# What Low Level Risks Should be Considered Whilst Cycling - Advice for Others Please!



## roubaixtuesday (13 Jan 2021)

Lots of discussion on the forum of risks of mechanical breakdown and spreading deadly viruses.

But what other infrequent risks should we consider whilst cycling? Please list your notable experiences and one piece of advice to others on how to avoid or mitigate please.

For me:

1: Assault by curlew
1: Saddle destroyed by unknown wildlife, likely bird
1: Propositioned for gay sex by Belgian (not necessarily a "risk" as such I realise)
1: Need to pretend to be asleep in tent to avoid crushingly dull German
1: Found to be without sufficient cash for pint at Tan Hill Inn
1: Lost lunch on steep and bumpy descent
1: Need to wade river to avoid road closure
1: Charged by angry cows
2: Fall due to riding through ford.
3: Fall due to ice
5: Insect sting (I think 4 wasp, one bee, but hard to be certain)
1,234: Puncture (approx)

Advice: Always carry enough cash for an emergency pint.


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## Ajax Bay (13 Jan 2021)

What an adventurous life you've led!
Boringly (non-mechanical/wheels):
Running into suicidal wildlife sufficient to bring one down, or close.
Potholes/road detritus with like effect.
Front light failing going down hill (in rural dark obv) - after 'event' mitigation: one button spare front light, keep straight and brake.


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## Ming the Merciless (13 Jan 2021)

Squirrels 🐿 trying to take you out when cycling near trees. Always have nuts ready to throw to the side to divert the crafty buggers.


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## ebikeerwidnes (13 Jan 2021)

Random insects inhabiting country (and other) roads in summer - especially nice quiet roads where you can get some speed up

Why do they always head for your eyes???

- hint - wear glasses

Other thing

Brambles - especially those growing out from hedges on narrow paths

For some unknown reason arriving how with blood running down you arm and leg from multiple scratches does not mean you wife immediately regard you as a hero only equalled by Achilles in terms of bravery and stature 
Who knew???


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## Ming the Merciless (13 Jan 2021)

Level crossings at sharp angle to road or not same height. To mitigate get off and walk.


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## T4tomo (13 Jan 2021)

I had to duck to avoid a kamikaze pheasant flying low towards me along an avenue of trees> I guess mr pheasant was avoiding tree branches- but I still nearly soiled myself.

I also have had a squirrel bounce into my front spokes at 4pm (think clock face position not time of day) and pop out again as (s)he hit the fork at 12o'clock.

The learning from this experience is its far easy to sex a pheasant than a squirrel


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## Drago (13 Jan 2021)

Werewolves.

Snipers.

Rogue Spetznatz operators looking to settle a score.


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## roubaixtuesday (13 Jan 2021)

Drago said:


> Werewolves.
> 
> Snipers.
> 
> Rogue Spetznatz operators looking to settle a score.




Wrong thread - "My ideal sexual partners" thread that way ---->


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## Kestevan (13 Jan 2021)

One autumn I followed a bus along a road under the overhang from some oak trees....bus tyres propell acorns at painful velocities.


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## Ming the Merciless (13 Jan 2021)

Don’t press any red buttons you pass.


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## ebikeerwidnes (13 Jan 2021)

T4tomo said:


> The learning from this experience is its far easy to sex a pheasant than a squirrel



errrrrrr

no - not asking that


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## Oldhippy (13 Jan 2021)

I'm with Ming, squirrels. Not convinced they don't work together and celebrate if they down a cyclist.


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## Oldhippy (13 Jan 2021)

Oh, and pheasants, dumbest bird going.


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## PeteXXX (13 Jan 2021)

Take extraordinary care on recently tarmacadamed roads before the grit has been applied. It can turn a 23mm tyre into a 35mm one within 100 yards, thus jamming the tyre in the forks!


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## sheddy (13 Jan 2021)

Trap set in the woods by local rednecks.


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## Seevio (13 Jan 2021)

roubaixtuesday said:


> 1: Lost lunch on steep and bumpy descent


Does this mean travel sickness or missing sandwiches?


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## matticus (13 Jan 2021)

Abduction by devious hitch-hiker.
(once in the '80s, when I had a BMX)






Mitigation: don't give lifts to odd-looking children


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## PK99 (13 Jan 2021)

roubaixtuesday said:


> Lots of discussion on the forum of risks of mechanical breakdown and spreading deadly viruses.
> 
> But what other infrequent risks should we consider whilst cycling? Please list your notable experiences and one piece of advice to others on how to avoid or mitigate please.
> 
> ...



Before or after eating it?


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## roubaixtuesday (13 Jan 2021)

PK99 said:


> Before or after eating it?



Before, alas. And I never found it despite an extensive search - its final resting place remains a mystery to this day, somewhere near these double arrows!


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## Ming the Merciless (13 Jan 2021)

Abduction by aliens. Wear a tin foil fat


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## MartinQ (13 Jan 2021)

matticus said:


> Abduction by devious hitch-hiker.
> (once in the '80s, when I had a BMX)
> View attachment 568713
> 
> ...


Mine should be ok then.


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## gavroche (13 Jan 2021)

Don't get caught in a nuclear war, you will only have your tent for shelter.


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## Ming the Merciless (13 Jan 2021)

Dogtrousers said:


> I got stung in the mouth this summer. I pulled the stinger out and I think it was a bee. As far as I can remember it's the first time I've ever been stung. Fortunately it did not reveal a previously unknown allergy - but it swellled up like billy-o
> 
> I've added some antihistamine tablets to my toolkit as a future mitigation.



Or wear a mask, hang on...


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## ebikeerwidnes (13 Jan 2021)

Beware low flying aircraft - especially big ones


There is an airport near me which is one one of my normal rides - to get there I use a narrow country road that goes directly along the flight path - right up to the perimeter fence
When a 737 or Airbus come up behind you first time it is REALLY scary


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## matticus (13 Jan 2021)

Ming the Merciless said:


> Abduction by aliens. Wear a tin foil fat


I should have thought of that. Where were you??


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## Oldhippy (13 Jan 2021)

As a youth I went to pump my tyres on my Chopper up. Front went bang. Silly plan have always had pump since.


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## Oldhippy (13 Jan 2021)

Sorry that made no sense! I tried pumping up at the local garage high pressure pump.


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## PK99 (13 Jan 2021)

ebikeerwidnes said:


> Beware low flying aircraft - especially big ones
> 
> 
> There is an airport near me which is one one of my normal rides - to get there I use a narrow country road that goes directly along the flight path - right up to the perimeter fence
> When a 737 or Airbus come up behind you first time it is REALLY scary



A bit like this route at Heathrow.


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## matticus (13 Jan 2021)

Being Aldi, it's probably good value German cheese. So not a complete waste of money.


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## SpokeyDokey (13 Jan 2021)

Red diesel - 1 x nasty 'off' caused by this.

Exacerbated by someone who lived in an adjacent house trying to wash it away with a hosepipe thus spreading it about further.


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## roubaixtuesday (13 Jan 2021)

Dogtrousers said:


> I carry a Park Tools Nuclear Bunker in my toolkit. It was a bit pricier than the one from Aldi, but that's probably made from cheese.



Reminds me. Cheese is a risk.

On tour once we sat down on a park bench and opened the cheese to go with our baguette. The Frenchman on the next bench got up and walked away, such was the biohazard.

Ripe Munster, nicely warmed in the midday sun at the top of a pannier. Yum.


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## SpokeyDokey (13 Jan 2021)

roubaixtuesday said:


> Reminds me. Cheese is a risk.
> 
> On tour once we sat down on a park bench and opened the cheese to go with our baguette. The Frenchman on the next bench got up and walked away, such was the biohazard.
> 
> ...



Yuk.


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## T4tomo (13 Jan 2021)

ebikeerwidnes said:


> errrrrrr
> 
> no - not asking that


as in to tell whether its a male or female (for clarity). people from widnes eh?


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## ebikeerwidnes (13 Jan 2021)

T4tomo said:


> as in to tell whether its a male or female (for clarity). people from widnes eh?


Well I THOUGHT he meant that (I am well educated - it just went downhill after that!) 

but I really didn't want to check

Oh - and I'm not 'from' Widnes - just live here now


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## Will Spin (13 Jan 2021)

I once fell off and squashed my banana.


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## raleighnut (13 Jan 2021)

I've had a badger run out at me when doing about 35mph (downhill) with a trailer loaded with @40kg of camping gear shoving me along, I swear there was a crease in the Brooks when I did stop.


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## Smokin Joe (13 Jan 2021)

People asking why I'm not wearing a helmet.

Cyclists who wave and start a thread because you couldn't be bothered to wave back. I never return a greeting to anyone wearing a helmet.


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## roubaixtuesday (13 Jan 2021)

raleighnut said:


> I've had a badger run out at me when doing about 35mph (downhill) with a trailer loaded with @40kg of camping gear shoving me along, I swear there was a crease in the Brooks when I did stop.



Yikes! I had a hare do that to me once - ran perhaps 6 feet ahead of me at about 30 mph, over what seemed like quite a long way at the time...


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## nickyboy (13 Jan 2021)

Dropping your water bottle when you stop on a steep hill


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## classic33 (13 Jan 2021)

Low flying herons, who having just put some effort into clearing the roadside fence, decide to relax again.


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## Ming the Merciless (13 Jan 2021)

Dropping a sausage when riding uphill in the dark on an audax, then being hungry till you find a 24hr garage a couple of hours later.


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## geocycle (13 Jan 2021)

Fell off after hitting a frozen rabbit....


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## geocycle (13 Jan 2021)

Survived a night at Tan Hill after landlady left us with instructions to put cash behind the till...


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## Oldhippy (13 Jan 2021)

Bugger!


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## slowmotion (13 Jan 2021)

Nearly offed by a determined badger one night in Richmond Park. There was absolutely no change in speed or direction as he trundled out of the darkness.


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## geocycle (13 Jan 2021)

slowmotion said:


> Nearly offed by a determined badger one night in Richmond Park. There was absolutely no change in speed or direction as he trundled out of the darkness.



I find squirrels the worse. I had one run down a path in front of me like Phil Bennett against the All Blacks in 73, I went left, him right etc. Unfortunately, ended up running over his tail But he seemed to be ok.


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## slowmotion (13 Jan 2021)

geocycle said:


> I find squirrels the worse. I had one run down a path in front of me like Phil Bennett against the All Blacks in 73, I went left, him right etc. Unfortunately, ended up running over his tail But he seemed to be ok.


Squirrels are just plain daft. They dart out of the way and then run back into your path. My badger friend just stayed right on course and passed about two feet ahead of my front wheel. He was a big chap.


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## fossyant (13 Jan 2021)

Ming the Merciless said:


> Squirrels 🐿 trying to take you out when cycling near trees. Always have nuts ready to throw to the side to divert the crafty buggers.



It's not the squirrels you need to worry about - it's trees that jump out at you.


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## lane (13 Jan 2021)

Come off on ice, on leaves, on oil, on uneven roadworks. That's not a good record is it?

Lost my car keys on an audax, needed the car to get home.


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## Ridgeway (13 Jan 2021)

Ice but not what you'd think (this was last Saturday).

Trundling along in a big gear, slight tail wind so some where around 50kmh when i was aware of a vehicle coming up behind me, focused on pedalling and made sure i kept well in = ALL OK. Pick up truck passes by and as he does a flat chunk of ice about the size of a dustbin lid fell off it and just slid along the road A) going faster than me and B) coming in at an angle that meant my front wheel and it were going to meet (all this happening pretty quickly). Must have used up some luck last Saturday as the chunk of ice passed just in front of me, a few cm's only it nearly got me..... so dangerous ice but not as we know it.

Beyond that a bank stick jammed in my rear wheel once when cycling of to go fishing, came to a quick stop early in the morning many many years ago.


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## raleighnut (13 Jan 2021)

slowmotion said:


> Squirrels are just plain daft. They dart out of the way and then run back into your path. My badger friend just stayed right on course and passed about two feet ahead of my front wheel. He was a big chap.


Similar with the one I narrowly missed.


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## MichaelW2 (13 Jan 2021)

Squirrels bouncing off spokes.
Acorns bouncing off road into specs.
Bee sting in neck
Muck spreaders
Portaloo tanker with leaky tap.
Wolf
Snake
Tree in road.
Siezed valve retaining ring.
Black ice
Freezing rain
Barbed wire in spokes. ( thanks SKS qr safety system)
Running out of road
Running out of summer
Gravity


And horses. How could I forget the big lumbeing stupid skittish idiots of the quadraped world.


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## MichaelW2 (13 Jan 2021)

raleighnut said:


> Similar with the one I narrowly missed.


My badger friend trotted alongside for 100m.


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## Oldhippy (13 Jan 2021)

A wolf!


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## MichaelW2 (13 Jan 2021)

Oldhippy said:


> A wolf!


In Norway, standing in the road. It was a disused main road next to a new road.
I was too slow to get a photo.
I regard them as a very minor hazard on par with hedgehogs.


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## ebikeerwidnes (13 Jan 2021)

I shuddered a bit at the 'portaloo with leaky tap' one

yuk



as an aside - I was an Uni witha bloke who grew up in a smallish Welsh village
he came back after one holiday - apparently he had been walking down the main (and only) street with his mates when they saw a tractor approaching
with a trailer behind
a liquid manure spreader type trailer

as it came closer it became clear that the 'on; switch for spreading has somehow been knocked ON

all the way through the village - decent church going running in all directions

my friend and his mates ducked into a handy shop and closed the door - then had to lie down while they laughed - for a long time

anyway - back on topic


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## Oldhippy (13 Jan 2021)

Makes a suicidal squirrel look a bit lame now.


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## Aravis (13 Jan 2021)

A couple of bits of advice from personal experience:

If you're being dropped off from a car to begin a ride and the car is continuing its journey, spend a few moments double checking that you really have extracted everything you need from the car before it's too late. Especially water bottles...

And when you pass one of these







don't automatically assume that it won't happen.


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## wajc (13 Jan 2021)

1. Assault by ninja hare - whilst out cycling with some friends, one of whom had disappeared round a bend up the road. We rounded the bend ourselves to see our friend standing by his bike, coughing and spluttering and clutching his chest. Apparently he had 'chased' a hare along the side of the road for a short while, only for it to momentarily disappear in to the hedge bottom before re-emerging and launching a flying kick Kung Fu style straight at his chest.

Advice - don't upset hares

2. Tractor Drafting - always a little dodgy but even more so if you find yourself behind one that has just come out of a muddy field. Brick sized lumps of mud flying towards your head is something that quickly makes you back off.

Advice - don't draft tractors carefully choose your tractor.


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## Threevok (13 Jan 2021)

I hit (and killed) a large seagull, back in the summer.

I live nowhere near the sea, so it's the last thing I ever expected to run over with a bike, let alone kill !

It just jumped out from the barrier at the side of the main road and, before it could take off (or I could safely brake) I ran over it, to the noise of a very large crunch

I can still picture the image of it in my mirror - lying there motionless, on it's back, with his legs in the air

I try to find solace in the fact, that it may have been the same gull that stole my chips in Tenby in 2009, and thus deserved it.

Moral of the story - be prepared for ANYTHING


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## Oldhippy (13 Jan 2021)

Did you know that seagulls are not a sea bird? I don't know how I know that.


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## Threevok (13 Jan 2021)

Oldhippy said:


> Did you know that seagulls are not a sea bird? I don't know how I know that.



True, but (despite popular belief) I don't live near a tip either


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## slowmotion (13 Jan 2021)

Conkers. I winged one and it shot off sideways, tiddlywinks-style, at such speed that it left a very small dent in the car two yards away. It nearly had me off in the process.


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## TheDoctor (13 Jan 2021)

Low level risks I have encountered.

Discovering the pub had half-price beer. Mitigation - drink ALL THE BEER to prevent drunken cyclists colliding with me.
Feeling tired and afraid at top of significant incline. Mitigation - Kir, three courses and wine before descending Col de la Colombiere.
Falling into ford. Mitigation - carry someone else's mobile. They will rush to help you (once they've stopped laughing).


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## Ming the Merciless (13 Jan 2021)

Metal drain covers , especially when wet. Just avoid riding over them.


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## slowmotion (13 Jan 2021)

Ming the Merciless said:


> Metal drain covers , especially when wet. Just avoid riding over them.


They scare me too but sometimes, with a big cover and a busy road, steering round them isn't a viable option. My policy is to go straight down the middle of them, avoiding turning on them at all costs.


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## rogerzilla (13 Jan 2021)

Wasp stuck in helmet was nasty. I flung the helmet into a hedge but the wasp got a decent sting in first.

A spare seat binder bolt is worth carrying, especially if your bike takes one of the Campag non-keyed ones. They are notorious for snapping without warning. Riding home while standing all the way is no fun.


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## fossyant (13 Jan 2021)

Vengeful chainrings - I'm rebuilding a bike, better watch for them.

Slipping spanners - ditto.

Hitting head on bike stand - double ditto


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## HLaB (13 Jan 2021)

Ming the Merciless said:


> Squirrels 🐿 trying to take you out when cycling near trees. Always have nuts ready to throw to the side to divert the crafty buggers.


Just read this:

https://www.trainerroad.com/forum/t/how-to-improve-bike-handling/50763/19?u=hlab 



> I’ve been doing all my TR workouts on Elite quick motion rollers since ~November (not my first use of rollers, but first time I’ve used them consistently for anything other than recovery spins). Saturday I hit a squirrel at ~19 mph. It flipped the squirrel into the air, sommersaulting like some kind of furry Cirque de Soleil act. It briefly bounced off my crotch then hit my left shin (I had unclipped by this point), and I managed to swing my leg and flick him away. I stayed upright during all this, despite the “speedbump” effect of hitting the hairy little rat, and the ensuing panic that he was going to bite my privates. I credit the roller training to keeping me upright. I highly endorse rollers if you have any plans of running over wildlife


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## Trickedem (13 Jan 2021)

Ming the Merciless said:


> Level crossings at sharp angle to road or not same height. To mitigate get off and walk.


Calling @StuAff


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## Trickedem (13 Jan 2021)

A herd of deer ran between me and another rider on a fast descent in Ashdown Forest.
I was attacked by those nasty Australian magpies when I rode in the country side outside Perth.
A few bee/wasp stings along the way. Luckily I don't react too badly to these.
I could have avoided falling off, by not picking blackberries whilst clipped in.


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## slowmotion (13 Jan 2021)

Tram tracks in Amsterdam. Never cross them at an angle less than 30 degrees. You'll have a lot of eye-rolling locals looking at you.


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## roley poley (13 Jan 2021)

whilst sitting on a sun lit grassy knoll to drink in the stunning view the ants let me know they didn't like me sat on their house


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## ebikeerwidnes (13 Jan 2021)

May be relevant in some places
but my Dad always warned me to avoid tram tracks
apparently - and in the 1930's/40's if you rode over tram tracks at the wrong angle the tyre would pop through the track and drag the rim with it
the only solution was to ride to the depot - where they would be experienced in getting bikes out

exactly what you do if a tram comes up behind you was unclear - partly because these stories often came up in a pub when I was mid twenties and there were a lot of stories he had to share when my Mum was not around (air show at RAF Fairford - where he was based for a while in the war - wish we could have had more time)

personally - low level hazards - small dogs with little legs
nearly had one chipped in the spokes over the summer - seemed to be trying to attack the tyre
only saved by the owned having it on an an extending lead which he pulled back
damn close


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## SkipdiverJohn (14 Jan 2021)

Oldhippy said:


> I'm with Ming, squirrels. Not convinced they don't work together and celebrate if they down a cyclist.



You don't need to be on a bike to have encounters with squirrels. I surprised one at work the other day, as I walked up a short flight of concrete steps to an open external door. A sand-filled fire bucket was being used as a doorstop and the squirrel was sitting in the bucket on the sand. Suddenly it launched itself up in the air and landed on my shoulder, pausing for a moment before running down my back and scurrying away. It's bushy tail was twitching inches away from my face, so I hope it wasn't carrying any fleas!


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## raleighnut (14 Jan 2021)

If you're riding down a cyclepath and there's a post DO NOT look at the post, look at the gap. I've seen 2 people ride straight into these posts.


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## rogerzilla (14 Jan 2021)

roley poley said:


> whilst sitting on a sun lit grassy knoll to drink in the stunning view the ants let me know they didn't like me sat on their house


And put you off your aim.


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## Bazzer (14 Jan 2021)

Wildlife is great, as long as it doesn't come near you or your bike while riding. I've been offed by a badger. At least a grey squirrel can be run over, both without coming off and with a clean conscience. Pheasants are stupid birds as said upthread and have the capacity to get you off. Having an owl flying in front of you while riding is both exiting and slightly worrying as is seeing an adult buzzard on a fence post about four metres from you and about to launch itself.


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## Domus (14 Jan 2021)

Think I will stay in bed. Sounds dangerous out there.


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## nickyboy (14 Jan 2021)

Domus said:


> Think I will stay in bed. Sounds dangerous out there.


Frankly, it's a miracle we've all lived this long


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## matticus (14 Jan 2021)

History is written by the winners


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## ebikeerwidnes (14 Jan 2021)

To take the concept of 'low level' rather literally
The lowest level risk round here is hawthorn hedge thorns - I don;t know why the Army spend so much money on anti-tank missiles - hawthorn thorns seem to be able to penetrate anything - just put a layer of them on the front of a shell and it will go right through the enemy tank!!!

I use 'puncture resistant' tyres but these damn things still manage to get through the kevlar layer - so I put that goo stuff in as well.
Last summer I still managed to get a slow puncture caused bya thorn - when I checked the whole tyre I took 7 other thorns out of the rubber - all had penetrated into the tube but the goo had fixed it!


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## flake99please (14 Jan 2021)

Deer. I did a night ride a few years back and was almost taken out by one running across my path.


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## StuAff (14 Jan 2021)

Trickedem said:


> Calling @StuAff


Level crossings, I've never had an issue with. Honest.


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## Ming the Merciless (14 Jan 2021)

A crank arm falling off when pedalling uphill. Mitigation is to check bolts every now and again and tighten up as necessary. Don’t ignore if you hear creaks, check for the source.


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## Ajax Bay (14 Jan 2021)

Midges
Mitigation: Limit stops to one minute.





Side of Loch Linnhe in September. Little b****ds.
Following day riding out of Lairg towards the Crask Inn, wearing my rain jacket even though it was dry and temperate, it seemed as if I was riding into a hail storm (small stones).


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## Hover Fly (14 Jan 2021)

Bernina Pass SW Switzerland, the road and metre gauge railway both go through a through a train-width gap for quite a length; being in that gap when the warning bells start to ring is quite alarming.


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## wajc (14 Jan 2021)

One for the Zwifters - this happened to a colleague of mine last year.

When using the bike on a turbo (non direct drive) make sure that there is nothing shaped like a big stick in the vicinity (in this case a pole to aid opening of a window), just in case it happens to fall directly in to the rear wheel, get trapped in the spokes and then result in a cracked/damaged seat stay.


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## Ming the Merciless (14 Jan 2021)

Ajax Bay said:


> Midges
> Mitigation: Limit stops to one minute.
> View attachment 568851
> 
> ...



Mitigation midge head net


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## Ajax Bay (14 Jan 2021)

I was carrying one, but I judged putting it on and taking it off was a disproportionate faff. Quickly changed maps, secured the bag and hopped it, faster that they could chase, to the Corran ferry.


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## Low Gear Guy (15 Jan 2021)

Being shot blasted by the gritting lorry.


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## PaulSB (15 Jan 2021)

Being pulled from your bike by an overly aggressive Himalayan Balsam plant.

Once riding a local cycle path I slowly descended on the short incline which ends as a literal 90⁰ right hander. Knowing the left hand side of the path would be wet and mossy I was careful to keep to the centre of the path while turning.

As I exited the turn the highly dangerous Himalayan Balsam leapt from the hedgerow assaulting me by wrapping itself in the crook of my right elbow. Wary of tackling such an aggressive plant I continued to ride away only to be pulled backwards and off my bike.

After I had recovered my dignity, and my buddies had finished laughing, I sneaked up while it's back was turned, pulled it from the ground to wither and die.


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## Drago (15 Jan 2021)

Failing to do pre ride checks and suffering a nasty mechanical.


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## oldwheels (15 Jan 2021)

A golf ball hit my front tyre in Shetland near where Drago has a cottage. Not sure if it was an incompetent golfer slicing the ball or he was really aiming for my head. When I stopped both golfers were studying the wind turbines on the nearby hill top.


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## ebikeerwidnes (15 Jan 2021)

off topic - but many many years ago I used to walk my dog along a path next to a golf course

I often saw balls sail ove my head and land on the beach - I normally went down and gave it back to them

one day a ball actually hit me from behind - by the time I realised what it was it had hit the concrete path and was about 20 foot up - it ended up bouncing down to the beach
2 golfers appeared and asked me (I was still confused) if I had seen a golf ball - I said 'yes - it hit me' - it's down there

cheeky gets asked me to go and get it

so I went and got it

came back up and told them I was confiscated it for their lack of curtsey when they knew it had hit me - they never asked is I was OK

funny I became a teacher some years later


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## Drago (15 Jan 2021)

Abduction by aliens for sex experiments. 

Sound far fetched? Naturally, curious aliens would seek only the fittest, and the sight of me bulging in my lycra is too much for a hot blooded alien to resist. The risk is very real.


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## roley poley (15 Jan 2021)

as of today beware of idiot snowballers


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## Ajax Bay (15 Jan 2021)

Drago said:


> Abduction by aliens for sex experiments.


In your wet dreams. Do you know how low you have to stoop for the typical alien? Worse than Hobbiton. You'd end up with a b*****d back.


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## Mr Celine (15 Jan 2021)

Severely bitten lip.
Several years ago I was out for a ride in the countryside on a lovely sunny May afternoon. A young woman pedestrian was walking towards me with a very small young dog on a lead. As I approached she smiled at me and bent down to hold the dog. I was about to say 'nice puppy' but couldn't help noticing that she appeared to be suffering a wardrobe malfunction due to the very loose tee shirt she was almost wearing. To avoid an inadvertent use of the plural and consequential 'misunderstandings' I thought it best to just smile back and bite my lip. 
I had to bite it so hard I drew blood.


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## Saluki (16 Jan 2021)

Low Gear Guy said:


> Being shot blasted by the gritting lorry.


I was gritted twice, this evening.

Deer and owls seem to be my thing, on rides. Owls are quite soft as they whizz silently past, really close, and a wingtip goes across your nose. Deer are thick, wait until you are right by them, then leap out in front of you. Possibly in league with squirrels.


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## HMS_Dave (16 Jan 2021)

Drago said:


> Abduction by aliens for sex experiments.
> 
> Sound far fetched? Naturally, curious aliens would seek only the fittest, and the sight of me bulging in my lycra is too much for a hot blooded alien to resist. The risk is very real.


I think the Aliens may be looking for active examples of what is meant by the term "Turtles Head"...


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## Pale Rider (16 Jan 2021)

Wet paint on a car park hand rail in central Manchester - I was pushing the bike back to the car after a ride.


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## Oldhippy (16 Jan 2021)

I apologise if this seems a really stupid question to some possibly but as someone who uses a bike for everyday transport, why do people put a bike in a car to go for a ride?


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## oldwheels (16 Jan 2021)

Saluki said:


> I was gritted twice, this evening.
> 
> Deer and owls seem to be my thing, on rides. Owls are quite soft as they whizz silently past, really close, and a wingtip goes across your nose. Deer are thick, wait until you are right by them, then leap out in front of you. Possibly in league with squirrels.


I know of 2 guys who wrote off bikes hitting the same deer at the same time as they were racing on the way to work. In a car they are a menace it night particularly in winter.


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## Ming the Merciless (16 Jan 2021)

Low Gear Guy said:


> Being shot blasted by the gritting lorry.



I was hit in my right ear last Sunday. It certainly was painful. The terrors of riding gritted roads when they are actually gritting.


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## roubaixtuesday (16 Jan 2021)

Oldhippy said:


> I apologise if this seems a really stupid question to some possibly but as someone who uses a bike for everyday transport, why do people put a bike in a car to go for a ride?



Doing the Fred Whitton from my door might be a bit of a stretch...


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## Ming the Merciless (16 Jan 2021)

Oldhippy said:


> I apologise if this seems a really stupid question to some possibly but as someone who uses a bike for everyday transport, why do people put a bike in a car to go for a ride?



Fresh roads . They want to ride in some fresh scenery but it’s too far for them to cycle from home.


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## Ming the Merciless (16 Jan 2021)

Saluki said:


> I was gritted twice, this evening.
> 
> Deer and owls seem to be my thing, on rides. Owls are quite soft as they whizz silently past, really close, and a wingtip goes across your nose. Deer are thick, wait until you are right by them, then leap out in front of you. Possibly in league with squirrels.



Badgers 🦡 at night as well if you are mtn biking near their sett.


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## Teamfixed (16 Jan 2021)

All sorts round here.... fridgefreezers, sacks of rubble, even the occasional piano.😑


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## ebikeerwidnes (16 Jan 2021)

Ming the Merciless said:


> I was hit in my right ear last Sunday. It certainly was painful. The terrors of riding gritted roads when they are actually gritting.


One went past me yesterday afternoon
The nice person driving switched the thing off as he/she came up to me then put it back on as soon as they had got past


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## Juan Kog (17 Jan 2021)

Oldhippy said:


> I apologise if this seems a really stupid question to some possibly but as someone who uses a bike for everyday transport, why do people put a bike in a car to go for a ride?





roubaixtuesday said:


> Doing the Fred Whitton from my door might be a bit of a stretch...


I understand why those taking part in events a longer distance from home will resort to car or train . But when I started using a different route into town for the club run start , I was very surprised by the amount of club members taking their bikes out of their cars. I realise some cyclists regard cycling as purely exercise or a sport and would be quite shocked that some see it as a viable form of transport.


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## ebikeerwidnes (17 Jan 2021)

A few of years ago I was on a longish ride on my ebike - which was low power pre 2016 spec

I was at about my turning round point, so I went left off the canal path and headed for the road - which went past a car park for a local pub

a bloke in the car park was just loading his mountain bike type thing onto a rack on his 2.0 diesel Mondeo
As I passed he shouted "That''s Cheating"

sooooo

I started at home - rode out to here - and am now going back home - OK - on partial electric power but mostly pedal power in those days

BUT

I'M Cheating as I have 180W of pedal assist
but you're not cheating with your 2.0 litre Diesel engine


same applies to people who 'stay local' by driving quite a few miles to a 'nice place' in order to go for a ride

thsi is not in the spirit of things - the point is to stay away from people from different area - so if you drive to a car park and there are a lot of other cars there - that is not local - because there is a good chance tha a lot of other cars are from other places.

At the moment - stick with the concept - leave from home and finish from home
or - if that is unreasonable - drive somewhere very near and unpopulated - and start and finish from there


if you are thinking - BUT I WANT TO GO TO XXXXXX - IT IS PRETTIER
then you are the problem - ride the local roads until this is all over - keep the virus away from other people and keep yourself away from other people

after this is over - I'll see you on the nice paths
until then - I wave at you as we pass on opposite of the local roads - if you live near here




for those those that do this

thank you for keeping my wife alive
funerals are a real pain to organise


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## Drago (18 Jan 2021)

Daily Mail readers.

If they don't get you on the road they'll stab you in the back off it.


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## Ming the Merciless (23 Jul 2021)

Wasps up your shorts. Watch out for the critters getting in.


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## tyred (23 Jul 2021)

I got bitten by dogs on three occasions. 

A goose tried to attack me. 

A small bird hit me on the cheek at speed and left a bruise. 

A wasp got trapped behind my glasses and stung me on the eyelid which swole up. 

Any time I leave my bike against a hedge a horse seems to materialise from nowhere and try to eat my Carradice saddle bag.


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## ianrauk (23 Jul 2021)

tyred said:


> A wasp got trapped behind my glasses and stung me on the eyelid which swole up.



Funny you say that. Only on this mornings cycle commute. Wasp, bee or other loud buzzy creature got stuck behind one of the arms of my glasses. Mild panic took hold as I had to quickly get rid of the critter.


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## Drago (23 Jul 2021)

When off roading at night then there is a remote risk of either being attacked by a Predator, or caught in the crossfire as Major Dutch Shaeffer fights with a predator.


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## CanucksTraveller (23 Jul 2021)

Oh I love this thread! I'm glad it's been resurrected by Emperor Ming. I actually don't have many to add, I must have had a charmed life. 

Wasp or bee sting (not sure which) on the arm and torso. 
Propositioned for sex by a man at a bus stop while fixing puncture. 
Completely running out of patches and glue on a filthy wet day and limping home deflated. 
Shouted at by very angry drunk man after my dislodged / fallen front light startled him. 

They're about my most unusual. The drunk man was funny, I think he shat himself and his reaction was to fight the thing that had made him jump.


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## Once a Wheeler (23 Jul 2021)

Dog attack: keep riding, bash it with your pump, wash the blood off your spokes when clear of the incident.
If you use tyres with covers and inner tubes, carry a 10cm section of cover with you. Place it inside the fitted cover when afflicted with an almighty gash, and it should get your home. Obviously requires a spare inner or sheets of inner-tube patching as well.
A golden oldie this: if a cotter works loose on the road and cannot be tightened with a few turns of the nut, break off a section of the brass electrical contact on your antique Ever Ready battery:



and slide it on top of the flat of the cotter pin. Tap in and tighten. On tour, this once served me well for a week. If well-judged, enough of the contact is left to ensure the light works.
In deepest winter, wear something with a big inside pocket. When the contents of your bottle freezes, put bottle in pocket.


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## Dogtrousers (23 Jul 2021)

CanucksTraveller said:


> Oh I love this thread! I'm glad it's been resurrected by Emperor Ming. I actually don't have many to add, I must have had a charmed life.
> 
> Wasp or bee sting (not sure which) on the arm and torso.
> Propositioned for sex by a man at a bus stop while fixing puncture.
> ...


On Friday Night Rides drunks are a significant problem. Riders have had chips thrown at them, and drunk lads love running out into the road to push riders off their bikes. I've twice been subject to this but have managed to avoid them, but I have seen a rider brought down by a drunk. That's just in my experience, I'm sure there are other war stories.

Last week's FNRttC was very unusual in that the drunks were all good natured, probably due to lockdown ending.


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## dave r (23 Jul 2021)

Reading this thread it appears that I've led a some what dull life, I'm struggling to remember any low level risks that I've encountered.


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## gbb (23 Jul 2021)

SkipdiverJohn said:


> You don't need to be on a bike to have encounters with squirrels. I surprised one at work the other day, as I walked up a short flight of concrete steps to an open external door. A sand-filled fire bucket was being used as a doorstop and the squirrel was sitting in the bucket on the sand. Suddenly it launched itself up in the air and landed on my shoulder, pausing for a moment before running down my back and scurrying away. It's bushy tail was twitching inches away from my face, so I hope it wasn't carrying any fleas!


Slightly OT but with this in mind....
I called out to my wife one day...
'here, there's a squirrel climbing up Emmas wall, its half way up the house'
As i watched it climb vertically between two of her windows, her daughter (maybe 8) looked out the window (brilliant timing) to come face to face with this squirrel inches away as it was looking in the window.
The blood curding scream could be heard all the way up the street


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## Profpointy (23 Jul 2021)

roubaixtuesday said:


> 1: Found to be without sufficient cash for pint at Tan Hill Inn
> 
> <snipped>
> 
> Advice: Always carry enough cash for an emergency pint.



That's good advice. Whilst I'd always carry enough cash for a sensible number of pints it's well worth bringing a bit extra in case you need an emergency pint as well


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## Profpointy (23 Jul 2021)

roubaixtuesday said:


> Yikes! I had a hare do that to me once - ran perhaps 6 feet ahead of me at about 30 mph, over what seemed like quite a long way at the time...



That happened to me on the road by Nant y Moch reservoir near Aberystwyth if anyone knows the area. I must have chased the hare for about two miles till he ran off into the hedge. I guess as he could run fast he was used to out-running potential threats rather than ducking and diving like most prey animals. I probably should have stopped but honestly didn't think he'd just run straight downthe road


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## kayakerles (23 Jul 2021)

Dogtrousers said:


> On Friday Night Rides drunks are a significant problem. Riders have had chips thrown at them, and drunk lads love running out into the road to push riders off their bikes. I've twice been subject to this but have managed to avoid them, but I have seen a rider brought down by a drunk. That's just in my experience, I'm sure there are other war stories.
> 
> Last week's FNRttC was very unusual in that the drunks were all good natured, probably due to lockdown ending.


Wow... I grew up in NYC in my teens and 20’s where I would expect to see such things happen, but never did. What some people do for fun! That could really pi$$ someone off, especially if your bike got damaged. Oh yeah, or getting hurt.


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## Ming the Merciless (23 Jul 2021)

gbb said:


> Slightly OT but with this in mind....
> I called out to my wife one day...
> 'here, there's a squirrel climbing up Emmas wall, its half way up the house'
> As i watched it climb vertically between two of her windows, her daughter (maybe 8) looked out the window (brilliant timing) to come face to face with this squirrel inches away as it was looking in the window.
> The blood curding scream could be heard all the way up the street



Did the squirrel recover after it screamed?


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## Ming the Merciless (23 Jul 2021)

Toads crossing roads when it’s wet.


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## Smokin Joe (23 Jul 2021)

Ming the Merciless said:


> Toads crossing roads when it’s wet.


On the E1 25 mile TT course toads used to be a problem at Duxford when I started racing in the late sixties. They don't half go pop when a high pressure tubular tyre catches them amidships.


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## slowmotion (23 Jul 2021)

Dogtrousers said:


> On Friday Night Rides drunks are a significant problem. Riders have had chips thrown at them, and drunk lads love running out into the road to push riders off their bikes. I've twice been subject to this but have managed to avoid them, but I have seen a rider brought down by a drunk. That's just in my experience, I'm sure there are other war stories.
> 
> Last week's FNRttC was very unusual in that the drunks were all good natured, probably due to lockdown ending.


For some reason, the pissheads in the Medway towns seem to be unusually stroppy.


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## TheDoctor (23 Jul 2021)

Discovering an unexpected hill.
Cassel is in the very flat bit of France, near the Belgian border and the coast. It's on top of the only hill for aaaaages in any direction. 176m doesn't sound all that high, but you climb it from just-about sea level. It has a fair few restaurants and bars


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## raleighnut (24 Jul 2021)

Smokin Joe said:


> On the E1 25 mile TT course toads used to be a problem at Duxford when I started racing in the late sixties. They don't half go pop when a high pressure tubular tyre catches them amidships.


Bit different to 'pinging' a stone.


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## taximan (24 Jul 2021)

Young ladies in Mini Skirts.

Back in the sixties I was riding along Linthorpe Road in Middlesbrough, ( very busy shopping area in those days) when I spotted my first ever mini skirt 😲. I was so surprised to see what I saw .......................... that my bike sort of started to wobble and I finished up in a heap in the middle of the road. It was quite embarrassing really.


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## Ming the Merciless (24 Jul 2021)

TheDoctor said:


> Discovering an unexpected hill.
> Cassel is in the very flat bit of France, near the Belgian border and the coast. It's on top of the only hill for aaaaages in any direction. 176m doesn't sound all that high, but you climb it from just-about sea level. It has a fair few restaurants and bars
> View attachment 600622



Must have taken ages stopping at the restaurants and bars on the way up.


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## TheDoctor (24 Jul 2021)

Sadly, all the bars etc are at the top!


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## Supersuperleeds (24 Jul 2021)

Gated roads. I will say no more in fear of feeling the wrath from @13 rider


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## 13 rider (24 Jul 2021)

Supersuperleeds said:


> Gated roads. I will say no more in fear of feeling the wrath from @13 rider


Gated roads are perfectly safe ,It's the bloody gates that are dangerous !!!!
You forget the massive favour I did you by hitting it before you could


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## Supersuperleeds (24 Jul 2021)

13 rider said:


> Gated roads are perfectly safe ,It's the bloody gates that are dangerous !!!!
> You forget the massive favour I did you by hitting it before you could



I mitigated my risk by staying behind you.


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## Julia9054 (24 Jul 2021)

I once got hit on the leg by a pigeon dropping out of the sky with a broken neck. Whether it had been dropped by a bird of prey or garotted itself taking off and hitting a power line who knows?
A guy on a motorcycle going the other way saw the incident and stopped. We stared at the poor thing twitching its last for a while then I nominated him to shift it to the verge on account of the fact that his gloves were more substantial than mine.


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## dave r (24 Jul 2021)

Supersuperleeds said:


> Gated roads. I will say no more in fear of feeling the wrath from @13 rider



gated roads, you've reminded me, a gated road many years ago, with a cattle grid, one of the cross pieces on the cattle grid was missing and had been replaced with a fence post tied in place with twine.


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## dave r (24 Jul 2021)

While I'm thinking about it, free range sheep, the road past St Giles church riding into Chesterton from the private farm road, there's no fences down that road and the sheep are as likely to be on the road as they are likely to be on the grass.


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## Jenkins (24 Jul 2021)

Badgers, based on my last two late night commutes.


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## Paulus (25 Jul 2021)

Sunburn. On the days we get a sunny day, don't forget the factor 50, particularly on the ears. They are very painful when burnt.


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## kayakerles (26 Jul 2021)

Loose leaves on moist trails. I thought my mountain bike's fat tires could hold to any ground, and I suppose they could, but wet leaves under great tires DON'T stick _*to other slippery leaves*_ under them. Zipping around a not-even-sharp curve and all of a sudden, Zooop! I’m laying under my bike looking up at the trees!  Lesson learned.


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## kayakerles (26 Jul 2021)

Also, deer shooting across trails on protected grounds, the kind where no hunting is allowed (I’m talking about trails relatively close to human populations). I had a momma deer bolt across the trail only @ 1m in front of me. By the time my gaping mouth closed, I was past her and didn’t even have time to use my brakes. She then nonchalantly grazed for food close to the other side of the trail.


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## Aravis (26 Jul 2021)

Horses that get spooked by passing trains
Toy guns poking out of bushes


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## kayakerles (26 Jul 2021)

And non-toy guns poking out of bushes!


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## Punkawallah (26 Jul 2021)

Gah! It’s a miracle I’ve survived so long :-)


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## SpokeyDokey (26 Jul 2021)

Fresh cow crap - very slippery and a definite risk. Especially if a hundred of the dim-witted buggers have recently sauntered along the lane that you are riding on.


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## Mike_P (26 Jul 2021)

Falling leafs of the spikey variety, there I was cycling along a narrow lane in June last year when I got stabbed in a finger by such. Took around a week to finally extract the buried bit.


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## Nomadski (26 Jul 2021)

Tram lines just after traffic lights, taken too acutely causing an embarrassing, extremely slow but actually very bloody accident that only a Mars Bar can mitigate.

Also, kerbs taken too acutely that rips a hole in your brand new £200 water resistant Castelli long bibs while school children laugh at you.

Lesson to learn: take tramlines and kerbs as head on as possible!

I specialise in very public 5mph accidents.


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## Tigerbiten (27 Jul 2021)

My unexpected risk was the road tunnels in Iceland.
Iceland has underground heating and the air in the road tunnels can be warmer and damper than the outside air.
With cold enough outside air, there was enough of a difference which caused my glasses to fog up just after I entered a tunnel.
It made for a "fun" couple of minutes until I could keep the lenses fog free.

Luck .........


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## PapaZita (29 Jul 2021)

If wearing clips and straps with cleated shoes, and hoping to avoid the faff of loosening the straps when stopping beside a wall, be sure to pay attention to the length of your arm in relation to the distance to the wall. Some angles of lean are harder to escape from than others.


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