# Will removal of bottom hair increase or reduce cycling comfort?



## Smurfy (25 Feb 2015)

Anyone got a definitive answer? What do the Pros do, presumably they've worked out a long time ago whether bald or natural is best.

And if I'm better off without bottom hair, what's the best and least painful removal method?


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## deptfordmarmoset (25 Feb 2015)

Just cut the dangeberries off.


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## slowmotion (25 Feb 2015)

This has been discussed at length on the internet. I think the general consensus is that it's a pretter bad idea... a real bummer actually.... 

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/lax/35274458.html


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## Sara_H (25 Feb 2015)

YellowTim said:


> And if I'm better off without bottom hair, what's the best and least painful removal method?



Sponsored waxing for Comic Relief.


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## sabian92 (25 Feb 2015)

Least painful?

Jump in the shower, shower as normal, clean your undercarriage and crack, soap up again and then use a razor (a good quality one!) and CAREFULLY shave.

Then wait for the "sandpapered crack" feeling.


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## slowmotion (25 Feb 2015)

Try the Rothenburger SuperFire 2. It won't take long.

[media]
View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7nA9cKJG8FE
[/media]


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## Smurfy (25 Feb 2015)

deptfordmarmoset said:


> Just cut the dangeberries off.


Nice!


Sara_H said:


> Sponsored waxing for Comic Relief.


Not sure anyone will pay to hear me yelping in pain!


slowmotion said:


> Try the Rothenburger SuperFire 2. It won't take long.
> 
> [media]
> View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7nA9cKJG8FE
> [/media]



I've heard that singeing is actually quite a good method for normal haircut, as it seals split ends.


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## Slioch (25 Feb 2015)

What about visiting one of those Mediterranean Barbers that are all the rage. They use some kind of "flame" treatment to remove nasal and ear hair, so maybe they could use the same technique on your arse (if you asked them nicely and gave them a large tip)?

Mind you, whether you want to let any Mediterranean-type of unspecified sexual orientation anywhere near your family jewels is a decision only you can make.


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## Smurfy (25 Feb 2015)

sabian92 said:


> Then wait for the "sandpapered crack" feeling.


Hang on, this is supposed to be an improvement in cycling comfort?


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## vickster (25 Feb 2015)

If going for waxing, pay to get it done professionally


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## sabian92 (25 Feb 2015)

YellowTim said:


> Hang on, this is supposed to be an improvement in cycling comfort?



 To be honest it will depend on your particular type of body hair - I'm quite hairy but it's quite fine so it's not too bad. If you're hairy and it's coarse... well... I pity you cause it'll rub!

I do do what you're asking as a matter of course (although more for *ahem* hygiene reasons) but it doesn't bother me at all. The first go you have at it will be terrible but the next one it should be fine. If it's a bit irritated a good whack of an anti-septic cream will sort it out.

Just do it slowly, and it'll be fine. You definitely do not want a cut down there (or under there, depending on where you're shaving!)


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## Smurfy (25 Feb 2015)

sabian92 said:


> To be honest it will depend on your particular type of body hair - I'm quite hairy but it's quite fine so it's not too bad. If you're hairy and it's coarse... well... I pity you cause it'll rub!
> 
> I do do what you're asking as a matter of course (although more for *ahem* hygiene reasons) but it doesn't bother me at all. The first go you have at it will be terrible but the next one it should be fine. If it's a bit irritated a good whack of an anti-septic cream will sort it out.
> 
> Just do it slowly, and it'll be fine. You definitely do not want a cut down there (or under there, depending on where you're shaving!)





I'm not sure I'm brave enough to try a blade down there!


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## deptfordmarmoset (25 Feb 2015)

YellowTim said:


> Nice!


Fippant, true, but I fail to see (not that I want to see up close...) why or how this is an issue.


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## cosmicbike (25 Feb 2015)

Never mind comfort, will it make you faster?


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## sabian92 (25 Feb 2015)

YellowTim said:


> I'm not sure I'm brave enough to try a blade down there!



Honestly, it's not as bad as it sounds. Use a good quality razor (I use Gillette Fusion ProGlide razors for face as well as down there, not had an issue) and take your time.

It's when you rush you start nicking yourself - same as shaving your face, really.


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## Rohloff_Brompton_Rider (25 Feb 2015)

Don't Shave That Hair!!!
I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble.

No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my butt-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my buttcheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can't-Be-Flushed threshold.

I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. "Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. "How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK. "There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.

I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my butt of hair. Occassionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My butt was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.

Little did I know.

I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two buttcheaks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry.

Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic poo- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky ****/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm.

Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my butt off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering ****/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my butt cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own **** blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks."

Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my butt at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for butt-hair - ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my buttcheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.

As if that wasn't enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your butt having the texture of a brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.

Guys, DON'T SHAVE YOUR BUTT-HAIR!


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## snorri (25 Feb 2015)

Slioch said:


> What about visiting one of those Mediterranean Barbers that are all the rage. They use some kind of "flame" treatment to remove nasal and ear hair, so maybe they could use the same technique on your arse .


Brings back memories of my late friend who sadly ignored the advice regarding consumption of beans or cabbage before the treatment.


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## deptfordmarmoset (25 Feb 2015)

just_fixed said:


> Don't Shave That Hair!!!
> I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble.
> 
> No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my butt-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my buttcheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can't-Be-Flushed threshold.
> ...


I agree. Also too much information.


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## Rohloff_Brompton_Rider (25 Feb 2015)

Not mine..funny story someone emailed me.


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## Tin Pot (25 Feb 2015)

Front bottom or back bottom?


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## JMAG (25 Feb 2015)

Whatever you do, don't use Veet. Some interesting reviews lol.

www.amazon.co.uk/Veet-Men-Hair-Removal-Cream/dp/B000KKNQBK#customerReviews


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## vickster (25 Feb 2015)

sabian92 said:


> Honestly, it's not as bad as it sounds. Use a good quality razor (I use Gillette Fusion ProGlide razors for face as well as down there, not had an issue) and take your time.
> 
> It's when you rush you start nicking yourself - same as shaving your face, really.


Please tell me you use a different razor for your face and your arse


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## Julia9054 (25 Feb 2015)

just_fixed said:


> Don't Shave That Hair!!!
> I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble.
> 
> No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my butt-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my buttcheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can't-Be-Flushed threshold.
> ...


I now need mind bleach!!


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## Julia9054 (25 Feb 2015)

Wax by a beautician. Don't try it yourself unless you are both a masochist and a contortionist!
Stay off the bike for 24-48 hours after you have had it done.
Definitely don't cycle back from the beautician!


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## sabian92 (25 Feb 2015)

vickster said:


> Please tell me you use a different razor for your face and your arse



Jesus, of course! I have 2 handles, one blue and one gold!  Although it's quite an expensive thing to do, I do bin the used blades used down there as I only do it once a month or so.

Plus as well I soak the handles in barbicide every so often as well, as I sometimes use a old fashioned safety razor so that gets a soak as well to disinfect it.


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## vickster (25 Feb 2015)

sabian92 said:


> Jesus, of course! I have 2 handles, one blue and one gold!  Although it's quite an expensive thing to do, I do bin the used blades used down there as I only do it once a month or so.


Or go to a male grooming salon, do beauticians really want that inflicted on them?


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## sabian92 (25 Feb 2015)

vickster said:


> Or go to a male grooming salon, do beauticians really want that inflicted on them?



Not a fan of the whole "getting my bum out for a stranger" thing to be honest. Most definitely not a fan of wax down there either... I had a strip on my leg once, never again.


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## Herbie (25 Feb 2015)

YellowTim said:


> Anyone got a definitive answer? What do the Pros do, presumably they've worked out a long time ago whether bald or natural is best.
> 
> And if I'm better off without bottom hair, what's the best and least painful removal method?


i think its time we got to the bottom of this


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## Smurfy (25 Feb 2015)

Good advice on doing it, or getting it done, but is it worth it? Will it increase cycling comfort?


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## nickyboy (25 Feb 2015)

Get em bleached, it's what all the best porn stars do


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## Smurfy (25 Feb 2015)

Julia9054 said:


> Wax by a beautician. Don't try it yourself unless you are both a masochist and a contortionist!
> Stay off the bike for 24-48 hours after you have had it done.
> Definitely don't cycle back from the beautician!


Can't think of much that would be more humiliating than being on all fours while some lady (are all beauticians ladies) waxes my bottom! 

Maybe a razor wouldn't be so bad after all!


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## ayceejay (25 Feb 2015)

Let's get technical here for a minute, the only reason for doing this (even thinking about doing this) is that hair rubbing between saddle + shorts and skin causes discomfort through friction - amirite? So, the area in question is quite small and there is no need for a Brazilian massacre as long as you 'hit the spot' so to speak. Here's what you do: remove your shorts and spread the saddle with grinding paste (any car parts shop will have it) and go for a short ride, preferable out of sight of anyone with a delicate disposition, when get home you will be sore briefly, three months tops - all the hair will be gone and your bum will be ground to a shiny finish the shape of your saddle as a bonus.


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## Julia9054 (25 Feb 2015)

YellowTim said:


> Can't think of much that would be more humiliating than being on all fours while some lady (are all beauticians ladies) waxes my bottom!
> 
> Maybe a razor wouldn't be so bad after all!


Waxing ain't dignified, thats for sure!


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## Thegreatthor (25 Feb 2015)

I'll never sleep tonight!


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## Accy cyclist (26 Feb 2015)

Oh please! Two threads in a day,one about women not bathing and one about hairy arses and clinkers! To think i was asked to leave a shop with my newly cut and shampooed mutt because "dogs are unhygienic"!


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## T.M.H.N.E.T (26 Feb 2015)

Great reading while eating breakfast


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## The Jogger (26 Feb 2015)

Insert a candle, preferably a birthday cake candle, non wick end first. Then light the wick , release some wind to blow out the candle and in a flash (pardon the pun) all surrounding hair will be gone. I think this is known as the scorched earth method. Probably could be classed as another form of waxing. 

Warning: this could burn your bum.


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## Hitchington (26 Feb 2015)

Some threads you just wish you never opened...


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## Mo1959 (26 Feb 2015)

Glad I'm only having coffee just now. Hopefully by the time I walk the dog and come back for breakfast some of these visions will have left my brain.

On a more serious note, I think you will find when the hair grows back, the stubble will be more irritating than the hair was originally so I would just leave it if I were you.


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## ChrisV (26 Feb 2015)

Julia9054 said:


> I now need mine bleached!!



Fixed that for you.


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## Fab Foodie (26 Feb 2015)

YellowTim said:


> Anyone got a definitive answer? What do the Pros do, presumably they've worked out a long time ago whether bald or natural is best.
> 
> And if I'm better off without bottom hair, what's the best and least painful removal method?


I'll ask the wife ....


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## tyred (26 Feb 2015)

If you're going to do it at all, do it like a man and use a real razor


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## Saluki (26 Feb 2015)

JMAG said:


> Whatever you do, don't use Veet. Some interesting reviews lol.
> 
> www.amazon.co.uk/Veet-Men-Hair-Removal-Cream/dp/B000KKNQBK#customerReviews


Spoilsport. I was going to suggest Veet


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## Globalti (27 Feb 2015)

If you shave close you'll be bothered by spots and, worse, boils because after shaving the hairs retract back into the follicles and some will become infected or try to regrow out of the follicle wall, a problem that affects people with very curly hair.

Just buy a cheap beard trimmer and fit a guard for a no.3 or no.4 cut then trim the *length* of your body hair. That will give you less catching and tugging and will be more hygienic but will leave the follicles protected.


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## stephec (1 Mar 2015)

Whatever method you choose, don't forget to splash on some Brut 33 afterwards.


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## Usehernamegood (15 Mar 2015)

YellowTim said:


> Anyone got a definitive answer? What do the Pros do, presumably they've worked out a long time ago whether bald or natural is best.
> 
> And if I'm better off without bottom hair, what's the best and least painful removal method?


Slap a load of hair removal between the cheeks, go make yourself a cuppa and jump in the shower 10 minutes later!


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## classic33 (15 Mar 2015)

ayceejay said:


> Let's get technical here for a minute, the only reason for doing this (even thinking about doing this) is that hair rubbing between saddle + shorts and skin causes discomfort through friction - amirite? So, the area in question is quite small and there is no need for a Brazilian massacre as long as you 'hit the spot' so to speak. Here's what you do: remove your shorts and spread the saddle with grinding paste (any car parts shop will have it) and go for a short ride, preferable out of sight of anyone with a delicate disposition, when get home you will be sore briefly, three months tops - all the hair will be gone and your bum will be ground to a shiny finish the shape of your saddle as a bonus.


Would Swarfega act as a substitute and a cleanser?


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## Smurfy (16 Mar 2015)

Just pulled it out clump by clump with my fingers in the end, as there wasn't much of it. Wasn't painful and didn't cost me anything. Job done!


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## Hitchington (16 Mar 2015)




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## classic33 (16 Mar 2015)

YellowTim said:


> Just pulled it out clump by clump with my fingers in the end, as there wasn't much of it. Wasn't painful and didn't cost me anything. Job done!


Hope you washed your hands afterwards!


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## Smurfy (16 Mar 2015)

classic33 said:


> Hope you washed your hands afterwards!


Wow you're fussy! Won't invite you to my next finger buffet!


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## classic33 (16 Mar 2015)

YellowTim said:


> Wow you're fussy! Won't invite you to my next finger buffet!


You can even have some of the cake!


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## Paul Walters (17 Mar 2015)

YellowTim said:


> Can't think of much that would be more humiliating than being on all fours while some lady (are all beauticians ladies) waxes my bottom!
> !


Hmm, I've heard some people pay good money for just that sort of treatment........


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## Hyslop (17 Mar 2015)

Like a fool,I came to this as I was eating lunch/dinner.I got no further than 1.Serves me right!


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## classic33 (19 Mar 2015)

Can the Opening Poster supply an answer to their own question yet?

@YellowTim, you're on!


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## Smurfy (19 Mar 2015)

Paul Walters said:


> Hmm, I've heard some people pay good money for just that sort of treatment........


Tory MPs?


classic33 said:


> Can the Opening Poster supply an answer to their own question yet?
> 
> @YellowTim, you're on!


Don't know, haven't done a long ride yet.


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## Hitchington (19 Mar 2015)

Can you keep any future updates to private messages. Ta.


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## AndyRM (19 Mar 2015)

F£cking hell, I can't believe you've actually done it. And the method! Gadz!

I'll confess that I did it once, as a naive and idiotic teenager. I still remember the agony of the regrowth. It's horrendous. So you've got that to look forward to.


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## classic33 (19 Mar 2015)

Hitchington said:


> Can you keep any future updates to private messages. Ta.


Well he'll only be saying how much easier cycling is or how much faster he is!


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## ayceejay (19 Mar 2015)

Just a point of order any time recorded immediately after the application of after shave does not count. Trust me I checked this with velominati.


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## classic33 (25 May 2015)

YellowTim said:


> Anyone got a definitive answer? What do the Pros do, presumably they've worked out a long time ago whether bald or natural is best.
> 
> And if I'm better off without bottom hair, what's the best and least painful removal method?


Well, how did the experiment go?


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