# Cycling Back to Happiness



## middleagecyclist (5 Dec 2013)

Thought this might be worth sharing. Apologies if you've already read it elsewhere.

Early on in 2013 I began to feel a bit down never really having suffered with personal mental health issues before. I posted it about then but shrugged it off as I took delivery of my new bike, the days lengthened and I prepared for LEL. Come October, LEL and SR completed and the nights drawing in, the depression returned with a vengeance.

Mostly this was related to a stressful work environment, in fact thru October I was 'dealing' with the stress by drinking after every shift as I couldn't switch off any other way. This was obviously not a long term solution and I was hanging on for a week’s annual leave at the end of October. I didn't make the holiday before bursting into tears in the middle of a clinical area (I'm a Charge Nurse in A&E). I felt terrible and seriously thought about resigning on the spot. I even gave up on my Imperial Century a Month challenge nine months in!

The holiday was a temporary reprieve but ultimately work was still a major issue so, after long chats with my wife, on return to the UK I went to see my GP. The few weeks since then have been a bit of rollercoaster to say the least. He signed me off work, started me on antidepressants, we agreed some counselling and he has reviewed me at fortnightly intervals since. A few days after first seeing the GP I was knocked off my bike by a pedestrian, ending up with facial bruising, dental damage, 40 min memory loss and a poorly bike. I'd been cycling trying to keep positive and active. Cycling was temporarily halted but at least I was alive.







At this point sleeping was terrible, I felt negative about everything all the time (awake or asleep), I was having trouble interacting with my 7 year old who in turn started to keep her distance and my wife and I were in different beds as I was so restless. Can't work, can't sleep, family life in turmoil, stopped driving (didn't feel safe), not cycling - I felt I was being stripped of my life! My wife, family, work colleagues and friends were all really supportive but the first two weeks on meds things didn't get better but worse (often the case).

The bike went for repair and once my eye was open I started cycling on another bike. Just short distances to start with but it got me out of the house and gave me something I could actually enjoy for a while. Three weeks in I was back up to 30 miles on my newly repaired bike and last week managed 50 miles without too much difficulty (although I felt tired keeping up with cycling buddies on the hills). Sleep in still an issue and I've just started a short course of night sedation. However, my mood is now much better, work is not such a focus and I plan to return in the New Year.

For me cycling has provided some reprieve, motivation, exercise, enjoyment as well as a yardstick to measure progress. I've not always wanted to get the bike out, particularly on cold wet days, but have always felt better after making the effort. I couldn't have got this far without a great GP and medication, counselling and my wonderful wife. Cycling has been a great help for me thru this period. If I didn't already cycle I might have found something else. However, I can't overestimate the positive impact it has had for me.

So, I suppose what I want to say to anyone reading this who might be in a similar situation is: Things can get better, seek help and don't struggle by yourself, medications can be a useful aid to get you in better mental state to address problems, counselling can be very useful and, whatever you do, keep as active as possible - preferably on a bike.


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## buggi (5 Dec 2013)

i agree. Nothing better than being out in the fresh air feeling at one with nature to lift the spirits. I can't say I've ever been clinically depressed but I've had sad times and the bike definitely saw me thro. One quote i remember something about... Being on a bike is the closest you get to God. I fully understand that. On a long country ride during a sunset can be truly spiritual. Hope you go from strength to strength mate x


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## rbreid (5 Dec 2013)

I too know this journey. Admire your openness and self awareness. Best of luck as your journey continues.


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## Hill Wimp (6 Dec 2013)

Brilliant post Mac,well done for having the courage to seek help and continue onwards.

May the road ahead be pothole and hill less and the tarmac always smooth.


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## Mr Haematocrit (6 Dec 2013)

Nice post Mac, hope it helps someone else who needs it. Good to hear about improvement in anyone life, hope it continues.

Consider a man riding a bicycle. Whoever he is, we can say three things about him. We know he got on the bicycle and started to move. We know that at some point he will stop and get off. Most important of all, we know that if at any point between the beginning and the end of his journey he stops moving and does not get off the bicycle he will fall off it. That is a metaphor for the journey through life. --William Golding


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## ianrauk (6 Dec 2013)

Well done Mac.
You should be very proud of what you have achieved on your bike this year. Very proud. Your LEL and Century a month achievements are just that, legendary to boot. You obviously love your bike riding and getting back on the bike will only help you get back to your normal self.

And of course you have your friends on Cycle Chat.

Keep fighting back bud....and look forward to seeing and riding with you one day.


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## tyred (6 Dec 2013)

Huge well done.


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## middleagecyclist (6 Dec 2013)

Thanks for all the nice comments all. It's good to be in a place I can talk about it.


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## Telemark (6 Dec 2013)

Looking at the pictures accompanying the words - there is a smile creeping in slowly as time goes by, too 

T


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## Shut Up Legs (8 Dec 2013)

Well said, @middleagedcyclist . I can relate to it, because I struggle sometimes to find meaning in life, because it just hasn't worked out the way I wanted it to (yes, I know, I'm hardly unique in that respect). Cycling has always helped keep me sane.


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## Ganymede (8 Dec 2013)

I'd also like to say kudos for being a charge nurse in A+E. You're in an incredibly important profession and we need to cherish people like you!


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## sackville d (8 Dec 2013)

I have always seen cycling as a form of meditation and a great mental tonic.

Thanks for posting Mac,I hope your feeling better every day mate.


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## Globalti (9 Dec 2013)

You wore the same shirt for NINE days? Ugh!

....But seriously, there's a lightness in your look on day 15 that isn't there at the start so you look to me to be through the worst. It's almost as if the accident was your lowest moment and you are now clawing your way back upwards. Keep cycling!


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## Biker Joe (9 Dec 2013)

Hi Mac,
I think you have done amazingly well and can relate to what you have gone through, having been there myself in the past
Cycling can be very therapeutic and I am glad it has helped you through this very difficult time.
I congratulate you for having the courage to share your experience with us.
I wish you continued good progress, a happy life and and much enjoyable cycling.


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## tony111 (9 Dec 2013)

Thanks for posting your story,I clicked ' like ', but there should be a ' like a lot' option. Had a bad time myself early on this year, but came thro ok. Good luck.


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## Blue (10 Dec 2013)

Good luck with the continued recovery.


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## Paul99 (10 Dec 2013)

When the black dog pays a visit keep those wheels turning until you put some distance from it. Thanks for posting.


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## ttcycle (22 Dec 2013)

Hi Mac, thanks for sharing your story and keep on going!


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## BigonaBianchi (22 Dec 2013)

Cycling has kept my head above water although unlike you, the price if depression for me was the loss of my family, career , home, friends and all I held dear . Work stress can be bad, but in my experience it is the tip of the iceberg, thankfully you caught it in time before things go really pear shaped. Good luck and keep peddalling


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## middleagecyclist (14 Jan 2014)

Thought an update might be worth doing.

I'm feeling good, family life is more stable, I've returned to work on reduced hours, the cycling miles have ramped up and I am planning ahead for new challenges. Life is better and even enjoyable again. Thanks for all the support.


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## tyred (14 Jan 2014)

middleagecyclist said:


> Thought an update might be worth doing.
> 
> I'm feeling good, family life is more stable, I've returned to work on reduced hours, the cycling miles have ramped up and I am planning ahead for new challenges. Life is better and even enjoyable again. Thanks for all the support.



Lovely to hear. I know how difficult it can be.

Just don't let your guard down.


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## M.hunter (14 Jan 2014)

Hi
Glad to hear your recovery is well on track.am a regular cycling commuter but also drive to work only when absolutely have to .i find am in a much better mood when I cycle to work,I'm more alert, more attentive and more switched on than when I drive and I've lost a stone In weight (not intended ).also part of my commute is along a canal which gives me a fantastic opportunity to see all sorts of wildlife along the way.over the past year I've cycled past half a dozen cygnets and watched them grow and grow and eventually fly the nest.
Keep up the good work and all the best.
Ps 
Every time I see an adult on a bicycle, I no longer despair for the future of the human race.

H. G. Wells


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## GrumpyGregry (15 Jan 2014)

Great story, glad it is still coming together, thanks for sharing it.


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## medavidcook (15 Jan 2014)

Very good post, i have been through the same, keep your head high.


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## Old Plodder (20 Jan 2014)

Good to hear you're on your way back up.


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## midliferider (20 Jan 2014)

Hi Mac, 
So good to hear such a positive story.
When I had a stressful day at work, I tell others that I need to go home and ride my bike. I find it very therapeutic. Some give me strange look when I say that. Now you have confirmed that it does work. Thanks again for sharing.


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## Lincov (20 Jan 2014)

Thanks so much for sharing. My sister is having some mental health problems at the moment and I'm trying to get her on a bike, I really think the benefits are phenomenal.


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## Chris Norton (20 Jan 2014)

If only one person reads this thread and finds it an inspiration to go seek help with their mental health then sharing your struggle has been worth it. Been there with no support and no cycling. Just a grind that nearly took me. Changed so much in my life to stop it I cannot even start.

The message from me is to if anyone is feeling bad please, PLEASE seek help. If you feel you have no-one then just post on here. Even though we are simply virtual friends, we'll all be here to listen and help.


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## Saluki (20 Jan 2014)

Thanks for posting that Mac. I have only just seen this thread as I have been having a bit of a bad time myself. I need to get out on my bike a bit more.


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## KierenT (24 Jan 2014)

I was diagnosed with clinical depression ten years back - it never goes away, and I'm in the same boat as you; the only way to beat it is to stay busy and get the good endorphins flowing. Nothing beats staggering back through the garage door with jellied legs and sweaty shorts.


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## shouldbeinbed (24 Jan 2014)

*stands up and applauds* I struggled tremendously with a reactive depression for several years of seemingly incessant personal setbacks, family health and work issues. It is a hard place to get out of but being strong enough to talk/post about it is a great step, keep up the good work and totally agree about cycling, it can be a bright spot in a very dark day.


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