# My Wife Wants Me to Hear Her - Help



## old bell (23 Sep 2014)

My wife has seen an advert by a High Street chemist offering free hearing tests and she thinks we she go and have it done. The problem is I won't have an excuse of not hearing her cries from the kitchen to do something. Either that or the chemist will try and sell me a hearing aid that I don't want.
Any suggestions for an excuse for not having a test.


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## Ganymede (23 Sep 2014)

My father is getting deaf. His adult daughters are an actress, a public speaker and a lawyer. He complains that it's not that he's getting deaf, but that we all mumble. DRIVES US MAD. Take the test.


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## Drago (23 Sep 2014)

In my experience a lot of older folk feign deafness or exaggerate its effects because they simply don't want to her the crap that most people talk.


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## welsh dragon (23 Sep 2014)

Pardon ? What did you say? Speak up for goodness sake.


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## arch684 (23 Sep 2014)

selective deafness suit me just fine


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## Archie_tect (23 Sep 2014)

I should go and get my hearing checked, but haven't yet... makes for interesting conversations at times.


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## HeroesFitness (23 Sep 2014)

old bell said:


> My wife has seen an advert by a High Street chemist offering free hearing tests and she thinks we she go and have it done. The problem is I won't have an excuse of not hearing her cries from the kitchen to do something. Either that or the chemist will try and sell me a hearing aid that I don't want.
> Any suggestions for an excuse for not having a test.


Just do as she says, if you get an aid just ignore her and tell her it must be faulty lol


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## glasgowcyclist (23 Sep 2014)

old bell said:


> My wife has seen an advert by a High Street chemist offering free hearing tests and she thinks we she go and have it done. The problem is I won't have an excuse of not hearing her cries from the kitchen to do something. Either that or the chemist will try and sell me a hearing aid that I don't want.
> Any suggestions for an excuse for not having a test.


 
If it's causing problems, get the check done. Your wife won't like repeating everything to you and it'll only wind her up and if there's one thing I've learned it's that a happy wife = a happy life.

Where are you? In Scotland you can get a hearing check done free on the NHS and the hearing aid is free, as are all the batteries and servicing thereafter. I'd rather go that route than trust someone who wants to make a sale.


GC


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## welsh dragon (23 Sep 2014)

On a serious note, get the test done. There is nothng worse than having to put up with someone who can't hear anything and who keeps asking you what's being said.


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## MickeyBlueEyes (23 Sep 2014)

Hearing aids always remind me of the episode 'Communication Problems' with Mrs Richards in Fawlty Towers, with Basil losing his rag with her as she doesn't want to turn it on as it wears the batteries out. Try it, could be fun!


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## fossyant (23 Sep 2014)

Ganymede said:


> My father is getting deaf. His adult daughters are an actress, a public speaker and a lawyer. He complains that it's not that he's getting deaf, but that we all mumble. DRIVES US MAD. Take the test.



I think your dad might be sick of three daughters and a wife bending his ear. LOL


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## Ganymede (23 Sep 2014)

fossyant said:


> I think your dad might be sick of three daughters and a wife bending his ear. LOL


Or helping him overcome all the problems associated with his dementia, or playing music for him to improve his mental health, or taking him out for lunch, or driving him to hospital, or running his bank account. *LOL.*


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## Archie_tect (23 Sep 2014)

It's not easy going deaf because people don't have the same degree of empathy and don't make allowances- the default reaction is annoyance and a tendency to repeat things aggressively and far too loud which draws attention and that can be humiliating and embarrassing in a public place.

Hearing aids amplify every sound arriving from every direction, so I've been told by a deafer aunt who uses an aid that she can't distinguish individual speech unless she is looking at someone, when a wierd connection seems to occur in the brain which allows her to focus on the speaker more clearly- it's not lip-reading as such but it does help significantly. It's the same effect you get when the sound and lip sync isn't working on a video- it's difficult to follow the speech patterns.


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## Archie_tect (23 Sep 2014)

Please remember, people with hearing difficulties aren't stupid, so cut out the exaggerated slow speech/ mime act... it's not their fault they can't hear you.


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## glasgowcyclist (23 Sep 2014)

Archie_tect said:


> It's not easy going deaf because people don't have the same degree of empathy and don't make allowances- the default reaction is annoyance and a tendency to repeat things aggressively and far too loud which draws attention and that can be humiliating and embarrassing in a public place.
> 
> Hearing aids amplify every sound arriving from every direction, so I've been told by a deafer aunt who uses an aid that she can't distinguish individual speech unless she is are looking at someone, when a wierd connection seems to occur in the brain which allows her to focus on the speaker more clearly- it's not lip-reading as such but it does help significantly. It's the same effect you get when the sound and lip sync isn't working on a video- it's difficult to follow the speech patterns.


 

Having a hearing problem myself, I can relate to all of that.

I can't do much about it yet people get annoyed by it since they have to repeat things or speak more clearly to me. It's almost as if they think I'm doing it on purpose! As annoying as it is for the speaker, it has a far deeper effect on the listener who is frustrated by the impairment and may avoid socialising, or will miss out on large parts of a group conversation because he doesn't want to impede the flow. 

GC


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## Ganymede (23 Sep 2014)

Archie_tect said:


> It's not easy going deaf because people don't have the same degree of empathy and don't make allowances- the default reaction is annoyance and a tendency to repeat things aggressively and far too loud which draws attention and that can be humiliating and embarrassing in a public place.



I agree, it takes a lot of tact and humanity to deal with. But it is weird how deafness has such a stigma that some people shy away from getting a hearing aid. I mean, nobody refuses to wear reading glasses as their sight ages, and that happens to EVERYBODY. My dad resisted using a stick for walking for years - he used to say that people would think he was old. He was 80 at the time... He is a lovely bloke but it can be frustrating trying to help someone who refuses to be helped, when the net result is awful pressure on the person they live with and who cares for them (in this case my Mum, who is not in good health either).


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## Ganymede (23 Sep 2014)

glasgowcyclist said:


> or will miss out on large parts of a group conversation because he doesn't want to impede the flow.
> 
> GC



I can see my Dad missing out - he gets very quiet now in a group. I wish I could get him a hearing aid. Sorry to hear of your trouble, GC.


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## Haitch (23 Sep 2014)

User13710 said:


> You're in a 1970s sitcom, and if you have the test too soon it will spoil the joke?


 
The only things that could spoil a 1970s' sitcom joke are self-awareness and consideration of others. Oh, and wit. This gag could run as long as the Black and White Minstrels.


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## fossyant (23 Sep 2014)

Ganymede said:


> Or helping him overcome all the problems associated with his dementia, or playing music for him to improve his mental health, or taking him out for lunch, or driving him to hospital, or running his bank account. *LOL.*



it was meant to be light hearted

I have a FIL that has early dementia, COPD, stage 4 lung cancer, requires constant help also. He can't remember what we tell him nor that he can't walk so gets up and falls.


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## Archie_tect (23 Sep 2014)

She has one TMN, it's better than the NHS grey plastic lump behind your ear.... but... imagine having one or both ear pieces stuck in your ears *all* the time which cut out every natural stereophonic sound and replaces it with amplified 'unbalanced and detached mono noise' remote from any directional guidance that your ears normally provide. *That's* why people struggle on without aids. Try listening to headphones or a car stereo with the balance offset so that one speaker is set to 9 while while the other is on 2... awful isn't it?

On a lighter note, I can hear better and more clearly if I cup my hands behind my ears, so I have an idea for a design for a hat/ 'headphone headband' with integrated 'ear trumpets' instead of speakers... they look daft but it augments your ears natural sound location and stereo effect... if it makes people laugh but visually helps them quickly 'get it' that someone is deaf [ie hard of hearing] it's worth the bother...


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## glasgowcyclist (23 Sep 2014)

old bell said:


> My wife has seen an advert by a High Street chemist offering free hearing tests and she thinks we she go and have it done. The problem is I won't have an excuse of not hearing her cries from the kitchen to do something. Either that or the chemist will try and sell me a hearing aid that I don't want.
> Any suggestions for an excuse for not having a test.


 
Have a read at this and see if you recognise any of the symptoms. 

GC


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## Ganymede (23 Sep 2014)

fossyant said:


> it was meant to be light hearted


I know. Just felt like a slap-down - I know you didn't mean it to but it did. I guess I've slightly sabotaged a light-hearted thread but that's the reality.

Sorry to hear about your FiL. There's a lot of us with very aged and very difficult parents these days. We still love them but it's hard. Also - HOW I wish I'd persuaded Dad to get a hearing aid before he got dementia - I just can't see him accepting one now and the idea of him actually dealing with using it is awful to contemplate!


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## stephec (23 Sep 2014)

Drago said:


> In my experience a lot of older folk feign deafness or exaggerate its effects because they simply don't want to her the crap that most people talk.


Not just old people.


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## Roadrider48 (23 Sep 2014)

If he doesn't want a hearing aid, why make him?....just saying.


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## Archie_tect (23 Sep 2014)

User13710 said:


> I think people struggle on without hearing aids because they are, consciously or not, aware of the huge stigma that society places on being deaf. Blind people are much more accepted than deaf (or Deaf, if you understand the distinction) people, although I'm not at all sure why this is. I used to be quite involved in the Deaf world, and the patronising mockery and discrimination that my friends had to put up with was shocking.



You know when you experience that moment before your ears pop.... and you can only hear a vague hissing sound and everything is really quiet... that's what it's like.... aids make it less directional, unbalanced and louder not clearer. Stigma maybe part of the problem but the physical effect is really frustrating and gets to you.


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## Archie_tect (23 Sep 2014)

Sorry TMN and old bell, I'd carried on the conversation in my head [I do that too much!] and got way past what we or the OP were originally talking about... [beg everybody's pardon- take it as a sign of how frustrating getting deafer is.]

Mrs A_T's keen for me to have a go too... so I should get on with it.

[Edit: 9.26pm- forgot to mention I went round to the GP, got an appointment for Friday to get a referral for a hearing test - no time like the present!]


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## old bell (23 Sep 2014)

My Mum would have said about having to do something she didn't want to - 'I can't go because I have a bone in my leg'


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## deptfordmarmoset (23 Sep 2014)

You've given one reason for not wanting to hear. Are there no other things in your world that are worth listening to?


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## ColinJ (23 Sep 2014)

Archie_tect said:


> Please remember, people with hearing difficulties aren't stupid, so cut out the exaggerated slow speech/ mime act... it's not their fault they can't hear you.


Sometimes it can be! My late father got more and more hard of hearing as he got older but refused to have his hearing checked. He was turning the TV up so loud that you had to shout to be heard over it. In the end we couldn't stand it any longer and got the doctor to call round and talk shout some sense into him. The problem turned out to be caused by a massive build up of wax in both ears.

We had a laugh after the old boy's ears had been thoroughly degunked ... He turned the TV on and the blast of sound from it almost deafened him all over again! He thought we had messed about with the volume control and took a lot of convincing that it was the same sound level that he had been inflicting on the rest of the family for months.


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## tyred (23 Sep 2014)

I wasn't very old at the time but I still remember a conversation between two friends of my Granddad's - both hard of hearing and one who had recently had a heart attack and they hadn't seen each other in a while. It went like this

Bill: How are you keeping?
Sam: I nearly died since I seen you last.
Bill: Good man, I'm delighted to hear it!

It almost started WW3


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## Archie_tect (23 Sep 2014)

Mine was;

Mrs A_T, "Has he gone to training?"
Me, "No, it's stopped, but it was earlier"...
Mrs A_T, "?"


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## Shut Up Legs (24 Sep 2014)

welsh dragon said:


> On a serious note, get the test done. There is nothng worse than having to put up with someone who can't hear anything and who keeps asking you what's being said.


Actually there is something worse: being that person . I speak from first-hand experience.


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## welsh dragon (24 Sep 2014)

victor said:


> Actually there is something worse: being that person . I speak from first-hand experience.




Did you do something about it?


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## Shut Up Legs (24 Sep 2014)

welsh dragon said:


> Did you do something about it?


Yes, I've had hearing aids from an early age, because my hearing loss is congenital.


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## Ganymede (24 Sep 2014)

victor said:


> Yes, I've had hearing aids from an early age, because my hearing loss is congenital.


My Dad's mother went fairly deaf at the end, though she died at 81 or 83 and Dad is 87 now. So I have already talked this over with Mr G: I have promised to get a hearing aid when he tells me.


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## Asa Post (24 Sep 2014)

Ganymede said:


> My Dad's mother went fairly deaf at the end, though she died at 81 or 83 and Dad is 87 now. So I have already talked this over with Mr G: I have promised to get a hearing aid when he tells me.


But.... but....
You won't hear him telling you


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## Ganymede (24 Sep 2014)

Asa Post said:


> But.... but....
> You won't hear him telling you


 

I should make him a sign to keep in the cupboard and be deployed in case of need!


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## ufkacbln (24 Sep 2014)

I have a misspent youth

Personally I blame any hearing loss on Motorhead, Hawkwind, Van Halen, Thin Lizzy, Black Sabbath etc....


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## ufkacbln (24 Sep 2014)

My mother has dementia,and my MiL is partially deaf and partially sighted ... they get along like a house on fire!

My mother talks and repeats incessantly, and the MiL can't hear her so just nods occasionally - perfect combination


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## Saluki (24 Sep 2014)

Hubster has hearing aids, really cool purple ones and free on the NHS. He doesn't wear them all the time so he still can't hear me when I ask him to wash up, help with the housework and whatnot. He can hear if I ask if he wants a bit of cake or some beer though. Funny that.

Just get the test. you can always 'lose' your hearing aids at a later date.


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## byegad (24 Sep 2014)

Drago said:


> In my experience a lot of older folk feign deafness or exaggerate its effects because they simply don't want to her the crap that most people talk.



Rubbish. At 60 I was unable to make out most of what was said on TV or live by a woman. Why? Because I've lost the upper range of my hearing, the part that most women speak in. A hearing aid, I really need two, means I can not only hear my wife and the TV, but also the Skylarks. I hadn't heard the Skylarks in 10 years before I got the aid! I really missed them.


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## Auntie Helen (10 Oct 2014)

I'm 43 and have had a hearing aid in my left ear for about three years.

I've lost the upper frequencies in both ears so, like a poster above, I struggle to hear women's voices although men's voices are much easier. I am also unable to hear the ending "n't" so the different between did and didn't, is and isn't, which is often the most vital part of the sentence! Now I am living in Germany and speaking German it is easier as the negative, nicht, is far more audible. Plus Germans speak more clearly anyway.

I was excited when I got my first hearing aid - until they stuck it in my ear. It is nowhere near any approximation of normal hearing; it is an aid, and does make a difference in some circumstances, but I remove it when at all possible. I can't use it when listening to classical music, for example. If on my own in the house (like now) I don't wear it. In very noisy environments it doesn't help much either. The place where it is useful for me is in environments with some background noise and where the light is a bit dim (so I can't easily lipread) and when I am talking to women.

One thing I have learned is that the brain does adjust to it so eventually it sounds better but it's still nothing like when I had a decent set of ears and as someone who loves music that is a shame. The choir that I sing with meets in a noisy echoey room so I cannot hear a thing if anyone else talks at the same time as the choir director; fortunately I am reasonable at lipreading and I have a friend at the choir who can tell me later anything I miss.


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