# What's the WORST cycling related advice you have been given?



## I am Spartacus (16 Apr 2009)

Hi.. just your thoughts about this should be amusing and illuminating...


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## HJ (16 Apr 2009)

Wear a helmet, normally given by people who _nothing_ about cycling...


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## grhm (16 Apr 2009)

"Cycle to work - It'll save you money". Might have worked out cheaper than buying a 2nd car (thus far) - but it's not a clear cut as I'd like.


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## dodgy (16 Apr 2009)

Go to Halfords.


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## Amanda P (16 Apr 2009)

"The bike lane's over _there!_" usually shouted from a passing car.

(I know it is. But it's crap, so I'm not using it, OK?)


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## accountantpete (16 Apr 2009)

"Temporary puncture repair - take out innertube and stuff grass into tyre - it will get you home"

Yeh right if you only live 200 yds away - after that it turns to a sticky green liquid which oozes out on to your nice shiny wheels.


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## jimboalee (16 Apr 2009)

"Tubs are easier to change than HPs".


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## yenrod (16 Apr 2009)

Stop bobbing when your riding - not said to me but to another rider, by someone else - older, who lost concentration and was dropped - felt sorry for the lad.

Not the best thing to say to someone in-experienced on a chaingang !

I did say to him afterwards 'just forget what he said - do it your way'


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## weepiglet (16 Apr 2009)

"Why not buy a moped for the same price, that way you don't need to pedal" - from my father who doesn't realise bikes are for enjoyment and not just getting A to B!!


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## Angelfishsolo (16 Apr 2009)

Buy a MTB from me it is a *23 *speed Landrover one!!!! One £40!!! (Paraphrased version of a conversation I had with a very 'spaced out' man visiting my neighbours)


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## simongrant (16 Apr 2009)

"get your stuff from Wiggle. You get free sweets".

Like hell you do! 

Never had sweets but i did get a bottle opener key ring!!

Simon


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## l4dva (16 Apr 2009)

I got free sweets from Wiggle!


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## Wigsie (16 Apr 2009)

Your 6ft 4 tall... ok I have just the bike for you, its 56cm and in our sale!


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## yenrod (16 Apr 2009)

Wigsie said:


> Your 6ft 4 tall... ok I have just the bike for you, its 56cm and in our sale!



You work in Wiggle ?????????????


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## Wigsie (16 Apr 2009)

yenrod said:


> You work in Wiggle ?????????????



Nope, but like wiggle I dont give sweets to just anyone.


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## stephenjubb (16 Apr 2009)

From a woman last sunday going past in a taxi, I was 3 feet from the curb and she said "ride your bike properly please" which I presume meant ride in the gutter.

silly c?w if that's what she meant.

I'd love to say everything I think her but don't have a week to type it all out!!!


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## marinyork (16 Apr 2009)

To buy Marathon Plus tyres.


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## colinr (16 Apr 2009)

> To buy Marathon Plus tyres.


What's wrong with them? I _heard_ they were meant to be good.


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## mickle (16 Apr 2009)

Use a Brooks saddle.


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## marinyork (16 Apr 2009)

colinr said:


> What's wrong with them? I _heard_ they were meant to be good.



They roll very poorly imo, weigh a ton and are impossible to get on. Marathon Plus tyres are the marmite of tyres. Some people love them, some people loathe them.


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## jay clock (16 Apr 2009)

Having cycled 110km in Spain we asked the way to our destination 20km away. The teenage boy replied "you can't get there by bike....it's too far"


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## Radius (16 Apr 2009)

Let the brand wars begin!


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## bonj2 (16 Apr 2009)

jay clock said:


> Having cycled 110km in Spain we asked the way to our destination 20km away. The teenage boy replied "you can't get there by bike....it's too far"



Well you would have hit that invisible glass wall that exists 5 miles from the starting point of any cycle ride.


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## Randochap (16 Apr 2009)

You can find someone to answer that question for you on the internet.


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## TVC (16 Apr 2009)

"You'll need tyres with a tread otherwise you will skid in the wet" From a numpty with a BSO that cost less than my chain.


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## nigelnorris (16 Apr 2009)

I got sweets from Wiggle.

In fact I got a whole lot more. I bought a lights set, the rear had a faulty LED. So I returned just that one light. They refunded the postage, sent me a complete new light set (front and rear) straight off the shelf, so I've got 2 sets of front light and all the clamps and a shiny new rear. And the sweeties. o/


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## jayce (16 Apr 2009)

Whilst getting off my bike an old fella said you have got something stuck under your shoes ..ie meaning my cleats wot a plonker


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## Toshiba Boy (16 Apr 2009)

My new brake blocks squeaked quite loudly in the underground car park where we could leave our bikes safely tucked up each day. A colleague heard this as she was locking her car, and winced. 

Saw her later in the morning, and she "helpfully" suggested that perhaps I should oil the brakes, and "then they wouldn't make such a horrible noise in the future" Bless


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## Dave Higgin (16 Apr 2009)

Talking about being shouted at from a passing car...........I was recently told to "Get in the f.....in side" (of the road apparently) by a "lady" hanging out of a car window!!!!


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## yello (16 Apr 2009)

Still trying to think of something....

...I guess I don't have a memory for useless info!


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## John the Monkey (16 Apr 2009)

*Anything* shouted from a car (which is invariably tosh of the worst order, based on half remembered bits of the Highway Code and the books of Richard Littlejohn)


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## speccy1 (16 Apr 2009)

My best is "if your disk brakes are binding bend the disk rotor by hand until it stops!!"

This was a LBS owner too!!


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## spandex (16 Apr 2009)

"You need new tyres as you have worn out the tread" (my dad)

"Get a grown ups bike" (some one in the street) I was riding a Brompton at the time.

"how do you ride with no gears" (A friend of mine) 

"Your slowing me down" (some one in a car) I was going down hill doing 36mph in a 30

"Get on the pavement the road is for cars when will you lot learn" (white van man)

....


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## Bodhbh (17 Apr 2009)

Going clipless will improve power output by 30%.


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## CyclingSAM (17 Apr 2009)

'Use Lights'


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## iLB (17 Apr 2009)

several times now i've been yelled at by small chavs who are on the pavement to 'get a real bike' as i rush by them on their bmx's or 'full sussers'


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## Radius (17 Apr 2009)

CyclingSAM said:


> 'Use Lights'



Oh dear


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## Steve Austin (17 Apr 2009)

If you ride fast, you will avoid rain, and roadspray


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## spandex (17 Apr 2009)

Steve Austin said:


> If you ride fast, you will avoid rain, and roadspray




Well that is some way true as if you could cycle over a cople of 1000s mph I think the chances of getting wet from rain or road spray will be very slim


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## Randochap (17 Apr 2009)

Questioner: Hi, I'm a 55 y/o overweight chap, just starting out. I plan to ride to work and back a distance of 5 miles in total. I need to carry my laptop and papers. If I like it, I might consider going for a bit of a ride on weekends. What bike should I get?

CC bicycle expert: Get one of these.


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## Angelfishsolo (17 Apr 2009)

OH my god. Did the respondent work for the f'ink company or what???


Randochap said:


> Questioner: Hi, I'm a 55 y/o overweight chap, just starting out. I plan to ride to work and back a distance of 5 miles in total. I need to carry my laptop and papers. If I like it, I might consider going for a bit of a ride on weekends. What bike should I get?
> 
> CC bicycle expert: Get one of these.


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## iLB (17 Apr 2009)

Randochap said:


> Questioner: Hi, I'm a 55 y/o overweight chap, just starting out. I plan to ride to work and back a distance of 5 miles in total. I need to carry my laptop and papers. If I like it, I might consider going for a bit of a ride on weekends. What bike should I get?
> 
> CC bicycle expert: Get one of these.



that seems perfectly reasonable


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## Joe24 (17 Apr 2009)

"You shouldnt skid them bikes, they arent made for it"
As i was skidding my fixed to a stop, said by some chavs.

"how many gears has it got? One? Well you wont be going far on that will you!"
Said by my mum when i first got my fixed built up. 

"Your on fixed, you wont be fast up hills!"
Said by someone on my first club ride out on fixed, i was still the fastest up hils by a long way


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## Wigsie (17 Apr 2009)

ilovebikes said:


> that seems perfectly reasonable



+1

leave the papers and lap top at work! if C2W went up to 3k there may be a few more of those knocking around.


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## Joe24 (17 Apr 2009)

CyclingSAM said:


> 'Use Lights'



I dont get this one? Are lights on your bike a bag thing?


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## Angelfishsolo (17 Apr 2009)

Use lights during the daytime maybe????


Joe24 said:


> I dont get this one? Are lights on your bike a bag thing?


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## Joe24 (17 Apr 2009)

Angelfishsolo said:


> Use lights during the daytime maybe????



I wouldnt class that as a bad bit of advice. Some people do that.


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## bonj2 (17 Apr 2009)

Randochap said:


> Questioner: Hi, I'm a 55 y/o overweight chap, just starting out. I plan to ride to work and back a distance of 5 miles in total. I need to carry my laptop and papers. If I like it, I might consider going for a bit of a ride on weekends. What bike should I get?
> 
> CC bicycle expert: Get one of these.




 what's wrong with that?


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## Headgardener (17 Apr 2009)

"Your better off with ordinary pedals" my brother to me about my clipless pedals after I had fallen off on the way to collect my new glasses (no connection).


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## Cubist (18 Apr 2009)

speccy1 said:


> My best is "if your disk brakes are binding bend the disk rotor by hand until it stops!!"
> 
> This was a LBS owner too!!



And your point is? Once they've been properly centred and still catch a bit, they may indeed be out of true. They are pliable enough to carefully tweak back in line again. This is done by hand. How the hell else would you straighten them?  Go ahead and shell out for new rotors if you like, but I'll keep tweaking mine back in line thanks!


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## bonj2 (18 Apr 2009)

well not literally by hand, but by a hand holding an adjustable spanner...


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## Black Sheep (18 Apr 2009)

anything bonj has said


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## spandex (19 Apr 2009)

bonj said:


> well not literally by hand, but by a hand holding an adjustable spanner...





Before I went up market and got a tool for doing this I all ways did it by hand I have never found any point using a adjustable spanner.


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## MadoneRider1991 (19 Apr 2009)

dodgy said:


> Go to Halfords.



i agree with this 1 lol


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