# Significant other not impressed with new hobby........help



## thunderlips76 (13 Aug 2014)

So my girlfriend sees me taking up cycling as a midlife crisis issue. Where as I see cycling as exciting, challenging, social and good for my fitness, she sees it as expensive, time consuming, dangerous and childish.when I tried on my Lycra stuff and helmet for her, she just looked at me in disgust ( not helped by the fact my mate was just wearing bib shorts...... And he's a fat lad) 

Any tips for making her see the light? Or will we never see eye to eye on the matter.


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## AndyRM (13 Aug 2014)

Expensive and time consuming? Yes, depending on how much bling you fancy and your level of commitment. Dangerous and childish? Nope.

She may never see the light, but has she no hobbies which cost money and time? 

I'd not be rushing to put on a Lycra based modelling show by the way. It's clothing which serves a purpose, and if you're not a whippet it's unlikely to be all that flattering.


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## Keith Oates (13 Aug 2014)

If she's against the idea then there is not much you can say to change her mind, however, after doing the cycling and getting to be more fit and healthy it will say more to her than any words would!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## Hacienda71 (13 Aug 2014)

Buy her a bike


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## zizou (13 Aug 2014)

As far as midlife crisis' go, cycling is pretty benign. Drink to excess take some class As and sleep around see how she likes that!

Its also your hobby which you enjoy so unless you are out all hours cycling and not spending any time with her then its really poor form from her to have a go at you for doing it!


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## jack smith (13 Aug 2014)

She wont be compalining when your superfit and ripped!


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## raleighnut (13 Aug 2014)

Start leaving motorcycle brochures where she can find them, preferably with price lists attached and circles around things like the Hyabusa, Ducati monster or some of the Harley range. Bicycles will seem quite cheap.


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## raleighnut (13 Aug 2014)

Or alternatively you could leave brochures for golf club membership around and pricelists for sets of 'bats', maybe suggest joint membership.


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## Tommy2 (13 Aug 2014)

Or trade her in for a newer model.


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## thunderlips76 (13 Aug 2014)

raleighnut said:


> Or alternatively you could leave brochures for golf club membership around and pricelists for sets of 'bats', maybe suggest joint membership.




Haha my other friends have started golfing...... With a view to golfing in Portugal, which would bankrupt me. My girlfriend is into showing dogs, which has a very bizarre sub culture. Now that is expensive, but I try and take notice and seem interested.


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## annedonnelly (13 Aug 2014)

Just keep cycling and let her see that you're enjoying it - and perhaps getting fitter. She may just be worried that it's just a fad and there'll soon be a rusty, unused bike in the garage and a pile of lycra that you never use.


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## helston90 (13 Aug 2014)

My wife accused my cycling as being a midlife crisis hobby (even when I'm in my 20's), it beats her hobby of online shopping though.
I found the best treatment for this was to invite her friends' husband/ partner cycling, they then get the whole 'cycle widow' thing going on and meet up for coffee.


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## guitarpete247 (13 Aug 2014)

I go out when she's doing the ironing or she wants me from under her feet. Either then or when I finish work before (if I haven't got cooking to do).


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## ScotiaLass (13 Aug 2014)

Everyone needs a hobby.
Cycling is (or can be) social, healthy etc. As someone else said, it needn't be expensive.
Just go for it!
I wonder how much your g/f spends on dog shampoos, brushes, entry fees for shows, transport, vets fees......


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## ufkacbln (13 Aug 2014)

Tommy2 said:


> Or trade her in for a newer model.



BIke or Girlfiriend?

Whole new meaning to N+1


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## cyberknight (13 Aug 2014)

Forget motorbike brochures, you just need to leave a few copies of cycling plus etc lying around with the higher end bikes that can go for £5k + and show her how considerate and thrifty you are by only spending whatever you have .
Have you also considered commuting ? most of my riding is commute mileage as i have 2 young kids so ride time is at a premium and i rarely get out for long rides atm .


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## cyberknight (13 Aug 2014)

Cunobelin said:


> BIke or Girlfiriend?
> 
> Whole new meaning to N+1


http://uk.fitness-singles.com/


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## ManxJason (13 Aug 2014)

Just tell her that it's tough mate. Anyway, you've gone about it the right way - purchase all the gear, and then tell her - much easier to seek forgiveness than it is permission!


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## thunderlips76 (13 Aug 2014)

ScotiaLass said:


> Everyone needs a hobby.
> Cycling is (or can be) social, healthy etc. As someone else said, it needn't be expensive.
> Just go for it!
> I wonder how much your g/f spends on dog shampoos, brushes, entry fees for shows, transport, vets fees......



She has bought a hydraulic bath which is a small dog bath that raises from ground to waist height so you don't have to bend or get on your knees to wash the dogs.......yes it was expensive.


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## thunderlips76 (13 Aug 2014)

She is the latest model hahahah


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## Dogtrousers (13 Aug 2014)

And what, pray, is _wrong_ with with an expensive, time consuming, dangerous and childish midlife-crisis hobby?


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## Maxants33 (13 Aug 2014)

Buy her a Pashley!


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## byegad (13 Aug 2014)

It'll be a wrench, but the only answer is to give her up.


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## Markymark (13 Aug 2014)

Cunobelin said:


> BIke or Girlfiriend?
> 
> Whole new meaning to N+1


GF+1


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## lesley_x (13 Aug 2014)

Honestly, I reckon she'll be on a bike within the year.

When she sees how much fun you're having she'll want to join in. My family thought I was a loon when I started cycling, now they all have bikes. 

There might be something else underlying her fear - you won't be spending as much time with her, etc

I would never apologise for having a hobby and especially not one that keeps you healthy and happy.


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## Davos87 (13 Aug 2014)

Probably just feeling a tad threatened that Victoria Pendleton & Laura Trott types will be throwing themselves at you shortly.
Reassure her..... Tell her you love her, that she is the only one for you..... Then get out on your bike!!!


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## ColinJ (13 Aug 2014)

If you are spending your own money and there is enough left to pay bills, save for holidays etc., then the spending is none of her business.

There is a danger that we-time becomes me-time, so you have to try not to let that happen too often.

I think you might never persuade her that you look good in lycra, but getting slim, tanned and fit would help!

Oh, I just read the post about show dogs ... Just get out on your bike while she does her dog thing!


jack smith said:


> She wont be compalining when your superfit and ripped!


My ex certainly stopped complaining when cycling made me superfit and ripped - she decided to put the ex in ex-girlfriend! 

(Cycling wasn't really the problem, though it did become one when I used to choose to go out on my bike rather than spend yet another day bickering.)


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## moo (13 Aug 2014)

You could get a dog buggy for the bike and get them on your side


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## Supersuperleeds (13 Aug 2014)

Dump her and the money you save can get you another bike


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## beanzontoast (13 Aug 2014)

There's always hiring a tandem. She might like sharing the cycling experience with you that way. A nice, flat cycle track with a cake stop where you can sit and enjoy the scenery?


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## JoeyB (13 Aug 2014)

My wife tolerates the cycling...probably as good as it will ever get lol. She certainly isn't impressed by lycra either. However, she respects the rides I do and the level of fitness required to complete them.


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## nickyboy (13 Aug 2014)

Maybe she'll find your improved ,ahem, stamina impressive


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## Retribution03 (13 Aug 2014)

My wife encourages me to ride and thinks I look good in the gear but I'm one of those annoying people that can eat what I want when I want and still stay slim


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## ianrauk (13 Aug 2014)

Another lucky one here as Mrs Ian actively encourages me to get out cycling. She want's me fit and healthy as I get older. She also likes me out of the house as she knows I get very grumpy if I can't get out cycling at a weekend for what ever reason. .


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## Wafer (13 Aug 2014)

Does she need to like it? My GF has absolutely no interest in cycling, never will, but I do it anyway and it isn't a problem. There's stuff we do together, there's stuff we do on our own, nowt wrong with that.


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## Profpointy (13 Aug 2014)

well if the Mrs goes off dogging quite regularly she can hardly moan about the odd bike ride.



......I'll get me coat


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## Soltydog (13 Aug 2014)

thunderlips76 said:


> My girlfriend is into showing dogs, which has a very bizarre sub culture. Now that is expensive, but I try and take notice and seem interested.


My wife used to do dog obedience shows, so i guess the costs are similar, fuel costs running to shows, show entry fees, accessories.... I dont think cycling is that expensive


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## Saluki (13 Aug 2014)

thunderlips76 said:


> Haha my other friends have started golfing...... With a view to golfing in Portugal, which would bankrupt me. My girlfriend is into showing dogs, which has a very bizarre sub culture. Now that is expensive, but I try and take notice and seem interested.


I am a professional dog groomer and used to groom show dogs and know just how expensive a hobby dog shows are (I got paid to go though so that was OK). Riding a bike is a lot cheaper than dog showing, a whole lot less bitchy too.
I would suggest that you go riding while she's brushing out. Sportives on show days and so on and so forth.


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## Rob3rt (13 Aug 2014)

My personal experience is that if a partner doesn't get it, you won't convince them otherwise and the best you will achieve is their indifference. In the past I have found this to be an extremely negative situation.

Thankfully, my current partner did not require any convincing, since I met her via my cycling club and owns more bikes than me and does more cycling disciplines than me (although is less obsessive about any one of them than I am about my discipline).


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## fossyant (13 Aug 2014)

Dog grooming. Sheesh. She has nothing to moan at you about. You win.


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## Rob3rt (13 Aug 2014)

Saluki said:


> I am a professional dog groomer and used to groom show dogs and know just how expensive a hobby dog shows are (I got paid to go though so that was OK). Riding a bike is a lot cheaper than dog showing, a whole lot less bitchy too.
> I would suggest that you go riding while she's brushing out. Sportives on show days and so on and so forth.



I don't know the costs of dog showing but comparative costs will depend on what you do with your cycling really. I find the cycling I do to be very expensive and it seems to be that hardly a week goes by when I am not spending £50-60 on cycling (maintaining a bike, consumables, entering a race, travel, nutrition beyond normal food, coaching costs) and often much bigger costs roll in, say I have to stay over in a hotel for a race (I've slept in the back of a van in a lay-by a couple of times to save on these costs because I couldn't afford a room).


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## Peter Cairns (13 Aug 2014)

Once you have spent on initial outlay, ie bike, clothing and equipment, then the spend tends to slow down untill you start wanting to upgrade. However it is a great lifestyle activity which has very good positive outcomes as all cyclist's know. I think that she will come around in time as she starts to notice the incremental improvements in your personal fitness. You never know, she may get interested in trying for herself, whatever the outcome, welcome to cycling and good luck.


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## Heigue'r (13 Aug 2014)

I guess im lucky as it was my fiance that bought me my new bike, her way of telling me to shift a few lbs


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## Arthur (13 Aug 2014)

My wife usually seems quite happy to see the back of me for a few hours each weekend.
Not quite so happy about the pile of greasy bits that were laid out neatly on the patio furniture when I serviced my hubs and replaced the bottom bracket last week.
That, in hindsight, may have been a mistake.


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## Saluki (13 Aug 2014)

Rob3rt said:


> I don't know the costs of dog showing but comparative costs will depend on what you do with your cycling really. I find the cycling I do to be very expensive and it seems to be that hardly a week goes by when I am not spending £50-60 on cycling (maintaining a bike, consumables, entering a race, travel, nutrition beyond normal food, coaching costs) and often much bigger costs roll in, say I have to stay over in a hotel for a race (I've slept in the back of a van in a lay-by a couple of times to save on these costs because I couldn't afford a room).


I don't do a huge amounts in the way of events, my bike doesn't cost much to maintain. Show dogs need feeding, grooming, a lot of time. The travelling and hotel costs would probably be similar though. On the whole though, I would suggest that cycling would take up a bit more time but cost a fair bit less. The initial start up costs can be steep in both cases. Pedigree dogs of show stock are not cheap and you have to feed them.


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## dodgy (13 Aug 2014)

thunderlips76 said:


> (not helped by the fact my mate was just wearing bib shorts...... And he's a fat lad)



Is this normal where you live?


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## Peteaud (13 Aug 2014)

Dress in the lycra

Put on a mexican wrestling mask

Wave a bottle of baby oil at her and wink/smile with a knowing look.

She wont care about you at all when she calms down.


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## flyingfish (13 Aug 2014)

All hobbies are expensive. You should see what carp fishing has cost me down the years
Luckily OH caught the cycling bug when I did & is n+2 ahead ATM
Pete


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## Ganymede (13 Aug 2014)

Peteaud said:


> Dress in the lycra
> 
> Put on a mexican wrestling mask
> 
> ...



FTFY x


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## Peteaud (13 Aug 2014)

Ganymede said:


> FTFY x


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## Ganymede (13 Aug 2014)

Seriously though, what are you supposed to be doing when she does her dog show stuff? I used to be a bit of a band widow, sitting around while they played, wandering around festivals on my own feeling cold, lonely and bored out of my skull, staying sober to drive them home as they deserved a beer with all the work they were doing. Now I just don't go! Mr G doesn't mind, he didn't like seeing me mooching about with a face like a slapped *rse and our relationship is much healthier when I do something of my own while he does his thing. We still do stuff together but give each other space.

We actually nearly split up after 12 years due to having cramped our personalities to try to fit round each other - having been madly, romatically in love to perhaps too great an extent when we got married. It didn't happen because we re-evaluated and we are about to clock up 31 years of marriage next Wednesday (unless we've split up by then, obvs).

But that's the question. Are you supposed to be hanging round on the sidelines while she goes to dog shows or brushes Fluffikins/Growler? Genuinely, what is her expectation?


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## Dayvo (13 Aug 2014)

Depends _how _significant she is.

If she can't accept your hobby and you spending (presumably) your money and definitely using your time, then you'll need to do this.


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSYk60Qy_VA


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## Leaway2 (13 Aug 2014)

Profpointy said:


> well if the Mrs goes off dogging quite regularly she can hardly moan about the odd bike ride.
> 
> 
> 
> ......I'll get me coat dirty raincoat



FIFY.


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## up hill struggle (13 Aug 2014)

Heigue'r said:


> I guess im lucky as it was my fiance that bought me my new bike, her way of telling me to shift a few lbs



wife bought mine, same hint to loose weight.


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## thunderlips76 (13 Aug 2014)

fossyant said:


> Dog grooming. Sheesh. She has nothing to moan at you about. You win.



not just the grooming....the breeding and studding and showing.........it cost £500 to have a studding off an ex crufts winner the other day.......as well as the 4 hour drive......it was the first time i'd witnessed a professional dog studding......it will haunt me for the rest of my days.


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## Dayvo (13 Aug 2014)

thunderlips76 said:


> it will haunt me for the rest of my days.



Those days need not to be too many.

Then start again.


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## Saluki (13 Aug 2014)

thunderlips76 said:


> not just the grooming....the breeding and studding and showing.........it cost £500 to have a studding off an ex crufts winner the other day.......as well as the 4 hour drive......it was the first time i'd witnessed a professional dog studding......it will haunt me for the rest of my days.


So she can go off and watch dogs shag and you can go for a nice bike ride.
Dog shows are boring beyond belief IMO. The poodle classes are horrendous, it's handbags at dawn with the bitchiness of the whole thing. The women are nearly as bad. My Dad had show GSDs and I thought that was pretty boring and they only needed a bit of a comb out and a trim now and again.
What breeds does your OH show?

As your significant other has a time consuming, expensive and all encompassing hobby I really cannot see why she would have problems with you taking up cycling.
I did once have a BF who didn't understand that I needed to train for events that I competed in. He would go off and do role-playing games and those toy soldier battles where you measure out the moves with a tape measure. He did battle re-enactment too. He used to get really arsey about my training time even though he was off doing something else. I dumped him as he wanted me to stay in and be bored while he was out with his mates. What's good for the goose and all that.


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## Bryony (13 Aug 2014)

I'm lucky my OH came out cycling with me on my first trip out and he got bitten by the cycling bug too! We don't often go out on the bikes together as I'm a lot slower than him!!


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## up hill struggle (13 Aug 2014)

£500 to watch dogs humping, I could charge half that to stand in my garden and watch the dogs across the road from me few weeks ago.
I'd even throw in a chair, tea & biscuits for the duration of the performance.


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## Venod (13 Aug 2014)

I have been running & cycling for nearly all my married life 41 years, she will eventually get used to it, the wife just accepts it as normal behavior, she would be worried if I stopped.


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## up hill struggle (13 Aug 2014)

Afnug said:


> I have been running & cycling for nearly all my married life 41 years, she will eventually get used to it,



swear I thought you were gonna say she will eventually get the hint stop chasing


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## thunderlips76 (13 Aug 2014)

to be fair they are good looking shih tzus


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## fossyant (13 Aug 2014)

Fortunately, my wife knew me before we got together - so she knew I was a cyclist. Was never the best chat up person ever me, but I got my lass.

She lets me get on with my hobby/sport, but her hobby is also N+1 category, and can be expensive too - she loves sewing and embroidery, and her machines match my bikes for expense, and in number (has 4) Fortunately, we tend to keep the machines, so no new purchases since having kids.


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## raleighnut (13 Aug 2014)

fossyant said:


> Fortunately, my wife knew me before we got together - so she knew I was a cyclist. Was never the best chat up person ever me, but I got my lass.
> 
> She lets me get on with my hobby/sport, but her hobby is also N+1 category, and can be expensive too - she loves sewing and embroidery, and her machines match my bikes for expense, and in number (has 4) Fortunately, we tend to keep the machines, so no new purchases since having kids.


Bernina ?


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## fossyant (13 Aug 2014)

I suppose she might complain if you are one of these 'latest fad' type folk.

But cycling is great for your health. If you can get it into your daily routine - 99% of my miles these days are commutes. With a busy family, going off to knock up 50 milers on a Saturday and Sunday would get a whollop, but with 5 days commuting, I can ride 150 miles in 5 days, and get on with family stuff at the weekends/evenings. 

It can be expensive, but you have to do it a bit at a time. Buy something when you need it. Tools are another expense. 

But, my whole family like cycling, my son is well into it, loves his MTB. My daughter now considers she 'follows' dad into cycling and is enjoying it (mud and chucking yourself down anything rough isn't her though) and my wife loves cycling since I bought her a very good hybrid - worlds apart from crap people normally have - she loves the bike - rides like a dream ! 

A hobby is important for everyone. Keeps you sane (even if some folk think you are a nutter).


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## fossyant (13 Aug 2014)

raleighnut said:


> Bernina ?



No... Janome that does embroidery and sewing (carbon ultegra money), a Brother Innovis 4000 that was an arm and a leg (super bike money) then a Janome overlocker, and another Janome Overlocker that is computerised (we got that hardly used, but a 400 mile round trip drive). Frightening. Especially when the missus asks you to have a delve in the inners for a broken needle....


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## raleighnut (13 Aug 2014)

fossyant said:


> No... Janome that does embroidery and sewing (carbon ultegra money), a Brother Innovis 4000 that was an arm and a leg (super bike money) then a Janome overlocker, and another Janome Overlocker that is computerised (we got that hardly used, but a 400 mile round trip drive). Frightening. Especially when the missus asks you to have a delve in the inners for a broken needle....


My ex was a school Textile teacher, she bought a CNC Bernina that was £1400..........In 1987
You could download patterns (on 31/2 floppy) and it would embroider them on auto.
Made all her own suits for work too.


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## fossyant (13 Aug 2014)

raleighnut said:


> My ex was a school Textile teacher, she bought a CNC Bernina that was £1400..........In 1987
> You could download patterns (on 31/2 floppy) and it would embroider them on auto.
> Made all her own suits for work too.



Yeh, sounds like my missus Janome - it used custom PCMCIA cards and stuff, but you could get patterns on via the supplied PC adapter. The Brother uses USB memory sticks.... so much easier.


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## jarlrmai (14 Aug 2014)

up hill struggle said:


> £500 to watch dogs humping, I could charge half that to stand in my garden and watch the dogs across the road from me few weeks ago.
> I'd even throw in a chair, tea & biscuits for the duration of the performance.



Your avatar makes this comment even more hilarious.


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## Rob3rt (14 Aug 2014)

@fossyant maybe your missus can teach me to use a sowing machine and loan me one (can pay) for a very specific task, I have an idea for something cycling related, Scott's missus has agreed to stitch the prototype for testing etc but if it works or at the very least looks good/marketable, I will need to put some time in and produce some more to give to a few of our time triallists as I can't expect her to keep making them.


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## Cubist (14 Aug 2014)

thunderlips76 said:


> She has bought a hydraulic bath which is a small dog bath that raises from ground to waist height so you don't have to bend or get on your knees to wash the dogs.......yes it was expensive.



Take up MTBing. Those things make a £300 dropper seatpost look positively good value for money!


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## dexter101 (15 Aug 2014)

Ive just started cycling and the other half was initially worried about me dying on the roads... have been commuting for two weeks now and i get greeted when I get home with a big smile and a cup of tea. When people dont actually ride, the roads appear much more scary than they are day to day.

Regarding costs, i spent 80 quid on a second hand bike and have just saved the same amount thought not using the car.

im slowly going to get her involved and then we can go for rides together, she would look amazing in lycra...


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## thunderlips76 (15 Aug 2014)

she actually wanted to sit on my bike last night.......she did and decided she might want to try it one day, it's probably important to tell you that she has never learned how to ride a bike........she started looking at bikes from halfords......with stabilisers


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## BigonaBianchi (15 Aug 2014)

Just tell her to let you do your thing and she can do her thing ...having different hobbies is necessary...especially when hers involves showing dogs for christs sake lol!!


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## w00hoo_kent (15 Aug 2014)

thunderlips76 said:


> she actually wanted to sit on my bike last night.......she did and decided she might want to try it one day, it's probably important to tell you that she has never learned how to ride a bike........she started looking at bikes from halfords......with stabilisers


There are schemes out there who teach adults to ride when she wants a go.


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## thunderlips76 (15 Aug 2014)

she wouldn't do that.......she wanted to start running a bit with me, i bought her the gear and she did 8 minutes downhill.....and that was 2 years ago haha.


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## bamc (16 Aug 2014)

Take her to see the Tour de France. That's what got me hooked 2 years after my husband took up cycling. Now we spend a lot of our time talking about bikes, watching bike stuff on you tube, discussing bike upgrades etc.


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