# Arse depilation?



## Chuffy (19 Aug 2010)

Ok folks, those of a sensitive nature, look away now....

I have an epic ride planned for September (370 miles in 40 hours). I also have a hairy arse. 

Now, I'm wondering if it would be wise to depilate (using Veet or similar) the actual crack area. The logic being that it will be cleaner, less sweaty and less likely to chafe during the ride. This in addition to applying bum cream btw.

Do you long distance types have any thoughts?

Cheers,
Chuffy


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## e-rider (19 Aug 2010)

Have you suffered from those problems in the past? If not, I wouldn't start 'experimenting' just before a 370 mile epic!


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## GazK (19 Aug 2010)

370 miles with sphincter stubble? No thanks!


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## Chuffy (19 Aug 2010)

GazK said:


> 370 miles with sphincter stubble? No thanks!


It doesn't grow back that fast!

@Tumblybumblybloke - Not as such, but I do suffer from *ahem* those bits of bog-roll that catch in one's arse hairs and chafe. Which could be a bit of an issue on such a long ride. I've done any number of day long rides but nothing approaching this, it's easily double my previous longest effort. I don't want to risk riding the last third with a sore crack.


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## longers (19 Aug 2010)

There's a no holds barred account of why someone doesn't think you should try this here. _If you're of a sensitive nature, don't click._


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## longers (19 Aug 2010)

I'd take babywipes and use them and perhaps a change of shorts with spare cream to apply after a wash and dust off.


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## e-rider (19 Aug 2010)

Chuffy said:


> It doesn't grow back that fast!
> 
> @Tumblybumblybloke - Not as such, but I do suffer from *ahem* those bits of bog-roll that catch in one's arse hairs and chafe. Which could be a bit of an issue on such a long ride. I've done any number of day long rides but nothing approaching this, it's easily double my previous longest effort. I don't want to risk riding the last third with a sore crack.



try having a shower/bath just before the ride to remove such items!


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## Becs (19 Aug 2010)

f***ing hilarious! Just man up and get it waxed!


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## 4F (19 Aug 2010)

longers said:


> There's a no holds barred account of why someone doesn't think you should try this here. _If you're of a sensitive nature, don't click._


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## Noodley (19 Aug 2010)

It was bad enough when I decided it was a good idea to depilate my underarm hair - I arrived at work and had to apologise for the blood stains on my shirtwhich has seaped through, and had to walk around with my arms stuck out like one of them body builders for a few days....


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## Dayvo (19 Aug 2010)

GREAT link, longers!  

Chuffy, don't shave.

Keep it clean and dry when you can. When on long trips I take baby-wipes as a back-up, but haven't needed them.

And shower/pick thoroughly!


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## Scotmitchy (19 Aug 2010)

Take a chance, click on the link - you will laugh out loud!


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## Rohloff_Brompton_Rider (19 Aug 2010)

longers said:


> There's a no holds barred account of why someone doesn't think you should try this here. _If you're of a sensitive nature, don't click._




i read t 10 mins ago and still pissing myself laughing, thanks for that longers.


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## Rohloff_Brompton_Rider (19 Aug 2010)

i find it amazing that you don't wash after a poo. i've always done it and thought every clean person did, errgghh the thought of clinkers on lycra... 


must sound like velcro when pulling them off after a ride


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## longers (19 Aug 2010)

No credit due here! I just found it elsewhere recently.


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## Chuffy (19 Aug 2010)

longers said:


> No credit due here! I just found it elsewhere recently.


I won't ask what search terms you typed into Google...

Thanks for that gem, I'm sat here now with tears streaming down my face having damn near had a prolapse.   

Ok, point taken. I won't be going for the double Kojak. 

Wetwipes will be my friends here I think.


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## Crackle (19 Aug 2010)

Indeed, wet wipes, wet wipes, wet wipes and once again wet wipes. Now excuse me, I'm off to click the link.....


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## Chuffy (19 Aug 2010)

Crackle said:


> Indeed, wet wipes, wet wipes, wet wipes and once again wet wipes. Now excuse me, I'm off to click the link.....


You won't regret it! Possibly...


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## Crackle (19 Aug 2010)

Absolutely hilarious. 

Chuffy - wet wipes.


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## Crackle (19 Aug 2010)

As an aside but on a similar note, I'd heartily recommend this book.


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## Stephenite (25 Aug 2010)

You could give yourself a little trim with hair-clippers.

Use a long enough extension though. Number three, for example. As you'll be fumbling around in the dark you could start with an eight to build your confidence up before going shorter. You wouldn't want to nick anything.

But be warned, it's like mowing the lawn - the more you do it, the more it grows.

And no, you can't borrow mine!


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## sabian92 (25 Aug 2010)

The best bet is to just wash your crack in the shower. Bit of water, shower gel, job done. Crude, but it works and having 2 bits of skin with stubble rubbing against each other is not going to leave you feeling very nice at all.


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## Stephenite (26 Aug 2010)

Don't confuse anti-bac wipes for wet-wipes


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## numbnuts (26 Aug 2010)

What a funny thread, I thought everybody shaved their crack as it stops clingons


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## EssexRider (26 Aug 2010)

This thread is hilarious


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## snorri (26 Aug 2010)

EssexRider said:


> This thread is hilarious



...and educational.


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## Dayvo (26 Aug 2010)

EssexRider said:


> This thread is hilarious






snorri said:


> ...and educational.




and fortunately _without_ photos!


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## Rohloff_Brompton_Rider (26 Aug 2010)

numbnuts said:


> What a funny thread, I thought everybody shaved their crack as it stops clingons



so does washing it after a shoot.

eerrrgghhh!!! the thought of little brown pebbles woven into arse hair slipping n sliding across lycra  ....oh the thought of the thread where most went commando...in summer...  ....now i know why some get saddle sores...


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## ColinJ (26 Aug 2010)

bromptonfb said:


> so does washing it after a shoot.
> 
> eerrrgghhh!!! the thought of little brown pebbles woven into arse hair slipping n sliding across lycra  ....oh the thought of the thread where most went commando...in summer...  ....now i know why some get saddle sores...


Isn't this precisely what bidets were invented for?


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## Dayvo (26 Aug 2010)

ColinJ said:


> Isn't this precisely what bidets were invented for?




Good for feet, too!


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## numbnuts (26 Aug 2010)

ColinJ said:


> Isn't this precisely what bidets were invented for?



From as early as I can remember we always washed our bottoms after doing No 2, I found it strange when I went to school there was no where to wash, but at the weekends was back to normal and even today I wouldn’t dream of not washing after using the loo, and I also thought it was wrong to have something fluffy (hair) next to a sewage outlet


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## Reluctant cyclist (26 Aug 2010)

Washing, wet wipes, shaving..............what's wrong with good old fashioned sand paper!


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## Rohloff_Brompton_Rider (26 Aug 2010)

weird really, people think nothing of clipping a long haired dog's or cat's behind, but don't think of their own personal hygiene.


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## Baggy (26 Aug 2010)

Do you all pull trailers laden with bidets and showers on long rides then?


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## Baggy (26 Aug 2010)

...I'd just like to clarify I have never suffered from lady-winnits.


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## Dayvo (26 Aug 2010)

Baggy said:


> ...I'd just like to clarify I have never suffered from lady-winnits.




Thou doth protest too much!


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## potsy (26 Aug 2010)

This thread should have a 'Not Safe For Tea Time' warning


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## Rohloff_Brompton_Rider (26 Aug 2010)

imagine wheel sucking on a hot sunny day....now imagine what's under all the lycra shorts after reading this thread, and you thought it was cow poop...hehe


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## TheDoctor (26 Aug 2010)

Baggy said:


> ...I'd just like to clarify I have never suffered from lady-winnits.




How do you know? Are we talking incredible suppleness, or a large array of mirrors?
.
.
.
.
Actually, I'd rather not know...


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## Dayvo (26 Aug 2010)

Baggy said:


> Do you all pull trailers laden with bidets and showers on long rides then?



No, just an old cow! 

[Mod note: Image removed - inappropriate.]


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## Baggy (26 Aug 2010)

TheDoctor said:


> How do you know? Are we talking incredible suppleness, or a large array of mirrors?


...or an understanding partner


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## Rohloff_Brompton_Rider (26 Aug 2010)




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## Baggy (26 Aug 2010)

Dayvo said:


> No, just an old cow!


Blargh!   

We'd been thinking about buying a tandem...but I might have just changed my mind!


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## Chuffy (26 Aug 2010)

Christ almighty, what have I started? 

Tell you what, to keep you happy I'll stop at every garage en-route and get them to give my crack a blast with a jet wash.


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## Rohloff_Brompton_Rider (26 Aug 2010)

just read longers link again....pmsl again.....near enough crying..again....once again cheers longers.


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## guitarpete247 (26 Aug 2010)

Just read the whole of this thread in one go.     

God we are some real sick individuals on this site to keep this going for so long.  And how do so many people come up with such research as longers link and Crackle's book reccomendation.

I wipe mine and trust to having got rid of all the klingons. And know about it if I haven't. Moist toilet tissue is incredibly good when GF's son leaves any. (Don't know what he uses it for as it goes in a couple of days when we have any).  

I might have to bookmark that link to e-mail to friends.


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