# Hot fit and up for it female



## Bigtallfatbloke (9 Sep 2008)

Role includes 120km a day cyclecamping tours in Europe, sleeping in a tent most nights. Package includes free fit (new hunk status) cyclist to pass the evenings with, the opportunity to provide cordon bleu cookery each night, and the freedom to wear as little as possible. Own bike essential, own tent sleeping bag not required. You will be provided with a serious tool kit which you will be expected to know how to use, although on the job training will be provided where necessary. All on tour navigation will be done for you, you will however be required to find the tent.

Please apply with full measurements, your reasons for believing you qualify and recent full length photo.

Due to intense interest in this position (& to protect the ugly and incompetent) not all applicants will recieve a response.


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## mr_hippo (9 Sep 2008)

Bigtallfatbloke said:


> Role includes 120km a day cyclecamping tours in Europe, sleeping in a tent most nights. Package includes free fit (new hunk status) cyclist to pass the evenings with, the opportunity to provide cordon bleu cookery each night, and the freedom to wear as little as possible. Own bike essential, own tent sleeping bag not required. You will be provided with a serious tool kit which you will be expected to know how to use, although on the job training will be provided where necessary. All on tour navigation will be done for you, you will however be required to find the tent.
> 
> Please apply with full measurements, your reasons for believing you qualify and recent full length photo *of the bike.*
> 
> Due to intense interest in this position (& to protect the ugly and incompetent) not all applicants will recieve a response.



I think you missed three words out


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## domtyler (9 Sep 2008)

So there we go, BTFB and Mister Hippo can go off touring together with just one single sleeping bag between them!


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## vernon (10 Sep 2008)

Bigtallfatbloke said:


> Due to intense interest in this position (& to protect the ugly and incompetent) not all applicants will recieve a response.



And the response from Mrs BTFB was.....?


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## Bigtallfatbloke (10 Sep 2008)

> And the response from Mrs BTFB was.....?



Oh I genuinely believe she doesnt give a shoot...if she did she'd have sent in her application like everyone else.


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## ASC1951 (10 Sep 2008)

Have you thought of engaging the services of a professional?


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## Sh4rkyBloke (10 Sep 2008)

What, to get rid of his Wife? Is that legal?


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## Bigtallfatbloke (10 Sep 2008)

Professional cyclists are expensive and come with an attitute, besides most are crap cooks and in any event naturally smoothe legs will take preference over shaved chicken legs.


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## Smeggers (10 Sep 2008)

Bigtallfatbloke said:


> Professional cyclists are expensive and come with an attitute, besides most are crap cooks and in any event naturally smoothe legs will take preference over shaved chicken legs.


Tell Vicky Pendleton that!


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## Speicher (10 Sep 2008)

You did not specify a preferred age range. 

Do you want to know how old I am, in case I am the only applicant?


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## Bigtallfatbloke (10 Sep 2008)

Can you cook?


unfortunatly I had to turn Vicky down on account of those gold things around her neck being to dam heavy on a bike tour.


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## ChrisKH (10 Sep 2008)

Jeez BTFB, do you need the Relate telephone number? Not that I haven't thought about ringing it myself sometimes. Well usually it's just once a month (I wonder why that is).


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## yello (10 Sep 2008)

Shouldn't this be in the cafe???


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## Smeggers (10 Sep 2008)

yello said:


> Shouldn't this be in the cafe???


Probably. Who cares?


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## Speicher (10 Sep 2008)

Bigtallfatbloke said:


> Can you cook?



Yes, I can cook. The drawback would be that we would have to start with 12 kms and build up slowly! Would it be cheating if I drove, and then you could travel light?


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## Bigtallfatbloke (10 Sep 2008)

> Yes, I can cook. The drawback would be that we would have to start with 12 kms and build up slowly! Would it be cheating if I drove, and then you could travel light?



So far of the deluge of applicants you are the only one who can cook, which puts you right up at the front of the shortlist alongside Anna Kornakova, Emma Bunton, Catherine Zeta jones and Demi Moore, all of whom asked to bring their own chefs which isnt really on.. Starting at 12kms is ok, we can add the 0 after a couple of days. Cars are the enema..erm..y. Being a top bloke and all that I would carry your kit, but that offer does not include , shoe collections & make up boxes. 

Ok...you do still need to submit a set of measurments (for tent sizing porpoises) and photo (include bike) ..


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## Sh4rkyBloke (10 Sep 2008)

Bigtallfatbloke said:


> Ok...you do still need to submit a set of measurments (for tent sizing porpoises)


You use aquatic mammals to size your tent - surely that contravenes some cruelty to animals legislation???


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## Bigtallfatbloke (10 Sep 2008)

..indeed, however it is a way of making the larger applicants feel less...erm..large...and more minow like in a whale sized tent.


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## Speicher (10 Sep 2008)

I would only be taking two pairs of shoes, and no make-up, unless you count sun cream as make up. I could carry my spare pair shoes myself.

As for measurements, 38" 24", 36". You did not specify which measurements, so I have measured my desk, is that OK?

Photo might follow, if you are still interested in my application.


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## Bigtallfatbloke (10 Sep 2008)

I think I fancy your desk


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## Speicher (10 Sep 2008)

It's got big drawers and a flat chest! 

and its legs are a bit shapeless.


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## Bigtallfatbloke (10 Sep 2008)

...nothing a good long ride wouldn't sort out then?


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## Sh4rkyBloke (10 Sep 2008)

It has a couple of knobs on it too though, I suspect... still interested?


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## yello (10 Sep 2008)

Smeggers said:


> Probably. Who cares?



Well, to be honest, I do. I don't have a problem with the topic, it's just where it is that I find not quite right. I thought the entire purpose of the different sections was to keep stuff in appropriate places, no?


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## Bigtallfatbloke (10 Sep 2008)

> It has a couple of knobs on it too though, I suspect... still interested?



Just tell the knobs to leave each other alone and get a room!


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## Bigtallfatbloke (10 Sep 2008)

> Well, to be honest, I do. I don't have a problem with the topic, it's just where it is that I find not quite right



Maybe a mod could move it then?


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## sheddy (10 Sep 2008)

Be careful with that job description. Some ladyboys would be happy to bring their own Tool Kit


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## Bigtallfatbloke (10 Sep 2008)

> Some ladyboys would be happy to bring their own Tool Kit



eek...lucky I carry a big penknife.


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