# Piles



## Rhythm Thief (5 Nov 2007)

Aargh! I know piles are traditionally a source of lighthearted amusement, but I now discover they're quite painful (although still amusing in a low key way). I'm off work today as I can barely sit down (and I certainly won't be using the time to go out on my bike). Any tips on how to, er, deal with them? How can they be cured? How important a factor is one's diet?
Apologies for raising such an unsavoury subject.


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## Dayvo (5 Nov 2007)

This might be of some relief, er help, Rhythm Thief!
Good luck (ha ha ha ha ha )  - only joking! 

http://www.medinfo.co.uk/conditions/haemorrhoids.html


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## ChrisKH (5 Nov 2007)

RT - creams and unguents aside, they can be injected initially by your doctor (it sounds bad but it's ok honest). They can only do this twice. After that if they continue to be a problem you can have them removed surgically. There's been a break through with surgery in this area recently, I saw the up to date surgery on ITV 64 (or some such channel, ITV 3, I think) on a recent 'Most Embarrassing Diseases' episode. I don't watch it normally just caught it (so to speak).


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## Jacomus-rides-Gen (5 Nov 2007)

The biggets factor to stop this happening is to look at the set up for your bike. Do your sit bones sit on the cheeks of the saddle? 
Does it press on your perenium?
Do you get numb nuts?
Do you get a hot-spot?
Is your saddle heavily padded?

Yes to any of these, and you should address your saddle by either ditching it (I would recommend one with a cut out such as offered by Specialized) or set it up to avoid these problems. A _slight_ upward tilt of the nose can help tilt your hips to the correct in the saddle position and make you use your sit bones properly.


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## yenrod (5 Nov 2007)

I'm surprised that saddles with cut-outs have such uncool, non-manly favour !

Like today, in work, the bike was in the break room and one of the lads made what was a joke yet I was deadly serious in response saying 'well, I definately want my cock to work on the woman' and riding on such a non holey saddle can really damage you more than you think, bit like a smoker can;t see the damage to there lungs OK its not as serious but come on, we've all had tines (when i used a saddle without a hole in it) when your bollocks would simply numb up pretty bad - you'd lift off the saddle and generally it'd ok but i can personally give you my word now: I want my knob; to have a piss and experience orgasm, in other words the prostate work fine - as IT governs these actions and few more ) 

The next time your nads go numb just think of the fact that it could damge it indefinately !


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## Fab Foodie (5 Nov 2007)

Rhythm Thief said:


> Aargh! I know piles are traditionally a source of lighthearted amusement, but I now discover they're quite painful (although still amusing in a low key way). I'm off work today as I can barely sit down (and I certainly won't be using the time to go out on my bike). Any tips on how to, er, deal with them? How can they be cured? How important a factor is one's diet?
> Apologies for raising such an unsavoury subject.



Piles are indeed a PITA (well somebody had to say it). Have not suffered for years. Giving-up Surfing seemed to help, not sitting around legs apart in cold water all day...
Anyway, sympathies, Piles often occur as a result of too much straining whilst pushing-out a recalcitrant Turtles-head. To avoid this...more fibre in the diet!

BTW, nice Citroen corrugated van!


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## postman (6 Nov 2007)

First don't worry.Add a little more fibre and fruit into your diet.Don't strain when going to the toilet.Ask your G.P. about ANUSOL suppositories and if yuo are itching during the night get some FUCIBET cream.Last November i had same problem.They can be banded off.Strangled with rubber bands.No pain .They will only do surgery as a last resort.Give the above a try first.


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## MrGrumpy (6 Nov 2007)

_Any tips on how to, er, deal with them_

hot poker should see them off  anusol will see them off within a few days  assuming you don`t have a bunch of grapes hanging down there !!


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## jay clock (6 Nov 2007)

are you certain they are piles?. I had the same symptoms, then went to the doc, and in fact had "perianal haematoma" see here. Very painful, but went quickly. They are on the outside, rather than being from the inside and dangling out (if that helps!)

see here http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/ate/digestiveandurinary/202145.html


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## Rhythm Thief (6 Nov 2007)

Cheers for all the replies. I'm seeing the doctor tomorrow and having time off work in the meantime. Well, I can't drive a truck with my arse in this state, I can barely sit down!


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## postman (8 Nov 2007)

Hope doc visit went well yesterday. hope you had a positive response from the Doc.


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## longers (14 Nov 2007)

Is it an old wives tale that you can get them from sitting on cold surfaces?


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## Rhythm Thief (15 Nov 2007)

longers said:


> Is it an old wives tale that you can get them from sitting on cold surfaces?



Yes it is. I now know far more about this than I ever wanted to!


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## steve23 (20 Feb 2008)

sorry to bring thsi topic up again, but i am experiencing some pain, as i have piles at the mo!!!

it hurts, ive always taken the p*ss out of people with piles, but now im getting my just deserts!!!

i have a small lump on my back passage, but i was wondering, is it advisable to keep riding!!?? im not as uncomfortable on my saddle as i am on a chair!!!


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## Rhythm Thief (20 Feb 2008)

Ow, Steve, you have my sympathy. Mine are all cured now, but I know that when they were bad I couldn't have gone near a bike - it wasn't even an option. Go and see the doctor, a rectal examination isn't much fun for either doctor or patient but s/he should be able to give you some cream and dietary advice.


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## Monkey Boy (20 Feb 2008)

Just got rid of a bit of a stubburn one with Anusol. It was so stubborn and horrid that me and the missus nicknames it Kuato....from Total Recall (Arnold Backslapper film). Yuk!! Kuato needed a couple of treatments with the cream.....also made sure I drank plenty and ate more fruit, which I did not think was possible as I eat at least 5 a day.

Happy Kuato slaying!!!


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## TimDanaher (20 Feb 2008)

Hopefully your doctor will have given you a repeat prescription for Scheriproct. Always does the business. The Magic Arse Bullets, as I like to call 'em.


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## arranandy (20 Feb 2008)

I had a mild case of the 'dukes' last year but they didn't cause me any discomfort when on the bike. Had to go for a flexible sigmoidoscopy just to check that it wasn't anything more serious which thankfully it wasn't. However believe when I tell you that this procedure was not pleasant


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## postman (20 Feb 2008)

Steve go see the Doc.Can be so easy to get rid of.The exam is nothing .No details needed just go.He or she will not bat an eyelid.And you will be laid on your side covered with a cloth.


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## Fab Foodie (20 Feb 2008)

postman said:


> Steve go see the Doc.Can be so easy to get rid of.The exam is nothing .No details needed just go.He or she will not bat an eyelid.And you will be laid on your side covered with a cloth.



Just choose a Doctor with small fingers...


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## Monkey Boy (22 Feb 2008)

.....and make sure it's just his fingers!!!!!


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## trustysteed (23 Feb 2008)

and you could always end up getting a cute blonde female doctor with lovely breasts like i did when i had my prostate checked!


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## Jaded (24 Feb 2008)

Here's an elastration

Bottom picture.

That should do it.


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## jashburnham (27 Feb 2008)

*Shudder*


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## domtyler (27 Feb 2008)

The traditional Nepalese method of dealing with this complaint is to cover the, erm, effected area in honey or similar and allow the dogs to chew it off.


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## Monkey Boy (27 Feb 2008)

trustysteed said:


> and you could always end up getting a cute blonde female doctor with lovely breasts like i did when i had my prostate checked!


My missus is a cute young blonde (from a bottle) female doctor......but I still aint letting her any where neer me pooper


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## LLB (27 Feb 2008)

Something for the pain ?


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## domtyler (27 Feb 2008)

linfordlunchbox said:


> Something for the pain ?



You evil git!!


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## LLB (27 Feb 2008)

domtyler said:


> You evil git!!



Just don't ask me to rub it in


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## Yellow Fang (29 Feb 2008)

I developed an external haemorrhoid last summer. I think it was a 115 mile cyclosportif that did it. It was massive, but thankfully it did eventually disappear. I think if you go to the GP early, then they can do a quick op. Otherwise you just have to wait.


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## postman (29 Feb 2008)

Being serious they can be strangled.Elastic band applied by a form of air gun.Best way of describing it.Cos you are not able to see it.Painless and quick.And not embarrasing at all.


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## LLB (1 Mar 2008)

A friend of mine castrates lambs on a farm with an elastic band

Poor little buggers don't have a clue whats coming and they just kind of fall over and pant for a couple of minutes after the bands go on before getting up and carrying on like there was nothing strangling their goolies


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