# What is the weirdest heckle you've had while cycling ?



## thom (18 Nov 2013)

Just been through Parliament square, turning left from Whitehall to go over Westminster Bridge. Cognizant of the fact that turning left brings me onto a 3 lane road on which I need the middle lane, that there was a medium sized coach behind me at the lights and that there is normally a fight for position, I hopped off and walked through a couple of pedestrian lights on red, to get ahead of the traffic safely and not hold it up.

Back in the saddle of the Barclay's bike firmly ensconced in the middle lane and cruising up to the red lights, the coach driver zoomed up past me on the outside lane, beeped, gesticulated and swerved over in front of me to turn left. As I rolled past him to the ASL at the red light, he waved his hands and exclaimed:

"You've just gone and walked through a red light there."

Now I'm not sure about the legality of walking a bike through a red pedestrian light but were it on the pavement I doubt it would be illegal, so any comments on this welcome. However I'm more interested to hear of any other bizarre heckles of road rage that have been encountered on a bike.


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## Markymark (18 Nov 2013)

Were you still on the road when you walked through? If so, you shouldn't have done that. If I'm a pedestrain crossing the road I'd be annoyed by a cyclist either cycling or walking their bike across. The lights are there for people to safely cross from one side to the other.


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## thom (18 Nov 2013)

0-markymark-0 said:


> Were you still on the road when you walked through? If so, you shouldn't have done that. If I'm a pedestrain crossing the road I'd be annoyed by a cyclist either cycling or walking their bike across. The lights are there for people to safely cross from one side to the other.


There were no pedestrians on the crossings - I was walking the bike gently by the side of the road.


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## Pale Rider (18 Nov 2013)

Another cyclist made an odd remark to me during this year's Durham Big Ride.

I'm not into cycling clothing and was wearing my usual jogging bottoms, T-shirt, fleece, and an old pair of black leather slip-on shoes with moulded soles - fine for the bike's platform pedals.

As the rider passed me after about 15 miles, he said: "You've come a long way in your shiny shoes."

The remark was made in a sneering tone, so my footwear clearly bothered him.


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## numbnuts (18 Nov 2013)

........and you don't have an MOT


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## Mile195 (18 Nov 2013)

About 7 years ago I cycled down to Arundel from SE London. Part of the final stretch was the B2139 to the Whitways Lodge roundabout which goes up a fairly steep hill. This was my first ever "long" ride, and it was an incredibly hot day so I'd dispensed with my jersey a few miles before.

As I approached the summit of the hill, a white Transit passed me and as he did so his passenger shouted out the window "nice chest". I assumed this was intended to be some kind of heckle, but given the poor choice and subsequent delivery of words it actually sounded more like a come on. Unfortunately the gradient of the hill along with my inexperience of long rides meant that all of my resources were devoted to keeping the bike moving so I struggled to think of something clever to shout back. I'll be more prepared next time...


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## Berties (18 Nov 2013)

Not in a very built up area head down ,at pace,some one shouts ,tour de France is that way pointing south,to which I growled just past the comedy club then!


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## sackville d (18 Nov 2013)

Pale Rider said:


> Another cyclist made an odd remark to me during this year's Durham Big Ride.
> 
> I'm not into cycling clothing and was wearing my usual jogging bottoms, T-shirt, fleece, and an old pair of black leather slip-on shoes with moulded soles - fine for the bike's platform pedals.
> 
> ...


You know,you should have replied "You`ve come a long way....for a nobber."


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## SatNavSaysStraightOn (18 Nov 2013)

"it's green" said to me by a kindly gentleman in Denmark after I stopped at a green traffic light instead of carrying on. I didn't know at the time that I was suffering from heat exposure! my responce was "yeh, I missed that". not quite a heckle but one of the odder conversations with a pedestrian I have had.


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## deptfordmarmoset (18 Nov 2013)

thom said:


> Just been through Parliament square, turning left from Whitehall to go over Westminster Bridge. Cognizant of the fact that turning left brings me onto a 3 lane road on which I need the middle lane, that there was a medium sized coach behind me at the lights and that there is normally a fight for position, I hopped off and walked through a couple of pedestrian lights on red, to get ahead of the traffic safely and not hold it up.
> 
> Back in the saddle of the Barclay's bike firmly ensconced in the middle lane and cruising up to the red lights, the coach driver zoomed up past me on the outside lane, beeped, gesticulated and swerved over in front of me to turn left. As I rolled past him to the ASL at the red light, he waved his hands and exclaimed:
> 
> ...


It makes me wonder about whether pushing a vehicle over red lights is as legal as walking a bike over is. Just for the potential ''Well get out and push it'' counter heckles.


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## sackville d (18 Nov 2013)

I was passing down through Worsthorn near Burnley,when a rather rotund young fellow of about 14 called out "We know your gay". (I`m not by the way,but did look fine in summer Sunday kit)
So quick as a flash,reaching into my vast catalogue of witty comebacks,selected this one.
"Shut up you fat c***!" Now I didn`t look back to see how appreciative of my responce he was but I`m sure he looked something like this


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## albion (18 Nov 2013)

As I pulled onto the pavement at the uninhabited western end of Stanhope to have a sandwich and drink before tackling Crawleyside bank, a pensioner advised me about the police and cycling on the pavement.

He never noticed that it was 5 yards of roll to that bench just behind him.


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## ayceejay (18 Nov 2013)

I was almost home the other day when this huge American car 'sidled' alongside me. I looked and sure enough it contained a huge American. I had no idea what he was saying but his lips were moving. He pressed a button and the window wound down. I could tell he was annoyed and the more he spoke the smaller my part of the road became. I thought it best to stop. He continued on a bit - stopped then reversed - at speed. He wanted directions 'home' a bit ET. I said "keep going straight" (which is true) and off he went leaving me in the wake of $5 worth of exhaust fumes.


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## bianchi1 (19 Nov 2013)

I was suffering an all out effort 13 miles into a local club 15 mile time trial when a car passed me with the passenger leaning out of the window. He was holding out a copy of an 'adult' magazine and shouted "look at the #### on that" 

Quite threw my concentration!


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## slowmotion (19 Nov 2013)

FNRttC to Southend, early in the morning, a hot hatch slows down alongside, somewhere in Essex..."Cmon you lazy c***t". His fellow passenger in the front has his bare arse out of the window to emphasise the point. Class!


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## Podiumcycles (19 Nov 2013)

I have twice had the passenger of a white van shout out to me 'Your wheels are spinning'. Not sure what they meant but they seemed to find it highly amusing both times. Unfortunately the blatentcy of the shout stunned me to silence both times.


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## ufkacbln (19 Nov 2013)

Cycling into Gosport on the Brompton I slowed down as a young cyclist wobbled along.

As he stopped, and I passed the "little darling" came out with

"Look Mummy - his wheels are even smaller than mine!"


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## Booyaa (19 Nov 2013)

sackville d said:


> I was passing down through Worsthorn near Burnley,when a rather rotund young fellow of about 14 called out "We know your gay". (I`m not by the way,but did look fine in summer Sunday kit)
> So quick as a flash,reaching into my vast catalogue of witty comebacks,selected this one.
> "Shut up you fat c***!" Now I didn`t look back to see how appreciative of my responce he was but I`m sure he looked something like this


That made me laugh out loud on the train. Well done.


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## Cycling Dan (19 Nov 2013)

Nice bike (oh thanks) You prick (  ) 
From a mini passenger


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## HLaB (19 Nov 2013)

On a forum ride @Seamab and me were heading through a town when these two neds shouted Fat Fecks at us. Seamab's as skinny as a rake and I'm not big either we were both very confused  It was only when I got home I realised what they were shouting, the name of the local football team 'Falkirk'


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## Chris-H (19 Nov 2013)

I was cycling along Bedford embankment on the shared cycle path and as I approached a lardy chavvy scruffy git who must've been in he's late 30's early 40's and was clearly trying to impress the 14-15 year old girls who were with him he shouted at me to "get on the f***ing road", the girls looked suitable impressed with he's rather intelligent heckle until I responded " get on the f***ing treadmill" to which they found extremely amusing


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## raised by puffins (19 Nov 2013)

Where did you get your spokes from?
- your mum
Oi, she's dead
- oh, sorry mate. 

Yes, nobody won that, I reached too far. Maybe instead of trying to reclaim power I should have instead met him half way and offered him a bemused shrug. But imagine if Wellington had just shrugged at all the 'bon spokes' taunts at his field guns by the French Imperial Army: we wouldn't have had a decade of Abba and they were brilliant.


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## helston90 (19 Nov 2013)

A fairly appropriate one I had the other day was 'your wheel is about to come off', problem was I was on my pub bike for the 25 mile commute as my proper bike was in the LBS so it really wouldn't have suprised me if that had actually happened.
Turned out he was just messing- the little tike!


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## Gravity Aided (20 Nov 2013)

I got a "No fair pedaling on the downhills" from a lady on a Cannondale racing bicycle out in the country the other day. Then we talked about my odd-looking bicycle(Electra Townie 21d) for about 5 minutes, riding along. I do not know if it counts as heckling when a conversation breaks out.


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## Melonfish (21 Nov 2013)

once during a particularly heavy downpoor
"its raining" says the passenger of a mini.
"yes, yes it is" was my only reply.


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## Supersuperleeds (21 Nov 2013)

Podiumcycles said:


> I have twice had the passenger of a white van shout out to me 'Your wheels are spinning'. Not sure what they meant but they seemed to find it highly amusing both times. Unfortunately the blatentcy of the shout stunned me to silence both times.



I had a lad on a bike shout that to me, my response was "so are yours" I got a "Eh?" back from the stupid little ******


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## cosmicbike (21 Nov 2013)

Not one of mine, and I'm sure it came from someone on here linking to a youtube vid

"Oi mate, your wheels are going round!"

"So's your girlfriend" was the response.....


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## fossyant (21 Nov 2013)

Hmm, I need to think of something. My stock response isn't nice !


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## MisterStan (21 Nov 2013)

Driver of a Porsche Boxster - Can't you afford a car?
Me - Can't you afford a proper Porsche?


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## steveindenmark (21 Nov 2013)

A couple of weeks ago I passed a lycra clad MTBer covered in mud going up a steep hill. I cruised by him drinking out of my waterbottle. I was wearing jeans and overcoat.

I left him well behind as he struggled. A couple of miles later I stopped to buy eggs and he passed by, giving me that bastaxd look. I followed him and passed him without effort. I slowed right down asI came to my turn and as he passed, looking knackered, he did a treble check of me and called me a "cheating bastaxd".

I always use my Electric bike in Winter. :0)





Steve


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## rbreid (21 Nov 2013)

From a young kid....maybe 11 yo or so, dressed in Superman outfit out guisin'......" Hey you're too late, I saved the planet last week"  Couldn't think of a suitable response at the time and still can't.


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## sackville d (21 Nov 2013)

steveindenmark said:


> A couple of weeks ago I passed a lycra clad MTBer covered in mud going up a steep hill. I cruised by him drinking out of my waterbottle. I was wearing jeans and overcoat.
> 
> I left him well behind as he struggled. A couple of miles later I stopped to buy eggs and he passed by, giving me that bastaxd look. I followed him and passed him without effort. I slowed right down asI came to my turn and as he passed, looking knackered, he did a treble check of me and called me a "cheating bastaxd".
> 
> ...


You cheating bastard Steve!


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## simon.r (21 Nov 2013)

cosmicbike said:


> Not one of mine, and I'm sure it came from someone on here linking to a youtube vid
> 
> "Oi mate, your wheels are going round!"
> 
> "So's your girlfriend" was the response.....




View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w4nMY3-A7YI


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## nicholas (21 Nov 2013)

How come you all hear what shouted at you my high blood pressure and heart beat pounding really drowns this out


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## SamC (22 Nov 2013)

"You're not a car!"

Neither are you mate, you're a tosser.


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## SatNavSaysStraightOn (22 Nov 2013)

more a strange conversation than a 'heckle'.

I'm in the right hand lane marked straight on or right and not indicating he's in the left hand lane marked left, in a car...

"which way are you going love?" _I cringe (hate the use of the word love & duck)_ 
straight on
so why didn't you indicate?
( and getting a little peeved) is it one finger or two for straight on?
(cue handy gap in traffic and leaves scene quickly...)


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## Ganymede (22 Nov 2013)

SatNavSaysStraightOn said:


> is it one finger or two for straight on?



Nice one sister!


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## Mr Haematocrit (23 Nov 2013)

I was out riding my Di2 S-Works Tarmac SL4 with Zipp wheels when a 'yoof' in a old Vauxhall Nova at some lights wound down the window and said "_oi pr*ck sell your bike and buy a car, its faster and you don't look like a twat_".... The fat teengage girl in the passenger seat starting laughing and snorting and called me a self-gratification artist in lycra
I smiled and clear clearly stated that I could sell only the wheels on my bike and purchase the car he was driving, and still have enough money to buy his pet pig which would save him from having to take her to market.
The lights changed and I rode off by turning left and avoiding them, before what I said had even registered.


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## PoliceMadAd (23 Nov 2013)

Can't remember the last time I had something shouted at me on my cycle to work towards Nuthall in Notts, but when I used to go to Derby City centre it was a regular occurrence. Oddly, I miss it.


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## nappadang (23 Nov 2013)

A car slowed down when passing me this afternoon. The passenger looked me square in the eye and called me a "helmet wearing pussy." both driver and passenger roared with laughter as they drove off.
Small things/small minds and all that.


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## 400bhp (23 Nov 2013)

This morning I had some scouser (don't worry I was in Liverpool-one of them hadn't escaped ) look at me quite seriously and tell me "there's a bus behind you".

Bus was about 100m back and I was in the LH lane of a fairly empty DC 40mph road.


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## steve52 (23 Nov 2013)

people heckle cyclist? i hadnt noticed tbh


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## T.M.H.N.E.T (23 Nov 2013)

"ere mate is tha a bra?"

Fortunately not, It was an incredibly warm day and my jersey was as good as unzipped. bibshorts crossed with HRM, I guess I can see where the idea came from


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## nicholas (23 Nov 2013)

People have stopped heckling me since I bought a new small meat clever and laughing insanely funny that


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## Gravity Aided (24 Nov 2013)

You are a proactive fellow, Nicholas.


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## ianrauk (24 Nov 2013)

nappadang said:


> A car slowed down when passing me this afternoon. The passenger looked me square in the eye and called me a "helmet wearing pussy." both driver and passenger roared with laughter as they drove off.
> Small things/small minds and all that.




Sorry didn't realise it was a fellow Cyclechat member. It was me and @theclaud


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## ianrauk (24 Nov 2013)

2786495 said:


> Was that in @theclaud's Range Rover Ewok?




No.. it was the runaround.. the Porsche Cayenne Pepper.


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## nappadang (24 Nov 2013)

ianrauk said:


> Sorry didn't realise it was a fellow Cyclechat member. It was me and @theclaud


Shame on you, my confidence has been irreparably damaged. I've now given up cycling and taken up flower pressing so I don't have to suffer that level of dog's abuse again.
That said, it should have been me taking the pi**, that car you were in was an embarrassment. Especially the "my other car is a porsche" sticker and the "Nigel & Sharon" sun visor.


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## Accy cyclist (25 Nov 2013)

A child/juvenile passed a comment as i passed him and his mate,while on my bike the other day. He said something derogatory which led to his mate saying to him "show a bit of respect,that man does miles and miles on that bike,i don't think you'll be riding a bike when you get as old as him"!


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## line71 (25 Nov 2013)

Ive had the usual ;'yer wheels are turning round' or 'you,ve dropped your gay card' but the last time was some scum screeching incoherent bollocks,all i heard was ...fuucking bike!!,didnt hear the rest of the scumbags drivel but enjoyed the thought of using a machine gun on the tramps and chucking them in the canal


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## outlash (25 Nov 2013)

Whilst waiting for the Sunday club run to kick off with my fellow club members, we suffered the usual homophobic abuse from someone across the market square in their car. As the car got closer I had raise a smile because the car had a bunch of lads in it. Now, if we're a bit gay, what does it say about a car filled with young men early on a Sunday morning? 


Tony.


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## ross cordon (25 Nov 2013)

while out this sunday a fat old git in a astra slowed down and shouted PUT SOME PROPER F*&%ING CLOTHES ON , im cycling and wearing cycling clothing , I could understand if I was wearing my mrs bikini


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## watchiekong (25 Nov 2013)

sackville d said:


> I was passing down through Worsthorn near Burnley,when a rather rotund young fellow of about 14 called out "We know your gay". (I`m not by the way,but did look fine in summer Sunday kit)
> So quick as a flash,reaching into my vast catalogue of witty comebacks,selected this one.
> "Shut up you fat c***!" Now I didn`t look back to see how appreciative of my responce he was but I`m sure he looked something like this



What usually shuts the zit faced little gits is if you respond: "Yeah just as I know you're a virgin." or "Thats grand coming from a virgin!"
It really does shut them up.


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## Frood42 (27 Nov 2013)

simon.r said:


> View:
> View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w4nMY3-A7YI
> .




It's Cycling Mikey 
He seems to have some of the more sensible vids on youtube


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