# Stress has caught up with me.



## steveindenmark (24 Feb 2016)

On Monday I was instructed by my doctor to take 4 weeks off work in order to combat work related stress. It has come as a shock but I knew things were not quite right with me.

The strange thing about it is that I have never suffered from stress before although I served 12 years in the military and 8 years as a police officer. I was obviously subjected to stressful situations, but they were in short sharp episodes and then normality set in again.

I have worked in the sail making Industry for the past 13 years. Not the most dangerous occupation in the World and not where you think stress could strike, but here is a lesson for everyone.

I have found that stress is like an empty cup that receives a drop of water every now and again and then the drops stop. Then they start again and stop. The problem comes when there is no room left in the cup and even the smallest drop makes the cup overflow.

This has what has happened to me and it could be happening to you as well.

To keep up with the amount of work I have to do, I have always worked long hours and lots of overtime. I work alongside a collegue who also works long hours and overtime. My collegue was injured a couple of months ago and is on sick leave. Much of his work was passed on to me as he was replaced by someone who was not as efficient as my collegue. I was told recently that the relacement was being moved and I was getting a brand new collegue who knew nothing of our work and I would have to train them. In fact I was now doing my job, which I struggled to manage and also my collegues job which he struggled to manage as well as training someone new.

Management being management could not see my opinion that what they were asking was impossible. Bearing in mind that management have never cut a sail and I have spent 13 years cutting thousands of them.

I then started to start having chest and arm pains, headaches, lack of apetite and was almost in tears. When I tried to sit still I could feel my insides constantly quivering. It was exhausting.

Thats when I went to see the doctor who told me to remove myself from the stress for 4 weeks. After 3 weeks I need to talk to management to see if a resolution can be found. I know the Company does not want me to leave and that the production manager is also under pressure to get work completed.

I sent an e mail to the production manager setting out the problems and the doctors findings. His reply was that I should return to work and face my troubles head on.

At that stage I began to lose sympathy with the Company.

I am now at home, pretty bored and thinking I am letting people down. 

This has totally knocked me sidewards and never considered myself a candidate for stress and this has come out of the blue.

Has anyone suffered this badly from stress and do they have any hints?


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## stephec (24 Feb 2016)

You're not letting anyone down.

It sounds more like your bosses have let you down.


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## MarkF (24 Feb 2016)

Don't go back to work until you are 100%! My wife's boss was urged to return to work after being told to take time out by her doctor, he also urged her to cancel a £5k holiday such was his concern for her mental state. She did so, but under pressure, returned to work, now just few months later she has been sectioned. 

Now my wife is in your recent position, she is doing her job + her bosses and not getting much managerial support.


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## twentysix by twentyfive (24 Feb 2016)

steveindenmark said:


> At that stage I began to lose sympathy with the Company.
> 
> ............... and thinking I am letting people down.



Sounds like you have a bad set of man managers and a loss of sympathy is the correct result. They are letting you down not the other way around. Ignore their panics and look after yourself now as these people either don't understand or don't care.

I say this because I've been there and been very ill indeed. 

Take care of yourself - nothing else matters right now. Indeed stop communicating with them and find something nice to distract you - bike rides are great for that


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## Drago (24 Feb 2016)

I have suffered a nasty breakdown as a result of cumulative stress.

I couldn't find a magic bullet. Do as your Doctor says, find something to keep you occupied which won't bring its own stress, and plan what you will change in the future to avoid the problem recurring. By regaining control you avoid the stress. Act now, before it becomes a big-O problem.

I did get sent to see a counsellor for CBT. It was a bitter sweet experience. First off, a psychologist I know reckoned there was little clear evidence that CBT accelerated a person's recovery. On the other, she was a right fit young lass and an hour with her every week was far from unpleasant!

Good luck buddy.


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## martint235 (24 Feb 2016)

I started suffering panic attacks about 13 years ago. The first came on a holiday to Santorini, I had no idea what was happening, all I knew was that I had to get off the island and home as soon as possible. This was in the middle of the night. In daylight and with the help of alcohol I got through the holiday and had a fairly good time. Bizarrely, the beach at Santorini is my "safe place" when panic attacks start.

When I got back to the UK I saw my GP and we assumed it was a one off. She thought it had been caused by moving from a high stress environment to one of little or zero stress. However I continued to get them to a debilitating extent often having 3 or more weeks off work with them. I was put on diazepam for a while and then I was sent for counselling and although I was extremely sceptical at first, it did really help and I'd recommend it.

When they first started, I felt robbed in a way. I was reduced from a confident person who used to give presentations to hundreds of people to one who couldn't walk down the street as I was terrified someone would ask me what time it was.

I've got better although I still have attacks. I better able to cope and manage them now. About a year ago I was on temp promotion at work and felt the old feelings returning and so reluctantly gave up the posting. These things have to be done.

I wish you luck and don't feel you are letting people down. I just don't think the stresses of modern life were built into our design and often we will pile more stress on ourselves because we think "But I can't be stressed" or "I need to pull myself together". These are both wrong.


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## AlanW (24 Feb 2016)

Having suffered with it a couple of years ago, all I would suggest is to distance yourself from work as soon as possible and then get out on your bike! Plan a few long day rides and simply go with the flow, best tonic in the world.

Sounds like your company was like mine and tried everything they could not to let me have that all important time away. Its up to you which option you decide, but your health and well being is more important than anything else.

In truth I just didn't see it coming either, and it was only during a team meeting that I finally realised that all wasn't as it should be. The manager drew a curved line on a wipe board starting low then going up in a arced curve up then back down again. We were then asked to put our initials next to where ever we thought we were on the curve, top, bottom or in the middle etc etc. Each person then had to stand up and sign it and then explain to the team why they had put there initials there.

When it came to my turn, I stood up and walked to the board and just looked at it. I looked at this curve probably deeper than was intended if I am honest, but then signed my name right at the bottom of the curve. Turned to face everyone to explain my logic and couldn't say anything because it was just to overwhelming.


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## Markymark (24 Feb 2016)

Humans are equipped to deal with immediate stress of being attacked etc from predators. We are not equipped to deal with long term stress that bubbles away for hours at a time every day.


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## Hill Wimp (24 Feb 2016)

Steve you have my heartfelt sympathies. I have been off work since the end of November and i was finally diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue and Fybromyalgia. I had a very stressful job working very long and silly hours. I knew i wasn't right for about 12mths before i was signed off but battled through until something happened at work that made me realise i had to do something. I couldn't even look at my bike without feeling sick.

Since i have been off i have joined a fantastic meditation group whom i meet with 3 times a week with one session at sunrise on the beach. This has helped me enormously and has kept me sane through some quite dark times. I have been walking as much as i can, doing yoga and my various crafts and im now returning to work for 2 half days starting Monday. I am lucky i have great bosses that have kept the perfect distance allowing me to recover without pressure but always being there. 

I still have a long road ahead of me but meditation for me stops my world long enough for me to catch my breath and look at things calmly.

Hope things turn for the better with you soon.


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## srw (24 Feb 2016)

Anti-anxiety drugs (SSRIs) can help make things seem more manageable, but ultimately if you're not getting the right support at work they're not a fix.

I was lucky - I _did _get the right support at work, and also at home. Although why that should be down to luck beats me.


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## biggs682 (24 Feb 2016)

@steveindenmark do as instructed and if need be find a less stressful employment


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## migrantwing (24 Feb 2016)

@steveindenmark 

Find another company. It's obvious they don't care enough about you as a person, they only value your expertise, dedication, experience and knowledge which is obviously only benefiting themselves and the company's £'s.

The last three jobs I have had have been for large companies and they have *ALL *let me down in similar, and also different ways, ranging from not receiving my final pay (which I have no hope in hell of receiving now) to cutting my hours to a minimum then making me work 50+ hours the following week. I have also blatantly been lied to on numerous occasions from management. One of the jobs I had was in a warehouse. I got the job, all was good until one morning the previous warehouse manager came in. I asked him why he'd left the position and was he OK working under me as I now had his job title. "I never left, mate" he said, "I was on a two week holiday". They lied to me so that they could fill a job role whilst the guy was on holiday, *NOT *because they had a position to fill. Companies shouldn't be doing these things, but they do.

Life is too short, my friend. Sadly, money is more important than it ever has been in this day and age. Either come to some arrangement with your company (a little compromise from both sides can go a long way) or seriously look elsewhere. My girlfriend is a beautiful, bubbly, lively, happy-go-lucky young woman and she is now taking anti-depressants, mainly because of work related stress/unhappiness and the idiots she has to work with.

Look after number one! I wish you the best.


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## mustang1 (24 Feb 2016)

The joke in all this is I'm glad you make sails and not parachutes.

Kidding aside however it's very nice of you to tell us about this and the symptoms. The problem I see is you still have to go back at the end of the 4 weeks. It's a bit like people telling me they need a holiday: yes, I see you need a holiday, but the person is coming back to the thing they needed a holiday from. It's great to take a break, but if you're going back to the pressure cooker, will things not heat (what an excellent pun!) up again?

I used to take a couple of long breaks a year but now I prefer to take shorter but more regular breaks. Idk if that is possible for you or if it can help.

I don't have experience of stress at work to the level you bad it but wishing you and the company a good compromise.

Edit: fixed typo.


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## postman (24 Feb 2016)

Please take this time off.Of course you seem bored,you have been working full out for years.Your body and mind has had enough,i know i went thought this back in 87.It was the reason i took up cycling.When you do go back,you must go back on short hours ,maybe four hours a day,then build up to six finally a full attendance.Please take this as a warning,take the time out.Bored go for a walk to a cafe,have conversations about the weather ,sport,news with people.Do the opposite from work.Don't let the company railroad you into going back too early.Take care.


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## steveindenmark (24 Feb 2016)

Thanks for your swift replies guys. Odd as this may sound and I dont mean it literally "Im glad Im not the only one out there".

The hardest thing to come to terms with is that I have always enjoyed my work. The rest of my life is perfect, except for that elusive lottery win. But I have a nice home which is almost paid for, a lovely partner, plenty of money in the bank, a reasonable pension from the UK every month, lots of bikes. I am usually in very good health apart from accident damage, which is expected.

I will take on board some of your suggestions. I am struggling to get off the sofa at the moment but I know that wont do me any good.

Onwards and upwards.


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## martint235 (24 Feb 2016)

steveindenmark said:


> Thanks for your swift replies guys. Odd as this may sound and I dont mean it literally "Im glad Im not the only one out there".
> 
> The hardest thing to come to terms with is that I have always enjoyed my work. The rest of my life is perfect, except for that elusive lottery win. But I have a nice home which is almost paid for, a lovely partner, plenty of money in the bank, a reasonable pension from the UK every month, lots of bikes. I am usually in very good health apart from accident damage, which is expected.
> 
> ...


I'd say in the early days, don't force yourself to do anything. Lie on the sofa for a while longer, read, research bike stuff on the interweb. You'll know when it's time to start doing stuff again and then you can start.

I was very lucky with my doctor (although writing that, it sounds bad and it shouldn't be that way) but she was very clear from the outset that she would never send me back to work, it would be my decision.

There are more and more people in your situation you're certainly not the only one, unfortunately there's still a reluctance to bring it out into the open.


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## migrantwing (24 Feb 2016)

steveindenmark said:


> I will take on board some of your suggestions. I am struggling to get off the sofa at the moment but I know that wont do me any good.



As someone who lacks motivation of any sort (my Father's genes) just get up off the sofa and take a walk to the shop, or go in the garden or go visit a friend and definitely get out on your bike. I suffer from crippling downers and depression but don't take medication as they don't help me personally, but seriously, get out there. Clean the windows, repot a plant, take the bins out, paint the fence. Anything but sit there because when you feel better, which you certainly will, you'll regret the minutes, hours and days you sat on your a**e


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## Spinney (24 Feb 2016)

steveindenmark said:


> Odd as this may sound and I dont mean it literally "Im glad Im not the only one out there".


I got sent on a kind of 'coping with worry' course a couple of years ago for various reasons, and I thought that one of the most helpful things was finding that I wasn't the only one! 
The important thing is that others have been there _and come through it_.


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## swee'pea99 (24 Feb 2016)

steveindenmark said:


> I sent an e mail to the production manager setting out the problems and the doctors findings. His reply was that I should return to work and face my troubles head on.


That's disgraceful.


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## migrantwing (24 Feb 2016)

We are extremely complex creatures, yet the cures for most of our ailments are extremely simple


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## migrantwing (24 Feb 2016)

swee'pea99 said:


> That's disgraceful.



It is indeed.


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## Andrew_P (24 Feb 2016)

I found\find meditation helpful. In the midst of a rather major and prolonged first attack off Stress/Anxiety/Panic I was eventfully sent after a raft of medical tests to a local session with MIND, where they had a guided relaxation (meditation) session I recall to this day how amazed I was how different I felt afterwards although it only lasted 30 minutes it did teach me the difference between relaxed and not relaxed..

Hope you feel better and don't rush back or maybe even look for another job. 

My cycling is an antidote to stress, works most of the time.


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## Rooster1 (24 Feb 2016)

Blimey. Yes - I've had the chest pains and I do get stressed to the point of being in a very bad way mentally. I've got a few techniques I use to try and bring myself around. In my situation, I tend to think i'm in an impossible situation (usually overworked or I've messed something up). I end up being unpleasant to my family, and occasionally I've vented my unhappiness at work in an unproductive manor. I try and pick myself up by thinking of others that are worse of than me, and also by.... CYCLING. Cycling has helped me enormously with stress - I go out EVERY lunch time, if I can - Lucky me!

I don't make sails - that sounds amazing btw. I make Digital Media things - Apps, Online Tools - I do the designy part. How stressful can that be. Well, last year one of my projects went over budget by Double (£50K). I messed up, I got stressed. I am OK now!

I hope you can turn this around, and I hope you get the support and help you deserve and need.


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## Nigeyy (24 Feb 2016)

Steve, just wishing you good luck from across the miles. The importance of a break is sadly incredibly underestimated by some "management" teams.


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## RichK (24 Feb 2016)

Good luck Steve. Take your time & do what is right for you.


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## MikeW-71 (24 Feb 2016)

Take the time off, and more if you need it. I am going through this right now and it has taken 3 months now to feel like I'm making progress. Having spoken to my boss yesterday, I get the vibe from him that I will be managed out of the business after I return.

So I think it's time to look for a new job.

I will not be rushing back to work until I'm ready to cope.


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## pubrunner (24 Feb 2016)

steveindenmark said:


> The rest of my life is perfect, *except for that elusive lottery win*.



I suspect that there's a few on this forum who would echo this *^^^* comment;
just ensure, that you all form an orderly line behind me, in the queue for good luck & that big lottery win.


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## fossyant (24 Feb 2016)

Listen to this lot. Your employer is letting you down be making you overworked. Take the time out.

My manager has been to see me at hospital and home, and has told me they don't want me back until I am 100% fit, as apparently one of the senior managers isn't doing a great job and is currently blaming everyone else, and I'd be back into a firing line, so they want me on the ball to deal with him.

You can't 'deal head on' with doing three peoples work !


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## tyred (24 Feb 2016)

You have my utmost sympathy.

I've almost come to a complete halt on a few occasions with workplace stress and it's not nice.

You put yourself first and the company are letting you down.


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## Scoosh (24 Feb 2016)

What a sad-and-sobering-yet-so-wonderful thread ! 

@steveindenmark - you have my deepest sympathies and, as many others have said (but perhaps in not quite the same words) *STUFF THEM* ! Frankly, your company does not deserve you. If they cannot see the work you are doing, the quality and quantity of it, without having any idea of the hours you put in .... time for them to look for the 3 people they will need to replace you. 


It is sad  that so many others on CC have had/are having similar scenarios with varying outcomes.
It is WONDERFUL  to read how many of those same folk are here to help you, share their painful experiences and pass on their personal responses and results/coping mechanisms.


Time like this, threads like this - I  CC people. 
Thank you, all contributors  and all the best, Steve.


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## screenman (24 Feb 2016)

Look after yourself, I have been there many times and it is not a nice place. 

One question I would like answered is what do you do if like me you are self employed, being off work just gives more stress, this is not meant to deflect from Steve's problems.


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## velovoice (24 Feb 2016)

Full sympathies, Steve. 
I started seeing a psychologist a few weeks ago due to feeling overwhelmed from attempting to juggle so many things in so little time -- with my final law exam looming in three months' -- and struggling with feelings of anger and frustration (and guilt for those feelings!) 

The main point that came out of my first few sessions in relation to my work stress was the need to identify what are your responsibilities, and what are others' responsibilities? Are you taking on stuff that really isn't your 'problem'? (whether voluntarily or by not successfully resisting when others push it onto you) 

If (a) you weren't hired to do it, (b) you're not being paid (extra) to do it, and/or (c) you've not been promoted (so that it _is_ now your responsibility when before it wasn't, with commensurate payrise let's not forget!) --- then....

.... it's not your problem. If there's too much work, that's your employers' responsibility to sort out e.g. hire and train more people, the _right_ people. 

This was never a situation of _your_ making. You did your best, but it was not your responsibility to become the solution to what are essentially your employers' staffing and management failures. 

Enjoy your break!


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## roadrash (24 Feb 2016)

SO your employers want you back asap, so you can do the wOrk of three people for one persons wage , well of course they want you back,.... but this just proves they dont give a sh!t about you , only about themselves, look after number one , and thats YOU.


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## Kajjal (24 Feb 2016)

I have a very stressful challenging job and you have to look after yourself. It is easier said than done at times with challenges from outside work as well. Eventually i just came to the conclusion do the job well but with the minimum of effort. If you can't do everything given to you that is your managers problem not yours. To often people take pressures and responsibilities that are not theirs through wanting to do an impossible job properly.


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## screenman (24 Feb 2016)

A tip I pass on but seldom live by is stop owning other peoples problems, now if I could live by it life would be a nicer place.


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## martint235 (24 Feb 2016)

screenman said:


> A tip I pass on but seldom live by is stop owning other peoples problems, now if I could live by it life would be a nicer place.


Similar to my motto of "Not my circus, not my monkeys"


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## velovoice (24 Feb 2016)

martint235 said:


> Similar to my motto of "Not my circus, not my monkeys"


Exactly! The difficulty often lies in identifying which things are not your problem. Once you do, it can feel like a load dropping off your shoulders.


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## Fab Foodie (24 Feb 2016)

@steveindenmark ypu're in good company and many of us are in the same boat. It's good to talk. That you've been signed off for 4 weeks is a good sign, in the UK, you're lucky to get 4 days.


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## martint235 (24 Feb 2016)

User said:


> Similar but Screenman's version doesn't need explanation though.


Do you require explanation??


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## dave r (24 Feb 2016)

My sympathies Steve, take the full four weeks and if you need it take more, spend some quality time with your other half, ride your bike, catch up with the odd jobs, or anything else you want to do, don't go back till you feel right, if you go back and things are still the same walk away and go find something that better suits you, life's too short to be working yourself into the deck.


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## sidevalve (24 Feb 2016)

It's a sad tale. I am [still] dealing with my wife's spine injury and how it has changed our lives and taken away our dreams [and changed her - a lot]. Our plans to tour on tandem and by m/cycle are now gone. Even long distance car travel and daily living is difficult. Beware the shaking hands and loss of will to carry on living. One piece of advice I can offer which may help in your case is a thought a work colleague once told me - work is a straight exchange, time for money At the end of the day you have another life - a real life. Focus on the real.
Best


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## Mrs M (24 Feb 2016)

Best wishes to you.
Sorry to hear your employer is being so selfish and unsupportive to someone who has given them loyal service and worked hard. Must be very disappointing for you (to say the least).
Hope you take the time off, de stress and get back on track.
Occupational health advisers at work can be very helpful if your company has that facility?
This can happen to any of us, it's not nice but you have taken steps to make things better .
Take care


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## Andrew_P (24 Feb 2016)

My advice is a little contradictory to most on of the other advice on here. I Would take the 4 weeks but have a face to face meeting with managers/owner and have an agreed plan for your return and your workload. The longer you are away from work the harder and more stressful it could be going back, or the thought of going back causing more anxiety/stress.


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## twentysix by twentyfive (24 Feb 2016)

Andrew_P said:


> meeting with managers/owner and have an agreed plan for your return and your workload.


That is a prerequisite of a return to work but it may better be accomplished by a third party such as the Occupational Health folks


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## steveindenmark (24 Feb 2016)

Kajjal said:


> I have a very stressful challenging job and you have to look after yourself. It is easier said than done at times with challenges from outside work as well. Eventually i just came to the conclusion do the job well but with the minimum of effort. If you can't do everything given to you that is your managers problem not yours. To often people take pressures and responsibilities that are not theirs through wanting to do an impossible job properly.



Jannie has told me this so many times. My problem in this respect is that I have pride in my work ethic and have battled and battled, not to let it get on top of me. Just letting it slide would have proved to be just as difficult for me.

I am now changing my view on that.


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## Vantage (24 Feb 2016)

Long story short, but the last job I had stressed me out so much that depression took over and one night after coming home I couldn't face going back in the next day. The letter I sent to my employer advising them I would be on sick leave was dated 2 March 2006 and I haven't been back to work since.
The evening I got home, I overdosed on insulin and tried to take "the easy way out". There was nothing easy about it.
The depression grew worse and eventually it cost me my marriage, children and home and I now see my children at the weekends and holidays. It took a lot of court time to sort that out.
Anxiety attacks popped up from all that and the doc said I had a 'coping disorder' in that if something goes wrong, I simply can't cope with it and hide away. Other medical conditions have since sprang up, some physical, some mental (no I'm not mental :P) and now I get to waste away on sick benefits for the foreseeable future. The very idea of returning to work literally scares me to death.
What is the point I'm trying to make?
Don't leave it too late! If your employers can't get it into their thick skulls that the job is making you ill, LEAVE! Get another job. Jobs come and go. Your health is permanent.


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## Kajjal (25 Feb 2016)

steveindenmark said:


> Jannie has told me this so many times. My problem in this respect is that I have pride in my work ethic and have battled and battled, not to let it get on top of me. Just letting it slide would have proved to be just as difficult for me.
> 
> I am now changing my view on that.



I know exactly what you mean and it takes a while to adjust. I went from jobs where hard work got the job done well to those where even working very long hours would still not get everything thing done. It is a big change.


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## Arrowfoot (25 Feb 2016)

@steveindenmark, based on your contributions in this forum, I would have rated you as one of the least likely person to get into this situation. Thanks for sharing and giving us the context in good detail. It is a clear indication that it can hit any of us. Wish you a speedy recovery. And hoping the management wises up.


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## byegad (25 Feb 2016)

Been there, got the T-shirt.

1. Take all of the time you need.
2. Changing jobs, even at the cost of much lower wages, saved me in the end.
3. Life is full of selfish twerps who will happily see you ill if it suits them. Don't play their game.
4. Get out and about on your bike or on foot. I found Bird Watching was restful and energising, seek your own route to good mental health, but take your time finding it. 
5. Finally, seek all of the help you local health services can give. I had months of therapy that made me see life a different way. Ultimately that helped me more than anything else. It's a wonderful world and seeing that is the key to recovery.


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## srw (25 Feb 2016)

It's worth pointing out that bosses can also feel stress. If you feel that things are running away from under you - for instance if you lose key members of staff or if some people in your team are significantly underperforming - one natural reaction is to try and do their jobs as well as your own. Which is a recipe for disaster.


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## cyberknight (25 Feb 2016)

GWS and make sure you stand your ground when and if you decide to go back to them, they have been taking advantage of you because your pride in your work has let them .
I had a similar experience over 20 years ago when i was running a gym and the owner was laid up with a bad back, i was working 15 hour days , day in day out and in the end i handed my notice in .The owner decided to take me to court as he reckoned i had been pocketing , nowt came of it obviously and the place closed down a while later .I had the same attitude and misplaced loyalty for the place and the owner and they took advantage of it .

Have you opted out of the EU working time directive ? 
They have to make you sign a form if you want to average more than 48 hours a week , otherwise they are in breach of law and they cant force you to sign one.


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## Tail End Charlie (25 Feb 2016)

Nothing to add to what's been said, but best wishes in any case.


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## steveindenmark (26 Feb 2016)

Thanks for all your input. A week has gone by and my mind is beginning to settle and take Stock.

Jannie and I have booked a Farmhouse B&B for the weekend and the weather looks good.

The really odd thing about all of this is that I can afford not to go to work. My pension from the UK covers all my outgoings. What I earn is pocket money. My pride is causing most of my problems. The problem I can see coming now is that when I go back to work, as soon as they try taking advantage, I will tell them to stuff it.

At least if I come out of work, it is the right time of year as its starting to warm up.


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## Spinney (26 Feb 2016)

Glad to read this on another thread...  
Keep 


steveindenmark said:


> *25th February*
> 
> Denmark..57km...+7 degrees...thats 12 degrees warmer than my January ride
> 
> 3 points


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## srw (26 Feb 2016)

steveindenmark said:


> Thanks for all your input. A week has gone by and my mind is beginning to settle and take Stock.
> 
> Jannie and I have booked a Farmhouse B&B for the weekend and the weather looks good.
> 
> ...


Given what you do you could probably make a success of it, or something like it, on a part-time self-employed basis.

There used to be someone in Cornwall who made bespoke bags for carrying and packing bikes - I can't find evidence online that a similar business exists any more.


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## steve50 (26 Feb 2016)

Ever considered a change in career @steveindenmark , as you say , you don't need to go to work or more to the point , you don't need to go to that stressful environment that is ruining your health. Perhaps get yourself an ice cream cart or hot dog stand (or job of your choosing) and work your own hours at your own pace, do something you enjoy, turn a hobby into an income, I did and i love "working".


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## steveindenmark (26 Feb 2016)

Steve. My life has been a change of careers. I have been in sail making for 13 years. I am 58 in May and my Danish is not that good. 

Changing careers is a bit difficult but a change of lifestyle could be on the cards.


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## Scoosh (26 Feb 2016)

Do you think you are in a sufficiently strong position (both needed-at-work and 'in yourself') to be able to _tell_ the managers at work how much time and work you can/are prepared to give them and more or less say "Take it [my offer to work for you on these terms] or _I will leave _it [your employment" ? You could perhaps email them an update on your progress and include this. 

Very tough to do and would require a lot of mental strength but it might bring them to the negotiating table with a little more respect for you and your efforts for them over the years. If they are pragmatic, they might see it as better to have you and your experience for some hours each week than waste all your skill, knowledge and experience.
Either way - that is for a couple of weeks' time, so for now - 'on yer bike, mate'


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## Racing roadkill (26 Feb 2016)

Get out of the job that's causing you the issue. In my experience, nothing will improve, it's an ingrained culture in some work environments. It sounds like a brave leap of faith, but just do it. Quit, give it a couple of weeks, then look for a new job.


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## Inertia (26 Feb 2016)

Sorry to hear you are suffering from Stress Steve, Ive not suffered from stress like that so can only wish you well. All I can think is dont rush to do anything, take this time to relax and see how you feel.


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## wait4me (9 Mar 2016)

steveindenmark said:


> That,s when I went to see the doctor who told me to remove myself from the stress for 4 weeks. After 3 weeks I need to talk to management to see if a resolution can be found. I know the Company does not want me to leave and that the production manager is also under pressure to get work completed.
> 
> Has anyone suffered this badly from stress and do they have any hints?



I was off work with stress for a few months about 12 years ago. The cause was a bullying boss. It first came out when with my wife I said "I wish I was dead" (it didn't mean I wanted to kill myself). Straight to doc on wifes orders and off work with stress and on tablets to ease problem. The tablets were a bit of help but main effect was vivid dreams (no nightmares). after about 2 months I had appointments with a counsellor and after the time on tablets I was receptive to this and it was a big big help. During all the above I probably had the most washed eyes in the county. Eventually I went back to work but never felt confident as I invariably felt before the breakdown, and within less than 9 months I left. No problems in the next job which was just for 2 years before retiring at 60. all my working life was as an electrician.
Now aged 68 I am on tablets to help my stress and am waiting to see a counsellor. Nothing to do with any work but the theory is it is related to me feeling isolated as we live 50 miles from our home town and have next to no friends in the locals after living here 10 years. Before any suggestions about cycle clubs, I am 68 slow on a bike and would be hopelessly out of touch
So now I wonder if some of us are more prone to suffering with stress from whatever cause.
Sorry for the rambling but believe me there is a cure, you will feel well again but I think leaving your current job will be a necessary part of the cure.
Very Very good luck.


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## Katherine (9 Mar 2016)

@steveindenmark how are you feeling now?


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## summerdays (9 Mar 2016)

wait4me said:


> So now I wonder if some of us are more prone to suffering with stress from whatever cause.


I think it's true that some get more stressed than others, I think I'm reasonably laid back in that respect in comparison to Mr Summerdays and my middle child. Both of them will fret over things building them up into a bigger problem than I would generally and I'm not sure I'm that good at helping de-stress them. Every night I'm getting phone calls from the middle child this week, as she needs help in how to deal with each day. And because Mr Summerdays gets more stressed than me, it's been affecting his sleep.

So I think it's down to our individual personalities, and I think those who are less easy going and who like to be very professional and not let others down try so hard to make everything perfect, when sometimes less than perfect would do, and as a result suffer more. I'm not saying that's the only form of stress but it is one I see in my family.


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## steveindenmark (10 Mar 2016)

Thanks for asking Katherine.

Being new to stress I find it hard to describe. I never thought I was the sort of person who would have to.

Non of my symptoms are noticeable to other people and I have always thought of people who take time off with stress to be shirkers, but now I am in their position, I know I was wrong.

My union paid for me to talk to a stress councillor and that was interesting. She knew what I was going to say before I said it as she hears the same story over and over again, or a variation of it. In fact a lot of what she said about work is what Jannie has told me for years.

I have a great home life. Nice home, a good pension every month from the UK, plenty of money in the bank, I don't drink or smoke and I ride 40km most days. I have been with Jannie 10 years and we have never had an argument. I can't think of anything I want. I have bikes, motorbikes, cameras. I have everything I want and so the stress is not coming from home.

At work I am often taking things on in my department which other people should be doing because people prefer me to do it. I am always sorting out problems in my department which are not my problems. I work long hours, often evening work. If something needs doing I am always the one management comes to. Nobody is delegated to look after our department and management will not delegate a team leader. If they did it would be me.

It is my work ethic that has landed me in my position. It drives me nuts to see other colleagues wandering around chatting all day while I am grafting my arxe off. This has been going on for years and management just ignore it.......my heat rate has just shot up.......breath........breath. :0)

I am in this position because for years I wanted to be the best I could possibly be at what I do for work and I was always pushing myself to do that until my body decided it was time to stop. It basically decided that overnight.
Those people who wander around chatting all day have actually got it right.

The sleeplessness, chest pains, anxiety and shakes I am experiencing now is my body telling me to back off and slow down for a while and it can take 3 months for my nervous system to reboot itself. My symptoms are normal and are good according to the stress councillor as some people do not react to the symptoms. Apparently, 1700 people die of stress related illnesses in Denmark every year.

My stress councillor asked if I stopped work now what effect would it have over the next year and my reply was it wouldn't have any effect. My pension pays all my living expenses and my salary is pocket money. But the stupid thing is that there is a box in my head that is still telling me to go back to work now and it is very hard to fight.

My biggest challenge is accepting that I am suffering from stress. Once I can do that I can start to move on.

I am looking at renewing my driving licenses and taking a Drivers CPC course in the UK in April and then looking for a little driving job locally. I am also looking at opening a dog walking business, which is unheard of in Denmark.

I am also signed up for 5 acupuncture classes which is to help relieve stress. It is in a great location not far from me.

At the back of all this is my work. The easiest thing is just to resign and take that pressure away but I like making sails on a big scale and am not prepared to try and set up as an independent. I see those crash and burn, year in year out.

If I do leave and I think I will. I will have a tear in my eye if I pass my sails as I am kayaking.





The good thing is that having this time is helping me to sort the files out in my head and to start sorting the pros and cons. It's not often any of us takes time to do that.

My other option is to fly to Gibralter with the bike to visit an old school friend and then ride back and write a book about the journey. My stress councillor likes that idea :0)

I am taking advance orders on the signed book. Yes..books are made of paper.

Sorry for the ramble but some of the points I have mentioned may strike a chord with someone else.

If you are thinking you cannot suffer from stress.....neither could I.


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## GrumpyGregry (10 Mar 2016)

Steve, thank you for sharing, and in particular being so honest about how your experience of this issue has changed your opinions about others experiencing stress. I used to think those who got stressed were lightweights, until I had my first stress related breakdown. And then my second and third served as reminders. I had my first panic attack in 30 years on NYE 2014/15; the subconscious stress of changing careers and leaving my old job caught up with me, in Disneyland Florida of all places. I guess I dropped my guard and... bang.

I hope you continue to listen to your body, listen to your counsellor, and listen to the positive voices around you, and not the negative, sometimes internal, voices.

Sometimes, sometimes for years on end, we are the hammer. Sometimes we are the nail. I find CBT techniques and practising mindfulness and Stoicism (the actual philosophy not the stiff upper lip bs) to be powerful tools when you wake up and find you are a mere carpet tack.

Good luck, and if you are ever in cph, whilst I am here, let's have a beer.


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## Spinney (10 Mar 2016)

steveindenmark said:


> If I do leave and I think I will. I will have a tear in my eye if I pass my sails as I am kayaking.


This is quite probably a really stupid question - but can you do a very limited amount of sail making in your garage (for example) or is all the equipment required too big and expensive? Nothing like that gorgeous spinnaker, but there might be a very, very small market for hand made/decorative dinghy sails - not to make money, but to break even but keep your hand in - it really sounds like you enjoy what you make and take pride in it.
Just a thought...


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## steveindenmark (10 Mar 2016)

Spinney,

It's a good question. But in my experience, independent sailmakers in my area are like shops and supermarkets. As soon as you set up a supermarket in the area, the little shops die.

I work for Europes largest sail loft which is quite close to me. I couldnt compete with them. there may even be something in my contract to say I cannot compete with them.

Making a spinnaker like the one in the photo is not a problem in a small space but the money is in sails for which you need a bigger space and more expensive equipment.

It is not something I would contemplate to be honest. If I leave sail making it will be a complete break.


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## Phaeton (10 Mar 2016)

steveindenmark said:


> It is my work ethic that has landed me in my position. It drives me nuts to see other colleagues wandering around chatting all day while I am grafting my arxe off. This has been going on for years and management just ignore it.......my heat rate has just shot up.......breath........breath. :0)





steveindenmark said:


> I am in this position because for years I wanted to be the best I could possibly be at what I do for work and I was always pushing myself to do that until my body decided it was time to stop.





steveindenmark said:


> Those people who wander around chatting all day have actually got it right.





steveindenmark said:


> The sleeplessness, chest pains, anxiety and shakes I am experiencing now is my body telling me to back off and slow down for a while and it can take 3 months for my nervous system to reboot itself. My symptoms are normal and are good according to the stress councillor as some people do not react to the symptoms.





steveindenmark said:


> Sorry for the ramble but some of the points I have mentioned may strike a chord with someone else.


I think you know you are not alone in this position, but just to make it 100% I see all the above in myself, I am currently experiencing similar issues, but I'm hoping I have caught it just in time, but backing off at work & not taking anything outside my own realm is very difficult when I see other doing it wrong.


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## User19783 (10 Mar 2016)

Hi
Thanks for sharing this with was all,

But please don't do your cpc, as a driving job will make you more stressed, imo,

I used to be a hgv driver, and I've kept my licence going, even done the cpc course, which is a joke, you have to attend five one day courses, no exams just turn up, on my course there was two Polish drivers who couldn't speak English , they pass.."?

I wish you best of luck in whatever you choose to do,


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## wait4me (10 Mar 2016)

steveindenmark said:


> Spinney,
> 
> It's a good question. But in my experience, independent sailmakers in my area are like shops and supermarkets. As soon as you set up a supermarket in the area, the little shops die.
> 
> ...





Sorry that my last post didn't come out quite right as a reply to you. From my experience a complete break from the job, either to another job or no job is the way t. The best I think you have already hit on. No matter which you chose of those you mention working in a job where the work isn't shared would completely remove the situations of carrying others which seems one of the root causes for the current situation.
Best wishes and things will get back to where they were emotionally


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## voyager (10 Mar 2016)

Stress is a silent , unseen killer , been there 20 odd years ago - change of job was the only way out for me .
( like you I loved the job but the management sucked )

Take care and look after , your health and life comes first 

regards emma


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## steveindenmark (10 Mar 2016)

User19783 said:


> Hi
> Thanks for sharing this with was all,
> 
> But please don't do your cpc, as a driving job will make you more stressed, imo,
> ...




I was a HGV driver in the UK for many years and always enjoyed it as I chose the jobs I wanted to do. I am a class one driver but would be quite happy pottering around in a 4 tonner and being home every night. I will be very selective about the driving jobs I take.

When I take my CPC in April it just enabling me to open another door. But I don't have to open it if I don't want to.

A week back in the UK staying in the Peak District will not do me any harm.


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## Katherine (10 Mar 2016)

Wow. Thanks for sharing.
You have explained very clearly how you feel. Your management have seriously let you down! - as well as the company. 
You also understand that it will be a slow recovery. 
Best wishes to you with whatever you decide is going to be best for you.


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## GrumpyGregry (10 Mar 2016)

one last observation @steveindenmark

Your management have identified your strong work ethic. Your strong Anglo-Saxon work ethic. If you go back to work there, go back as a Dane, with a Danish work ethic, where work is just means to an end and what matters is your life/work balance and dare your bosses to call you out on working like a local rather than an expat.

The Danes I work with ain't lazy but they work 35 hours full stop and have different priorities and different values. I envy them.


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## doog (10 Mar 2016)

Hi Steve...I enjoy reading your posts on the touring forum

I hope you sort this out. I retired young, before that I was on the cliff face most days..not literally but I think we share the same work ethic. Like you I have a decent pension and dont need to work...It took me a year of retirement before I realised I had fingernails and now the damned things need cutting.

You state you dont need to work, you do know its possible to lead a stress free life without work...I cycle, I cook, I walk the dog , I read and do stuff that I never realised I could do...I work on my bikes, I plan tours ...I lie in until I decide to get up and go to bed when I want.

Give semi retirement a go, clear your head and come back on your own terms...best of luck..its a shame the weather turned and you couldnt take that 2 week tour...but bloody hell mate the worlds your oyster.


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## voyager (10 Mar 2016)

Well said


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