# 101 reasons not to cycle



## Broughtonblue (7 Oct 2012)

i have a mate who buys lots of shiny bits for his bike, has a decent bike but always finds a reason not to come out. i'm compiling a '101 reasons not to cycle' list. could i have your suggestions please.
i will start with the following,

1 - too windy
2 - too wet
3 - too cold

please continue.......


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## defy-one (7 Oct 2012)

4. Get sweaty


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## mcshroom (7 Oct 2012)

5 - Too icy


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## AnythingButVanilla (7 Oct 2012)

6 - Scared of traffic, roads are too busy


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## AnythingButVanilla (7 Oct 2012)

7 - I don't have a helmet and my mum gets worried


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## pplpilot (7 Oct 2012)

8 - I don't own a bike.


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## deptfordmarmoset (7 Oct 2012)

9 - It's too heavy to carry up 8 flights of stairs at the end of a ride.


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## Mugshot (7 Oct 2012)

My son, to my eternal shame , when I ask him if he fancies a ride out on the bikes his choice of route and distance, will tell me he's not fit enough, I'll tell him that if he cycles he will get fitter, to which he replies that when he is fitter he will come for a ride, to which I reply......I think you get the idea


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## Mr Haematocrit (7 Oct 2012)

I get to cut the grass and go shopping with swmbo


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## potsy (7 Oct 2012)

Too hot


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## Rickshaw Phil (7 Oct 2012)

Got the lurgy. (That's my reason this weekend anyhow).


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## Drago (7 Oct 2012)

14 - Death or serious injury - the ONLY legitimate reason not to cycle.


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## defy-one (7 Oct 2012)

My name is Norm and it's my birthday.
My names Phil and i can't climb hills
My names Paul and i can't ride an alu bike
My names Mark and i hate buying coffee


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## Gary E (7 Oct 2012)

Drago said:


> 14 - Death or serious injury - the ONLY legitimate reason not to cycle.


Oh I don't know, I think point 8 above was a reasonable excuse


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## Thomk (7 Oct 2012)

I live on the 18th floor of a block of flats and am blind and bed bound.


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## Easytigers (7 Oct 2012)

My duvet keeps telling me to come back!


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## Peteaud (7 Oct 2012)

RussLunn said:


> My duvet keeps telling me to come back!


 
Guilty


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## User16625 (7 Oct 2012)

I cant be bothered.


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## ianrauk (7 Oct 2012)

My bike is dirty


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## Cheshire Celt (7 Oct 2012)

I've got a puncture


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## Deleted member 20519 (7 Oct 2012)

Broughtonblue said:


> i have a mate who buys lots of shiny bits for his bike, has a decent bike but always finds a reason not to come out. i'm compiling a '101 reasons not to cycle' list. could i have your suggestions please.
> i will start with the following,
> 
> 1 - too windy
> ...


 
Too dry?


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## potsy (7 Oct 2012)

ianrauk said:


> My bike is dirty


I'd never get out


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## Red Light (7 Oct 2012)

Chains a bit slack.


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## Red Light (7 Oct 2012)

Haven't got a helmut.


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## redcard (7 Oct 2012)

I've just caught AIDS


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## trampyjoe (7 Oct 2012)

Wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend/alloftheabove wont let me.


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## ianrauk (7 Oct 2012)

I'm dead


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## potsy (7 Oct 2012)

Too busy CC'ing


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## defy-one (7 Oct 2012)

I have to go shopping with wife/girlfriend


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## mark st1 (7 Oct 2012)

My name is Kam and im my wifes bitch


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## mark st1 (7 Oct 2012)

I have a chaffed chuff (not personally)


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## NormanD (7 Oct 2012)

I'm too busy ignoring what the wife is telling me to remember


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## ianrauk (7 Oct 2012)

too much red on the bike


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## ianrauk (7 Oct 2012)

not enough blue on the bike


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## Longshot (7 Oct 2012)

I've got piles.


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## defy-one (7 Oct 2012)

My names Mark and i like coffee stops


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## mark st1 (7 Oct 2012)

Just not paying


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## mark st1 (7 Oct 2012)

Im busy Morris Dancing


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## AndyPeace (7 Oct 2012)

I forgot


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## Steve H (7 Oct 2012)

Today is a recovery day on my training plan


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## potsy (7 Oct 2012)

I reckon @colinj could come up with a few reasons


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## Red Light (7 Oct 2012)

I have to wash my hair


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## mark st1 (7 Oct 2012)

I dont like you


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## Deleted member 20519 (7 Oct 2012)

Steve H said:


> Today is a recovery day on my training plan


 
So's tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after...


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## TonyEnjoyD (7 Oct 2012)

Tyres too hard


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## ianrauk (7 Oct 2012)

I haven't got a bike.


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## TonyEnjoyD (7 Oct 2012)

Spokes are too straight


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## Deleted member 20519 (7 Oct 2012)

Wheels are too round


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## Deleted member 20519 (7 Oct 2012)

Handlebars are too curvy


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## ianrauk (7 Oct 2012)

I have run out of High5


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## TonyEnjoyD (7 Oct 2012)

Left my cycle clips at work and my socks are too short to tuck my pants in


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## Deleted member 20519 (7 Oct 2012)

Too dehydrated to drink water


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## ianrauk (7 Oct 2012)

I have lost the key to the bike shed


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## TonyEnjoyD (7 Oct 2012)

It's 6am... Feck off


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## TonyEnjoyD (7 Oct 2012)

The key for my bike shed isn't seem to be mine!?


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## TonyEnjoyD (7 Oct 2012)

My water bottle has a hole in it


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## ianrauk (7 Oct 2012)

The bar tape is coming loose and have lost a bar plug.


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## TonyEnjoyD (7 Oct 2012)

There's a spider on my STI shifter


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## Deleted member 20519 (7 Oct 2012)

TonyEnjoyD said:


> My water bottle has a hole in it


 
I'm glad it's not the other way around.


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## TonyEnjoyD (7 Oct 2012)

Sun's too low


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## Deleted member 20519 (7 Oct 2012)

Sun's too high.


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## TonyEnjoyD (7 Oct 2012)

Yesterday a driver thanked me for slowing him down... I'm traumatised


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## shouldbeinbed (7 Oct 2012)

I've read some of the so called cycling advocates on twitter, they make it sound horrendous.


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## Deleted member 20519 (7 Oct 2012)

I'm allergic to wind.


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## TonyEnjoyD (7 Oct 2012)

I have a missing valve cap


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## mcshroom (7 Oct 2012)

I don't ride bikes I just build them


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## potsy (7 Oct 2012)

My CC jersey's too tight


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## Deleted member 20519 (7 Oct 2012)

My bike's too light.


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## Hip Priest (7 Oct 2012)

Don't want to put any stress on my drivetrain.


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## TonyEnjoyD (7 Oct 2012)

There's dew on my saddle


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## mcshroom (7 Oct 2012)

I've cracked my rear dropout


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## JoeyB (7 Oct 2012)

It makes the wheels turn...


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## Deleted member 20519 (7 Oct 2012)

I'm asleep.


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## TonyEnjoyD (7 Oct 2012)

mcshroom said:


> I've cracked my rear dropout


Too much curry n beer last nite


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## mcshroom (7 Oct 2012)

I don't want to get my Brooks wet

My Brooks arse hasn't broken my arse Brooks in yet


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## JoeyB (7 Oct 2012)

Im awake


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## Deleted member 20519 (7 Oct 2012)

My shorts have a hole in them.


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## TonyEnjoyD (7 Oct 2012)

Reasons not to keep popping into my head


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## TonyEnjoyD (7 Oct 2012)

My hole has some shorts in it


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## shouldbeinbed (7 Oct 2012)

I can't ride it like I stole it 'cos I'm on probation.


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## JoeyB (7 Oct 2012)

I've got morning glory...


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## mcshroom (7 Oct 2012)

jazloc said:


> My shorts have a hole in them.


My shorts are see-through


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## Oldspice (7 Oct 2012)

My nipples hurt.

I've ran out of hair gel

I don't like anyone looking at my bottom.

It makes my jiggly bits feel funny

I haven't had time to do my legs

I have man flu

Paper cut

My fingers smell funny.

I haven't charged my garmin


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## ianrauk (7 Oct 2012)

I've run out of arse butter.


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## snorri (7 Oct 2012)

Sorry mate, Kate Silverton/Halle Berry/Carol Vorderman has asked me to go cycling with her that day.


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## ianrauk (7 Oct 2012)

I've reached my mileage total for the month.


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## TonyEnjoyD (7 Oct 2012)

Just saw a foto of me in full lycra


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## mcshroom (7 Oct 2012)

The dog ate my bike


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## Deleted member 20519 (7 Oct 2012)

shouldbeinbed said:


> I can't ride it like I stole it 'cos I'm on probation.


 
Ride it like you purchased it from a reputable retailer and had it professionally assembled and fitted to you.


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## JoeyB (7 Oct 2012)

My pet budgies head just fell off


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## Hip Priest (7 Oct 2012)

jazloc said:


> My shorts have a hole in them.


 
This is wise.

I had a small hole on the inner thigh area of my bib tights. Whilst riding it rubbed against the saddle and left me with a pea-sized burn which became infected. My thigh swelled up to ludicrous proportions and I needed antibiotics and a week off the bike!


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## terry_gardener (7 Oct 2012)

its too dark


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## Deleted member 20519 (7 Oct 2012)

Hip Priest said:


> This is wise.
> 
> I had a small hole on the inner thigh area of my bib tights. Whilst riding it rubbed against the saddle and left me with a pea-sized burn which became infected. My thigh swelled up to ludicrous proportions and I needed antibiotics and a week off the bike!


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## TonyEnjoyD (7 Oct 2012)

Watching X-factor recording for the fourth time.... Rylanddddddd


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## Deleted member 20519 (7 Oct 2012)

Too busy watching cycling videos to cycle.


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## AnythingButVanilla (7 Oct 2012)

Hip Priest said:


> This is wise.
> 
> I had a small hole on the inner thigh area of my bib tights. Whilst riding it rubbed against the saddle and left me with a pea-sized burn which became infected. My thigh swelled up to ludicrous proportions and I needed antibiotics and a week off the bike!


 
That's the best excuse yet 

Actually, I do get bruises inside my thighs when I'm on my road bike and I think it's because my fat legs are too close to the top bar. Perhaps I should stay off the bike for the sake of my skin?


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## deptfordmarmoset (7 Oct 2012)

I know all I need to know about cycling from reading the Daily Mail


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## TonyEnjoyD (7 Oct 2012)

I have a small hole in the my shorts and don't want a rash and a swollen knee


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## TonyEnjoyD (7 Oct 2012)

I work for Addison Lee


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## Deleted member 20519 (7 Oct 2012)

deptfordmarmoset said:


> I know all I need to know about cycling from reading the Daily Mail


 
Damn lycra louts.


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## Deleted member 20519 (7 Oct 2012)

TonyEnjoyD said:


> I work go Addison Lee


 
That sentence no sense.


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## TonyEnjoyD (7 Oct 2012)

Too busy editing stupid auto text correct


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## TonyEnjoyD (7 Oct 2012)

Busy trying to watch Homeland


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## Deleted member 20519 (7 Oct 2012)

Too busy laughing at people editing stupid auto text correct.


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## TonyEnjoyD (7 Oct 2012)

My wheels ARE going round


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## Deleted member 20519 (7 Oct 2012)

My bike's upside down.


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## mcshroom (7 Oct 2012)

My bikes got no nose


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## TonyEnjoyD (7 Oct 2012)

JoeyB said:


> I've got morning glory...


It's 10.00pm, you have Priapism!


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## mcshroom (7 Oct 2012)

I've got diar deari diahori the shoots


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## TonyEnjoyD (7 Oct 2012)

Cables are too tight


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## TonyEnjoyD (7 Oct 2012)

Ads finished, homeland back on...


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## NormanD (7 Oct 2012)

I'm shaving my legs with the wifes lady shave Ouch! ouch!! ouch!! ouch!!


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## Deleted member 20519 (7 Oct 2012)

The fashion police are sitting outside on their bicycles and my helmet doesn't match my bike!


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## mcshroom (7 Oct 2012)

I'm only doing turbo miles this winter


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## Deleted member 20519 (7 Oct 2012)

mcshroom said:


> I'm only doing turbo miles this winter


 
On an unrelated note, are turbo miles easier than road miles? My LBS holds turbo sessions every Tuesday night for £3 and I'm not sure if it's worth going too.


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## S1mon (7 Oct 2012)

Yes they are much easier no resistance but can still build up a nice sweat for an hour or so


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## mcshroom (7 Oct 2012)

I wouldn't know, I don't have a turbo. I've heard that they are incredibly dull, and that you get no airflow so sweat a lot. 

OTOH a stationary bike allows you to put together a far more structured training ride (with intervals and science and stuff) and also not having to get home after you've killed your legs on a ride means you can push a bit harder. 

Might be a good idea to try one and see if you like it


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## Oldspice (7 Oct 2012)

TonyEnjoyD said:


> I work for Addison Lee


 
Get the villagers together and hand out the pitchforks and flaming torches.


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## ColinJ (7 Oct 2012)

potsy said:


> I reckon @colinj could come up with a few reasons


I can certainly think of two:

I need time off my bike to lull my local forum ride companions into a false sense of security before unleashing my full (residual!) genetic potential on them when I make my cycling comeback in 2013! 
If I got on a bike now and made any sort of an effort, I'd probably only get about 1 km down the road before having a heart attack or a stroke!


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## stewie griffin (8 Oct 2012)

6 pages & no ones come up with the No1 excuse- "I don't have the time"

(I'm too busy posting on a really great cycling forum  )


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