# Do you carry a weapon?



## Soup890 (30 Jun 2014)

When cycling at night or on a dark trail. Just in case you get attacked by an animal or somebody.


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## Cycling Dan (30 Jun 2014)

Attacked by an animal? How dangerous are these rabbits and squirrels? Someone should inform with great haste the DailyMail!!!!!


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## Markymark (30 Jun 2014)

No.


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## JoeyB (30 Jun 2014)

Nope....too much weight


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## Mugshot (30 Jun 2014)

Yeah, these


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## Markymark (30 Jun 2014)

User said:


> What about wild boar?


You carry a wild boar in case you are attacked?
Chapeau


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## Apollonius (30 Jun 2014)

"Well, don't come crying to me if some homicidal maniac comes after you with a passion fruit."


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## Markymark (30 Jun 2014)

User said:


> It is 100% effective, thus far.


Is that because you can't leave your house, you know, cos you've got a f*&^ing wild boar hanging off your bike??


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## JoeyB (30 Jun 2014)

0-markymark-0 said:


> Is that because you can't leave your house, you know, cos you've got a f*&^ing wild boar hanging off your bike??



Don't be silly.

It could be on a leash...


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## vickster (30 Jun 2014)

Soup890 said:


> When cycling at night or on a dark trail. Just in case you get attacked by an animal or somebody.


Well err no because it's a) illegal and b) bloody daft in SW London (I am not riding across the Serengeti)...I suppose in extremis I could use a mini pump, multi tool or tyre lever (assuming I was riding "equipped" ) or just cycle faster than the animal (in a zig zag of course if it were an alligator lol)


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## ianrauk (30 Jun 2014)

Jesus is my weapon


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## Markymark (30 Jun 2014)

User said:


> It is more who would mess with a bloke who rides a bike carrying a wild boar?


So it's not concealed then?


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## nickyboy (30 Jun 2014)

Mini pump....bog all use for pumping up tyres so gotta use it for something. It could also be used to inflate my wild boar balloon in case the real one I carry escapes


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## vickster (30 Jun 2014)

[QUOTE 3156002, member: 259"]Ivor Cutler used to recommend carrying two small pebbles, which you could insert in the animal's nostrils if you were attacked by a leopard.[/QUOTE]
Isn't it risky getting that close to a leopard? Or do you also need to carry a couple of McDonalds straws to use as blow pipes and hope your aim is spot on. I reckon if you hit a leopard between the eyes with a pebble, it may get miffed!


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## deptfordmarmoset (30 Jun 2014)




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## vickster (30 Jun 2014)

Very useful if riding on a dark trail on a TT bike @deptfordmarmoset

This thread is the funniest I've read in a long time...keep it up chaps (so to speak @Fnaar )


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## nickyboy (30 Jun 2014)

vickster said:


> Well err no because it's a) illegal and b) bloody daft in SW London (I am not riding across the Serengeti)...I suppose in extremis I could use a mini pump, multi tool or tyre lever (assuming I was riding "equipped" ) or just cycle faster than the animal (in a zig zag of course if it were an alligator lol)



All you need to do is always cycle with someone slower than you


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## vickster (30 Jun 2014)

nickyboy said:


> All you need to do is always cycle with someone slower than you


According to the OP's other threads, everyone is slower than him...so presumably therefore he has his answer

Prize to @nickyboy


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## mistral (30 Jun 2014)

It can't be long before someone posts _that_ pic of the young Polish cyclists?


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## I like Skol (30 Jun 2014)

Soup890 said:


> When cycling at night or on a dark trail. Just in case you get attacked by an animal or somebody.





ianrauk said:


> Jesus is my weapon


Jesus give me strength!


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## rualexander (30 Jun 2014)

0-markymark-0 said:


> You carry a wild boar in case you are attacked?
> Chapeau


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## Cycling Dan (30 Jun 2014)

In deep conversation with the masterminds at the DailyMail we have decided that the promotion of a rabbit and squirrel culling is the only way to protect us Britons from these fearsome hostile's





In other news Plants and Nuts have suggested great support for the movement.

Look at them!!!!!!!!


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## vickster (30 Jun 2014)

mistral said:


> It can't be long before someone posts _that_ pic of the young Polish cyclists?


Ah go on then


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## Rooster1 (30 Jun 2014)

vickster said:


> Ah go on then



He said "long" lol


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## RhythMick (30 Jun 2014)

vickster said:


> Ah go on then


Must have been cold, poor chaps


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## vickster (30 Jun 2014)

The OP? Where...I think it's probably a tad dubious to fend off squirrels in that way anyhow...although the GBBO squirrel would have a giggle at the size of their nuts compared to his!







Rooster1 said:


> He said "long" lol


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## Rooster1 (30 Jun 2014)

I attached an MG42 to my bike, not overly practical if I am honest, but scares the **** out of folk.


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## slowmotion (30 Jun 2014)

deptfordmarmoset said:


>


 Do those longs come with a padded insert?


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## AndyRM (30 Jun 2014)

Because I'm a gangsta having fun
Never leave the pad without packing a gun
Hitting hard as f***, I make you ask what was it
Boy, you should have known by now, Eazy duz it


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## Rooster1 (30 Jun 2014)

Alternatively,


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## Soup890 (30 Jun 2014)

AndyRM said:


> Because I'm a gangsta having fun
> Never leave the pad without packing a gun
> Hitting hard as f***, I make you ask what was it
> Boy, you should have known by now, Eazy duz it


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## jefmcg (30 Jun 2014)

Maybe it's different for men, but I've never been in a situation where a weapon would have helped, and that includes the time a man pushed me down an alleyway and pinned me to the ground**. I have walked down a dark alley with the most solid object I was carrying in my hand for defence, but I'm not cycling like that, and I can't imagine a confrontation where I'd have time to pull a weapon from a holster or scabbard. 

(**what did work in that cause was my anger, with which I roared at him when he removed his hand from my mouth. He got off and ran away. I wish I had had a gun, to shoot him in his cowardly arse)


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## Mugshot (30 Jun 2014)

Cycling Dan said:


> In deep conversation with the masterminds at the DailyMail we have decided that the promotion of a rabbit and squirrel culling is the only way to protect us Britons from these fearsome hostile's
> View attachment 49076
> 
> 
> ...


You think it's funny Dan? You wont be laughing when this fella has you in a head lock!


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## AndyRM (30 Jun 2014)

Mugshot said:


> You think it's funny Dan? You wont be laughing when this fella has you in a head lock!
> View attachment 49083



I'm getting in touch with WADA about this character.


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## Deleted member 23692 (30 Jun 2014)

I usally ride with my club, some of whom have started going out tooled up. Average speed has dropped quite a bit though.


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## TheJDog (30 Jun 2014)

I just have my fists, Walker and Texas Ranger.


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## vickster (30 Jun 2014)

TheJDog said:


> I just have my fists, Walker and Texas Ranger.


But have you seen that terrifying beefcake squirrel ^^^^


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## Alembicbassman (30 Jun 2014)

Buy a Brompton.

You have a 2ft metal bar on a quick release lever


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## byegad (30 Jun 2014)

The guy next door takes his wife. The police were round the other night after they had a row and threatened to arrest him for being in possession of an offensive wife. At least I think that's what they said.


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## byegad (30 Jun 2014)

Mugshot said:


> You think it's funny Dan? You wont be laughing when this fella has you in a head lock!
> View attachment 49083


Even worse if he takes a licking to your nuts!


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## surfdude (30 Jun 2014)

i have the power of dance to deflect any would be assailants .


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## Wafer (30 Jun 2014)

They are pretty dangerous


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## AndyRM (30 Jun 2014)

byegad said:


> Even worse if he takes a licking to your nuts!



Seems a generous offer. I suspect dinner and a few drinks preceded?


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## JoeyB (30 Jun 2014)

surfdude said:


> i have the power of dance to deflect any would be assailants .



Interpretive dance at that....


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## Apollonius (30 Jun 2014)

Wandering the streets of Rovereto, Italy not long ago, I saw an Italian Army Vespa which was genuinely fitted with a rocket launcher. It was on display in a shop as a sort of curiosity. 
http://www.modernvespa.com/forum/topic4123.html

Might add a few grammes to a carbon bike.


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## Cubist (30 Jun 2014)

Not any more. It just leads to an inevitable arms race


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## Saluki (30 Jun 2014)

Rule 9. Always carry a knife. Or in my case, a Leatherman.


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## JasonHolder (30 Jun 2014)

I do, only for times when I meet nobber people/ cyclists like the one I met last night. 

Absolute hoon was sagging his head to his bottom bracket then at the road then down again and repeating this in an exhausted manner, as he came steaming past me as if to prove he was the Messiah obviously not knowing who I was.. And this 8yr old girl was crossing the road and nearly got smacked by this hoon if I hadn't shouted OI!!! And he looked up and swerved. 

He then pulled over at his house no less than 509m down the road and shouted, I'm well aware of my spacial surroundings??? so I thought I'm not having this.


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## Alembicbassman (30 Jun 2014)

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/4489792.stm


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## Cycleops (30 Jun 2014)

RhythMick said:


> Must have been cold, poor chaps


I thought that had the opposite effect!


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## marzjennings (30 Jun 2014)

I've carried a pocket knife of some sort since my early teens, over 30 years ago, never used in self defense or as a weapon, but used many times as a tool. I can't imagine not carrying one.


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## marcusjb (30 Jun 2014)

Alembicbassman said:


> Buy a Brompton.
> 
> You have a 2ft metal bar on a quick release lever



Brompton seatposts have (or certainly my 2007 one does) a lip to prevent theft of seatpost and saddle. 

So, should you decide you need a 2 foot pole for a quick bit of self-defence, you need to remove the saddle, undo the quick release and drop the post out of the bottom of the seat tube. 

If you ask nicely, your assailant will wait whilst you undertake this extraction.


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## fossyant (30 Jun 2014)

There is no hiding from a barrage of T6 or U2 LEDs on the bars. Fries all life within 100 yards.


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## pauldavid (30 Jun 2014)

vickster said:


> Isn't it risky getting that close to a leopard? Or do you also need to carry a couple of McDonalds straws to use as blow pipes and hope your aim is spot on. I reckon if you hit a leopard between the eyes with a pebble, it may get miffed!



Thank you Vickster, that is the funniest post on here in weeks, you've made my night


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## Cubist (30 Jun 2014)

Quick squirt from a CO2 inflator to stun/shock, then avail yourself of the best defence in the universe: distance. 

All this talk of weapons worries me to be honest.


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## JasonHolder (30 Jun 2014)

saluki said:


> Rule 9. Always carry a knife. Or in my case, a Leatherman.


I thought you were a lady?


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## theclaud (30 Jun 2014)

User said:


> It is more who would mess with a bloke who rides a bike carrying a wild boar?


I recommend a herring gull as an alternative that is more easy to "source" (as the young people say) locally.


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## Saluki (30 Jun 2014)

JasonHolder said:


> I thought you were a lady?


A woman, Jason. A woman. Being a lady gets you nowhere, fast.


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## 400bhp (30 Jun 2014)

Is this thread for real?


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## shouldbeinbed (30 Jun 2014)

nickyboy said:


> All you need to do is always cycle with someone slower than you


 or covered in nutella/bisto*

*delete as appropriate for squirrel/leopard

of course if you're double teamed by a squirrel and a leopard, its basically game over.


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## deptfordmarmoset (30 Jun 2014)

User said:


> That would depend on what you imagine real to be.


This leads us to the paradoxical conclusion that the real is imaginary. It's things like that which make me drink too much.


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## marknotgeorge (30 Jun 2014)

Saluki said:


> Rule 9. Always carry a knife. Or in my case, a Leatherman.



One of these? Should do the trick...


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## Saluki (30 Jun 2014)

marknotgeorge said:


> One of these? Should do the trick...


I'm sure it would but doesn't it get rather hot in a gimp mask @marknotgeorge ?

My leatherman is a bit smaller than that


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## Joey Shabadoo (30 Jun 2014)

It's the only safe way to cycle through Airdrie


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## John the Canuck (30 Jun 2014)

marzjennings said:


> I've carried a pocket knife of some sort since my early teens, over 30 years ago, never used in self defense or as a weapon, but used many times as a tool. I can't imagine not carrying one.



please don't visit Scotland

a fixed blade or a folding blade longer than 3'' WITHOUT due reason to ''carry'' = 5-7 years in the nick


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## HLaB (30 Jun 2014)

400bhp said:


> Is this thread for real?


Harpenden is dodgy place Soup is perfectly serious


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## Shut Up Legs (30 Jun 2014)

@vickster was right, this really is the best CC thread ever .


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## Tin Pot (1 Jul 2014)

Soup890 said:


> When cycling at night or on a dark trail. Just in case you get attacked by an animal or somebody.



A gold hat pin
A vial of holy water
Asp venom
Thread from a bridal veil
The hole from a Polo mint


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## marzjennings (1 Jul 2014)

John the Canuck said:


> please don't visit Scotland
> 
> a fixed blade or a folding blade longer than 3'' WITHOUT due reason to ''carry'' = 5-7 years in the nick



Been there and carried one while camping and biking across Scotland a couple of times. Very useful when camping, left in the hotel room when clubbing.


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## Gravity Aided (1 Jul 2014)

John the Canuck said:


> please don't visit Scotland
> 
> a fixed blade or a folding blade longer than 3'' WITHOUT due reason to ''carry'' = 5-7 years in the nick


Dirks, Claymores, Skian Dubh?


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## Rob3rt (1 Jul 2014)

Is the OP of this thread a simple?


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## tiswas-steve (1 Jul 2014)

How about a rolled up copy of The Times ? If the attacker is of the cultured kind, you could maybe throw him/her a curveball by suggesting that instead of physical violence, you could do the crossword together. Failing this, roll up the paper a la "Millwall brick" and knock seven bells of crap outta the toe rag........


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## shouldbeinbed (1 Jul 2014)

John the Canuck said:


> please don't visit Scotland
> 
> a fixed blade or a folding blade longer than 3'' WITHOUT due reason to ''carry'' = 5-7 years in the nick


genuine thought, as a regular cyclist could you carry a bigger type swiss army knife or leatherman type multi tool with pliers & screwdriver heads but also including a 3"+ blade claiming it as a tool for bike repairs?

*Edit* I've just measured the longer blade on my swiss champ swiss army knife, it is not quite 3" long, it goes well past pocket knife territory *edit*

I don't think the scotish rozzers will be troubling MJ tho, I also have a pocket knife always with me on my keyring, I've had loads over the years, some razor sharp and capable of doing someone a good bit of damage but the blades are never anywhere near 3 inches, that sort of length makes it quite some knife to be lugging about.


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## EltonFrog (1 Jul 2014)

I'm quite safe, I have a black belt in origami.


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## screenman (1 Jul 2014)

CarlP said:


> I'm quite safe, I have a black belt in origami.



That is nothing, I have a black belt in leather.


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## EltonFrog (1 Jul 2014)

I used to have a shop selling origami books and paper, etc, but it folded.


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## nickyboy (1 Jul 2014)

Life of Pi meets the Sunday club run. And not a wild boar in sight


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## Dave Davenport (1 Jul 2014)

swl said:


> It's the only safe way to cycle through Airdrie
> 
> View attachment 49127



But they're not wearing helmets!!!!!!!!


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## Rooster1 (1 Jul 2014)

swl said:


> It's the only safe way to cycle through Airdrie
> 
> View attachment 49127



Now you are talkin'


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## Joey Shabadoo (1 Jul 2014)

The only weapon I carry is a stern voice with a strong accent.


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## Tin Pot (1 Jul 2014)

Rob3rt said:


> Is the OP of this thread a simple?



...Simon?

...-ton?


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## Arjimlad (1 Jul 2014)

I will foil them with my shiny helmet and thrust my metal cleats into their angry maws. Plus a squirt from the watter bottle.






And lead them into an ambush on a back alley, a la






Or deploy my chemical advantage


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## mistral (1 Jul 2014)

nickyboy said:


> All you need to do is always cycle with someone slower than you


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## Rob3rt (1 Jul 2014)

Tin Pot said:


> ...Simon?
> 
> ...-ton?



The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead


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## Gravity Aided (1 Jul 2014)

Rob3rt said:


> The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead


What's making the wheel go around, then? Karma, or Fortuna?


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## hopless500 (1 Jul 2014)

victor said:


> @vickster was right, this really is the best CC thread ever .


Ooh, I dunno. The 'cheese on toast disaster thread' was a corker
http://www.cyclechat.net/threads/cheese-on-toast-disaster.132857/
particularly @theclaud at #18


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## Markymark (1 Jul 2014)

hopless500 said:


> Ooh, I dunno. The 'cheese on toast disaster thread' was a corker
> http://www.cyclechat.net/threads/cheese-on-toast-disaster.132857/
> particularly @theclaud at #18


My fave is the artists impression bridge


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## Arjimlad (1 Jul 2014)

This chap does !!


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## Gravity Aided (1 Jul 2014)

Hunting wild boar no less.


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## cd365 (1 Jul 2014)

I have a phaser that I use to stun wild dogs and hoodies, sometimes just for the fun of it with hoodies


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## PpPete (1 Jul 2014)

I sometimes fantasise about mounting a BB gun on my handlebars.
Set to fire a "tap" of thee shots from a thumb switch.
Fixed aim: 15deg right from direction of travel, 20 deg below horizontal; 
Just for retaliation against close passes.

As I ride Campag I may need to rethink the thumb switch idea...., or have safety lock for club-runs


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## Cuchilo (1 Jul 2014)

surfdude said:


> i have the power of dance to deflect any would be assailants .


I agree , these bad boy moves never fail to get me out of trouble ......


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## Longshot (1 Jul 2014)

John the Canuck said:


> a fixed blade or a folding blade longer than 3'' WITHOUT due reason to ''carry'' = 5-7 years in the nick



Well, that's a relief for those guys in the picture posted earlier... they're safe.


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## Smokin Joe (1 Jul 2014)

deptfordmarmoset said:


>


His legs are different lengths.


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## KEEF (2 Jul 2014)

Sunday cycle rides in Burnopfield


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## Cold (2 Jul 2014)

I always carry a small Axe with me at all time as Ray Mears said that the most important item to have in a survival situation was an Axe.


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## Gravity Aided (2 Jul 2014)




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## sidevalve (2 Jul 2014)

Never leave home without mine and it is ENORMOUSE !!!!!


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## EltonFrog (2 Jul 2014)

KEEF said:


> View attachment 49215
> Sunday cycle rides in Burnopfield



That photograph is absolutely extraordinary, I can't even begin to imagine what it must have been like being there. I'm glad I won't have to find out. 

Where did you find that photo?


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## KEEF (2 Jul 2014)

CarlP said:


> That photograph is absolutely extraordinary, I can't even begin to imagine what it must have been like being there. I'm glad I won't have to find out.
> 
> Where did you find that photo?


I found it while looking for info about my great uncle, who's remains have just been found in France (new road construction) having lain there since he fell on the 1st July 1916. He was identified by his dog tags.Many family theory's about his fate have now been resolved. They are Army Cyclist Corps.


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## EltonFrog (2 Jul 2014)

KEEF said:


> I found it while looking for info about my great uncle, who's remains have just been found in France (new road construction) having lain there since he fell on the 1st July 1916. He was identified by his dog tags.Many family theory's about his fate have now been resolved. They are Army Cyclist Corps.



Ta, interesting story. The ACC's headquarter was in Bradford on Avon was it not?


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## Cuchilo (2 Jul 2014)

I carry Zipp vuka speed weaponry


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## Profpointy (2 Jul 2014)

Cold said:


> I always carry a small Axe with me at all time as Ray Mears said that the most important item to have in a survival situation was an Axe.



And the girls like a.man with a big chopper ...

.... boom tsh! I thank you


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## KEEF (2 Jul 2014)

CarlP said:


> Ta, interesting story. The ACC's headquarter was in Bradford on Avon was it not?


I did not really research this branch of the Army as it was a vague connection to what I was looking for. I can tell you there was about 10 Cyclist Regiments.


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## Cuchilo (2 Jul 2014)

The BMX Rangers
The MTB Guards
The 5th Battalian of lycra louts
The Royal Bromptons
The secret single speeds
errrrrrrrrrrrrr


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## Cuchilo (2 Jul 2014)

The Welsh tandems


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## Arjimlad (2 Jul 2014)

The Roadie Rifles
The Hybrid Cavalry


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## Joey Shabadoo (2 Jul 2014)

The Specialized Air Service


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## Big Nick (2 Jul 2014)

Yes, but you'd never notice as I cleverly blended it into the natural lines of the bicycle


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## Gravity Aided (2 Jul 2014)

Arjimlad said:


> The Roadie Rifles
> The Hybrid Cavalry


12th statin regiment
4th senior menu squadron
US Auxiliary Auxiliary Cycling Cavalry


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## Learnincurve (2 Jul 2014)

This thread is as confusing to me as it is when people talk about weapons being used to defend your home. From where I am sitting right now I have several heavy objects and a 4ft lizard within arms reach and a burglar comes in my bedroom right now he's getting a face full of hoover. If for some reason I am on a ride and someone tries to rob me for the £3 in coins and my bike, I am going to hit them _with my bike. _


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## nickyboy (2 Jul 2014)

Learnincurve said:


> This thread is as confusing to me as it is when people talk about weapons being used to defend your home. From where I am sitting right now I have several heavy objects and a 4ft lizard within arms reach and a burglar comes in my bedroom right now he's getting a face full of hoover. If for some reason I am on a ride and someone tries to rob me for the £3 in coins and my bike, I am going to hit them _with my bike. _



You're doing it all wrong. Take the 4ft lizard with you on the bike. If he sees a squirrel chances are he's going to eat it, Problem of getting mugged by gang of teenage squirrels....solved.


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## Learnincurve (2 Jul 2014)

nickyboy said:


> You're doing it all wrong. Take the 4ft lizard with you on the bike. If he sees a squirrel chances are he's going to eat it, Problem of getting mugged by gang of teenage squirrels....solved.



Unfortunately the lizard is a herbivore and extraordinarily lazy so it is more likely that he would join up with the squirrels and use his two and a half foot spiky tail as a speed trap for them in exchange for nuts.


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## marknotgeorge (2 Jul 2014)

Saluki said:


> I'm sure it would but doesn't it get rather hot in a gimp mask @marknotgeorge ?
> 
> My leatherman is a bit smaller than that


A gimp mask? What's one of those?


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## Joey Shabadoo (2 Jul 2014)

It's like a buff for special occasions


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## deptfordmarmoset (2 Jul 2014)

Gravity Aided said:


> 12th statin regiment
> 4th senior menu squadron
> US Auxiliary Auxiliary Cycling Cavalry


The 2nd Gear Skips a Bit.


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## Gravity Aided (3 Jul 2014)

deptfordmarmoset said:


> The 2nd Gear Skips a Bit.


We're based at Fort Viagra.


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## marknotgeorge (3 Jul 2014)

swl said:


> It's like a buff for special occasions



Ah, I understand. Special occasions like cycling? Because I can see that riding in the normal style of buff would get one's weapon caught in the spokes. 

I looks like someone's thrown my coat out of the door. Again...


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## Gravity Aided (4 Jul 2014)

Like in _Pulp Fiction_- just not polite to post it here. But google will get you there. Or YouTube. Very horrible scene.


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## greatherocyclist (9 Aug 2014)

I don't think it's a bad idea to have some protection wherever you go. A few years ago I was victim to an unprovoked attack while out on my bike of two pitbulls on a busy public path. They destroyed my jacket and bit me numerous times before i managed to sort them out (then the owner). I think it's a good idea to carry something for protection, since statistically, dogs attacks are quite common in comparison to other animal attacks, and any idiot these days can buy a dog. 186 people a year are attacked and/or killed in dog attacks.


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## vickster (9 Aug 2014)

Dog treats?

Pitbulls are classed as dangerous dogs, presumably you reported this and the owner

What other animals are likely to attack in the UK?! Cat bites are much nastier than dog bites but they don't attack cyclists AFAIK


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## Cuchilo (9 Aug 2014)

I once had a sheep call me a baaaaaa . Chickens also can be a little bit naughty .


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## Smokin Joe (9 Aug 2014)

I once had a slug chase me up a hill. I was terrified, but when he caught me near the top it was only because I'd dropped an arm warmer out of my pocket and he was returning it.

It's a pity he couldn't get his breath back in time to tell me as I'd stamped on him before I realised what he wanted.


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## jack smith (9 Aug 2014)

KEEF said:


> View attachment 49215
> Sunday cycle rides in Burnopfield


Thats not the burnopfield just past dipton by any chance it it?


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## jack smith (9 Aug 2014)

No but this is how i am at the garage window everyday since the s works got nicked... There are some lethal rabbits round here mind that have a love for front wheels.


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## stephec (9 Aug 2014)

I've just sat and read all seven pages in one go, do I get a reward?

A gimp mask will do nicely thank you.


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## damianr (9 Aug 2014)

Soup890 said:


> When cycling at night or on a dark trail. Just in case you get attacked by an animal or somebody.


Do a banana and a spare tube count?!


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## classic33 (10 Aug 2014)

stephec said:


> I've just sat and read all seven pages in one go, do I get a reward?
> 
> A gimp mask will do nicely thank you.


No!


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## classic33 (10 Aug 2014)

There was someone on here who used to cycle whilst carrying a crossbow.

They've not posted in a while though.


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## KEEF (10 Aug 2014)

jack smith said:


> Thats not the burnopfield just past dipton by any chance it it?


It is


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## Joshua Plumtree (10 Aug 2014)

classic33 said:


> There was someone on here who used to cycle whilst carrying a crossbow.
> 
> They've not posted in a while though.



Shot their bolt, obviously!


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## nickyboy (10 Aug 2014)

classic33 said:


> There was someone on here who used to cycle whilst carrying a crossbow.
> 
> They've not posted in a while though.


Wasn't his name William?
do Tell


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## glasgowcyclist (10 Aug 2014)

CarlP said:


> I'm quite safe, I have a black belt in origami.



I've got a snake belt in dirty fighting.


GC


----------



## ufkacbln (10 Aug 2014)

John the Canuck said:


> please don't visit Scotland
> 
> a fixed blade or a folding blade longer than 3'' WITHOUT due reason to ''carry'' = 5-7 years in the nick



Just to get serious for a moment....

Did yiu realise that many multi-tools are actually illegal?

The Topeak Alien for instance has a blade that locks in position.

However, the "reality" seems to be that if you are carrying it locked in your hand you may get done, but closed, in a cover, in a tool kit and you will have no hassle


----------



## ufkacbln (10 Aug 2014)

Dave Davenport said:


> But they're not wearing helmets!!!!!!!!



I will let YOU argue the point with them


----------



## ufkacbln (10 Aug 2014)

... and back to nuts and hence fruit....


----------



## jack smith (10 Aug 2014)

KEEF said:


> It is


Ahh cool im from greencroft never knew there was another forum uses that close haha


----------



## ufkacbln (10 Aug 2014)

This thread is actually refreshing and the way that weapons are looked at with cynicism and humour is brilliant.

It is however much darker and sinister in the US

A typical US cycling forum thread for the same topic would have discussed the best gun, best concealed way of carrying and the best ammunition!



Lets stick to fruit and similar


----------



## jack smith (10 Aug 2014)

Tbh uk law on self defence is pityful you cant even carry pepperspray as it is classed as a firearm in some cases since it forcefully fires a projectile there would be so much less violent crimes and robbries ect if people could just fend them off, especially the elderly disabled and vuneruble men and women.


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## glenn forger (10 Aug 2014)

My hands are lethal weapons. I have to register with the police every where I go. Did five years in The Legion, based in the desert. Joined up to forget a girl but her name was Sandy and I ended up going mad.


----------



## glenn forger (10 Aug 2014)

jack smith said:


> Tbh uk law on self defence is pityful you cant even carry pepperspray as it is classed as a firearm in some cases since it forcefully fires a projectile there would be so much less violent crimes and robbries ect if people could just fend them off, especially the elderly disabled and vuneruble men and women.



That's true, the cops should hand out guns and pepper spray to every one who asks for one, then we could live in a crime-free nirvana, like America.


----------



## Roadrider48 (10 Aug 2014)

vickster said:


> Ah go on then


Their helmets are all different colours.


----------



## Cyclopathic (10 Aug 2014)

I just rely on my sparkling wit. As such I've been beaten up quite a few times now.


----------



## Cyclopathic (10 Aug 2014)

Roadrider48 said:


> Their helmets are all different colours.


How can you tell through the lycra?


----------



## glenn forger (10 Aug 2014)

Cyclopathic said:


> I just rely on my sparkling wit. As such I've been beaten up quite a few times now.



Defence mechanism isn't it. That's like me.

Remember the weedy kid at school who used humour as a defence mechanism? 

I used to beat him up and nick his jokes.


----------



## Cyclopathic (10 Aug 2014)

glenn forger said:


> Defence mechanism isn't it. That's like me.
> 
> Remember the weedy kid at school who used humour as a defence mechanism?
> 
> I used to beat him up and nick his jokes.


Proper laugh out loud at this, not just wry smirk.


----------



## flyingfish (10 Aug 2014)

I read an American shooting mag once. It advertised the Ruger "handbag gun" under the slogan "no one has ever raped a .357"
Pete


----------



## Piemaster (10 Aug 2014)

vickster said:


> Ah go on then


Hmm, @vickster, you did seem to come up with that photo _very_ quickly. Suspiciously quickly.

Never thought about carrying a boar with me. I take a goat


----------



## vickster (10 Aug 2014)

There's this great thing called google


----------



## Saluki (10 Aug 2014)

glenn forger said:


> That's true, the cops should hand out guns and pepper spray to every one who asks for one, then we could live in a crime-free nirvana, like America.


Or Switzerland


----------



## up hill struggle (10 Aug 2014)

Cyclopathic said:


> I just rely on my sparkling wit. As such I've been beaten up quite a few times now.



now I just start to just strip naked, while the attackers are busy throwing up at the sight of my naked body I make my escape.

so far its worked a treat, of course so far I haven't been attacked either just done by the police for indecent exposure.


----------



## Smokin Joe (10 Aug 2014)

vickster said:


> There's this great thing called google


Yeah, but what did you type in to find that?


----------



## vickster (10 Aug 2014)

Polish cycling team


----------



## ufkacbln (10 Aug 2014)

Piemaster said:


> Hmm, @vickster, you did seem to come up with that photo _very_ quickly. Suspiciously quickly.
> 
> Never thought about carrying a boar with me. I take a goat




You are Taylor Swift AICMFP


----------



## HovR (10 Aug 2014)

Cunobelin said:


> This thread is actually refreshing and the way that weapons are looked at with cynicism and humour is brilliant.
> 
> It is however much darker and sinister in the US
> 
> ...




I'm yet to watch the video, but in many areas of the states self defence can be a valid concern whilst riding a bike. I wouldn't want to be left to fend off a bear/cougar/coyote/wolf with a mini-pump.


----------



## uclown2002 (10 Aug 2014)

jack smith said:


> Ahh cool im from greencroft never knew there was another forum uses that close haha


And I'm from Winlaton, although not living there now!


----------



## Smokin Joe (10 Aug 2014)

vickster said:


> Polish cycling team


Yeah, right


----------



## ufkacbln (10 Aug 2014)

HovR said:


> I'm yet to watch the video, but in many areas of the states self defence can be a valid concern whilst riding a bike. I wouldn't want to be left to fend off a bear/cougar/coyote/wolf with a mini-pump.



You might stand a chance with a Renn Kompressor though!

The problem for me is that the US Forums are very light on animal threats in the discussion


----------



## frosti (10 Aug 2014)

I get my former partner to run in front of me when I ride. In the event of a threat she simply sucks the life out of them and takes most of their possessions, while simultaneously getting a bit fat.


----------



## Joey Shabadoo (10 Aug 2014)

frosti said:


> I get my former partner to run in front of me when I ride. In the event of a threat she simply sucks the life out of them and takes most of their possessions, while simultaneously getting a bit fat.



Still, at least you're not bitter.


----------



## John the Canuck (10 Aug 2014)

frosti said:


> I get my former partner to run in front of me when I ride. In the event of a threat she simply sucks the life out of them and takes most of their possessions, while simultaneously getting a bit fat.



thread killer right there.....


----------



## ufkacbln (10 Aug 2014)

Actually reading that I realised that I do carry a weapon!

On a recumbent a fast rotating front chainwheel does some damage if you run into it......


----------



## ayceejay (10 Aug 2014)

Do you carry a weapon - or are you just pleased to see me.
I overheard this at The Old Wild Boar in Chipping Sodbury when the Polish cycling team were in, they just smiled and said they were poles.


----------



## ayceejay (10 Aug 2014)

A couple of years back I posted a video from a US forum that showed three cyclists having a row with an old geezer in a pick up that ended with him reaching for the rifle hung behind his seat (a common site).


----------



## Di Di (10 Aug 2014)

Doesn't that Bear Grylls tell you to stick a tube up yer bum in an emergency. 

Reckon that will work. 

If someone wouldn't mind trying it and reporting back. There's a love.


----------



## classic33 (10 Aug 2014)

Cunobelin said:


> Actually reading that I realised that I do carry a weapon!
> 
> On a recumbent a fast rotating front chainwheel does some damage if you run into it......


No guard!


----------



## ufkacbln (10 Aug 2014)

classic33 said:


> No guard!



Depends, not on the Catrike or Hurricane, the Street Machine has one, as does the dérailleur equipped Gekko, and the HSD on the other one has a built in guard on the front ring

The Kettwiesel has a boom in front of the bottom bracket

Mind you as a rule all are ridden with a Windwrap fairing in place so there is not an issue of safety


----------



## Gravity Aided (10 Aug 2014)

HovR said:


> I'm yet to watch the video, but in many areas of the states self defence can be a valid concern whilst riding a bike. I wouldn't want to be left to fend off a bear/cougar/coyote/wolf with a mini-pump.


Nor would I. The Cougar, more or less a panther wearing ecru, has started to show up in my area as their range expands. Coyotes I already have around me, but they are like a jackal, and run off when humans, especially humans on a 2 wheeled vehicle, come around. Although some young ones had to come and visit the bike one time, they were quite curious, looked everything over, and went on to find their mom, who was nearby, I'm sure. The wolf and bear could be turned with firearms, although the grizzly bear would require something like a small cannon to stop him.


----------



## nickyboy (10 Aug 2014)

I am led to believe that Cannondale bikes are so called due to the ingenious incorporation of a small cannon in their design. As such they are presumably the bike of choice in grizzly country


----------



## Joey Shabadoo (10 Aug 2014)

I'm told there are two kinds of bear to beware. the brown bear and the black bear. Survival experts advise that one of them can't climb so you should hide up a tree when chased. The other can climb, but won't touch dead prey so you should roll up in a ball if it chases you and play dead.

50% of fatalities in bear attacks are due to people forgetting which damn bear does what.


----------



## classic33 (11 Aug 2014)

swl said:


> I'm told there are two kinds of bear to beware. the brown bear and the black bear. Survival experts advise that one of them can't climb so you should hide up a tree when chased. The other can climb, but won't touch dead prey so you should roll up in a ball if it chases you and play dead.
> 
> 50% of fatalities in bear attacks are due to people forgetting which damn bear does what.


So which do you do what for?
Not that there's many bears, of any colour, running wild round here.


----------



## ufkacbln (11 Aug 2014)

..... of course in bear attacks, a cycle helmet is essential.
Here is the mandatory "hemet saved my life" proof:



> At the park Monday with his father and mother, Blasioli told the newspaper he had been riding his mountain bike, as he did every weekend, for 45 minutes to an hour when he heard a couple of barks from Pine, one of his two dogs, ahead of him on the narrow, bumpy trail.
> 
> He dismounted, expecting to see another park user and planning to tell the dogs to heel. Then he saw the bear.
> 
> ...


----------



## Poacher (11 Aug 2014)

Cunobelin said:


> ..... of course in bear attacks, a cycle helmet is essential.
> Here is the mandatory "hemet saved my life" proof:


Nah! Prayer saved his life: "Blasioli said he prayed for his life and almost immediately the bear ran away."

God *does* want you to wear a helmet though.


----------



## Joey Shabadoo (11 Aug 2014)

God did give us a helmet, it's called a skull. 

Wearing a helmet on top of god's helmet might be construed as a criticism.


----------



## ColinJ (11 Aug 2014)

swl said:


> God did give us a helmet, it's called a skull.
> 
> Wearing a helmet on top of god's helmet might be construed as a criticism.


She gave us legs to walk on, so humans inventing the bicycle might be seen as a big slap in the face!


----------



## Joey Shabadoo (11 Aug 2014)

Ah, but legs are perfectly designed to push cranks in a circular, pedalling motion.

She also gave us a saddle-shaped crack in our ass!


----------



## nickyboy (11 Aug 2014)

classic33 said:


> So which do you do what for?
> Not that there's many bears, of any colour, running wild round here.



That could be down to all those Cannondale riders firing their cannons at them and scaring them off


----------



## flyingfish (11 Aug 2014)

Now as I feel too worried to cycle around the wilds of Luton unarmed. Do you know how I can mount a machine gun on my handle bars & if so which one will cause least drag?


----------



## classic33 (11 Aug 2014)

ColinJ said:


> She gave us legs to walk on, so humans inventing the bicycle might be seen as a big slap in the face!


God's male.


----------



## classic33 (11 Aug 2014)

flyingfish said:


> Now as I feel too worried to cycle around the wilds of Luton unarmed. Do you know how I can mount a machine gun on my handle bars & if so which one will cause least drag?


Go for a machine pistol. One in either hand!


----------



## MontyVeda (11 Aug 2014)

flyingfish said:


> Now as I feel too worried to cycle around the wilds of Luton unarmed. Do you know how I can mount a machine gun on my handle bars & if so which one will cause least drag?


sten gun


----------



## Gravity Aided (11 Aug 2014)

1) I own a Cannondale, and find neither cannon or loading capability for rounds thereon. It is far too light to contain any explosive force other than a sprint.
2) When dealing with the Grizzly Bear, machine pistols and sten guns will merely anger the beast.
3) I should think the Walther PPK would be appropriately tasteful for Luton, At least by what I see on Wikipedia.


----------



## Joey Shabadoo (11 Aug 2014)

MontyVeda said:


> sten gun



You'd be better throwing the bullets


----------



## Profpointy (11 Aug 2014)

apparently one risk with bears is startling them - so people are advised to wear bells - a bit like morris dancers. If they hear you coming live-and-let-live seems fine - but making them jump isn't so good. And as a last resort a pepper spray.

Then as someone above has said, you need to distinguish between black bears & grizzly bears. Their dung is a good clue - black bears' dung has bits of nuts & berries in it whilst grizzly bear dung contains bells and smells of pepper...

...I thank you. I'm here all week


----------



## flyingfish (11 Aug 2014)

Look lads we are talking about Luton here. I think .50Cal is a sensible starting point


----------



## Poacher (11 Aug 2014)

[QUOTE 3156002, member: 259"]Ivor Cutler used to recommend carrying two small pebbles, which you could insert in the animal's nostrils if you were attacked by a leopard.[/QUOTE]
I hope sincerely that no-one is missing in action as a result of following this erroneous advice: this is Ivor's jungle tip for dealing with a *lion*.
"If a lion attacks, stoop swiftly, pick up two medium sized stones, and insert them deftly up his nostrils.
He will forget your presence temporarily in an attempt to remove the foreign bodies.
But do not wait around, for he will bound after you, and you will not play your trick a second time."

His method of dealing with a *leopard* is completely different:
"If a leopard attacks, find a nearby patch of mud, into which you may insert your thumbs and other fingers.
Then firmly, but swiftly, press them onto either cheek.
The leopard will confuse you for one of his own.
If you are a lady he may ravish you.
Submit peacefully, uttering hoarse cries at the climax.
Do not fear, you will not become heavy with child."


----------



## stephec (11 Aug 2014)

classic33 said:


> God's male.


I'm not even going to get into that one.


----------



## stephec (11 Aug 2014)

Gravity Aided said:


> 1)
> 3) I should think the Walther PPK would be appropriately tasteful for Luton, At least by what I see on Wikipedia.



I didn't know James Bond was from Luton?


----------



## morrisman (11 Aug 2014)

classic33 said:


> God's male.


Can you provide proof of this assertion?


----------



## HovR (11 Aug 2014)

classic33 said:


> So which do you do what for?
> Not that there's many bears, of any colour, running wild round here.



Black bears (which, rather misleadingly, can also be brown, cinnamon, and a variety of other shades), are the better climbers. Black bear attacks are much more rare, and they tend to shy away, unless you get between a mother and her young. Grizzly bears, which can be differentiated by their larger size and shoulder humps, are still actually semi-decent climbers, but due to their larger size and weight are unable to get up towards the very tops of the trees.

The general rule is try to intimidate, and if necessary, fight back against black bears. If you don't have some sort of weapon during a grizzly attack, you better be real good at playing dead!

Either way, when out cycling on the old gated off logging roads in bear country, I prefer to carry some form of self defence. Thankfully there are no grizzlies in the areas I visit!


----------



## glenn forger (11 Aug 2014)

Did you hear Canadian Grizzlies are mating with Polar Bears who are moving south cos of climate change?

Know what the baby bears are called? "Growlers". I'm not making this up.


----------



## HovR (11 Aug 2014)

Gravity Aided said:


> ...although the grizzly bear would require something like a small cannon to stop him.



As I understand it the people who live or work in the outdoors around grizzly bears often do carry a gun similar to a small cannon! Not really practical on a bike, however.


----------



## MontyVeda (11 Aug 2014)

I once read that the best defence against a bear (black or grizzly) is a Magnum .45... but make sure you file off the sight on the end of the barrel, that way it won't hurt so much when the bear rams it up your ass.


----------



## Joshua Plumtree (11 Aug 2014)

God's male.



morrisman said:


> Can you provide proof of this assertion?



Yep, I've seen the pictures!


----------



## ufkacbln (11 Aug 2014)

Poacher said:


> Nah! Prayer saved his life: "Blasioli said he prayed for his life and almost immediately the bear ran away."
> 
> God *does* want you to wear a helmet though.



Or the bear thought:



> He's probably a pro helmet campaigner, I'm off before they try to convince me I should wear one climbing trees!


----------



## classic33 (11 Aug 2014)

Profpointy said:


> apparently one risk with bears is startling them - so people are advised to wear bells - a bit like morris dancers. If they hear you coming live-and-let-live seems fine - but making them jump isn't so good. And as a last resort a pepper spray.
> 
> Then as someone above has said, you need to distinguish between black bears & grizzly bears. Their dung is a good clue - black bears' dung has bits of nuts & berries in it whilst grizzly bear dung contains bells and smells of pepper...
> 
> ...I thank you. I'm here all week


Don't think it'd be the bear leaving anything to check!


----------



## classic33 (11 Aug 2014)

morrisman said:


> Can you provide proof of this assertion?


God the Father, God the Son & God the Holy Spirit.
No mention of God the Mother or God the Daughter!


----------



## Piemaster (11 Aug 2014)

Profpointy said:


> apparently one risk with bears is startling them - so people are advised to wear bells - a bit like morris dancers. If they hear you coming live-and-let-live seems fine - but making them jump isn't so good. And as a last resort a pepper spray



Aren't bears fairly intelligent? How long will it take them before the bells stop meaning "somethings coming" and start meaning "dinnertime"?


----------



## classic33 (11 Aug 2014)

Piemaster said:


> Aren't bears fairly intelligent? How long will it take them before the bells stop meaning "somethings coming" and start meaning "dinnertime"?


Stick one on a cow and let it wander around then. 
Dinnertime would be elsewhere.


----------



## morrisman (11 Aug 2014)

classic33 said:


> God the Father, God the Son & God the Holy Spirit.
> No mention of God the Mother or God the Daughter!


Aphrodite, Athena, Hera, Shakti, Xi Wangmu, Asherah to name but a few.


----------



## ufkacbln (11 Aug 2014)

Piemaster said:


> Aren't bears fairly intelligent? How long will it take them before the bells stop meaning "somethings coming" and start meaning "dinnertime"?




OMG.... Pavlov's bears!!


----------



## paddy01 (11 Aug 2014)

We could go for Shroedingers bear.. we'd need a bigger box though.. and whilst we wouldn't know if it was dead or alive you can bet it will be very, very angry..


----------



## up hill struggle (11 Aug 2014)

Profpointy said:


> someone above has said, you need to distinguish between black bears & grizzly bears. Their dung is a good clue - black bears' dung has bits of nuts & berries in it whilst grizzly bear dung contains bells and smells of pepper...



so would you suggest I ask them to take a dump so I can poke through it and see what kind of bear in about to be attacked by,

there's an idea!

may seeing me poking through its cr@p would be enough to put it off eating me. "I'm not putting my mouth anywhere near that dirty git, I'm off to bite somebody else"


----------



## Gravity Aided (12 Aug 2014)

stephec said:


> I didn't know James Bond was from Luton?


I don't know, his father was a
Andrew Bond from Glencoe Scotland,
and his mother Monique Delacroix, from Switzerland.
So I suppose Luton is within the range of possibilities.
Although Pearson claims Wattenscheid, West Germany.
I was thinking more along the lines of an elegantly tailored yet imminently reliable and tasteful weapon.


----------



## Gravity Aided (12 Aug 2014)

glenn forger said:


> Did you hear Canadian Grizzlies are mating with Polar Bears who are moving south cos of climate change?
> 
> Know what the baby bears are called? "Growlers". I'm not making this up.


Get out the grenade launchers.


----------



## Gravity Aided (12 Aug 2014)

up hill struggle said:


> so would you suggest I ask them to take a dump so I can poke through it and see what kind of bear in about to be attacked by,
> 
> there's an idea!
> 
> may seeing me poking through its cr@p would be enough to put it off eating me. "I'm not putting my mouth anywhere near that dirty git, I'm off to bite somebody else"


You'll probably find some bear bells in the dung, as well.


----------



## classic33 (12 Aug 2014)

Gravity Aided said:


> Get out the grenade launchers.


Where to mount it on the bike for optimum usage?


----------



## flyingfish (12 Aug 2014)

classic33 said:


> Where to mount it on the bike for optimum usage?


If it faces rearwards the recoil will assist acceleration!
Pete


----------



## classic33 (12 Aug 2014)

flyingfish said:


> If it faces rearwards the recoil will assist acceleration!
> Pete


You'd have trouble aiming it though!


----------



## Joey Shabadoo (12 Aug 2014)

flyingfish said:


> If it faces rearwards the recoil will assist acceleration!
> Pete





classic33 said:


> You'd have trouble aiming it though!



If I came across a bear, I can assure you this would be pointed straight at it.


----------



## glenn forger (12 Aug 2014)

MontyVeda said:


> I once read that the best defence against a bear (black or grizzly) is a Magnum .45...



Right, so I have to ward off an angry growler AND find somewhere that sells ice cream?


----------



## classic33 (12 Aug 2014)

User said:


> Everyone know's God is a woman and She has a sense of humour...
> 
> 
> 
> ...


In her own image or did she add bits?


----------



## Gravity Aided (12 Aug 2014)

classic33 said:


> Where to mount it on the bike for optimum usage?


Front rack. Rear rack is for the 3.2 mortar for use against wolverines.


----------



## nickyboy (13 Aug 2014)

glenn forger said:


> Did you hear Canadian Grizzlies are mating with Polar Bears who are moving south cos of climate change?
> 
> Know what the baby bears are called? "Growlers". I'm not making this up.


"Growlers" is a local term in Cumbria (and maybe elsewhere) for Cornish pasties. Actually these would be useful to distract a charging grizzly although I suspect a rucksack full would be required to put him off you as well.


----------



## nickyboy (13 Aug 2014)

Piemaster said:


> Aren't bears fairly intelligent? How long will it take them before the bells stop meaning "somethings coming" and start meaning "dinnertime"?



I would be somewhat concerned if I drove an ice cream van in Canada


----------



## brand (13 Aug 2014)

Soup890 said:


> When cycling at night or on a dark trail. Just in case you get attacked by an animal or somebody.





Cycling Dan said:


> Attacked by an animal? How dangerous are these rabbits and squirrels? Someone should inform with great haste the DailyMail!!!!!


A pen knife. Does that count?...officer! I carry it for general use and the occasional injured animal or road kill etc. Rural, most people carry a pen knife. Although a lot carry what could be deemed a lock knife. It has an odd mechanism which makes it difficult to define.
Don't generally see many cars if any at night. If and only if I needed it for what the op is implying it is unlikely I/you would remember you had it.
Did need it for Muntjac with a broken neck. In terms of dangerous animals all deer are a danger to car drivers and cyclists but a knife won't help. An injured or cornered (can happen accidentally on a bike) Badger are extraordinarily aggressive. Lot of cars damaged by them and would not want to hit one at speed on a bike. Doubt I would have the bottle to get close enough to kill an injured one. Fox in your chicken coop? You would probably end up worse off. So iron bar, bricks , hammer or machete. So no to knife in that case.
Now a dangerous dog, a knife could help even save your life. Know one person who if there dogs got out you would be looking at very severe injuries...possible death.
Still a bit unlikely not many nutty owners with a dogs that will attack on sight.
So yes carry a knife if you can find dinner on the way to the pub. Extra weight? When I remove my 2 panniers and most of the excess contents then I will think about excess weight!


----------



## brand (13 Aug 2014)

vickster said:


> Well err no because it's a) illegal and b) bloody daft in SW London


It is most certainly not illegal. Is South West London posh? Surely for London you would want something a little bit more extreme than a knife. Lump Hammer? Joking of course.


----------



## Ajay (13 Aug 2014)




----------



## brand (13 Aug 2014)

Ajay said:


> View attachment 53171


Nice I like it cross bow better option though as it would probably fit in pannier. You know how pedantic the police are!


----------



## nickyboy (13 Aug 2014)

Ajay said:


> View attachment 53171


I'd like one of those so if anyone has the temerity to overtake me on a ride I'll fire an arrow into their back tyre


----------



## brand (13 Aug 2014)

glenn forger said:


> Did you hear Canadian Grizzlies are mating with Polar Bears who are moving south cos of climate change?
> 
> Know what the baby bears are called? "Growlers". I'm not making this up.


They are still called Grizzly bears as it is always a Male polar bear mating with female grizzly bear. As the female brings up the offspring it is only taught grizzly bear ways.


----------



## Ajay (13 Aug 2014)

brand said:


> Nice I like it cross bow better option though as it would probably fit in pannier. You know how pedantic the police are!


I prefer the bow, I can't reload a crossbow whilst riding....


----------



## brand (13 Aug 2014)

Ajay said:


> I prefer the bow, I can't reload a crossbow whilst riding....


Make the first shot count. You shouldn't need a second shot, you can only kill someone once! We are talking about people? The same does apply to animals!


----------



## glenn forger (13 Aug 2014)

brand said:


> They are still called Grizzly bears as it is always a Male polar bear mating with female grizzly bear. As the female brings up the offspring it is only taught grizzly bear ways.



*Hybridization Could Help Polar Bears Survive Environmental Changes*
While polar bears and brown bears are strikingly different in their physical appearance, their ancestry seems to be intricately linked -- and could be intermingled again as melting ice brings brown bears and polar bears back into contact with one another, creating hybrids of grizzlies and polar bears called "growler bears" or "pizzly bears."

http://www.treehugger.com/natural-sciences/modern-polar-bears-are-really-from-ireland.html


----------



## Ajay (13 Aug 2014)

brand said:


> Make the first shot count. You shouldn't need a second shot, you can only kill someone once! We are talking about people? The same does apply to animals![/Q


Depends on how you wanna kill 'em...


----------



## brand (13 Aug 2014)

They maybe hybrids but they will always behave like Grizzly bears and therefore will be grizzly bears. More importantly while hybrids will be able to survive in the south a hybrid would not survive on the ice. Until it had re evolved back to a polar bear. Many many generations.


----------



## Arjimlad (13 Aug 2014)

I think we should reinstate *the right to keep and arm bears*.

I seem to recall something being mentioned about it in the UK Bill of Rights 1689 but that was presumably before the poor bears became extinct. Obviously they weren't armed enough to fight back.

I could then cycle happily along, with an armed bear to keep me safe.

Lolloping along in front or behind with a nifty Mossberg pump-action with some of those solid slugs which were designed to punch holes in car engine blocks.

In fact ,one in front and one behind ought to do it.


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## Ajay (13 Aug 2014)

Be careful out there guys n gals... Roadkill Revenge


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## Arjimlad (13 Aug 2014)

Back in the days of D-cell battery lights someone I knew used to talk about keeping one or two old ones in his back pocket.

He would bounce them off the roof of inconsiderate/dangerous drivers on the route between Bath and Bristol, which he cycled daily. He would also immobilise the worst drivers in the stop-start traffic by removing their car keys and handing them to the nearest police officer.


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## flyingfish (13 Aug 2014)

My Claude Butler hybrid doesn't behave like a grizzly or polar bear


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## Piemaster (13 Aug 2014)

nickyboy said:


> I would be somewhat concerned if I drove an ice cream van in Canada


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## glenn forger (13 Aug 2014)

*GROWLERS.*


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## Gravity Aided (13 Aug 2014)

brand said:


> Make the first shot count. You shouldn't need a second shot, you can only kill someone once! We are talking about people? The same does apply to animals!


30.06 would be my recommendation, and you had better have a good one, and make the first shot at 50 yards count. You are talking about an animal that can travel 30 miles per hour, climb trees, and tear his way into an automobile. 
http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2013/10/bears-destroy-familys-car-to-get-at-mints/
Direct and final confrontation may be your only hope. That, and avoiding their habitat and known areas of activity. Very few people are actually killed by Grizzlies, this guy is the reason grizzly attacks get such press, and he was taking silly risks for reasons not readily apparent.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timothy_Treadwell
http://scienceblogs.com/gregladen/2011/04/04/why-was-the-grizzly-man-eaten/


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## glenn forger (13 Aug 2014)

Herzog listened to the audio recording of Treadwell's death. He gave the tape to the dead man's sister and recommended she destroy it.


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## flyingfish (13 Aug 2014)

30.06? Forget .303 all the way 10 shot mag is great
Pete


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## classic33 (14 Aug 2014)

Ajay said:


> I prefer the bow, I can't reload a crossbow whilst riding....


Get a repeating crossbow!


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## Ajay (14 Aug 2014)

classic33 said:


> Get a repeating crossbow!


Nah, I'm old skool


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## up hill struggle (14 Aug 2014)

brand said:


> They are still called Grizzly bears as it is always a Male polar bear mating with female grizzly bear. As the female brings up the offspring it is only taught grizzly bear ways.



but the father could still teach him to hunt seals in the artic & how to survive sub zero temperatures if they share custody, spring, summer autumn with mum & winter with dad since mum will hibernate, a child of both cultures.



Ajay said:


> Depends on how you wanna kill 'em...



ex wife please & please feel free to take as long as you want & make it as painful as possible, I will supply copies of the credit card bills that I had to continue paying for years that you can show her, just so she knows who sent you.

photographic evidence will be needed as proof upon completion to receive payment. A bonus will be paid for an additional photo of the look on her face after she sees the bills and realises I sent you.

payment will be in small unmarked bills left behind your local McDonalds restaurant.


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## flyingfish (14 Aug 2014)

Will these bills be gas or electric?
Pete
Taxi!!


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## up hill struggle (14 Aug 2014)

up hill struggle said:


> I will supply copies of the credit card bills


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## brand (14 Aug 2014)

up hill struggle said:


> but the father could still teach him to hunt seals in the artic & how to survive sub zero temperatures if they share custody, spring, summer autumn with mum & winter with dad since mum will hibernate, a child of both cultures.
> .


No, father has nothing to do with upbringing and the mother will attack any bear that comes near her when she has a cub. The father only provides sperm then also has nothing to do with the mother. Male will attempt, if they can get to it any cub. So as to bring the mother on heat. Applies to both species. The hybrid would not be able to go on the ice as its fur would not be capable of withstanding the cold. Its not even the right colour.


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## up hill struggle (14 Aug 2014)

brand said:


> No, father has nothing to do with upbringing and the mother will attack any bear that comes near her when she has a cub. The father only provides sperm then also has nothing to do with the mother. Male will attempt, if they can get to it any cub. So as to bring the mother on heat. Applies to both species. The hybrid would not be able to go on the ice as its fur would not be capable of withstanding the cold. Its not even the right colour.



I know you mean well & am a big fan of the animal channel & Nat geo wild & don't quite know how to tell you this but,
Were having a bit of a laugh. There ain't many killer squirrels or people riding around the uk with inflatable wild boars as a form of protection against muggers, or machine gun loaded mountain bikes. Were just enjoying a bit of banter.


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## nickyboy (14 Aug 2014)

up hill struggle said:


> I know you mean well & am a big fan of the animal channel & Nat geo wild & don't quite know how to tell you this but,
> Were having a bit of a laugh. There ain't many killer squirrels or people riding around the uk with inflatable wild boars as a form of protection against muggers, or machine gun loaded mountain bikes. Were just enjoying a bit of banter.


You speak for yourself. I've already managed to get a Strava KoM by following the sage advice on this thread. I found the crossbow the most effective in making the fast guys "disappear"


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## up hill struggle (14 Aug 2014)

nickyboy said:


> You speak for yourself. I've already managed to get a Strava KoM by following the sage advice on this thread. I found the crossbow the most effective in making the fast guys "disappear"



cool


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