# Training on three hours a week... according to the wife



## PizzaPopper (7 Oct 2020)

I used to race a lot a few years ago before I met my wife and was training 15-20 hours a week. I have stopped racing and cycling for a year and felt so unfit and lazy. So now I have been training 6-10 hours a week now. This was over about 4-5 rides a week, usually 1.5-2hrs long, with the odd 2.5-3hr ride at the weekend. I usually cycle straight after work or early in the morning at the weekend. Now winter is here, it's indoor trainer time. 4-5 times a week, an hour at a time usually early morning or late at night (when Mrs is in bed). One of those rides will hopefully be an outdoor weekend ride (weather dependent) early in the morning.

She just went mental, and I mean shouting mental, at me saying I am obsessed. I spend more time on my bike than with her, I'd rather be out cycling than with her. I thought 6-10hrs a week (in reality it's more towards the 6-8hrs than 10, and currently more 5-6 because of winter). She wants me to "cut back" on it. She says 3 rides a week is sufficient. I'd love to then just do three longer rides but we all know that will not help. So it's three hours a week on the turbo.

My questions are.... is my wife being a normal unreasonable cyclists wife who doesn't understand that in order to enjoy cycling at a reasonable level you need to be fitter, or am I being selfish? And can you actually get really fit on 3 hours of turbo cycling a week?


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## Darius_Jedburgh (7 Oct 2020)

Sounds like you have got deep seated problems in your marriage. 
A cycling forum won't help much.


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## DCLane (7 Oct 2020)

I'd suggest there's something more going on here than just you being out.

In terms of hours, could you ride to work/back? That becomes training. Also, training at home using a smart trainer / rollers / turbo intensively can help.


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## Mo1959 (7 Oct 2020)

This is why I enjoy being single. Feck someone else in the house telling me what is acceptable.


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## Ming the Merciless (7 Oct 2020)

Could you move the turbo out of the bedroom , so you don’t disturb her sleep when using it?


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## bikingdad90 (7 Oct 2020)

Yes, your cycling too much.

To be blunt you are not racing or training for a big challenge ride like a sportive so why do you want to train, it’s because you enjoy it and it’s what you used to do. 

3 hours is plenty, say an hour Monday, Wednesday and Friday on a morning and then enjoy the weekend going or doing something with the wife (and kids?) and enjoy the evenings with her.

She is most likely feeling lonely, occupying herself pretty much every evening and every weekend as your out on your bike can be dull and depressing, especially if there is a lack of socialising going on with Covid.


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## screenman (7 Oct 2020)

I know of many cyclist who have or have had this problem, how much quality time you devote to her seems very important. After 46 years we still day date every week at least, I make quality time when we can both be together and why not Pam is not only a wife but also my best mate. Training hard, working hard then all she gets is old worn out you is not good, also you can get very fit on 3 hours a week.


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## Joffey (7 Oct 2020)

I think she's being a bit unreasonable, especially as you are doing it when she is in bed, thus not affecting her. Maybe sit down and talk and see if there are any underlying issues. With these crazy Covid times it could be that she is is struggling and wants to spend more time with you or needs her own hobby etc.

My wife lets me do as much as I like as it helps with my mental health, so I suppose I'm lucky. Or not as if I don't cycle I turn into a raging binge drinker and it would probably be the end of my marriage.

If all else fails just kick her out and get another bike


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## Dan77 (7 Oct 2020)

I feel your pain. Having just got into cycling properly this summer I have found myself getting fitter and enjoying it more and therefore needing to spend more time doing it in order to continue to improve my fitness.

I wish my wife would support me in this and perhaps even be proud of me for improving my health. Unfortunately that's not the case and so I'm having much the same problem. I do understand her view though as dealing with our 2 kids (one severely mentally and physically disabled and the other 20 months old) is not fun alone. Cycling has helped me so much physically and mentally though.

I manage to minimise the issue by commuting to work by bike as often as possible - usually 4 out of the 5 days weather dependant. I also extend the commute from the 3.5km each way it really is to around a 20km round trip. She doesn't know whether I have left work bang on 5pm or been stuck there half an hour late so the extra distance is kind of hidden, although when you do it every day not as hidden as it might be. I have started pointing out that the direct route is very heavy traffic now the roads are back to their pre-covid days and so it's safer going the long way - this is absolutely true.

I then manage to get one ride in at the weekend to top it up to generally around 120-150km/week overall. I try to be out the door before 9am on the weekend though so I'm back by 1pm latest. I will probably have to make this earlier. I'm also waiting for my new bike so i can put it on the turbo trainer. Then I will be able to do some training after she is in bed.

So generally, I think the trick is to try and get in as much as you are able to whilst minimising the effect on your wife. I find commuting the best contributor to this by far.


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## matticus (7 Oct 2020)

bikingdad90 said:


> To be blunt you are not racing or training for a big challenge ride like a sportive so why do you want to train, it’s because you enjoy it and it’s what you used to do.


Yes.
80:20 rule applies - you can be very healthy, and nearly as fast, on far less than 15h/week. So the "need" to do more requires a lot of justification!


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## Milkfloat (7 Oct 2020)

There are many of us 'time crunched' cyclists. My solution is to make sure it impacts on family life as little as possible. This involves 6am turbo sessions, 7am Sunday rides and if I am lucky in the summer a mid-week evening ride with a pub stop. I am conscious that bringing up the kids is a shared role, so I make sure my wife gets some free time too. However, my new tactic seems to be working so far, she is in the if you can't beat them join them school of thought and is currently in the garage on the turbo trainer.


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## plastic_cyclist (7 Oct 2020)

I'm in the same boat, schucks, aren't we all? I've been known to get up at on a weekday 5am to make sure I get back, creep about the house, get ready like a ninja in slippers and slide out the door like a slither of hydrogen, making zero noise, and to be back by 07:30hrs. At this point its a good time as kids still in bed, so I think "yeah I did good!" ready to assist with kid school prep and breakfast only to be met with "its okay for you, just to swan in and out whatever time you like, whilst I'm here putting washing on"....(literally just as she's launching the garments into the machine!)....its SEVEN THIRTY??? what do you want me to do get up a 6am and start buttering the toast? thats marriage I'm afraid, yer just can't win. . Just sell yer bike pal, there's no hope for you...


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## screenman (8 Oct 2020)

plastic_cyclist said:


> I'm in the same boat, schucks, aren't we all? I've been known to get up at on a weekday 5am to make sure I get back, creep about the house, get ready like a ninja in slippers and slide out the door like a slither of hydrogen, making zero noise, and to be back by 07:30hrs. At this point its a good time as kids still in bed, so I think "yeah I did good!" ready to assist with kid school prep and breakfast only to be met with "its okay for you, just to swan in and out whatever time you like, whilst I'm here putting washing on"....(literally just as she's launching the garments into the machine!)....its SEVEN THIRTY??? what do you want me to do get up a 6am and start buttering the toast? thats marriage I'm afraid, yer just can't win. . Just sell yer bike pal, there's no hope for you...



That is nothing like my marriage at all.


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## winjim (8 Oct 2020)

It's half past six and I've just put a load of washing on, I'm looking after the toddler, making coffee and lunch for me and wife to take to work, making sure there's something out of the freezer for tea, packing the kids' bags for school and childminder, just put a loaf on to bake...


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## screenman (8 Oct 2020)

winjim said:


> It's half past six and I've just put a load of washing on, I'm looking after the toddler, making coffee and lunch for me and wife to take to work, making sure there's something out of the freezer for tea, packing the kids' bags for school and childminder, just put a loaf on to bake...



I am taking Pam shopping this morning as it is easier and more fun if we do it together, after that we may get a ride in on the bikes if this wind drops a bit. At this moment I am answering business emails whilst Pam tidies up and does household things.


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## winjim (8 Oct 2020)

screenman said:


> I am taking Pam shopping this morning as it is easier and more fun if we do it together, after that we may get a ride in on the bikes if this wind drops a bit. At this moment I am answering business emails whilst Pam tidies up and does household things.


My wife is hopefully getting a bit of sleep after looking after / feeding the toddler all night. I'll take her a cup of tea at seven and then all hell will break loose as we get the kids ready and try to get to the childminder on time.

The concept of 'going for a bike ride' is so far detached from my reality it's laughable.


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## screenman (8 Oct 2020)

winjim said:


> My wife is hopefully getting a bit of sleep after looking after / feeding the toddler all night. I'll take her a cup of tea at seven and then all hell will break loose as we get the kids ready and try to get to the childminder on time.
> 
> The concept of 'going for a bike ride' is so far detached from my reality it's laughable.



You do the cycling when the kids are older, I have had many a break in my 53 years of being what I consider a cyclist.


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## winjim (8 Oct 2020)

screenman said:


> You do the cycling when the kids are older, I have had many a break in my 53 years of being what I consider a cyclist.


Yes, I'm sure things will get less hectic, the kids are still very young. And I'm not complaining, just explaining how it is.


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## T.M.H.N.E.T (8 Oct 2020)

She has a point. Nows the time to invest in a smart trainer setup, do a few races on zwift and your 6hrs is as good as halved.

Everyone wins


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## screenman (8 Oct 2020)

winjim said:


> Yes, I'm sure things will get less hectic, the kids are still very young. And I'm not complaining, just explaining how it is.



I guess a lot of us have been there, we had kids at home for 43 years due to the spread of their ages, I still managed to race through a lot of them but have always made sure if the importance of quality time together, so many guys are not good at this, even more so in Lincolnshire we have found than the people we know down south.


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## Alien8 (8 Oct 2020)

Dear CycleChat,

I'll typically be out on the bike(s) 15hrs or so a week year-round ... and the wife's *not *complaining.

Should I be worried about the state of my marriage?


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## sheddy (8 Oct 2020)

Just tell the misses that one has to keep fit in order to perform well in the bedroom department.


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## winjim (8 Oct 2020)

Alien8 said:


> Dear CycleChat,
> 
> I'll typically be out on the bike(s) 15hrs or so a week year-round ... and the wife's *not *complaining.
> 
> Should I be worried about the state of my marriage?


No, but if you've got time for 15hrs cycling, you've got time to come and look after my kids for an afternoon...


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## cougie uk (8 Oct 2020)

I think the mistake was to stop cycling so your wife sees any time cycling as time taken away from her. She's not seen the 20 hour training weeks so saying you've cut down won't help. 

What's the government advice on exercise to stay healthy ? Push that. We all know people who have popped their clogs way before their time. 

Good luck.


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## screenman (8 Oct 2020)

Alien8 said:


> Dear CycleChat,
> 
> I'll typically be out on the bike(s) 15hrs or so a week year-round ... and the wife's *not *complaining.
> 
> Should I be worried about the state of my marriage?



Only you and her will know that one.


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## screenman (8 Oct 2020)

cougie uk said:


> I think the mistake was to stop cycling so your wife sees any time cycling as time taken away from her. She's not seen the 20 hour training weeks so saying you've cut down won't help.
> 
> What's the government advice on exercise to stay healthy ? Push that. We all know people who have popped their clogs way before their time.
> 
> Good luck.



Would it not be better to just dedicate more time to your favourite thing, your wife?

NHS advice is do at least 150 minutes of moderate intensity activity a week or 75 minutes of vigorous intensity activity a week. I guess some of that could even be bedroom activity.


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## fossyant (8 Oct 2020)

You've got to do it smart when in a relationship (same house) and even more so when kids are around. Yes, buggering off for 4-5 hours at a weekend is selfish. I had a period where I wasn't riding much as the kids were young. Can you cycle commute - that's the winner. If it's a long way, then maybe cycle on a couple of days. Two of my jobs were around 30 miles away. Even at a good pace the journey took about an hour 45 on the bike each way. Add in showering, it was a very long day, so I'd only do it occasionally. Ideal distance is about 10-15 miles each way - far quicker than the car usually, and your training is done.

I'm WFH so try and do a home to home commute during lunch !


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## ianrauk (8 Oct 2020)

screenman said:


> That is nothing like my marriage at all.




The same, and it's sad to hear the problems others have.


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## steveindenmark (8 Oct 2020)

I have been with Jannie for 15 years. We have never raised our voices. 
.
Cycling is not the problem in your relationship. Trust me.


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## plastic_cyclist (8 Oct 2020)

Golf, Cycling and Football = single person sports,


Alien8 said:


> Dear CycleChat,
> 
> I'll typically be out on the bike(s) 15hrs or so a week year-round ... and the wife's *not *complaining.
> 
> Should I be worried about the state of my marriage?


Have you checked her phone


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## CanucksTraveller (8 Oct 2020)

There's a balance somewhere, and every relationship is different of course. The fact that you're hearing shouty complaints does suggest that the balance in your relationship is way out of kilter. 

Exercise is important, and I walk about 90 minutes a day most days, but I do that when it's not going to put anyone else out. So an hour during my work lunchtime, and just another 30 mins in the evening. I don't really go on regular long cycle rides on the weekends, that's family time. But when little one is otherwise engaged (friends, clubs etc) and my wife is visiting her Mum, I might get out and do a longer ride. It's just give and take. 

And one of the key bits of give and take is the giving part... are you doing your bit domestically and as a husband? Are you cooking for her at least sometimes? Helping with cleaning, laundry etc etc? If you're doing a lot to help your partner, they're far better disposed to let you have your own time. It's hard for a partner though if they're doing all the graft and the other person is (seemingly) doing leisure pursuits the whole time.


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## HarryTheDog (8 Oct 2020)

The good news is that if she is complaining you are not spending time with her then she gives a fig about you. My Ex Wife let me do exactly as I liked, mainly cos she did not care a jot. ( She did go on bike rides with me sometimes and could go up hills like a demon, funny she said she would miss our rides together, her new partner is a fat unfit individual) )
With my current partner we seem to have a good balance, I took up one of her hobbies (dancing) and she took up cycling ( well until her heart attack but now she is getting back into it, nb heart attack not excercise related, stress related to her job and family) 
She both Turbo trains with me sometimes and we go out on the odd weekend on a Tandem, I get a good workout and she gets to do gentle excercise.
As above said Marriage/relationships are about balance , does she have no hobbies etc, I know dancing is one of our hobbies but it is enjoyable together and hard to take up in current COVID times.


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## BurningLegs (8 Oct 2020)

15 hours a week on any hobby is a lot. Especially indoors, a lot can be achieved in much less.

In my experience it is being competitive in races that gives the biggest thrill, so I’d prefer to be a competitive B Cat on 3hrs a week than slogging my guts out for 12hrs a week and still not competitive in A. Perhaps that’s a big fish/small pond vs small fish/big pond point.

I don’t do any exercise other than riding and 3-5 hrs a week exclusively on the turbo took me to A Cat in Zwift races but not competitive.


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## CXRAndy (12 Oct 2020)

Your wife is insecure, feels threatened by your cycling. Compromise, be clear your desire to continue cycling. Try and involve her in your sport-if she's inclined. 

She has to understand that you both need a little individual time not always be in each others pockets.

Hopefully you can find a middle of the road solution-see joke got in there


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## Mr Celine (16 Oct 2020)

If you'd rather be on the turbo than with your wife then one of them has to go....


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## lane (16 Oct 2020)

Used to find it difficult to find time when kids were younger - but now my wife will say "are you going out on your bike today - it looks a nice day?"

Not sure if that's a good thing but I am getting more miles in.


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## goldcoastjon (21 Dec 2020)

PizzaPopper,
_"I spend more time on my bike than with her, I'd rather be out cycling than with her."_
Did *she* say this or are you speaking for yourself in the above? Did you give her a chance to fully express herself and listen to how she feels until you fully understood her? 

If you *are* riding more to *avoid* her, you need to take a good look at your own feelings and motivations: what is going on emotionally for both of you and what can you *both* change to make things better and healthier?

It *does* seem as if there may be other issues in your relationship that need attention. Do you remember why you married her and still enjoy the same activities together that you once did? If not, have you adjusted to a mutually-satisfactory different balance? 

Does your wife ride or did she ever? Did she know you when you were racing? Does she have her own career? Did she ever participate in sports/activities on her own or does she have other activities she likes to pursue? Doe she have equivalent budget, time, and resources to "do her thing" compared to the resources (money, time, energy) that you spend on cycling now?

It's the quality of your time together that counts. Are you a more loving, nicer, and more affectionate guy when you ride? so, she should have noticed that "payback." If it's not happening, what can you do to be more considerate, including talking this all out in a non-defensive way. (Have you talked with a professional about any big issues in your relationship? That may help.)

You will both need to share your feelings honestly, respectfully, and clearly with each other. Your relationship is different than it was and always needs maintenance, just like bikes: ignoring issues or putting off preventative care is never good. 

I met my beloved spouse and partner, Linda. 33 years ago -- on a bike ride. Even though she no longer rides (for now), she encourages me to ride because it is a physical, mental, and emotional necessity for my well-being. I dearly miss riding with her but she at least understands and supports my addiction. ;-)

I wish you both all the best in resolving this.


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## PaulSB (21 Dec 2020)

screenman said:


> That is nothing like my marriage at all.


Nor mine. I am retired so this makes life much simpler in every respect. How one organises one's leisure time varies by circumstance and stage of family life. 

The first rule in our house is "if you think it needs doing then do it " The other aspect is we have different tolerance levels of untidyness. The combination of these two mean I generally do all the tidying, laundry, ironing, housework. I also do the bulk of the shopping as I'm prepared to put in the legwork for the lowest possible cost, my wife simply goes to the one she's passing.

When the family was young cycling happened at 5.00am and home by 9.00am. When my wife encouraged me to join a club this was the signal I could do more.

Marriage is about give and take and compromise. Making a real contribution which creates the time to have some "me" time on the bike. If there is something else we want/need to do together I would always give up my ride unless I was due to do something very special.

Monday - cycle
Tuesday - all household chores
Wednesday - cycle
Thursday - shopping, allotment, garden, other stuff
Friday - cycling
Weekend - whatever is going on

Cycling is usually 09.00 - 14.00/15.00. I'd prefer to start earlier but my buddies don't.

My wife plays tennis 4-5 times a week for roughly 3-4 hours at a session so it all fits.

The number one thing though is marriage must include compromise which helps create the opportunity for both partners to get some "me" time.

Without this it doesn't work.


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## galaxy (21 Dec 2020)

Probably PMT.


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## bikingdad90 (21 Dec 2020)

OP hasn’t been back since October. Probably wasn’t expecting such a strong and emotional response towards his wife.


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## Big T (1 Aug 2021)

A bit late to the party here, but the problem is solved by getting your wife a bike and riding together. Then you are spending quality time together and getting the miles in. After meeting me, my wife cycled until we had kids, we cycled as a family when the kids were old enough, when my daughter got into horse riding, my wife and daughter would do that whilst me and my son went cycling. When the kids left home, my wife started cycling again and we’ve now done Lejog, ridden in Majorca, the Canaries and the Alps, done cycle tours of Cuba and Scotland. Now we’ve both retired, we go cycling together 4-5 times a week - just a leisurely ride out to a cafe or a club ride.

When the kids were really small, I used to get my exercise whilst commuting to work 12 miles each way, leaving the weekends free for family stuff.

if you’re wife can’t keep up with you, get her an e-road bike.


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## Sharky (8 Aug 2021)

I wonder if Mrs Kenny moans about her husband spending too much time on a bike.


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## kingrollo (23 Aug 2021)

Boo - was looking forward to the conclusion of this one !!!


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## byegad (23 Aug 2021)

If I had the temerity to refer to Lady Byegad as 'the wife' I'd have ample opportunity to 'train', seeing as how I'd be sleeping in the garage with the bikes.


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## Saluki (23 Aug 2021)

Yes, he made one post and vanished.
I’m guessing his good lady realised that she’d married a troll and shoved him under a bridge.


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## Ming the Merciless (23 Aug 2021)

Recent photo of OP


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## lane (24 Aug 2021)

I have been doing quite a bit of cycling / training including a short tour in the past few weeks. I have an audax on the 4th September and after a long ride tomorrow am reducing my cycling volume until then. I told Mrs Lane that after tomorrow I will not be doing much cycling until the 4th September. Her incredulous reply was "that's hardly any time" as if it wasn't even worth mentioning. Whereas to me it's quite a lengthy break. Different perspectives!


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## fair weather cyclist (24 Aug 2021)

PizzaPopper said:


> She wants me to "cut back" on it. She says 3 rides a week is sufficient.



And who is she to dictate what is sufficient?

She's being unreasonable. Period.


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## fair weather cyclist (24 Aug 2021)

Big T said:


> A bit late to the party here, but the problem is solved by getting your wife a bike and riding together.



Worst advice I've ever read.


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## 400ixl (24 Aug 2021)

How about joining her on the sofa when she is watching her favourite programs and striking up a conversation. Won't take many instances to be told to go and find something else to do.


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## CXRAndy (24 Aug 2021)

This thread is dead chaps. OP made one post, never seen again 

Either he's capitulated and no longer exercises, or has done her in and is now locked up 

Lets keep the thread going with speculation


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## fair weather cyclist (24 Aug 2021)

CXRAndy said:


> This thread is dead chaps. OP made one post, never seen again
> 
> Either he's capitulated and no longer exercises, or has done her in and is now locked up
> 
> Lets keep the thread going with speculation



Probably the wife saw him at this laptop and said hey darling I think 1hr of screen time is sufficient.


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