# Will swap toilet roll for eggs



## Andy_R (19 Mar 2020)

As the thread title says, willing to swap toilet roll for eggs. Toilet roll is the proper stuff, none of that medicated tracing paper rubbish, and only one side has been used.


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## roley poley (19 Mar 2020)

don't use eggs to wipe your bum mate trust me on this one


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## PeteXXX (19 Mar 2020)

I have 3 tins of mackerel in spicy tomato sauce, and some Vit D tablets.
Any good? 🤔


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## classic33 (19 Mar 2020)

What's the exchange rate?


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## CanucksTraveller (19 Mar 2020)

Toilet paper? Get in the shower with a flannel you dirty beggars. No need to smear your faecal matter all over your 'arris with paper, it's a modern construct is that. Wash your ring and get it properly squeaky clean. 

As for the eggs problem, I'm unable to help. Thems is some really hard to replace items.


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## mudsticks (19 Mar 2020)

Andy_R said:


> As the thread title says, willing to swap toilet roll for eggs. Toilet roll is the proper stuff, none of that medicated tracing paper rubbish, and only one side has been used.









I never thought I would be considered a well endowed woman.

So this is what "having it all" feels like..


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## Ming the Merciless (19 Mar 2020)

Andy_R said:


> As the thread title says, willing to swap toilet roll for eggs. Toilet roll is the proper stuff, none of that medicated tracing paper rubbish, and only one side has been used.



Can swap for egg shells only the inside has been used.


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## Ming the Merciless (19 Mar 2020)

roley poley said:


> don't use eggs to wipe your bum mate trust me on this one



Indeed, it’s no yoke


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## tom73 (19 Mar 2020)

@mudsticks Rub it in why don't you


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## mudsticks (19 Mar 2020)

tom73 said:


> @mudsticks Rub it in why don't you



What do it myself  ?

Gosh no ; I have staff for that sort of thing..


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## itboffin (19 Mar 2020)

Finally that hot tub has a use


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## mudsticks (19 Mar 2020)

itboffin said:


> Finally that hot tub has a use



For boiling eggs ?? 

Or washing bottoms ?? 

Please don't say _"both" _


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## FrankCrank (20 Mar 2020)

Over this way toilet tissue shortage is a non event, we use the 'bum-gun' method, so much better than the alternative


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## itboffin (20 Mar 2020)

mudsticks said:


> For boiling eggs ??
> 
> Or washing bottoms ??
> 
> Please don't say _"both" _



I hadn't thought of both, love the time saving recommendation.


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## Sterlo (20 Mar 2020)

A quick blast with the pressure washer does for me


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## mudsticks (20 Mar 2020)

itboffin said:


> I hadn't thought of both, love the time saving recommendation.



Now please wash your hands...


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## AndreaJ (20 Mar 2020)

They are very popular girls now.


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## CanucksTraveller (20 Mar 2020)

FrankCrank said:


> Over this way toilet tissue shortage is a non event, we use the 'bum-gun' method, so much better than the alternative



Tell us more about the "bum gun method", I'm dying to know what that is. 

I'd google it but frankly I'm terrified what results might come up.


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## Fab Foodie (20 Mar 2020)

PeteXXX said:


> I have 3 tins of mackerel in spicy tomato sauce, and some Vit D tablets.
> Any good? 🤔


I bought 6 tins and felt like was stockpiling :-/


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## FrankCrank (20 Mar 2020)

Ooops


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## PeteXXX (20 Mar 2020)

CanucksTraveller said:


> Tell us more about the "bum gun method", I'm dying to know what that is.
> 
> I'd google it but frankly I'm terrified what results might come up.


You might not want to know, actually 😂


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## FrankCrank (20 Mar 2020)

CanucksTraveller said:


> Tell us more about the "bum gun method", I'm dying to know what that is.
> 
> I'd google it but frankly I'm terrified what results might come up.



Expect you can figure it out.....


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## Fab Foodie (20 Mar 2020)

CanucksTraveller said:


> Tell us more about the "bum gun method", I'm dying to know what that is.
> 
> I'd google it but frankly I'm terrified what results might come up.


I have been using a portable bidet/bum gun for ages now:
https://www.brondell.com/gospa-travel-bidet/

Interestingly they are experiencing high demand at the moment!
Fill with soapy water, wash botty clean, dry with bog roll or small towel/flannel. Scrub hands.

Far nicer than smearing using bog-roll. :-)))


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## Tenkaykev (20 Mar 2020)

CanucksTraveller said:


> Tell us more about the "bum gun method", I'm dying to know what that is.
> 
> I'd google it but frankly I'm terrified what results might come up.



Like when Mrs Tenkay got her sparkly Purple Brompton and wanted coordinated cycling gear. I warned her not to Google " Purple helmet"


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## Salty seadog (20 Mar 2020)

CanucksTraveller said:


> Tell us more about the "bum gun method", I'm dying to know what that is.
> 
> I'd google it but frankly I'm terrified what results might come up.



I'd wager some old cc posts from @Fab Foodie.

Eta, confirmed by the man himself.


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## Drago (20 Mar 2020)

I've some spearmint Wrigley's gum. only lightly chewed. Would consider swapping on a 5 sheets of loo roll per stick exchange rate.


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## mudsticks (20 Mar 2020)

Tenkaykev said:


> Like when Mrs Tenkay got her sparkly Purple Brompton and wanted coordinated cycling gear. I warned her not to Google " Purple helmet"



Ive got into trouble, more than once for the profligate use of the aubergine emoji. 

Thing is, I _do_ actually mean to Imply that I've got lots of aubergines..


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## itboffin (20 Mar 2020)

so back to the hot tub thinking logically, pop the eggs in with some shell pasta once ready remove them jump in for a good old arse scrubbing


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## mudsticks (20 Mar 2020)

itboffin said:


> so back to the hot tub thinking logically, pop the eggs in with some shell pasta once ready remove them jump in for a good old arse scrubbing



Is this how civilisation ends ??


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