?
> 
> It's just simplified. Get over it?



Segment Best would be fine with me.


----------



## totallyfixed (23 Jan 2015)

bpsmith said:


> Do you want it termed as King of the Sprints instead? Or King of the Descents? Etc?
> 
> It's just simplified. Get over it?


Cage rattled.


----------



## format (23 Jan 2015)

outlash said:


> That's just noise. Stop cycling for 5 months, WTF?



You seriously can't see the point I'm making? You don't have to be a racer to train for something. If we follow your logic then a person who commutes 2 miles a day on flat ground should be capable of riding the etape any time they like. After all, training is pointless, right?


> I can assure you that my life is pretty busy too but I'm not going to use that as an excuse. I ride the ride I want in the time I have available.



That's great for you, I'm quite jealous. I'd love to ride more in the winter, but winter conditions, for me, are considerably less favourable. I don't enjoy crashing on ice or all the rest, so I make the most of what I can. There's nothing wrong with making a distinction between the sort of riding I do in the winter and the sort I do in the summer.


> I don't compete, others do and if that's their thing, great. But when the cycling media prattles on about 'training' & 'winter miles' while implying sportives are pseudo-races, I find it irritating. Ride you bike, enjoy it. Keep your dick in your shorts. It'll get cold in this weather.
> 
> Tony.



Hah, you got me! You caught me trying to be all manly and waving my dick around about bad weather and a busy schedule prevents me from cycling as much as I like. I feel silly now!


----------



## bpsmith (23 Jan 2015)

totallyfixed said:


> Cage rattled.


Not really tbh. Just having a laugh too. You either like Strava or you don't. Doesn't really affect whether I do.


----------



## Fab Foodie (23 Jan 2015)

hopless500 said:


> Very civilised


We try ....


----------



## DaveReading (23 Jan 2015)

the_mikey said:


> why would anyone want to arbitrarily use units that have no relationship with any other unit?



Personally, I love the fact that you can have as many, or as few, yards in a mile as you like.

Hang on though, maybe that's not what you meant.


----------



## S.Giles (23 Jan 2015)

nickyboy said:


> Despite etymological niceties, I say "undertake"
> 
> "Overtaking on the inside" sounds like I'm from Belgium trying to explain it in English, that or I've had about eight pints of strong beer


'Overgiving' would be another possible misuse of the language to describe the action of overtaking a vehicle on the opposite-to-normal side. Following the logic, I suppose 'undergiving' would be a double-negative of 'overtaking', and therefore mean the same thing.


----------



## Phaeton (23 Jan 2015)

Hip Priest said:


> This thread is petty, nit-picking and not entirely to be taken seriously, but feel to join in.


Hello it's supposed to be a bit of fun not daggers at dawn


----------



## the_mikey (23 Jan 2015)

DaveReading said:


> Personally, I love the fact that you can have as many, or as few, yards in a mile as you like.
> 
> Hang on though, maybe that's not what you meant.



I mean a foot has no relation to the way we measure volumes of liquid, we don't measure wavelengths in miles, also many recognised mathematical/physical constants like the speed of light in a vacuum or free space are measured in metres/second and thanks to the adherence to decimal units it makes calculating the relationships between different properties much more straightforward.


----------



## Oldbloke (23 Jan 2015)

S.Giles said:


> 'Overgiving' would be another possible misuse of the language to describe the action of overtaking a vehicle on the opposite-to-normal side. Following the logic, I suppose 'undergiving' would be a double-negative of 'overtaking', and therefore mean the same thing.



To undertake an overtake manoeuvre on the inside, now I'm totally confused


----------



## compo (23 Jan 2015)

"Keep going mate, you are almost at the top" when being passed at a great rate of knots half way up a long climb.


----------



## mjr (23 Jan 2015)

format said:


> Sorry I'm not as hard as you! I just don't particularly like going out and being blown into traffic, or crashing my bike on ice etc.


I think you're being slightly overcautious and finding reasons not to ride: Blown into traffic? Are you a waif riding a feather?

Ice few like, but you can get tyres to help with that. They're slower but that makes it better training, doesn't it?

If you don't want to, fair enough, but where there's a will there's a way.


----------



## jonny jeez (23 Jan 2015)

View: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=n4gPVGM1QjY


Sorry I tend never to watch videos posted here but this one sums up our cyclist sayings in a pretty funny way.


----------



## Fab Foodie (23 Jan 2015)

jonny jeez said:


> View: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=n4gPVGM1QjY
> 
> 
> Sorry I tend never to watch videos posted here but this one sums up our cyclist sayings in a pretty funny way.



That's a TMN to somebody upthread ....


----------



## jonny jeez (23 Jan 2015)

Fab Foodie said:


> That's a TMN to somebody upthread ....


Tmn?


----------



## tjones (23 Jan 2015)

When people ask me how “many miles I have done” when out on my mountain bike and then tell me I “need a new phone with apps on” to tell me about my route.

I cycle off road with an O/S map to get away from it all. I work in IT and so do not want to see a small computer on my handle bars and I do not own a smart phone, I see enough of this stuff in work. My main concern is what cake to buy in the morning to take with me.

People need to ask me about what cakes I eat when cycling.


----------



## format (23 Jan 2015)

mjray said:


> I think you're being slightly overcautious and finding reasons not to ride: Blown into traffic? Are you a waif riding a feather?
> 
> Ice few like, but you can get tyres to help with that. They're slower but that makes it better training, doesn't it?
> 
> If you don't want to, fair enough, but where there's a will there's a way.



Don't get me wrong - i ride in shite weather all the time (it's the west coast of Scotland!), and I guess the wind comments are based on the last month or so. I do most of my riding southwest of Glasgow and there have been crazy strong winds here recently, not sure if you remember but it was causing massive disruption up here. I genuinely have been blown into traffic before though, once or twice, it's pretty scary because a gust can come out of nowhere.

Most of time it's ice/snow that bothers me. I've come off on black/invisible ice patches enough times to be very cautious whenever the temp drops below 1c.

But when you consider that during the winter I can only ride longer distances on some weekends, some of the time, if there are even 1 or 2 weekends in a month where the conditions are too icy, it's a huge pain in the ass.


That said, I've got an old reynolds 501 frame with a fixed gear set up. The clearances look favourable for bigger, studded tires, so I'm toying with the idea of getting some next payday. Could be pretty fun riding around in the snow/ice without really worrying about it so much.


----------



## Andrew_Culture (24 Jan 2015)

Hip Priest said:


> 4) "I was out on my roadie" - A roadie is a person in a Hawkwind t-shirt with six inches of bum crack on display.


 Usually drunk and incapable!


----------



## Brandane (24 Jan 2015)

format said:


> Could be pretty fun riding around in the snow/ice without really worrying about it so much.


I have Schwalbe studded tyres on my MTB just now. They help on ice, but they do not defy the laws of physics - especially on rutted icy surfaces. I was out last weekend on a local hilly back road and at least I stayed upright. Without them I would definitely have been on my ar5e.

Regarding riding in bad weather. I really don't think some of our southern friends appreciate the severity and frequency of the wind, rain, and ice that we get. It's easy to avoid it or even put up with it if you only get it on the odd day or two in a year. A different matter when it's one or the other for pretty much 4 months of the year. 

Once you have come off on ice and injured yourself, you won't be doing ANY miles until your collar bone/wrist/arm/hip has recovered, a few months down the line. It's not worth that risk. Just ask @Mo1959 (collar bone) or myself (hip, 2 years ago and it's still not right). Sorry for the OT post.


----------



## format (24 Jan 2015)

Brandane said:


> I have Schwalbe studded tyres on my MTB just now. They help on ice, but they do not defy the laws of physics - especially on rutted icy surfaces. I was out last weekend on a local hilly back road and at least I stayed upright. Without them I would definitely have been on my ar5e.
> 
> Regarding riding in bad weather. I really don't think some of our southern friends appreciate the severity and frequency of the wind, rain, and ice that we get. It's easy to avoid it or even put up with it if you only get it on the odd day or two in a year. A different matter when it's one or the other for pretty much 4 months of the year.
> 
> Once you have come off on ice and injured yourself, you won't be doing ANY miles until your collar bone/wrist/arm/hip has recovered, a few months down the line. It's not worth that risk. Just ask @Mo1959 (collar bone) or myself (hip, 2 years ago and it's still not right). Sorry for the OT post.




Thanks Brandane, I appreciate the advice and moral support!


----------



## Fab Foodie (24 Jan 2015)

jonny jeez said:


> Tmn?


A "User13710" it's a score or an award given when somebody repeats exactly what somebody up thread has already posted. The TMN goes to the person who first posted.


----------



## Oldbloke (24 Jan 2015)

"Goodies" when referring to accessories, extras or freebies from Woggle or CRC.

THE Goodies were a trio of comedians in the 70s who made surreal TV sketches, rode a Tridem (does the word exist?) and made ar5e clenchingly awful records. 

Bill Oddie did of course become legend after several mentions by the great Alan Partridge


----------



## Flick of the Elbow (24 Jan 2015)

Yes Paul
Yes Phil
'Bike race' Yes Paul we can see it's a bike race for ourselves, in fact that's the reason why most of us are watching. 
Those two wind me up so much I can no longer watch even a few mins of them. Thank heavens for Eurosport.


----------



## mjr (24 Jan 2015)

Carsten on Eurosport is a legend! If you've not switched to German commentary, he's worth it.

Anyway, if we're starting on Phil and Paul, "front end of the main field" gets on my nerves. I still watch ITV coverage because Gary, Ned, Matt and Chris are all brilliant... and hey, at least it's not Hugh Porter and Jonathan Edwards.


----------



## deptfordmarmoset (24 Jan 2015)

We're a right grumpy old lot, aren't we? No wonder Chain Reactionary Cyclists does such good business.


----------



## Moodyman (24 Jan 2015)

"So, you 're a biker?"

Nope, I'm a cyclist.


----------



## S.Giles (24 Jan 2015)

Oldbloke said:


> THE Goodies were a trio of comedians in the 70s who made surreal TV sketches, rode a Tridem (does the word exist?) and made ar5e clenchingly awful records.



You're not dissing 'Funky Gibbon', I hope!

Bill Oddie - living proof that it's better to be a good-tempered baddie than a bad-tempered Goodie!

On with the thread, though. The term 'kit', when it's used to mean 'equipment' always gets me, for reasons even I don't understand.

Steve


----------



## youngoldbloke (24 Jan 2015)

S.Giles said:


> ........ On with the thread, though. The term 'kit', when it's used to mean 'equipment' always gets me, for reasons even I don't understand.
> Steve


I'm not sure, it's a handy word - as in 'finishing kit'. 'Finishing equipment' is a bit of a mouthful - though I'm not sure about 'finishing kit' either - what had we used to call all those bits?


----------



## S.Giles (24 Jan 2015)

youngoldbloke said:


> I'm not sure, it's a handy word - as in 'finishing kit'. 'Finishing equipment' is a bit of a mouthful - though I'm not sure about 'finishing kit' either - what had we used to call all those bits?


Excuse my ignorance, I don't even know what 'finishing kit' (or 'finishing equipment') is.


----------



## youngoldbloke (24 Jan 2015)

Handlebars,stem, seatpost etc - as in 'Ritchey finishing kit'


----------



## S.Giles (24 Jan 2015)

youngoldbloke said:


> Handlebars,stem, seatpost etc - as in 'Ritchey finishing kit'


Hmm... I've negotiated the first fifty-four years of my life without ever having needed that expression. I think I'll just keep winging-it and hope for the best.


----------



## Oldbloke (24 Jan 2015)

S.Giles said:


> Hmm... I've negotiated the first fifty-four years of my life without ever having needed that expression. I think I'll just keep winging-it and hope for the best.



Try reading the bike reviews in Cycling Plus or similar comics for an overdose of this term and a good few others quoted in this thread!


----------



## Psycolist (24 Jan 2015)

"At the end of the day" my own "bits of kit" have been "taken for a run" after "fitting my finishing equipment" to make sure "everything was running sweetly". After "bimbling around" to "make sure everything was bedded in" I thought it was time "start pushing the envelope" and "see how she felt". After " doing a few clicks" I thought I could make this "a training run". Every thing "felt good" and "I was pushing it" so was starting "to breath out of my a%$*e " when "all of a sudden" I am staring at the sky, and this blokes going "SMIDSY" 

I hope I covered most of the annoying comments on here, I deliberately left out the " car up / car down" bit because I have no idea what that means or refers to. P.S. " at the end of the day " is my own personal hated saying, it just has nowt to do with cycling. But taken at their true meaning, neither do any of the others.


----------



## tommaguzzi (25 Jan 2015)

People who pass me on climbs with a cheery. "Morning !" Then effortlessly disappear up the road.


----------



## Yellow Saddle (25 Jan 2015)

tjones said:


> People need to ask me about what cakes I eat when cycling.




What cakes do you eat when cycling?


----------



## Jon George (25 Jan 2015)

"It's a blue-bin day."
No, wait ... that's to do with recycling, not re: cycling ....


----------



## SamR (25 Jan 2015)

Hitchington said:


>



The first thing I thought of when I saw this thread



bpsmith said:


> View attachment 77761



Very aero. Look at that solid chainring!

I hate the idea that everybody, even if they're intending to race or not, has to use technical jargon and some even "train to power."
We're all on this forum to enjoy cycling, and if you make it clinical, you won't enjoy it as much.


----------



## ColinJ (25 Jan 2015)

tommaguzzi said:


> People who pass me on climbs with a cheery. "Morning !" Then effortlessly disappear up the road.


I got that yesterday on Waddington Fell - *at 2 pm*!


----------



## Alan Frame (25 Jan 2015)

tommaguzzi said:


> People who pass me on climbs with a cheery. "Morning !" Then effortlessly disappear up the road.



I usually get "Mourning?" as they presume I have died....


----------



## Pale Rider (25 Jan 2015)

Snot rocket.


----------



## jay clock (25 Jan 2015)

Reviews where they rate wheels on their ability to "spin up to speed" or something like that


----------



## GrumpyGregry (25 Jan 2015)

"Pain is only weakness leaving the body." Used by nobbers on two wheels and on two legs.

Unless it is accompanied by quantities of blood and the odd bone fragment leaving the body in which case pain is something else entirely I presume?


----------



## theclaud (25 Jan 2015)

'Performance' as an adjective. As in 'performance saddles'. Also 'concept' used similarly. As in 'Specialized/Giant Concept Store'.


----------



## Yellow Saddle (25 Jan 2015)

jay clock said:


> Reviews where they rate wheels on their ability to "spin up to speed" or something like that


Don't get me going on that one. Also "fast-rolling" and "very aero" and "responsive" .



Pale Rider said:


> Snot rocket.


My weapon of choice. I never utter the actual words though, so that gets me off, right?


----------



## Flick of the Elbow (25 Jan 2015)

I concluded a long time ago that most magazine bike reviews are utter nonsense, mostly written by cub reporters barely old enough to know one end of a bike from the other.


----------



## nickyboy (25 Jan 2015)

theclaud said:


> 'Performance' as an adjective. As in 'performance saddles'. Also 'concept' used similarly. As in 'Specialized/Giant Concept Store'.


We're going within a mile or so of one of these in Chester on the way to Llandudno. Should we take a detour to let you throw a brick through the window? It may be quite cathartic


----------



## theclaud (25 Jan 2015)

nickyboy said:


> We're going within a mile or so of one of these in Chester on the way to Llandudno. Should we take a detour to let you throw a brick through the window? It may be quite cathartic


Ha! Actually I will probably be seated upon a performance saddle from a Specialized Concept Store at the time. But that doesn't make it any less annoying.


----------



## deptfordmarmoset (25 Jan 2015)

Yellow Saddle said:


> Don't get me going on that one. Also "fast-rolling" and "very aero" and "responsive" .
> 
> 
> My weapon of choice. I never utter the actual words though, so that gets me off, right?


Bogey bazooka?


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## raleighnut (25 Jan 2015)

deptfordmarmoset said:


> Bogey bazooka?


 Don't you people carry a bit of kitchen roll in yer jersey pocket.


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## swansonj (25 Jan 2015)

theclaud said:


> Ha! Actually I will probably be seated upon a performance saddle from a Specialized Concept Store at the time. But that doesn't make it any less annoying.


Would I notice any difference between a performance saddle from a concept store and a concept saddle from a performance store?


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## theclaud (25 Jan 2015)

swansonj said:


> Would I notice any difference between a performance saddle from a concept store and a concept saddle from a performance store?


I reckon they'd both come in somewhere north of £90...


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## Alan Frame (25 Jan 2015)

raleighnut said:


> Don't you people carry a bit of kitchen roll in yer jersey pocket.



I carry the kitchen sink in my rucksack, does that count?


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## raleighnut (25 Jan 2015)

theclaud said:


> I reckon they'd both come in somewhere north of £90...


And wouldn't even be Brooks


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## Pale Rider (26 Jan 2015)

Halfrauds.


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## Flick of the Elbow (26 Jan 2015)

Just reading a review from roadcc -"There's nothing wrong with the Fizik Ardea saddle or the own-brand stem and bars but they feel a bit pedestrian" How the hell can a saddle and bars feel pedestrian ? Especially if there's nothing wrong with them ?


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## Yellow Saddle (26 Jan 2015)

Flick of the Elbow said:


> Just reading a review from roadcc -"There's nothing wrong with the Fizik Ardea saddle or the own-brand stem and bars but they feel a bit pedestrian" How the hell can a saddle and bars feel pedestrian ? Especially if there's nothing wrong with them ?


Yeah indeed.
My pet hate version of that one is: "this frame climbs better than that one but the other one there in the corner is much more responsive."


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## Yellow Saddle (26 Jan 2015)

raleighnut said:


> Don't you people carry a bit of kitchen roll in yer jersey pocket.


It is a weapon, not a convenience. To be used against wheelsuckers, bicycle journalists, utterers of above phrases and anyone wearing Assos.


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## outlash (26 Jan 2015)

It's interesting how an awful lot of these are inventions of the media and marketeers. Obviously these people have to make a living but a little bit more honesty would go a long way wouldn't it...


Tony.


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## youngoldbloke (26 Jan 2015)

Flick of the Elbow said:


> Just reading a review from roadcc -"There's nothing wrong with the Fizik Ardea saddle or the own-brand stem and bars but they feel a bit pedestrian" How the hell can a saddle and bars feel pedestrian ? Especially if there's nothing wrong with them ?


Perfectly good usage: 

adjective: *pedestrian*

*1*.
lacking inspiration or excitement; dull.
"disenchantment with their pedestrian lives"
synonyms: dull, plodding, boring, tedious, monotonous, uneventful, unremarkable, tiresome, wearisome, uninspired, uncreative, unimaginative, unexciting, uninteresting, lifeless, dry;
unvarying, unvaried, repetitive, repetitious, routine, commonplace, average, workaday;
ordinary, everyday, unoriginal, derivative, mediocre, run-of-the-mill, flat, prosaic, matter-of-fact, turgid, stodgy, mundane, humdrum;
_informal_OK, so-so, bog-standard, vanilla, plain vanilla, nothing to write home about, not so hot, not up to much;
_informal_common or garden;
_informal_half-pie
"the cup final was a pedestrian affair"
antonyms: inspired, exciting


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## Dan B (26 Jan 2015)

Flick of the Elbow said:


> How the hell can a saddle and bars feel pedestrian ?


Are they striped black and white, with orange flashing globes at each end?


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## youngoldbloke (26 Jan 2015)

^^^^^^


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## Jody (26 Jan 2015)

Rotors. We are in the UK and they are called discs. As in disc brakes.


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## Yellow Saddle (26 Jan 2015)

Jody said:


> Rotors. We are in the UK and they are called discs. As in disc brakes.


YES yes yes yes yes. Besides, even there they are not called rotor brakes.


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## Dogtrousers (26 Jan 2015)

"It's not a race"

Not so much annoying as puzzling. There seems to be a great desire to point out things that aren't races, and activities that aren't racing. I wonder why this is. Perhaps it is some kind of folk memory echoing from the pre-war days when road racing in Britain was banned - effectively by the cyclists' own organisation - time triallists were a secret society and the very idea of racing was not respectable?

It's not a race, you know.


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## youngoldbloke (26 Jan 2015)

Dogtrousers said:


> "It's not a race"
> 
> Not so much annoying as puzzling. There seems to be a great desire to point out things that aren't races, and activities that aren't racing. I wonder why this is. Perhaps it is some kind of folk memory echoing from the pre-war days when road racing in Britain was banned - effectively by the cyclists' own organisation - time triallists were a secret society and the very idea of racing was not respectable?
> 
> It's not a race, you know.


But don't road races still need permissions? Would Wiggle get permission for a 1000 rider road race?


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## Dogtrousers (26 Jan 2015)

youngoldbloke said:


> But don't road races still need permissions? Would Wiggle get permission for a 1000 rider road race?


I think road races have always needed permission.Before the war (approx) it was never even sought. I imagine Wiggle would need to get permission for any 1,000 rider event, even though "it's not a race you know", so the details of the paperwork required for that permission may differ.

I'm just curious why this particular fine distinction is always so assiduously made. As if the whole idea of racing were somehow infra dig. When I was a runner I used to participate in organised events and this fine distinction was never made on the equivalent internet groups. At least not that I remember. Whether an event was strictly a race or a fun run or whatever never bothered me, as the fast people had all gone home when I finished. I'm wondering whether there is a "non-racing" folk memory of sorts floating around cycling in the UK. I could be totally wrong, it may be a daft idea - just thinking aloud really.


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## w00hoo_kent (26 Jan 2015)

Racing on the public highway is an offence. I don't know how it relates to cycles, but I wouldn't be surprised if the whole 'vehicle/not a motorised vehicle' thing didn't add some confusion to it all. So I expect as such a big thing is made of it that different permissions are needed to hold an actual race than to hold an event that doesn't involve racing. I have a vague recollection that there's also a requirement for a race to be sanctioned by the national body at some level while an event doesn't need to be. It definitely used to be for cars that you could hold a point to point event (basically a tarmac rally) without needing permission providing you weren't timing the competitors for speed. So they would set a course and remind everyone that they had to keep to a 30mph average (or whatever) and then add in problems, normally finding out your route, that had to be solved during your driving time (meaning that suddenly a 30mph average was a much tougher ask) this was legal because they weren't, by the letter of the law, racing.


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## Tim Hall (26 Jan 2015)

Dogtrousers said:


> "It's not a race"
> 
> Not so much annoying as puzzling. There seems to be a great desire to point out things that aren't races, and activities that aren't racing. I wonder why this is. Perhaps it is some kind of folk memory echoing from the pre-war days when road racing in Britain was banned - effectively by the cyclists' own organisation - time triallists were a secret society and the very idea of racing was not respectable?
> 
> It's not a race, you know.


On an audax some years back, we were dithering at a junction. Was it left at triangle, or left further on? The instructions were unclear. A pair of riders who Knew The Way came zooming past. With a cry of "it's not a race, honest" one of the informal group I was in shot off to try and grab a wheel.


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## Spoked Wheels (26 Jan 2015)

Yellow Saddle said:


> It is a weapon, not a convenience. *To be used against wheelsuckers, bicycle journalists, utterers of above phrases and anyone wearing Assos.*



Do you have a problem with people wearing Assos?


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## Hyslop (26 Jan 2015)

Afnug said:


> Car up
> Car down
> 
> Still gets on my nerves.


 I watched/heard two pillocks doing this on one of the main arterial roads into Carlisle,and thought to myself now then,quite why is it that some people see cyclists as egotistical ,weird and a b****y nuisance?


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## John the Monkey (26 Jan 2015)

deptfordmarmoset said:


> Bogey bazooka?


Mucus missile?


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## youngoldbloke (26 Jan 2015)

Hyslop said:


> I watched/heard two pillocks doing this on one of the main arterial roads into Carlisle,and thought to myself now then,quite why is it that some people see cyclists as egotistical ,weird and a b****y nuisance?


Not a lot of point with only 2, on a main road - after all what do you expect, but in the lanes with a large group especially when riding two abreast it can be helpful to warn riders ahead/behind, so that the group might single up or split if necessary.


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## Dogtrousers (26 Jan 2015)

A friend of mine (a keen runner/skier) asked me what I'd been doing at the weekend. "I did a cycling event" I said (it was an Audax). My friend, who knows nothing of cycling said "Oh, was it a race?". I began to prepare to try to explain the subtle differences, then glanced around guiltily to check if there were any cycling pedants lurking within earshot, did a cursory check of the room for bugs and said "Yes, it was a race". 

I'm a bad person, I know.


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## mjr (26 Jan 2015)

format said:


> Don't get me wrong - i ride in shite weather all the time (it's the west coast of Scotland!), and I guess the wind comments are based on the last month or so. I do most of my riding southwest of Glasgow and there have been crazy strong winds here recently, not sure if you remember but it was causing massive disruption up here. I genuinely have been blown into traffic before though, once or twice, it's pretty scary because a gust can come out of nowhere.


I ride on the edge of the fens. We do know winds here too, although I think not as bad recently. If I was getting blown into traffic, I'd be reconsidering my riding position and possibly the bike! (I did once have a wind-inspired "little lie down" on a bank, but that was off-carriageway and snow-assisted  )



> The clearances look favourable for bigger, studded tires, so I'm toying with the idea of getting some next payday. Could be pretty fun riding around in the snow/ice without really worrying about it so much.


Oh it really is... but then again, I like riding at night since I got good lights, so we might like different things


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## Racing roadkill (26 Jan 2015)

"I've just pulled the trigger on a new bike". Really? In what way have you "pulled the trigger"? Have you shot your new bike? Or maybe you've just covered it in hot melt glue.


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## format (26 Jan 2015)

mjray said:


> I ride on the edge of the fens. We do know winds here too, although I think not as bad recently. If I was getting blown into traffic, I'd be reconsidering my riding position and possibly the bike! (I did once have a wind-inspired "little lie down" on a bank, but that was off-carriageway and snow-assisted  )
> 
> 
> Oh it really is... but then again, I like riding at night since I got good lights, so we might like different things



It's possibly something to do with me being 6 foot 5 and a bigger target for the wind? I dunno.


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## mjr (26 Jan 2015)

format said:


> It's possibly something to do with me being 6 foot 5 and a bigger target for the wind? I dunno.


I'm 6 foot but I think it's more to do with whether you leave any gaps for the wind to pass through!


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## WelshJon (26 Jan 2015)

" The group has a no drop policy" lol What this really means is they will wait atop a big climb , and set off once the newbie gets there breathing like a rhino


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## jay clock (27 Jan 2015)

How about the oft heard phrase "I was cycling to work when a motorist carved me up. I lucky videod the whole thing and will now write a four page essay explaining blow by blow what happened which can be summarised by 'phew that was close'"


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## Yellow Saddle (27 Jan 2015)

Drive Side and Non Drive side (ostentatiously abbreviated as NDS). What is wrong with left and right?


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## Jody (27 Jan 2015)

Yellow Saddle said:


> What is wrong with left and right?



Depends on which end you view the bike.


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## Racing roadkill (27 Jan 2015)

Jody said:


> Depends on which end you view the bike.


Use 'chain / drive side, and non-chain / drive side' and it removes the ambiguity.


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## Yellow Saddle (27 Jan 2015)

Jody said:


> Depends on which end you view the bike.


No it doesn't. Your right hand drive car remains a right hand drive car no matter which way you turn and look at it. You can even look at it in a mirror if you like.


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## Yellow Saddle (27 Jan 2015)

Racing roadkill said:


> Use 'chain / drive side, and non-chain / drive side' and it removes the ambiguity.


There is no ambiguity. Right is right and left is left. The use of NDS is like saying "my car is a non-automatic. A negative shouldn't be used to indicate the norm.
I think DS and NDS is BS and pompous.


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## Racing roadkill (27 Jan 2015)

Yellow Saddle said:


> There is no ambiguity. Right is right and left is left. The use of NDS is like saying "my car is a non-automatic. A negative shouldn't be used to indicate the norm.
> I think DS and NDS is BS and pompous.


If you regularly work on the threaded parts of a bike (cranks, chainrings, BB's and pedals), then you will soon start to see the issue.


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## Yellow Saddle (27 Jan 2015)

Racing roadkill said:


> If you regularly work on the threaded parts of a bike (cranks, chainrings, BB's and pedals), then you will soon start to see the issue.


I do regularly work on those parts and I've never had an issue. Give me one example. I ran a workshop with 11 mechanics, 1 storeman and two cashiers once and none of us have ever been confused by right and left. Right is right and DS is wrong.


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## Jody (27 Jan 2015)

Yellow Saddle said:


> No it doesn't. Your right hand drive car remains a right hand drive car no matter which way you turn and look at it. You can even look at it in a mirror if you like.



Why does the car trade use near side and off side if its so simple to say left and right? As R.R stated it removes any ambiguity.


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## deptfordmarmoset (27 Jan 2015)

Jody said:


> Why does the car trade use near side and off side if its so simple to say left and right? As R.R stated it removes any ambiguity.


To confuse me. I always have to think which is which.


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## BrumJim (27 Jan 2015)

Jody said:


> Why does the car trade use near side and off side if its so simple to say left and right? As R.R stated it removes any ambiguity.


Its dreadfully parochial. When I was at Longbridge, a car definitely had a right and left side. DS and NDS were not used as they didn't make sense when you had RH and LH drive cars going down the line at the same time.


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## Yellow Saddle (27 Jan 2015)

Oh, and how can one not get annoyed at the use of the term "alloy" when talking about aluminium. I'll deal with the abhorrent US nomenclature in a separate rant.


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## jay clock (27 Jan 2015)

Jody said:


> Why does the car trade use near side and off side if its so simple to say left and right? As R.R stated it removes any ambiguity.


calling cars by near side and offside is an excellent example of why Left and Right are the ideal words. As I found when I took my French registered car to a UK garage and he got himself mighty confused about which was the nearside


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## speccy1 (27 Jan 2015)

When I do ride with a group, the shortening of place names drives me nuts, for example we have Merrivale which has a killer of a climb. When I am out and I here phrases like "shall we do Merri?" or similar, I get seriously hacked off. It`s MERRIVALE FFS

A silly thing, but irritates me all the same...........


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## speccy1 (27 Jan 2015)

speccy1 said:


> When I do ride with a group, the shortening of place names drives me nuts, for example we have Merrivale which has a killer of a climb. When I am out and I here phrases like "shall we do Merri?" or similar, I get seriously hacked off. It`s MERRIVALE FFS
> 
> A silly thing, but irritates me all the same...........


 
I can`t spell, it should be "hear"


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## jay clock (27 Jan 2015)

Racing roadkill said:


> If you regularly work on the threaded parts of a bike (cranks, chainrings, BB's and pedals), then you will soon start to see the issue.


I cannot see any circumstances in which anyone would be confused by "please remove the left hand pedal" unless they were either obtuse, autistic in some way or related to Mr Logic http://viz.co.uk/category/mr-logic/


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## youngoldbloke (27 Jan 2015)

As long as you know the convention is L and R as when looking from the back of the bike, or as when riding the bike 
edit: IMHO 'drive side' removes any confusion - I've always understood that it referred to the drive-train side


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## Piemaster (27 Jan 2015)

I work on a ship. To avoid confusion I will now be referring to the 'Port' and 'Starboard' sides of the bike from now on.


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## andyfraser (27 Jan 2015)

speccy1 said:


> When I do ride with a group, the shortening of place names drives me nuts, for example we have Merrivale which has a killer of a climb. When I am out and I here phrases like "shall we do Merri?" or similar, I get seriously hacked off. It`s MERRIVALE FFS
> 
> A silly thing, but irritates me all the same...........


You'd love living round here then. Everyone insists on calling Cirencester "Ciren". It drives me nuts, inwardly of course.

I'm not a fan of any shortening though. One that used to really annoy me (because I have way too much time on my hands) was shortening "laptop" to "lappy", both in written and spoken communication. Written down it only saves 1 character and spoken it saves no syllables! Thankfully I haven't seen or heard it in a while.


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## Yellow Saddle (27 Jan 2015)

youngoldbloke said:


> As long as you know the convention is L and R as when looking from the back of the bike, or as when riding the bike
> edit: IMHO 'drive side' removes any confusion - I've always understood that it referred to the drive-train side


Let me help you out here. Is your car's steering wheel on the left or right? You can answer that one without asking me from which position I'm viewing the car, and I'll understand without any ambiguity. My only assumption is that you live in the UK. On a bicycle you need to know nothing else other than whether you're referring to the left or the right. Any confusion is imagined.


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## Turbo Rider (27 Jan 2015)

Yellow Saddle said:


> Let me help you out here. Is your car's steering wheel on the left or right? You can answer that one without asking me from which position I'm viewing the car, and I'll understand without any ambiguity. My only assumption is that you live in the UK. On a bicycle you need to know nothing else other than whether you're referring to the left or the right. Any confusion is imagined.


 
depends which side you view it from...sideways on, its at the front or back


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## w00hoo_kent (27 Jan 2015)

I've definitely been in conversations about cars where 'left and right' ended up in confusion which nearside and offside fixed. Often when talking about the engine (which you tend to work on looking back at the car) in relation to the interior (which you tend to work on looking out of the front of the car). But I can't see it being an issue on bicycles, there's hardly a lot to them to get confused about. Is it the side with the jaggedy bits on?


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## jay clock (27 Jan 2015)

w00hoo_kent said:


> I've definitely been in conversations about cars where 'left and right' ended up in confusion which nearside and offside fixed. Often when talking about the engine (which you tend to work on looking back at the car) in relation to the interior (which you tend to work on looking out of the front of the car). But I can't see it being an issue on bicycles, there's hardly a lot to them to get confused about. Is it the side with the jaggedy bits on?


`Yes but the nearside and offside is still a problem if the car was intended to be driven in France. Does the near and off swap when you cross the channel


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## w00hoo_kent (27 Jan 2015)

jay clock said:


> `Yes but the nearside and offside is still a problem if the car was intended to be driven in France. Does the near and off swap when you cross the channel


Yes.

The nearside of the car is always the side closest to the kerb as you drive it down the road. You'd need to be careful ordering bits for a LHD car because they'd be weird, but that's your fault for having one. When talking to someone about it though, say asking a tyre place to look at one of the wheels, nearside or offside should be fine. Much better than pointing at it and saying 'it's the left one'.


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## Yellow Saddle (27 Jan 2015)

jay clock said:


> `Yes but the nearside and offside is still a problem if the car was intended to be driven in France. Does the near and off swap when you cross the channel


Of course it does. No argument there. The dispute is where in the channel does the switch-over happen. We shouldn't confuse those on-board mechanics now, should we? I have an idea borrowed from aviation. As soon as you take off, you set your watch to destination time. As soon as the car boards, the sides switch over to the destination usage. Or, we could just say right and left.....


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## youngoldbloke (27 Jan 2015)

Yellow Saddle said:


> Let me help you out here. Is your car's steering wheel on the left or right? You can answer that one without asking me from which position I'm viewing the car, and I'll understand without any ambiguity. My only assumption is that you live in the UK. On a bicycle you need to know nothing else other than whether you're referring to the left or the right. Any confusion is imagined.


Look ... I know the convention, but as someone else has pointed out, if you are off the bike or out of the car, at the front, looking towards the back, the left hand side becomes the right, and my right hand side steering wheel is on the left. Right? For example when I'm changing a headlight bulb, I think offside or nearside, or passenger side or driver's side, not right or left.


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## Racing roadkill (27 Jan 2015)

Yellow Saddle said:


> Let me help you out here. Is your car's steering wheel on the left or right? You can answer that one without asking me from which position I'm viewing the car, and I'll understand without any ambiguity. My only assumption is that you live in the UK. On a bicycle you need to know nothing else other than whether you're referring to the left or the right. Any confusion is imagined.



Unless a complete novice asks you over the phone, which way to turn the spanner to get the pedals to unscrew, but fail to mention whether they are stood in front of or behind the bike.


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## bpsmith (27 Jan 2015)

I fail to see why not knowing which is left or right, depending on your viewpoint, is something on the Autistic Spectrum?

Anyone care to explain?


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## youngoldbloke (27 Jan 2015)

bpsmith said:


> I fail to see why not knowing which is left or right, depending on your viewpoint, is something on the Autistic Spectrum?
> 
> Anyone care to explain?


I'll remove that bpsmith - I apologise if I caused offence. Maybe 'over literal' is better. I find it difficult to continue referring to the 'left hand' side of the bike when viewing it from the front when this side is now perceived by me as being the right hand side.


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## Yellow Saddle (27 Jan 2015)

Racing roadkill said:


> Unless a complete novice asks you over the phone, which way to turn the spanner to get the pedals to unscrew, but fail to mention whether they are stood in front of or behind the bike.


Well, since screwing is not a right or left issue, the correct answer would be clockwise or anti-clockwise. But now I can just see a whole bunch of spatially-challenged mechanics raising their eyes questioningly to the sky trying to figure out whether clockwise changes based on your perspective.


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## swansonj (27 Jan 2015)

bpsmith said:


> I fail to see why not knowing which is left or right, depending on your viewpoint, is something on the Autistic Spectrum?
> 
> Anyone care to explain?


What we're talking about now is definitions where there is ambiguity (left or right from which end? Near side and offside a property of the car or the road?) and where some people instinctively understand what is meant (and can't see what the problem is) but where other people struggle to make the "obvious" (to some people) interpretation that allows you to make sense of the terms. That latter problem is pretty common to ASD - and it's common for the former position, of not seeing what the problem is and simply restating ever louder that it's obvious, to make life harder for people with ASD.


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## Yellow Saddle (27 Jan 2015)

swansonj said:


> What we're talking about now is definitions where there is ambiguity (left or right from which end? Near side and offside a property of the car or the road?) and where some people instinctively understand what is meant (and can't see what the problem is) but where other people struggle to make the "obvious" (to some people) interpretation that allows you to make sense of the terms. That latter problem is pretty common to ASD - and it's common for the former position, of not seeing what the problem is and simply restating ever louder that it's obvious, to make life harder for people with ASD.


That leaves me so confused I'm now unsure whether I'm supposed to be autistic or not. Maybe I'm just spatially dyslexic.


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## youngoldbloke (27 Jan 2015)

Yellow Saddle said:


> Well, since screwing is not a right or left issue, the correct answer would be clockwise or anti-clockwise. But now I can just see a whole bunch of spatially-challenged mechanics raising their eyes questioningly to the sky trying to figure out whether clockwise changes based on your perspective.


Depends whether you are looking at the back or front of the clock. On occasion I deputise for the church clockwinder. Ancient clock in the church tower, requires winding every 24 hours. To adjust the time shown on the tower dial one has to move the hands on the clock itself anti clockwise to go forwards, clockwise to go backwards.


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## youngoldbloke (27 Jan 2015)

Doesn't everyone have to recite to themselves 'tight to the right, loose to the left'? (Except for that pedal of course - now was that the LH or the RH one?)


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## mjr (27 Jan 2015)

youngoldbloke said:


> Depends whether you are looking at the back or front of the clock.


And whether you're talking about the image on the surface or the back of your eyeball or what it represents...


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## Phaeton (27 Jan 2015)

youngoldbloke said:


> Doesn't everyone have to recite to themselves 'tight to the right, loose to the left'? (Except for that pedal of course - now was that the LH or the RH one?)


I know people who use "Righty Tighty, Loosey Lefty" but a left hand pedal is always on the left know matter from where it's viewed, it may now be on the right but it is still the bike's left pedal.


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## youngoldbloke (27 Jan 2015)

Phaeton said:


> I know people who use "Righty Tighty, Loosey Lefty" but a left hand pedal is always on the left know matter from where it's viewed, it may now be on the right but it is still the bike's left pedal.


Got it! That must be the one with 'L' embossed on it  Tight to the left, loose to the right .......


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## Piemaster (27 Jan 2015)

Phaeton said:


> I know people who use* "Righty Tighty, Loosey Lefty"* but a left hand pedal is always on the left know matter from where it's viewed, it may now be on the right but it is still the bike's left pedal.


You can put me on the list too. Except it's 'lefty loosey'


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## Dogtrousers (27 Jan 2015)

I've given this a bit of thought. Drive side/Non drive side makes sense for power train components whose position relative to the drive side is relevant to their construction or function. So: Drive-side crank tells you more than just saying right crank, because it tells you about the presence of the spider, rear wheel drive-side spokes are (I think) subject to different stresses to non-drive side. However, outside the power train it makes less sense - for example "drive side brake lever" or even "drive side pedal" seems a bit silly.


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## jay clock (27 Jan 2015)

Bloody hell this has drifted off


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## Pale Rider (27 Jan 2015)

Pork sword.

(Sorry, wrong forum).


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## bpsmith (27 Jan 2015)

youngoldbloke said:


> I'll remove that bpsmith - I apologise if I caused offence. Maybe 'over literal' is better. I find it difficult to continue referring to the 'left hand' side of the bike when viewing it from the front when this side is now perceived by me as being the right hand side.


Not really offence, but intrigue into other opinions on Autism and their perception of it. Some people just will not see past a set of rules, rightly or wrongly defined, whether being diagnosed or not. With 1 in 10 said to be somewhere on the spectrum, you could argue that some of us who struggle with seeing past such rules are actually just undiagnosed. There are lots of other traits that confuse things further also.


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## Phaeton (28 Jan 2015)

Piemaster said:


> You can put me on the list too. Except it's 'lefty loosey'


You may well be right there, it's not one I use myself but have often heard it quoted, clearly I've heard it incorrectly as well which is not difficult for me, "What's that dear, you want some tea? Yes I think you're right it's quarter past three"


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## Yellow Saddle (28 Jan 2015)

Dogtrousers said:


> I've given this a bit of thought. Drive side/Non drive side makes sense for power train components whose position relative to the drive side is relevant to their construction or function. So: Drive-side crank tells you more than just saying right crank, because it tells you about the presence of the spider, rear wheel drive-side spokes are (I think) subject to different stresses to non-drive side. However, outside the power train it makes less sense - for example "drive side brake lever" or even "drive side pedal" seems a bit silly.


Naaaah! Show me a right crank without a spider and I'll show you a "bombproof wheel"*.






* cue for another irritating phrase.


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## Tim Hall (30 Jan 2015)

Yellow Saddle said:


> Naaaah! Show me a right crank without a spider and I'll show you a "bombproof wheel"*.
> Do you get many tandems through your workshop? Well known for their bombproof wheels. The cranks look a bit odd too for some reason.
> 
> 
> ...


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## Phaeton (30 Jan 2015)

youngoldbloke said:


> Got it! That must be the one with 'L' embossed on it


So you are putting your pedals back on your bike & you slip with the spanner, you get a deep gash in your right wrist, you go to the hospital & 4 hours later you're sat facing a nurse, you say that you have injured your left wrist because the wrist you have hurt is on their left?


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## youngoldbloke (30 Jan 2015)

Phaeton said:


> So you are putting your pedals back on your bike & you slip with the spanner, you get a deep gash in your right wrist, you go to the hospital & 4 hours later you're sat facing a nurse, you say that you have injured your left wrist because the wrist you have hurt is on their left?


I don't understand what your point is - if I am facing the bike (looking at the handle bars) the pedal with the L on it is on my RIGHT (as would be the nurse's LEFT hand if she were facing me). My injured Right hand would be on her Left, But I know it as MY Right hand, so i would not call it my Left. This whole business hinges on the convention that the handedness of the bike is viewed from the back. If I am looking at the house across the street and it has a central door, with a window either side, which is the Left hand window and which is the Right?


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## Dogtrousers (30 Jan 2015)

Phaeton said:


> So you are putting your pedals back on your bike & you slip with the spanner, you get a deep gash in your right wrist, you go to the hospital & 4 hours later you're sat facing a nurse, you say that you have injured your left wrist because the wrist you have hurt is on their left?


Of course not. I say I have injured my drive-side wrist. 

If she doesn't understand I say offside wrist (unless I happen to be on the continent in which case I say nearside).


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## Venod (30 Jan 2015)

youngoldbloke said:


> If I am looking at the house across the street and it has a central door, with a window either side, which is the Left hand window and which is the Right?



Don't they teach you anything at school nowadays ?


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## Phaeton (30 Jan 2015)

youngoldbloke said:


> If I am looking at the house across the street and it has a central door, with a window either side, which is the Left hand window and which is the Right?


As As you are facing the house, the window on your left is the house right window & the window on your right is the house's left window, the windows never move, you can


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## youngoldbloke (30 Jan 2015)

Afnug said:


> Don't they teach you anything at school nowadays ?


I know the answer - do you?


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## Tim Hall (30 Jan 2015)

Phaeton said:


> As As you are facing the house, the window on your left is the house right window & the window on your right is the house's left window, the windows never move, you can


Unless, of course, the house is on a stage. Then it gets a whole lot trickier.


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## youngoldbloke (30 Jan 2015)

Phaeton said:


> As As you are facing the house, the window on your left is the house right window & the window on your right is the house's left window, the windows never move, you can


OK, the house's LH window has a red curtain. You want to point this out to a friend looking from your house, what do you say? 'Look at the red curtain in the house's Left window', or 'Look at the red curtain in the Right hand window'?


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## Phaeton (30 Jan 2015)

youngoldbloke said:


> OK, the house's LH window has a red curtain. You want to point this out to a friend looking from your house, what do you say? 'Look at the red curtain in the house's Left window', or 'Look at the red curtain in the Right hand window'?


Either they are both the same answer, they are being talked about from a different perspective


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## Venod (30 Jan 2015)

youngoldbloke said:


> I know the answer - do you?





Phaeton said:


> Either they are both the same answer, they are being talked about from a different perspective



Yes


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## Yellow Saddle (30 Jan 2015)

Dogtrousers said:


> Of course not. I say I have injured my drive-side wrist.
> 
> If she doesn't understand I say offside wrist (unless I happen to be on the continent in which case I say nearside).


When referring to your own anatomy, I believe the correct term is heart-side and non-heart side. HS and NHS. That clears up all confusion other than what Tim Hall will now come up with to prove me wrong. He's scouring medical journals as we speak, looking for someone who was born with his heart predominantly on his/her right*


* When said individual is looking out his/her own eyes towards the predominant direction of perambulating.


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## raleighnut (30 Jan 2015)

Yellow Saddle said:


> When referring to your own anatomy, I believe the correct term is heart-side and non-heart side. HS and NHS. That clears up all confusion other than what Tim Hall will now come up with to prove me wrong. He's scouring medical journals as we speak, looking for someone who was born with his heart predominantly on his/her right*
> 
> 
> * When said individual is looking out his/her own eyes towards the predominant direction of perambulating.


Some people actually have their heart on the other side, its rare but does occur.


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## Tim Hall (30 Jan 2015)

Yellow Saddle said:


> When referring to your own anatomy, I believe the correct term is heart-side and non-heart side. HS and NHS. That clears up all confusion other than what Tim Hall will now come up with to prove me wrong. He's scouring medical journals as we speak, looking for someone who was born with his heart predominantly on his/her right*
> 
> 
> * When said individual is looking out his/her own eyes towards the predominant direction of perambulating.


Easy. Doctor No, by great good fortune, had his heart on the right, so when the baddies found him and tried to kill him buy shooting him in the ticker they were out of luck. They cut off his hands though. I'm not sure if a book by Ian Fleming counts as a medical journal, but I didn't have to scour anything.


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## youngoldbloke (30 Jan 2015)

youngoldbloke said:


> OK, the house's LH window has a red curtain. You want to point this out to a friend looking from your house, what do you say? 'Look at the red curtain in the house's Left window', or 'Look at the red curtain in the Right hand window'?


IMO it is less confusing to use the second. The* house* doesn't actually have a Left or Right hand window, it does depend on your perspective.


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## deptfordmarmoset (30 Jan 2015)

If I put my watch above my head facing upwards the hands move anti-clockwise. Luckily, to prevent confusion, we can't actually see this happening. Strangely, though, the time still passes in the normal direction. You can also look at your watch in a mirror and it goes the wrong way round again. Mirrors, I suspect, are the enemy of clockwise. 

Anyhow, as you were.

Has anyone covered that ''firing up the retro-burners'' nonsense when the sprints start?


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## Jody (30 Jan 2015)

Four and a half pages discussing left and right. 

Nearly as epic as the 69 page thread on a different forum that started out "should I ride my bike or sell it". 1373 replies and he is still unsure about riding his bike.


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## Trewblue (30 Jan 2015)

Honestly it was on the Right side in the Mirror this morning.....


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## Kestevan (30 Jan 2015)

Does a duck on a treadmill care which wing is left or right?


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## Oldbloke (30 Jan 2015)

Kestevan said:


> Does a duck on a treadmill care which wing is left or right?



That depends whether it's going in a clockwise or anti clockwise direction


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## cyberknight (30 Jan 2015)

Flick of the Elbow said:


> Just reading a review from roadcc -"There's nothing wrong with the Fizik Ardea saddle or the own-brand stem and bars but they feel a bit pedestrian" How the hell can a saddle and bars feel pedestrian ? Especially if there's nothing wrong with them ?


Same goes for most of their reviews, any bike under £3000 feels heavy and is hard on hills with those "cheap" wheels they have on.


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## DaveReading (30 Jan 2015)

youngoldbloke said:


> If I am looking at the house across the street and it has a central door, with a window either side, which is the Left hand window and which is the Right?



Surely it depends whether the house habitually travels forwards, with the front door leading, or backwards with the rear door in front.


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## youngoldbloke (30 Jan 2015)

Oh No! Not a 'front' or 'back' conundrum.


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## Dan B (30 Jan 2015)

Yellow Saddle said:


> I think DS and NDS is BS and pompous.


So Left and Right is NBS?


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## deptfordmarmoset (30 Jan 2015)

Oldbloke said:


> That depends whether it's going in a clockwise or anti clockwise direction


If you stand on one side of the treadmill it will go clockwise and on the other it will go anticlockwise. The duck won't though.


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## Dogtrousers (30 Jan 2015)

On the Tour Down Under of course, the drive and non drive side are swapped due the coriolis effect.


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## Oldbloke (30 Jan 2015)

deptfordmarmoset said:


> If you stand on one side of the treadmill it will go clockwise and on the other it will go anticlockwise. The duck won't though.



Only if it runs so fast it creates a rotor effect and spins with the wheel


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## screenman (30 Jan 2015)

I have left and right on some socks, fine until I rest my right leg on my left leg, then confusion sets in.


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## Kestevan (30 Jan 2015)

deptfordmarmoset said:


> If you stand on one side of the treadmill it will go clockwise and on the other it will go anticlockwise. The duck won't though.



It's a little known fact that most ducks can only tell the time when looking at a digital display.....they have no natural concept of clockwise/widershins.


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## Dan B (30 Jan 2015)

screenman said:


> I have left and right on some socks, fine until I rest my right leg on my left leg, then confusion sets in.


That's interesting, I often have a small child on one of mine, which is kind of endearing but can also be extremely uncomfortable after a while.


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## Chris S (2 Feb 2015)

Road Tax


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## Bodhbh (2 Feb 2015)

Bit late for the thread, but the smug "Works for me" drives me up the wall. Also - not that common, but I've heard it at least twice - "utterly dependable". Used to describle touring bikes.


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## Alex H (2 Feb 2015)

Bodhbh said:


> Bit late for the thread, but the smug "Works for me" drives me up the wall. Also - not that common, but I've heard it at least twice - "utterly dependable". Used to describle touring bikes.



I agree with the first one - the French have the similarly annoying "Ça marche"


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## Racing roadkill (2 Feb 2015)

"Kick the tyres and light the fires", when talking about moving on from a rest / break. I usually reply with "if you kick my tyres, I'll kick your arse".


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## wheres_my_beard (2 Feb 2015)

I have heard too many people comment "cor, that bike looks fast" about my fixed wheel bike. Well, it is if my legs are, is my usual response, with no suggestion of humour.


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## BrumJim (3 Feb 2015)

deptfordmarmoset said:


> If I put my watch above my head facing upwards the hands move anti-clockwise. Luckily, to prevent confusion, we can't actually see this happening. Strangely, though, the time still passes in the normal direction. You can also look at your watch in a mirror and it goes the wrong way round again. Mirrors, I suspect, are the enemy of clockwise.



When we talk about Einstein's theory of relativity, the illustration is you moving away from a clock at the speed of light, hence time is stationary for you, but the clock is still ticking. Hence if you hold a watch above your head facing upwards, then surely time goes backwards?

Time travel sorted!


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## Sore Thumb (3 Feb 2015)

I don't know if this had been posted yet as I have no read through the 22 pages, so sorry if it has.


View: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=GMCkuqL9IcM


S*** cyclists say

I thought it was funny.


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## bpsmith (3 Feb 2015)

Sore Thumb said:


> I don't know if this had been posted yet as I have no read through the 22 pages, so sorry if it has.
> 
> 
> View: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=GMCkuqL9IcM
> ...



Already done...


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## Dogtrousers (3 Feb 2015)

bpsmith said:


> Already done...


But don't worry @Sore Thumb I missed it first time round and found it very funny.


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## Dogtrousers (3 Feb 2015)

"The Rules" "Velominati"

Have we had those? 

You must point your QRs like this, you must not wear X, or put Y on your bike ... there is only one right way. 

Nobbers.


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## bpsmith (3 Feb 2015)

Dogtrousers said:


> But don't worry @Sore Thumb I missed it first time round and found it very funny.


My Rule #1 is ALWAYS read the thread that you are posting in...and applies to you both by the looks of things.


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## Dogtrousers (3 Feb 2015)

bpsmith said:


> My Rule #1 is ALWAYS read the thread that you are posting in...and applies to you both by the looks of things.


Whenever I see rules like that I just _*have*_ to break them. If I had read the thread, when I saw your rule I would have un-read it somehow. Perhaps get myself hypnotised to forget it. 

Now excuse me while I put on my hessian underpants beneath my lycra shorts and go out for a bit of cross-chaining.


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## bpsmith (4 Feb 2015)

Dogtrousers said:


> Whenever I see rules like that I just _*have*_ to break them. If I had read the thread, when I saw your rule I would have un-read it somehow. Perhaps get myself hypnotised to forget it.
> 
> Now excuse me while I put on my hessian underpants beneath my lycra shorts and go out for a bit of cross-chaining.


There we are then. So what you have to do.

I clearly made that up to get the point across, but you seem to have missed that and the point.


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