# The Grumpiest Audaxer?



## Philip Whiteman (26 Apr 2010)

Most riders I meet are friendly and relatively chatty. Camaraderie comes with the territory. Even if you do not wish to enter long detailed conversations, it is usual to exchange one or two words as you pass each other. 

On one climb yesterday I rapidly caught up with another audaxer and merely said, "_I hear that the northern section is much hillier_". The response, "_I want to ride by myself, go away". _So I did and never saw him again. He was clearly sulking some distance behind. 

For the first 100 km, we kept hop-scotching at the front of the spread out field. Clearly our speeds we of a similar average and were only ever 5 minutes apart. When he was visually ahead, he would often turn his head to view my location. 

I also witnessed him becoming impatient with the controllers including a bark, _"no I don't want any cake, I want to get on"._





_._


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## Tim Bennet. (26 Apr 2010)

I think a competition for 'The Grumpiest Audaxer' would be overwhelmed with candidates. 

I remember on the 'Everyone Rides to Skeggy 300', I slowly caught up with another lone rider on the section across the Lincolnshire Fens that was straight into the teeth of a bitter NE gale.

When I drew level, I commented that if we worked together we would both have an easier time reaching the coast. He stared at me and his face became contorted as if I had suggested stopping off in a lay-by for anal sex. He spent the next fifty miles fighting to stay exactly 30 yards in front of me, turning around constantly to make sure I didn't encroached on his sad space.

And they wonder why Sportives have become so popular.


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## jimboalee (26 Apr 2010)

If that was his attitude, why didn't he devise his own route to avoid all the other nosey, interfering cyclists?


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## RedBike (26 Apr 2010)

How could he not want cake?
Clearly something wrong with this man!


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## ianrauk (26 Apr 2010)

Bet it was a nice soft carrot cake too.. grumpy sods


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## Brahan (26 Apr 2010)

ianrauk said:


> Bet it was a nice soft carrot cake too.. grumpy sods



With just the right amount of icing on top......


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## vorsprung (26 Apr 2010)

Carrot Cake...? Yuech

I'm with the grumpy squad in that case


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## ianrauk (26 Apr 2010)

Heathen..

Was the cake that went the quickest at the Horley Scout Hut on the FNRttC..



vorsprung said:


> Carrot Cake...? Yuech
> 
> I'm with the grumpy squad in that case


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## GrumpyGregry (26 Apr 2010)

but even I'm not grumpy (any more) on FNRttC.

FNRttC is like a night time BP with all the miserablists removed.


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## ColinJ (26 Apr 2010)

What a nice chap! 

On my first '200', I rode up to another rider and mentioned that I was starting to get tired and that it was my first 'official' 200 (I had done the distance before on a solo ride of my own devising but I wasn't exactly used to the distance). 

I thought perhaps he'd offer a few words of encouragement but instead he said "I don't know why I bother with 200s any more; they are so easy, there just isn't any challenge!"

A pretty daft remark I reckon - any route can be made challenging by just riding faster!


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## Ian H (26 Apr 2010)

'Lone rider' gives it away. If you want camaraderie, join a group. At least you know they're socialised enough to ride together.


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## mercurykev (26 Apr 2010)

Someone once described the scene in an audax control as a load of socially inept men drinking tea and desperately trying to not make eye contact with each other  It is an activity which attracts loners; however, the vast majority of folk I know are a great laugh.


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## Arch (26 Apr 2010)

Philip Whiteman said:


> On one climb yesterday I rapidly caught up with another audaxer and merely said, "_I hear that the northern section is much hillier_". The response, "_I want to ride by myself, go away". _So I did and never saw him again. He was clearly sulking some distance behind.



How wonderful it would have been if he'd suffered a major mechanical ahead of you, and you could have sailed past saying "I won't offer to help, since you'd rather be alone...."



> I also witnessed him becoming impatient with the controllers including a bark, _"no I don't want any cake, I want to get on"._
> 
> 
> That's not grumpy, that's mentally ill....
> ...



There are some people from all parts of the autistic spectrum in cycling, as in any activity, but there do seem to be a fair share of people who can't interact with other humans...


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## GrumpyGregry (26 Apr 2010)

cycling isn't normally a team pursuit (boom boom)


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## Rhythm Thief (26 Apr 2010)

Riding alone is one thing - I used to enjoy being on my own in Audax events - but being downright rude to someone who tries to pass the time of day is quite another. As Arch says, maybe he's a little autistic. Or maybe he's just a miserable bastard.


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## ianrauk (26 Apr 2010)

more the latter methinks



Rhythm Thief said:


> Riding alone is one thing - I used to enjoy being on my own in Audax events - but being downright rude to someone who tries to pass the time of day is quite another. As Arch says, maybe he's a little autistic. Or maybe he's just a miserable bastard.


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## Arch (26 Apr 2010)

Apart from anything else, it's so much harder alone. When I did the Leap into the Aire last weekend, I quickly got left behind at the beginning, and found the first part really hard. After the first control, there were more riders around me (ok, they were from the longer ride that started earlier, not from my ride so much), and I really think it made a difference, even when they were only just in sight ahead of me. 

Maybe he prefered to make it hard for himself.


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## Noodley (26 Apr 2010)

Arch said:


> Maybe he prefered to make it hard for himself.



snarf, snarf


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## Philip Whiteman (26 Apr 2010)

I suddenly recalled an experience from one our audax event organisers within my club.

A participant sent a vitriolic letter of complaint to the organiser stating that the event was one of the worst he had ever entered. And the reason......

_......the riders in his group and fellow club mates had ridden off without him whilst he had stopped for a pee. He continued to complain that this was not in the audax spirit and that the organisers were responsible for 'allowing this to happen'. People were riding too fast to care._

He received a sharp response from the organiser pointing out that nobody had arrived at the controls too early and that audaxers were responsible for themselves as individuals. In all fairness, the complainent then apologised.




.


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## Arch (26 Apr 2010)

Philip Whiteman said:


> _......the riders in his group and fellow club mates had ridden off without him whilst he had stopped for a pee. He continued to complain that this was *not in the audax spirit* and that the organisers were responsible for 'allowing this to happen'. People were riding too fast to care._
> 
> .



I thought the Audax spirit was self sufficiency....

(this from someone with one Audax under her belt, I admit)


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## Ian H (26 Apr 2010)

GregCollins said:


> cycling isn't normally a team pursuit (boom boom)



There's a huge difference between riding in a friendly group, sharing a bit of the work, and a pursuit line. 

To be fair, I've ridden both in audax rides.


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## Mad Doug Biker (26 Apr 2010)

Arch said:


> There are some people from all parts of the autistic spectrum in cycling, as in any activity, but there do seem to be a fair share of people who can't interact with other humans...



You think that's bad??

Come along to a big railway event and you'll see them ALL!! 

I remember being at an open day at Crewe a few years back with my folks and at the end my Dad said

'I don't think I've ever seen so many odd looking people in my life'.
And he was right!

Unfortunately people think that we are all like that so being into railways suddenly becomes sad and we are all obsessive trainspotters, which is a load of Class 1 Grade A, Premium Dog Sh*te!!

Boy how retarded Human kind really is, and it's not just idiot car drivers either!


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## jimboalee (27 Apr 2010)

Mad Doug Biker said:


> *You think that's bad??*
> 
> *Come along to a big railway event and you'll see them ALL!!*
> 
> ...



You think that's bad??

Come along to a big MODEL railway event... and you won't need to go anywhere else....


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## yello (27 Apr 2010)

Philip Whiteman said:


> "_I want to ride by myself, go away". _



Oh I don't know. I have some sympathies/understanding for the man. I'm certainly not going to be critical of him. It could have been an off day for him, for any number of reasons. Maybe the bike was an ideal way for him to get away from it all. She-it, he may just prefer to ride alone. No crime in that. I know I often do.

These days, I do so much riding alone (there being no regular audaxes within reach around here) that I am well used to solitude, look forward to it and actually now find it difficult to ride with others. 

I can appreciate the mindset of wanting to do it yourself too. I know it's harder riding alone into the wind but sometimes I want that challenge. I don't mean this exactly but, for me, riding in a group is something akin to cheating! 

Yes, the chap could have been more polite in his response but he quickly conveyed his message and achieved the desired effect. As I say, perhaps it was a bad day so give him the benefit of the doubt. Besides he didn't, after all, ask you to speak to him 

Oh, I used to go to model railway club meetings too. Perhaps that explains everything!


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## ASC1951 (27 Apr 2010)

Arch said:


> There are some people from all parts of the autistic spectrum in cycling, as in any activity, but there do seem to be a fair share of people who can't interact with other humans...


Hang on, I know this one...

It's trialthletes!


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## Tim Bennet. (27 Apr 2010)

> It's trialthletes!


Trialthletes? WTF's a trialthlete?

Or is this another example of the piss poor spelling from a 'graduate' of some modern day crummy comprehensive and re-branded polytechnic?


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## dodgy (27 Apr 2010)

Tim Bennet. said:


> Trialthletes? WTF's a trialthlete?
> 
> Or *is* this another example of the *the* piss poor spelling from a 'graduate' of some modern day crummy comprehensive and re-branded polytechnic?



Careful.


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## Mad Doug Biker (27 Apr 2010)

jimboalee said:


> You think that's bad??
> 
> Come along to a big MODEL railway event... and you won't need to go anywhere else....



Been there, done that, got the t - shirt, flag and amusing novelty hat.

Open days are WORSE, believe me!!

Of course, I have come across some right t*ssers at Diesel Galas before too, including one guy who was removing lightbulbs from a Mk 1 and throwing them out of the drop light as the train was moving, much to the moronic amusement and gesticulation of his friend.

A Diesel Group volunteer who is built like a brick sh*thouse saw them and followed the pair, muttering something about how much work and money had gone into keeping the railway going and that these ****s were ruining it.

I never saw the pair ever again after that (probably thrown under one of the trains and then used as meat for pies in the cafe).


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## Arch (27 Apr 2010)

My late boyfriend was involved with a steam restoration project, and worked a few times as a steward on steam specials. On one, he came across a guy who was sticking a bit of paper out of the window. Asked why, he said he collected smuts from each loco he travelled behind, and kept them in an album....


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## jay clock (27 Apr 2010)

triathletes? you could not meet a friendlier more sociable bunch. My club is 40% female which helps too


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## Speicher (27 Apr 2010)

Mad Doug Biker said:


> Been there, done that, got the t - shirt, flag and amusing novelty hat.



I have not got the flag, but I have the Ticket Inspector's Cap (Severn Valley) and the gripper and some train watches.


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## Noodley (27 Apr 2010)

Maybe someone needs to organise an audax which only stops at cafes frequented by railway enthusiasts....


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## Fab Foodie (27 Apr 2010)

Noodley said:


> Maybe someone needs to organise an audax which only stops at cafes frequented by railway enthusiasts....



The Nerds Halt?


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## jimboalee (28 Apr 2010)

Fab Foodie said:


> The Nerds Halt?



Can do that.

Tyseley Railway Museum - Bridgenorth Severn Valley Railway - Shackerstone Battlefield Line - Tyseley. 

INFO control at Bournville Station. "What colour are the handrails painted?"


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## GrumpyGregry (28 Apr 2010)

actually I'd do that one, I love a nice steam train me ;-)


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## Rhythm Thief (28 Apr 2010)

Arch said:


> My late boyfriend was involved with a steam restoration project, and worked a few times as a steward on steam specials. On one, he came across a guy who was sticking a bit of paper out of the window. Asked why, he said he collected smuts from each loco he travelled behind, and kept them in an album....



That's actually scary. And I speak as someone who can tell you what Caprotti valve gear is.


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## jimboalee (28 Apr 2010)

The INFO control has been changed.
It is now at Kidderminster Town SVR station.

The question is...

"Which GWR station is Kidderminster Town station modelled on?"


Rythym Thief should be able to answer this, as he is from ROSS ON WYE.


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## Philip Whiteman (28 Apr 2010)

Rhythm Thief said:


> That's actually scary. And I speak as someone who can tell you what Caprotti valve gear is.



What a load of Walschaerts.


There seems to be a rather concerning theme developing in this thread - from audaxers to heritage railways.

So here are my cards, I used to be the C&W Chief Examiner for the Kent and East Sussex Rly. In other words a glorified wheel tapper.

That was in the days I rode a Peer Gynt recumbent.

........I'll get my coat (anorak).






.


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## GrumpyGregry (28 Apr 2010)

oi woz wonze a foireman on the Bluebell.


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## Fiona N (28 Apr 2010)

Noodley said:


> Maybe someone needs to organise an audax which only stops at cafes frequented by railway enthusiasts....



Well, Spring in the Dales (and possibly Leap in the Aire) must have come close in Keighley as to the best of my knowledge the route goes past Keighley & Worth Valley Railway station at the bottom of the big hill 

Oh and I forgot to say, it goes to Haworth and Oxenhope too - more Railway cafe potential.


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## Greenbank (28 Apr 2010)

jimboalee said:


> The INFO control has been changed.
> It is now at Kidderminster Town SVR station.
> 
> The question is...
> ...



I've always seen the other station when going through Kiddy Station (for the Elenith). I've always been utterly knackered on the Sunday morning going back though, and no intention of doing anything other than dribbling on myself on the way back to London.


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## Noodley (28 Apr 2010)

The info controls should be set so that they cannot be answered unless there is some dialogue between the audaxeer and the trainspotteer....cue uncomfortable mumbling and shuffling around cafes - and lots of DNFers


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## arallsopp (29 Apr 2010)

GregCollins said:


> oi woz wonze a foireman on the Bluebell.



Had lovely training rides (ahem) down that way as part of my pre-LEL warm up. I recall trying to sell the route to a (somewhat younger) colleague at the time:

Me. How about this? A good 60 mile loop with a good chance of seeing a steam engine in the middle.
He: What?
Me: Steam engine? You know? Choo choo? Pish-te-kopf pish-te-kopf... 
He: Why?
Me: Choo choo... Oh. Ok. 

Fortunately, I've got Tunk forcefed on old reruns of Thomas and Friends (Pre CGI only). This is my investment for a happy retirement.


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## ColinJ (29 Apr 2010)

Fiona N said:


> Well, Spring in the Dales (and possibly Leap in the Aire) must have come close in Keighley as to the best of my knowledge the route goes past Keighley & Worth Valley Railway station at the bottom of the big hill
> 
> Oh and I forgot to say, it goes to Haworth and Oxenhope too - more Railway cafe potential.


It goes through Oxenhope on the way out _and_ coming back but it doesn't go past the station. Mind you, it gets within about 150 metres of it on the return leg.

The closest we got to Keighley station was about 500 metres away.

SITD passes along Haworth Brow rather than dropping down into the main part of Haworth where the station is. If you went down to take a look at the steam trains you'd have to climb back up again afterwards.


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## Rhythm Thief (29 Apr 2010)

jimboalee said:


> The INFO control has been changed.
> It is now at Kidderminster Town SVR station.
> 
> The question is...
> ...



Indeed. And I knew that before I moved here too.


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## Brahan (29 Apr 2010)

Noodley said:


> Maybe someone needs to organise an audax which only stops at cafes frequented by railway enthusiasts....



My club often rides out to Isfield Railway on a Sunday( http://www.lavender-line.co.uk/ ) where we stop for the most amazing bread pudding in the land. 

Cyclists and rail enthusiasts mingling and swapping looks of disapproval and suspicion. Like us they must think, 'Well they look weird but they're not doing any damage I suppose - just don't talk to me.'


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## Mad Doug Biker (29 Apr 2010)

Arch said:


> My late boyfriend was involved with a steam restoration project, and worked a few times as a steward on steam specials. On one, he came across a guy who was sticking a bit of paper out of the window. Asked why, he said he collected smuts from each loco he travelled behind, and kept them in an album....



No way!! 

And I thought I was bad collecting the various bits of ephemera!


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## Mad Doug Biker (29 Apr 2010)

Greenbank said:


> I've always been utterly knackered on the Sunday morning going back though, and no intention of doing anything other than dribbling on myself on the way back to London.



Actually, you'd be in good company during a Diesel Gala when the likes of a Western, Deltic, or some thrashing clag monster like 37906 hoves into view. 

Why??

Because the railway has had to install a full drainage system for every available point on the platform and in the yard to cater for all of the dribbling frothing veg out there!

In short, if you dribble at the sight of one of the aforementioned locos, then you'll be in good company!!

And this coming from a railway enthusiast and former T****spotter.


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## Arch (29 Apr 2010)

Noodley said:


> The info controls should be set so that they cannot be answered unless there is some dialogue between the audaxeer and the trainspotteer....cue uncomfortable mumbling and shuffling around cafes - and lots of DNFers


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## Mad Doug Biker (29 Apr 2010)

Noodley said:


> The info controls should be set so that they cannot be answered unless there is some dialogue between the audaxeer and the trainspotteer....cue uncomfortable mumbling and shuffling around cafes - and lots of DNFers



Since I used to be a trainspotter, does this mean I could have this conversation with myself and therefore save a LOT of time and effort??


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## Speicher (29 Apr 2010)

That sounds like an excellent idea. We could all meet at the Cafe at Great Malvern station and not discuss trains or bicycles.


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## Mad Doug Biker (29 Apr 2010)

Noooo!! that would be against the rules!!


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## Browser (30 Apr 2010)

Mad Doug Biker said:


> Actually, you'd be in good company during a Diesel Gala when the likes of a Western, Deltic, or some thrashing clag monster like 37906 hoves into view.



What, summat like this you mean?


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## Speicher (30 Apr 2010)

I would like to travel on this railway. 

Or for those who wish to stay on the road.  (first two minutes)

Or negociate a roundabout. Complete with squealling flanges.


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## TheDoctor (30 Apr 2010)

I have been on this one in Greece, before they upgraded the rolling stock.
It's a 750 mm gauge (!!) with an average slope of 3.2% (!!!) and a steepest slope of 17.5% (!!!!)


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## Noodley (1 May 2010)

OK. Trainbores win....I'd DNF everyt time if it involved trains


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## Mad Doug Biker (2 May 2010)

Noodley said:


> OK. Trainbores win....I'd DNF everyt time if it involved trains



Trainbores, Bikebores, we is all the same in the end!


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## Mad Doug Biker (2 May 2010)

Ah yes, the good old Rhb. I first came across that line in 1999 when I stayed at Bergun.

For the bikers amongst you (and I'm guessing there are perhaps one or two here), you can hire a Trottinette (A scotter admittedly) at Bergun, take it up the hill on the train to Preda, and then freewheel down the hill, through Bergun and on to Fillisur, where you can get the train back up the hill again!
Several miles freewheeling down a main road on a Scooter?? Only in Switzerland!!

Great fun, and in the winter, they close the road and you can sledge down instead!!

....Oh yes, and the railway line snakes up the hill, doubling back on itself several times on the way to Preda, but hey, TROTTINETTES!! 

As for the line to Tirano, you forgot the Brusio Viadukt!!

You might have heard of the likes of the Spiral Tunnels on the St Gotthard?? well, this is a spiral WITHOUT the tunnel!!:


View: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rtx9bvaM3B0&feature=related


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## Mad Doug Biker (2 May 2010)

Browser said:


> What, summat like this you mean?



Yep, seen that one before, but then, what would you expect from a '40??


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## Mad Doug Biker (3 May 2010)

Also about Bergun, there is a Krokodile Lok stuffed and mounted just outside the station, number 427 I think it is, AND, there is, or at least there was, a HUGE HO model railway on display in Bergun that depicted the entire line from there up to Preda!! (I kid you not).

It's ENORMOUS, but it doubles back on itself a lot to save space.


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## Noodley (3 May 2010)

<sarcastic audaxeer> Wow! <sarcastic audaxeer>


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## Rip Van (3 May 2010)

This thread is surely a script designed for Graham Chapman's resurrection.

Now, where's all the stamp collectors.


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## Mad Doug Biker (5 May 2010)

Noodley said:


> <sarcastic audaxeer> Wow! <sarcastic audaxeer>



Aye, and you!

A model railway representing several kms of track really is something to see. It's fcucking *HUGE!!*


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