# Never fettle while drunk late at night.



## Hacienda71 (20 May 2012)

Tightened my bottom bracket last night and fettled my headset (slight creak needed sorting) after a couple of glasses of wine. Got up this morning, lovely day, got on the bike clipped in and started to cycle down the road. Problem was it all felt very odd like I had continued drinking all night. After about 50 yards I stopped unclipped and clipped back in again and set off. Still weird. Got off again looked at the bike and realised I had not got the crank arm on the right spline and so it was not directly opposite the other .
Think I might apply for a job at Halfords........


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## Andrew_Culture (20 May 2012)

Tee hee!


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## rusky (20 May 2012)

Good job it wasn't a square taper BB!


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## Hacienda71 (20 May 2012)

There is a lot to be said for square taper.


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## ufkacbln (20 May 2012)

Hacienda71 said:


> ........after a _*couple*_ of glasses of wine.


 

Bleedin lightweights!


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## rusky (20 May 2012)

Lightweight northerners!

Only used to shandy


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## biggs682 (20 May 2012)

doh


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## dawesome (21 May 2012)

Ukrainian vodka + cycling home through East London = broken nose.


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## subaqua (21 May 2012)

rusky said:


> Good job it wasn't a square taper BB!


 
thankfully you do see what you have done before you try and ride it , not that I have ever done that of course. certainly not me Oh No.


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## TheDoctor (21 May 2012)

After a glass or three of wine, I started building up a singlespeeder.
I fitted the chainset, then the wheel (just loosely in the dropouts) then the chain, adjusting it to length. I then tried to tighten up the quick release, as which point I noticed the unused rear mech hanger, on the opposite side of the bike. I'd assembled _the entire transmission_ on the wrong side.
Had it been a fixie I'd have left it that way...


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## MontyVeda (21 May 2012)

rusky said:


> Lightweight northerners!
> 
> Only used to shandy


 
Wilmslow in Cheshire.... he's a southerner!


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## fossala (21 May 2012)

dawesome said:


> Ukrainian vodka + cycling home through East London = broken nose.


You have to be quite silly to drink and cycle!


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## dawesome (21 May 2012)

Yep, it was stupid, I was nearly home, toppled sideways and smashed my face against the kerb. I got home and fell asleep in the study, my niece was staying with me and she came in later and found me on the settee with a bloody face. She woke me up and asked what happened.

"Ukrainian vodka!" I said.


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## fossyant (21 May 2012)




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## mickle (21 May 2012)

I used to manage a small bike shop in London on the main East - West route used by commuters and cycle couriers. We had an near constant stream of people wanting to borrow tools. It got a bit annoying, particularly as most of them had never bought anything from the shop but expected a free loan of our expensive tools, anything from a track-pump to a spoke key. And it usually involved a trip down to the basement to the workshop - much to the annoyance of our mechanic. So we devoted a small toolbox and filled it with used/worn/spare tools and we decided that the cheeky ***** could pay for the privilege too. We had a couple of charidee collection boxes on the counter and we lent tools on the condition that they'd make a deposit of at least a quid.
It worked really well too, the Spastics society - as was - reckoned that ours was the fastest filling collection box of all time, and the highest value. So everyone was happy.

A courier runs in to the shop one day - obviously with a package on board such was his urgency. I'd never clapped eyes on him before and he rushed in with a; 'Can I just borrow a crank bolt spanner?' As his LH crank had come loose. I said: 'Yes of course, but you'll need to make a deposit of a pound in the charidee box'. Now, most people at this point would say: 'yes of course, what a great scheme', but not this guy. He decided to complain - 'It's only a crank spanner FFS etc' And I pointed out that he was the first person who'd ever objected, and, after a bit more tooing and froing, he realised he was on a hiding to nothing and said that he only had a tenner and could I give him some change then. He was getting more and more impatient, but I was the only game in town, so to speak. So I told him that I didn't have any change (which was true) and no, I couldn't open the till without a purchase! (a lie) Tee hee.

So he bought a puncture repair kit, put a quid in the box out of the change and went outside with the crank spanner (sorry mate, you can't work on your bike in the shop for insurance/H&S reasons - true).

So he's all a fluster and I stand there watching him screw it back on, keen to offer any advice, and I say to him: 'You know, sometimes it's worth taking a deep breath and a step back from what you are doing - so that you don't make mistakes', to which his response was for me to mind my own business, he knew what he was doing.

I went inside and gathered the staff at this point, so were all standing at the window when he runs in to return the spanner, runs out, jumps on his bike to find that both his cranks are at six o'clock.


He comes back in. Asks for the crank spanner again. I said: 'Will you be wanting a crank extractor too?'

That'll be a pound please!


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## Hebe (21 May 2012)

This was Playmobil bike fettling after a couple of glasses of wine, with my daughter demanding attention at the same time. I still can't believe I did this...


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## alans (24 May 2012)

mickle said:


> I used to manage a small bike shop in London on the main East - West route used by commuters and cycle couriers............................................................
> 
> 
> He comes back in. Asks for the crank spanner again. I said: 'Will you be wanting a crank extractor too?'
> ...


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## Herzog (24 May 2012)

mickle said:


> He comes back in. Asks for the crank spanner again. I said: 'Will you be wanting a crank extractor too?'
> 
> That'll be a pound please!


 
Only one pound? I would have charged him for the second use of the spanner, as well as the extractor...you were too nice.


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