# Women on bikes, expect delays.



## Pat "5mph" (10 Jul 2013)

This is the tale of an all women's 100k in them surroundings of Stirlingshire - Scotland, don't you ken?
A selected few of the Glasgow Belles on Bikes decide to join the 100k ladies bike ride on the 7th of July, to celebrate some TdF anniversary or other, we don't really care as long as we get a fun day out of it
I am NOT wearing a helmet on this trip (take note @Cunobelin) mundane fact this, that will have consequences.
The riding pal I was supposed to meet en route to the train station does not show. It turns out she is just late. Like a domino effect, her lateness will influence the rest of the day, it was an omen of things to come.
I pick up my other riding companion while the wayward one joins us, minutes to spare before the train leaves for Stirling, still without ticket. Grummph! thinks me, Mrs. Organization.
Got ticket days ago without reserved bike space, because the man the the ticket boot said: "computer no can do, just put the bike on the luggage rack, ha ha!"
There are about a baker's dozen bikes boarding now  but I'm not, because I'm waiting for my friend to buy her ticket!
The day is hot hot hot, about to get even hotter 
Thankfully Scottish Rails keeps to the timetable, as the tree of us have an impromptu banana, debating if to use the ladies powder room now or at the destination.
Here's our wee Glasgow group, I'm the one with the cat t-shirt, of course.



Visualize about 60 women, some are friends, some have never met before, some have only met on line previously.
Who is applying sun screen, who is introducing herself, who is dashing to the loo last minute, who's munching on an energy bar ... you get the drift, we are already half hour late to the proposed starting time.
"Pat, Pat" I hear a cry ... "Yes, I'm here" "Do you have your portable track pump with you? I can't inflate my front tyre ..." But of course, say I, always happy to help 
Now, those 100k are not meant to be a race, but an all around the world celebration of women's cycling.
So what is this group of Lycra cladded willowy beings on 15 Lbs road bikes doing here???
We are briefed about the route, flat as a pancake on cycle path: we all had been emailed a map and a gpx file.
None of us Belle has a Garmin (we are contemplating the purchase of a communal one, ahem).
One of us printed the maps off, so of course I didn't. She forgot them on the hall table at home.
I, by turn, forgot the return train times at home.
Turning our phones' Strava/ sat nav on? No way!
We want to save the battery for taking pictures! 
Why worry ourselves, the route is signposted. Only, some joker lifted most of the signs overnight, we later discover.
Off we go eventually, the roadies fast disappearing ahead. Never mind, I mutter, if I knew where I was going, I would be fast too 
Beautiful scenery, it has to be said. Here is a picture with the Wallace monument in view:

and another one of a random old turret



It was a very hot day, did I mention this? We could not find any directions, did I mention this also?
Bet I never told you yet that the support guys on a bike, meant to be strategically positioned where we could get lost ... got lost!
That was after we found him again, because we had lost him in our enthusiasm.
Oh yes, when about 30 of us bombed down what we thought was the cycle path, but in fact turned out to be a private farm road.
A very glamourus farmer's wife soon send us on our way, probably sniggering at the sight of so many disheveled sun baked would be TdF female emulators.

Here are we, practically about to ride through the farmer's living room!

Reunited with our guide, his instructions are clear: follow the road ahead, join the path, cross over the bridge, I will see you there.
Ha! We ended up at a locked gate: over the gate, the wee blue bike sign, NC76 ...
Some, huffing and puffing, start to lift their bikes over. A passing dog walker stares, laconic points behind. We have missed the turning to the new cycle route 
Cycling over the bridge was nice: shame we got battered by the most ferocious hot headwind ever.
Did not dare to stop to take pictures, least we got left even more behind - there was another group we lost sight of a few miles before, guess we lost them too 
So if anybody can tell me the name of the bridge I went over please do: the sign I remember, "Firth of the Forth" may not be the correct name 
Another picture of us getting lost, this time it was after going over the Forth: both my group and the rider supposed to be guiding us took the wrong turn once again.


The following picture is the proof that I was, first time ever for me, in Clackmannanshire: can't pronounce it, but I was there 
Joining the group after taking the shot, a rider on a red Triban, never found out if he was meant to be one of our guides or just a random guy, 85 if he was a day, bless! trying to "guide me" over the road!
I'm a seasoned Glasgow's mean streets commuter, I'll let you know ... erm ...



To be continued ...


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## Ern1e (10 Jul 2013)

That sure sounds like a nice day out but ! lost again ? plus I am so glad that I do not have to say Clackmannanshire lol.


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## deptfordmarmoset (10 Jul 2013)

I love your travelogues, Pat. Looking forward to the suite.


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## Pat "5mph" (10 Jul 2013)

Part 2 

Well, as you can see in the picture below, Gonzales needed a wee lye down while I was dousing my head with a gallon of water. Shame there was no egg farm nearby, could have had a fry up on my (helmet-less) head. Briefly considered visiting the cattery with adopting intentions, alas, no bike basket on this trip 


Remember the famous signs nobody could find? We found one! And one more! Us three intrepid breakaways still had a chance to reach the finish line!


The ride was divided into two stages: 50k first, back to Stirling bike hub, another 45k then a final 5k around the town.
Of course we got back to base very late, an hour late to be precise.
We see some girls that were well behind us: "how did you get here first??"
"We took the back up car " 
Pictures of Stirling's train station, where the bike hub is at:





The roadies group wanted to leave right away, one of us set off with them after a quick snack, others decide to leave it at that, my friend PJ and I decided to have our lunch, then cycle back to Glasgow via the canal, we had not given up on the 100k!
There was a life size map on the wall, we were given directions on how to get to the canal.
PJ measures the map with her arm, says: "My arm here, you see, is 5k, I can tell you we have about 6 miles on the A811 before turning left to join the canal route back to Glasgow, and, good news, it's all downhill!"
Me, beginning to show the first signs of sunstroke, still not completely batty yet but getting there, on hearing "A" some number or other road" go   
Something about "downhill" was not sounding right either. Surely, if we are near the river we must be in a valley, I did not see any falls nearby, hence we must be down river, to get out of here we surely must go uphill ... Let's set out, I'll postpone my coffee till the canal stop. I trust your map reading skills my friend 
10 miles of a tropical, windy uphill struggle on a busy 60mph speed limit road and we still can't find the turn off, marked by a demolition site on google maps.
I feel like demolishing a double espresso!
We eventually find the start of the canal path over the next hill. Any further, a serious falling out would have happened, think we were ready to boil over in more than one way 
Oh how I dreamed of that double espresso!
It was vile 
Canal pictures:




You may think nothing worth reporting can possibly happen on 20 miles of dull canal route ... 
Ahead of us two ladies pushing their bikes.
"Are you ok, girls?"
"och aye, we are fine, I've got a puncture, we'll just walk it to the car, only 2 miles to the next town where we left the cars"
"Noooo, we will fix it!" 
The ladies are part of a group of amateur dancers looking to get into cycling.
On borrowed bikes, no inner tube nor tools or pump, got dropped by the rest of their party who cheerfully carried on to the Falkirk Wheel leaving them behind.
"Oh my, what is all this stuff you carry, do we have to have all this with us when out on the bikes? Wouldn't know the first thing about changing a tyre anyway"
"Are you not terrified of the traffic on the roads? 10 miles a day? you are brave" 
"Nay, not brave, you can join the Belles on Bikes too, look us up on the net"
We exchanged lectures: PJ and I lectured them about bike maintenance, they lectured us about the perils of going helmet less.
We had met two X-Ray nurses from our local hospital! 
Forgot to take a picture as it happened, so got one taken back in Glasgow: it's me and my pump  hands are dirty because I ditched the gloves while giving he tyre battle 



This is the end of the adventures of the day, thanks for reading 
Milage proof:


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## Pat "5mph" (10 Jul 2013)

deptfordmarmoset said:


> I love your travelogues, Pat. Looking forward to the suite.


Done!


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## Pat "5mph" (10 Jul 2013)

A few facts I edited out of the story:
looking out of the train window I saw a man in full commuter gear (helmet, high viz, cycling gloves, rucksack), sitting at a station bench, bike next to him ... smoking a pipe!
The picture came out too blurred to post.
My friend PJ never wears a helmet - I always do.
On this occasion, she brought one along in case it was compulsory, I did not, because of the hot weather and because I'd bothered read the rules of the ride, it was not required.
The (very nice) lady on the canal path that lectured us admitted of crashing with another cyclist a few miles previous.
She said the crash saved her from falling into the canal, her helmet would have been useless then


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## classic33 (10 Jul 2013)

You got the stains out of the Tee Shirt then!


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## Rasmus (11 Jul 2013)

Excellent read as always, Pat.

You certainly seem to have a knack for getting lost  going on unplanned adventures!


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## shyfire (11 Jul 2013)

Great write-up, hope you enjoyed the ride. It was a glorious day for it. It would be the Clackmannan Bridge unless you got very lost and ended up on the old Kincardine Bridge ;-) I did the first 50k and was at the back of a second group someway behind the front group. We lost sight of them and took a wrong turn after the bridge, ended up coming back into Stirling on the main A road. The organisers had their work cut out keeping track of about 8 groups out on various bits of routes. Big thanks to them.


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## arranandy (11 Jul 2013)

Great write up Pat


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## Pat "5mph" (11 Jul 2013)

shyfire said:


> Great write-up, hope you enjoyed the ride. It was a glorious day for it. It would be the Clackmannan Bridge unless you got very lost and ended up on the old Kincardine Bridge ;-) I did the first 50k and was at the back of a second group someway behind the front group. We lost sight of them and took a wrong turn after the bridge, ended up coming back into Stirling on the main A road. The organisers had their work cut out keeping track of about 8 groups out on various bits of routes. Big thanks to them.


Ha ha that would be the wrong turn we avoided, because we turned back!
Great day out, the silly folks that took the direction signs down the night before could not spoil it.


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## Col5632 (11 Jul 2013)

Great write up as always pat, how you always manage to get lost ill never know lol


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## Fubar (12 Jul 2013)

Great write up @Pat "5mph" !


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## Pat "5mph" (12 Jul 2013)

Col5632 said:


> Great write up as always pat, how you always manage to get lost ill never know lol


Gonna sooo get myself a Garmin!


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## Rickshaw Phil (12 Jul 2013)

Great write up Pat.


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## Saluki (12 Jul 2013)

That was a brilliant read. It sounds like you had a fantastic time


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